Chicken John
presents
====== THE GENUINE & ORIGINAL =========
ASK Dr. HAL! SHOW  
NOW PLAYING AT THE LEGENDARY
Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret 
3359 Army (Cesar Chavez St.)  
San Francisco, California
[Where Mission St. Joins Cesar Chavez]

And take note:
WE’RE NOW ON FRIDAYS !
FRIDAY, December 11th!      

PERFORMANCE COMMENCING

AT  NINE P.M. SHARP!  
===DOORS OPEN FOR THE SHOW AT 8:30 PM===
THE PRE-SHOW begins about Eight-Thirty. We will be starting as close to Nine PM
as we can. Despite a long history of lagging audiences, we’ll try not to hold the
curtain as we have in the past– WE CLOSE, ideally,  before Midnight, to give our EastBay friends the chance to make it in time to catch the last train from the 24th St. BART Station, a few short blocks North of the CHEZ POULET GALLERY-CABARET

[Last East Bay train departs
about 12:16 AM] in S.F.’s colorful Mission District!

GAGS! GOOFS! PRIZES! SURPRISE GUESTS! CRANKS! QUIPS!

PHILOSOPHICAL ANARCHY! RIOTOUS COMEDY!

Yes! You read it right! The original, unabridged & authentic

Ask Dr. Hal! Show (beware of derivative question-and-answer shows) is
back in action— with Chicken John & all your favorite, frantic ADH
crew!  With Jimson Jimmy at the door! KrOB at the controls! Pete
Goldie‘s Science Scoops! David “Yo-Yo King” Capurro body-surfs
the Internet! Dr. Hal answers your queries! We‘re back– and doing
the show once more! It’s just as if we never left! But beware– the
final curtain might fall while you aren’t paying attention– and you‘ll
miss it all!
Admission —      

$10.00     

(TEN AMERICAN DOLLARS)  

                   
[Our usual (reasonable) Admission Price.]

         The Dr. Hal Report        
Vol. XII                                                                                                                         No. 9

How like a Winter hath mine Absence been
From thee, the Pleasure of the fleeting Year!
What Freezings have I felt, what dark Days seen,
What old December‘s bareness everywhere!”
                                                                            –-Shakespeare 

C  O  N  T  E   N   T  S  :

KARTOON : TREE-SITTING ELEPHANT HATCHES HYBRID MONSTROSITY9-POUND SPIDER + THEN SCUTTLES FORWARD IN ATTACK IN KINDLY KrOB’S ARTFUL ARACHNOPHOBIC APOTHEOSIS TO PROVIDE NEEDED HOLIDAY CHEER + ON-LINE INTERVIEW 4 U + BRING YOUR OWN BOOZE– WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE + PETE GOLDIE’S REMARKABLE SPACE REVELATIONS PRODUCE, IN THOSE PRESENT, BEGUILING SENSATIONS + DAVID CAPURRO’S IN CHARGE OF THE SCREEN– USUALLY, HE PUTS UP SOMETHING OBSCENE+ NEWS:
ADIEU TO FRANK CHU + THEY SAY OUR NEWEST DOORMAN, JIMMY,GETS FEMALE HEARTS TO SHAKE & SHIMMY – DR. HAL ART SHOW STILL UP  & RUNNING, VISIT SAME THIS WEEK  @ MERCURY CAFE – WATCH FOR OUR FABLED FORTHCOMING, CULMINATING XMAS SHOW + SOCIAL NOTES + PUZZLING EVIDENCE PRESENTS MORE– ON YOU TUBE +

A DECEMBER YOU’LL REMEMBER!

–AND WE START…  WITH A KLASSIC KARTOON!

Just before every performance begins, we screen a great animated cartoon– each, one
of the best seven-minute theatrical shorts ever committed to film. The previous week we
brought you, as promised, Warner Bros. animation director Bob Clampett’s irrepressible Bacall
to Arms (1946). Well, Clampett also teamed up with Dr. Seuss to produce this week’s cartoon–
Horton Hatches the Egg (1942). Yes, that Horton. In addition to his heroic advocacy for Whoville,
the titular pachyderm also hatched an egg, in Clampett’s engaging version of the Seuss book.
Clampett adds his own sardonic touches. At one point, as the ship transporting the tree-sitting
elephant is making its way across the Atlantic, a fish with the face and voice of Peter Lorre sticks
his head out of the water, takes in the spectacle and languidly exclaims, “Now I‘ve seen everything”
and whips out a gun and blasts his brains out. For some reason, they censor this part when they
show it. Actually, lately they don’t even show it. But KrOB does, at Ask Dr. Hal! For those who can
truly appreciate it, this cartoon is a beautiful and artistic creation. And we don’t censor anything.
So join us this Friday night, won’t you? –in time to catch up with yet another treasure of your
Nation’s once-flourishing but now (that the Conspiracy has dumbed it all down) mostly vanished
popular culture. Remember, our show will start right up at the very moment the cartoon ends.
So be on time! If you‘re habitually missing these things you‘re doing yourself a disservice & not getting
full equity on your admission price…
Do we really have to explain who Peter Lorre was?

Also with…
KLASSIC KrOB MONSTER EDIT:
ALONG CAME… A SPIDER!

Giant Spiders often have enlivened our shows in the past– now KrOB unveils a pulse-pounding
encounter with another outsized arachnid. Although Spiders frighten most people, being as they
are a living embodiment of elements of unstifled Nature which force us to confront her most
sinister potentialities, it should be said in all fairness that these creatures, particularly the giant kind,
are really rather fragile. Once one can get past the understandable loathing and cosmic horror
they tend to inspire, once deprived of the element of surprise, most of these arthropodal prodigies
can be disposed of with only moderate effort. The oft-feared tarantula cannot withstand even the
slightest jar which breaks the seals at the leg joints and kills the creature by allowing the lymph,
spider circulatory fluid, to leak out. This is also true of the far more fearsome and larger Brazilian
Wandering Spider, Phoneutria nigriventer. This Goliath of spiders, highly venomous and fiercely
aggressive, will pursue and attack humans, but has proven to be equally vulnerable (our late
grandmother once killed one, in 1926, with a broom). The spider in KrOB’s cautionary excerpt,
only slightly but significantly larger than today’s known types of Phoneutria, appears to be perhaps
some kind of an enlarged Latrodectus mactans, a spider notorious for its neurotoxic venom even
when found at its regular size. But in Earth’s prehistoric past, huge spiders did flourish in the
Paleozoic, far bulkier than even the eight-legged colossus KrOB will gleefully exhibit. Scientific!
Educational! It’s a fair bet that no other night club show, on Cesar Chavez Street in San Francisco
or anywhere else, presents anything like this as a diversion for its audience. Not for children or
those easily shocked.
Read the latest hard-hitting interview with Dr. Hal on Laughing Squid’s Blog:

http://laughingsquid.com/a-conversation-with-hal-robins/

NO BAR– BUT YOU CAN DRINK! (JUST BRING YOUR OWN)
Not counting the inevitable Fernet Branca shots for the (un)lucky.
With Venom Mango Energy Drinks given away– on the house!!

PETE GOLDIE PROVIDES OUTER SPACE THRILLS!
Our Science Segment…  

Prevailing theory suggests that cosmic rays are accelerated to energies of billions to even trillions
of electron volts by the expanding shock waves generated when massive stars explode. Hear ADH
Science Solon Pete Goldie expound on gamma ray bursts and how cosmic rays with even higher
energies are thought to be powered by supermassive black holes at the centers of galaxies (our own
galaxy, the Milky Way, has one of these). Kinks in a galaxy’s magnetic field keep cosmic ray particles
bouncing back and forth between the advancing shock wave and the immediately anterior region–
revving them up, as it were, to these high energy levels. Who knows? Perhaps gamma-ray emissions
from starburst galaxies peak at the energy generated when a certain subatomic particle known as a
neutral pion decays into two gamma rays. These galactic pions can be generated only by cosmic-ray
collisions. Pete, a student of the evolution, physics, chemistry, meteorology, and motion of celestial
objects, as well as the formation and future development of the universe itself, also isn’t beyond a nod
to high-energy physics to make his point. And, with computer-jockey David Capurro‘s assistance (see
below) he usually also illustrates his presentation with rare pictures of strange worlds in our own Solar
System. A Dr. Hal Show Extra-Special Featurette.

COMPUTER FREEBOOTER GETS CUTER!
The Visual Dimension… 

In a cloud of swirling incense, David “Yo-Yo Pro” Capurro, a mainstay of our show for lo these
many years, provides a running visual commentary to all that is said and done as the show goes
on. It works like this: we mention a topic, David operates his keyboard, and almost instantly there’s
a related image up on the screen. I.J. (Internet Jockey) Capurro, also known for his alter-identity Yo-Yo
Pro, one of the original Monsters of Yo-Yo and Master of Yo-Yo Fu extraordinaire, is a multi-talented,
accomplished baker and a competent guitarist. A cool customer– but he really lives for but one
purpose. His main delight in this life is to ask an anonymous question at Ask Dr. Hal! and get host
Chicken, unknowingly, to pour him a free shot of Fernet. And in this, strangely enough, he always
succeeds. He sure can do it. So he does it. That settles it.

NEWS – 

FRANK CHU TAKES EXTENDED SABBATICAL

Famed Street Prophet Frank Chu has dropped out of Ask Dr. Hal! for the time being, and we see
no further purpose in continuing to advertise his presence at our show. Frank and Ask Dr. Hal! go
back a long way, but he hasn’t been making his scheduled appearances with us for the past ten
weeks– we hear he has some sort of “trouble with Fridays” –so we at Ask Dr. Hal! have reluctantly
acquiesced to his need to go his merry way. It seems that also our well-known doorman Robert
Levy, who ran the 12 Galaxies Night Club back in the day, is also too busy for us in these hard times.
So, we‘re replacing removed Robert with our new doorkeeper– Jimmy! (See below.)

PRESENTING JIMMY– OUR NEWEST ADH DOORMAN!

He’s tall and lanky, easy-going and affable– unless someone tries to get in without paying the freight.
Meet Jimmy, the newest sensational discovery at Ask Dr. Hal!, the world’s foremost question-and-
answer night club show. Jimmy will take your admission payment and direct you to your seat, making
ingress to the Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret virtually anxiety-free. And… girls– we hear he‘s “available!”
‘Nuff said.

ONGOING SHOWS
“THE PRODUCTIONS OF TIME”

–Dr. HAL’S CURRENT ART SHOW!

For everyone who missed Dr. Hal’s last art show, some of the images shown there are now featured again,
together with new and previously unshown works. It’s all happening at

the Mercury Café, 201 Octavia Street (at Page).

The opening party featured entertainment by Dr. Hal and KrOB.

Keep watching this space for our announcement of the closing party, which, when it happens, in addition to another appearance by the demented duo, will present a live performance by Dr. Hal ably assisted by KrOB’s visual and auditory magic!
It will also be an opportunity for those who are interested to purchase a limited number of Dr. Hal’s books,

The Meaning of Lost and Mismatched Socks (which is becoming quite a rarity– Random House is now out of them), Dinosaur Alphabet and Alien Apocalypse 2006, including autographed and dedicated copies.
This may be the last best chance to get some of these. Art Prints of many of the pictures can be ordered from Studio Reflex of San Francisco– pick up a form at the show. The Mercury, serving organic and fair trade coffees as well as locally produced foods, can be reached at (415) 252-7855.

–And don’t forget! We’re counting down to our

Megalo-Annual Christmas Show–

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 25TH –
=======CHRISTMAS DAY!!===========

OUR BELOVED YEARLY ENACTMENT OF
“The Year Chicken John Saved Christmas!”
[Also known as, “The Night Chicken John Ruined Christmas”]

PRESENTED ON OUR ASK DR. HAL! STAGE – WITH PRESENTS
AND GOOD CHEER FOR ALL, AS WE WIND UP ANOTHER YEAR!
****** (Keep watching this space for developing details!) *****

SOCIAL NOTES

Friday nite our crowd gotta loada chortlin’ Chicken John’s new “stage modifications–” get this: a special
Box Seat for the stupefied Smoke Pot Guys! That’s krusty Ken Karefree & philosophical Phineas T. Smokepott,
who now have their own VIP (Very Intoxicated Patrons) area– compleat w/ bags o’chips, couch & blaring, garish
blacklite poster. How’s that for service? Meanwhile, former doorman ramblin’ Robert Levy has rambled on, so we
now have joltin” Jimmy, our current major-domo of the threshold. He’s the towering ticket-taker and cash catcher
you’ll find hovering by our portals, mortals… Y’know, we dunno whether weather conditions‘ll downsize our upcoming
audience… The weather bureau boys & gals say we’re in for some striding storms… lashings of rain… great. Just
what this show needs. Well, why not ride out the blast inside the comfy confines of the good, old Chez Poulet Gallery
Cabaret, eh? Why not? Oh, what we go through… Well, good weather brought out dashing Davy, granite-jawed Gooby,
lounge-lizard Lloyd Mongoloid of Mongoloid & Cookie Mongoloid fame, mild-mannered Miles who was miles of
smiles, mummenschanzer Moses Grubb, sensational Sean Kelly, sensual Sadie (a Canine American) & quondam
fellow performer with delighted Dr. Hal, lovely Linda Robertson… We thought we caught a glimpse of jewel-like Jenner,
one-time Odeon bartender & now writer of one of the few blogs really worth your attention (at http://lastcallsf.com/
on the Interweb)… but she, whoever, was in the back… couldn’t tell… hard to squint thru those brite lites… Jasmine-
fresh Jean quizzed & queried us– abt. invisible upchuck, but careening Cappy’s antics on the computer created a
distraction on the screen whose uproar scrambled the reception of the answer… betterluck nextime… Then definitely
determined Dini wanted to know if fire always goes with smoke…  Deconstructing aphorisms, that’s what we so often end
up doing…Bus Trip & Burner Vet observable Obo Martin attended, wrapped in a blanket it seemed, unless memory plays
us false… Digital David Capurro‘s station was incensed, Fernet by cheeky Chicken was dispensed… And so it was. On
the way out we chatted with kurvaceous Kate Willett & mainstay Marc Roper… Another show did all befall, so thanx
to one & thanx to all…And speaking of thanks, ranks, patient Puzzling Evidence could use some– you can bet the
mortgage he was at the Show again, shooting us more for those You Tube entries of his on PuzEv TV, rite thru th’nite,
to appear beneath this site… like these most recent ones! Keep going– just drop your eyes down… on down to these…

…AMAZING, AMUSING PUZZLING EVIDENCE YOU TUBE CLIPS!
Did you know you can watch some of the show right this minute? Well, thanx to Puzzling Evidence, you can! Go ahead– plant your peepers on a few of the hi-lites from previous episodes of Ask Dr. Hal! –on You Tube! It’s easy! It’s fun! It’s time-consuming! And it’s technologically au courant, and absolutely the next best thing to being there in person! You need to visit his wonderful site, with rare video of the Lost Galleon La Contessa and many wonders unrelated to our show– HELCO from Burning Man ’96, various festivals and performances (and behind the scenes) of all your faves– as well as our stuff –from the links below. How?
How, you say? You do? Why are you talking to your computer? Go ahead– just click, clickety-click, on these handy URLs. Remember, if it won’t play, try watching in High Quality…

Pete Goldie performs as only he can, as we launch ADH November 27th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/5/mPBiks3NrKM

But then Dr. Hal is forced by the audience‘s caprice to discuss, among other things, He-Man‘s
underwear (and outerwear) November 27th (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/4/fs15xIOHnRE

Kids have the Damnedest Names as we find from Dr. Hal, who then must flip into “Beatnik” Mode,
and more that same night of November 27th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/3/ePzgtPHtquA

Robin Coomer’s KrOB Moment! But perhaps she deserved better. Still, that’s what it was, on the
27th of November (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/2/NvriDE9d9eU

Did dinosaurs smile at rainbows? This fragment takes you to the Dance Party, or part of it, on
November 27th (Pt. 5):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/1/dybgS-Oyh9w

What better way to start than with Pete Goldie‘s Science Report? We recapitulate our show, which first
took place November 20th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/10/9b10X8U7Dwc

Science has its day, the 19th Psalm and even an a cappella rendition of lyrics from
an extremely obscure musical show as we continue with the best moments shaved
from the ADH of November 20th (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/9/UdozeN4f-Aw

And then a Rebuke to hoarders (of all things) distinguishes this minuscule mote
comprising a significant chunk of show on November 20th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/8/xbEENziL8zY

Incubi et Succubae concern us— both transitory stages of the same volant creature,
just one more Awesome Revelation served up by Ask Dr. Hal! on November 20th
(Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/7/Mi4pWmdyR8o

Bodily functions discussed with an air of unction before questing bumpkins on
that November 20th (Pt. 5):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/6/gOJQJemiIsQ

The Viking Code ends the Show, thanks be to Wotan…Gods, History and Church
forever….or until YouTube gives up the ghost. The last of November 20th (Pt. 6):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/5/BUr2XFfl4s0 

See all of Puzzling Evidence’s video realm at Puzzling Evidence TV.

See you at the exclusive
CHEZ POULET GALLERY-CABARET
3359 Army (Cesar Chavez St.) San Francisco, California
[Where Mission St. Joins Cesar Chavez]     

Happening This Friday Night– Dec. 11th!