ASK DR. HAL! Ends with a BANG!

August 17th, 2009

                       A D V E R T I S E M E N T

“…I was BLOWN AWAY! WHY didn’t I hear about this BEFORE?”
                                                                               — Jilly Taylor, student
                  “OMG, KrOB Rawks! He can have my baby!”
                                                                        — Melissa “Gulp” Meriand
                                         “He [Dr. Hal] talks too much.”
                                                                                       –Doug Wellman
T H E    C O N C L U D I N G
               “Ask Dr. Hal! 3.0:
Conversations with Dr. Hal!”
                   FINAL APPEARANCE AT
                        THE
DARK ROOM THEATER
  2263 Mission St. San Francisco, California                                           [Near Mission & 19th Sts.]
EAST BAY ASK DR. HAL! FANS TAKE NOTE: 2 BLOCKS SOUTH
            OF THE 16th ST. B.A.R.T. STATION ON MISSION…
 WEDNESDAY, August 19th!                    THE THIRD WEDNESDAY IN AUGUST…
           TEN P.M. SHARP!                          

        The Dr. Hal Report
Vol. XI No. 3

And thrice he routed all his Foes, and thrice he slew the Slain..
                                                                                               — Dryden [1631-1700]
                                                                                            Alexander’s Feast (1697)

THIS WEEK’S SECRETLY FAMOUS ‘GUEST CHICKENS’
IN OUR ROTATING ROTISSERIE OF HOSTS WILL BE…
                     Chicken Joan-Jane!
========== Sultry Siamese Twins! ================
    –Channeled For this Exclusive Engagement by
     Danny Girl &  Katy Bell!
We’re still waiting for Chicken John to ask us back to Chez Poulet, which still may be this
September (see News, below) but for the time being the plan is that the present run of our
show will conclude in keeping with our tradition of being hosted by a rotating series of
“Chickens,” or “Mock Chickens,” if you will. Last week, for example, the coveted rôle of
Chicken was superbly enacted by bon vivant Geoffrey Smart, an over-all high point of our
oft-bedeviled run. But now, in the great convention of Showmanship– wherein it has
always been our expressed duty to abide– our ultimate host(s) will provide the absolute
acme of entertainment value. The hybrid creature, or creatures, Chicken Jane-Joan, will
ride herd on Ask Dr. Hal! in a manner never seen before on this, or any other stage!
Delicately conjoined by a single moustache, the teratologically fabulous distaff duo will
mete out justice in this, our final offering before the public. Never before has the Ask Dr.
Hal! Show risen to these heights, and we confidently assure our friends and faithful fans
that this is one experience unlikely to be repeated. Come one, come all. Beware the
flashing eyes that hypnotize! Do you dare the stare of the stash-linked pair? Come and find
out, old trout.

With…
UNIQUE ANIMATED CARTOON PRESENTATION!
Popeye Meets Sindbad (1936)
Another in our series of
the best American cartoons!
Lovingly selected–by KrOB…
Everybody who’s a fan of this great cartoon calls it that, but the real title is Popeye the Sailor
Meets Sindbad the Sailor. We’ve shown a bunch of cartoons at ADH by now, including a few by
the Fleischer Studio, but until now, no Popeye. We’re making up for that by exhibiting one of
the best, if not the best, of this fabulous series. This is quite a picture– it’s 16 minutes long
(most cartoons run about seven), a “two-reeler.” It was produced in Technicolor (so the color
still looks good) and was released on November 27th (which is the day before Dr. Hal’s birthday) by
Paramount, the Fleischers’ parent studio. It’s full of incredible invention– monsters, landscapes
(using the Fleischers’ patented Stereoptical 3-D process) and fast-paced gags. Popeye’s vocals
are done by Jack Mercer, the familiar “Popeye voice” that all other interpreters of the rôle have
only imitated. Mercer’s Popeye was often characterized by subvocalizing, a continuous stream of
muttered “asides” (you don’t see his lips moving during these) which frequently include the funniest
lines (extemporized by Mercer) in the picture. Olive Oyl is voiced by Mae Questel, who also did
Betty Boop. Bluto (Sindbad) is done by Gus Wickie. The difficult-to-understand songs, and the
musical supervision generally of the Studio’s musicians are by Sammy Timberg, the Fleischers’
music guy. This was the first of the three Popeye Color Specials, each three times as long as a
regular Popeye cartoon, and were often billed in theaters alongside or above the main feature.
Popeye the Sailor Meets Sindbad the Sailor was nominated for an Academy Award (though sadly
it lost to a Disney cartoon that year, the Silly Symphony The Country Cousin. But this cartoon has
been enormously influential and is considered the best of the three supercartoons the Studio made
at the height of its power (before World War II, when the brothers lost control and Fleischer then
became Famous Studios). One influence it had was on special effects artist and auteur Raymond F.
Harryhausen, partially inspiring him, 22 years later, to  make The 7th Voyage of Sinbad.  Popeye
the Sailor Meets Sindbad the Sailor has been deemed “culturally significant” by the United States
Library of Congress, and selected for preservation in the U.S. National Film Registry. In 1994, the
film was voted #17 of the 50 Greatest Cartoons of All Time by members of the animation field. We
know that as it begins our show you’ll like it, too.
“Who’s that most remarkable, extra-special kind of fel-low?”
“Youse– Sin-lous-y Sail-orrr!”

Also with…
TERRIFYING, BONE-CHILLING KLASSIC KrOB MONSTER EDIT:
“Improbable Monster Fracas!”
Another KrOB Klassic from the Master’s Bottomless Well of Inspiration. SEE the battle
to the death between towering, Satyr-leggéd Cyclops and Fire-breathing Dragon! GASP
as the Giant Arrow pierces the rampaging monster’s warty, scaly hide! WEEP at the
death-agonies of the coiling colossus! CHEER as all-seeing KrOB then, piling Pelion on
Ossa, exhibits the metempsychosis of the serpentine sufferer into an even-more-exotic
incarnation! Folks, we kid you not, this is another one of those things we guarantee will
not be shown, cannot be shown, anywhere other than our Ask Dr. Hal! Stage. The Genesis
of the Eastern Dragon. Something mystics and seers throughout Man’s long, tortuous
history would have gladly given their left testicle– or the equivalent– to see, may here be
casually viewed by our popcorn-munching audience for an insignificant  trifle of an alluring
admission price– along with the entire remainder of our show! If that’s not an all-time bargain,
Pilgrim, we’ll eat our Fez. Scientific! Educational! View it all on our (somewhat) Giant Screen.
(We’ll get out of the way.) It’s just one small fractal fragment of the totality to be experienced
at our unique and well-travelled night club show; once more we bring it to an outré but receptive
audience. Not for the closed-minded. Fully narrated by Dr. Hal.

CONSULTING DR. HOWLAND OWLL!
“DR.” HAL: POMPOUS PEDANTIC POSEUR with DIPLOMA-MILL DOCTORATE or INSPIRED,
INCORRUPTIBLE INNOVATOR INELUCTABLY ENTERTAINING with an INFLUX of INEXHAUSTIBLE
INTELLECTION? Questions answered, concerns addressed– a personal Ministry. Come and see for
yourself. Bardic Episodes remain an unavoidable side effect. Private consultations available. No
refunds. Donate to Dr. Hal’s Plastic Dinosaur Fund.

Read the latest hard-hitting interview with Dr. Hal on Laughing Squid’s Blog:

                         http://laughingsquid.com/a-conversation-with-hal-robins/

KrOB ON THE JOB!
What can one say… his vision is unique… he accepts no compromises… the girls love him…
without him, we’re nothing… KrOB surfs the waves of principal co-expressibility with a
master’s touch, titillating and teasing the ear and eye with an ever-new, evolving synthesis
of elements drawn from the bottomless whirlpool of popular culture. And, he’s got one hell
of a sense of humor. Sometimes he wears a teeny beanie, sometimes a brown crown…
Praise “Bob”– KrOB will soon lob a blob of “Eyenoise” your way!

JOIN THE KREWE OF FRANK CHU!
Yes, Frank is back! And we’ve got him! (Or perhaps we just think we do. After all, he hasn’t
shown up for the last two shows. That’s what he does when we do see him– he just shows
up, never at the same time. Still, more often than not, the Emperor Norton of our own time
appears at our show to deliver his Message!) Frank Chu (born March 24th, 1960) has been
holding street protests against former U.S. Presidents, corporations and most centrally the
vast extraterrestrial cabal of the 12 Galaxies in San Francisco and nearby locales, since at
least 1995.
Mr. Chu lives in Oakland and commutes daily to San Francisco where he makes his living
through a combination of state aid, sign sponsorships, and small donations from his  many
followers and supporters. His ideology of Zegnotronics holds former president William
Jefferson “Bill” Clinton responsible for directing the CIA to withhold payment to him for
his esoteric services during the presidency of George Herbert Walker Bush. His protests
very frequently call for Clinton’s impeachment even to this day. And in fact, the notorious Bill
Clinton and various other presidents are frequently accused by Chu, who claims allegiance
with the Republican Party, of cooperating with the 12 Galaxies to commit foul crimes and
treason. Chu is strongly interested in television reporters and newscasters, whom he
cultivates to bring him the publicity he requires to inform the world of the injustices committed
against him. He hopes that once started, this wave of publicity will cause a public outcry,
resulting in the retroactive impeachments of all culpable living former U.S. Presidents and the
awarding (to Mr. Chu) of $20 billion dollars to compensate for all damages he and his family
have suffered. According to Mr. Chu, this is what certain California Correctional Officers who
were really movie stars, who were really KGB agents, told him, via an advanced form of mental
telepathy.
Indeed, another of Mr. Chu’s Zegnotronic revelations is the one that nearly all movie stars
have the ability to use ESP. Frank, who has never visited another Galaxy, does not, it should
be stressed, lay claim to a personal extraterrestrial origin, as some have falsely claimed. A
participant by proxy in an aeons-old intergalactic conflict, however, he receives knowledge
of them with his extra-sensory perception, transmitted from, among others, various former
Soviet ex-presidents and KGB agents, both alive and necromantically resurrected. On the
other side, (the cosmic Quisling) Clinton, his wife Hillary (now U.S. Secretary of State) and
even their grown daughter Chelsea are “guiltied,” according to Frank, by virtue (or vice) of having
been in collusion with the 12 Galaxies nearest in proximity to our own Galaxy, the so-called
Milky Way, while Frank continues against them in the struggle, aided by the Zegnotronic
Galaxy, 120 (!) galaxies distant– but behind Frank for all time. We will always welcome
Frank Chu and hope you’ll continue to see him at Ask Dr. Hal!
See him right now, if you want to, in the Puzzling Evidence video clip of our February 25th
show (Part 2) by clicking on the link you’ll find down there in the Monstrous Column of
URLs at the bottom of The Dr. Hal Report…

PETE GOLDIE’S CASE-BY-CASE — IN SPACE!
Astronomer Pete Goldie each week brings us new discoveries in Space Science and the cosmos. He’s
surely willing to give us the latest on Saturn, his favorite Gas Giant planet, and show us an enormous file
of close-ups of its rings and shepherd moons. That’s why you can bet the farm that he’ll at least say
something about one of that world’s most mysterious and unusual moons– Titan. Because now this moon,
one of the strangest objects in the entire blesséd Solar System (excluding the very strangest, our own
world), is showing unexpected bursts of dense storm clouds over its arid equator– behaving very much, in
fact, as storms do over the desert regions of Earth. Yes, the unexplained cloud formations have injected
what one astronomer called an “explosion of energy” into Titan’s garishly orange-tinted atmosphere,
creating yet more clouds over the moon’s South Pole, and dense rain storms that are surely filling all the
dry lake beds and deeply carven stream channels with… well, with some sort of liquid that’s nothing at
all like water. Probably methane, eh, Pete? Of course on Earth methane emerges from both ends of
cows, becoming a major greenhouse gas that aggravates global warming, but out there on more-than-
frigid Titan, it takes the form of liquid or solid ice. That gas is just a small component of Titan’s intriguing
nitrogen-dominated atmosphere, where it helps create a thick layer of reddish smog above the surface–
like the smog over L.A.– but much, much thicker. And what a surprise all this cloud-forming activity is,
since Titan’s equatorial desert regions, where giant scoriac cliffs and mountain ranges have risen over
literally billions of years, are so all-fired dry that scientists until now would have resoundingly declared that
clouds of any kind are, simply, impossible. So ask Pete– ask him! –why all this is happening in
defiance of Titan’s mean temperature of around 300 degrees below zero (Fahrenheit), how it relates to
the moon’s so-called cryovolcanoes, which spew forth frozen ammonia, methane and water– not lava.
Get him to admit the real reason the famed Cassini Robot Spacecraft, which has been orbiting Saturn
for five years as we’ve been doing this show, continues its observations of Titan. We’ll wager the key
lies under the orange-ish albedo, where it boasts a landscape eerily like ours and the signature of
abundant complex organic chemicals! That’s Science for you– as Pete can explain. He does it all with
sardonic humor, dry wit and rhetorical flair. Some people’s favorite part of the show. We kid you not.
He ends by displaying the latest picture– sometimes of stunning wife Sarah– always of his daughter, Daria.
Wotta show-off…

NO BAR– BUT YOU CAN DRINK! (JUST BRING YOUR OWN)
Yes, bring your own. That segment of ol’ Mission St. is infested with nearby low-rent liquor stores.
We’re hardly “teetotalers” at Ask Dr. Hal! — far from it. But we’re forced to acknowledge– check out
recent headlines– that there is now an ongoing, wide-ranging crusade from Mayor Newsom and his
apparatchiks, but mostly from the rampaging ABC– the California Department of Alcoholic Beverage
Control. Prohibition never ended for these guys, who closed down our last great venue, the J.R.
“Bob” Dobbs Memorial Hall at S.P.A.C.E. — just because they could. They see their mission, in fact,
as one to close down all night spots and evening venues of “unapproved” entertainment whose
sponsors have been unequal to surmounting a labyrinthine “permit process–” and in forking over the
more than hefty “fees” the militant social-engineering “goo-goos” have  lately imposed.
So, without any disrespect to old John Barleycorn, for the time being, at least, just to keep
from causing any troubles for our new hosts, there won’t be any booze for sale, OK? It’s OK to drink,
please understand (provided you can hold your liquor) but BRING YOUR OWN. We encourage you to.
Of course, good questions will still be rewarded in the traditional Ask Dr. Hal! manner– with that old
standby, Fernet Branca, TM –the famed “Miracle Liquor.” That’s how Paul Pot and David “Cappy”
Capurro have traditionally done it– and that’s the one way you can still get a drink at Ask Dr. Hal!
But– Jesus, Mary and Joseph! –does that stuff taste awful.

WEB SITE? RIGHT!
Visit www.askdrhal.com for more information than you need.

NEWS
ADH TO RETURN TO CHEZ POULET GALLERY-CABARET FRIDAYS IN SEPT. ’09
In a recent communication, Grand Ringmonster “Chicken” John Rinaldi has proposed that the Ask Dr.
Hal! show start again at Chez Poulet on Fridays, beginning September 11th or 18th, and continue it all
until such time as he… decides to do something else. The returning show, according to former S.F.
Mayoral candidate Mr. Rinaldi, would start at 9:00, with 1/2 hour of “pre-show whatever,” and the main
body of the show for the remaining hour, under this plan. Tyler, our once and future Technical Director, is
to be tapped to be the “sound guy” and to record and edit video. Those who prefer the show take place
only at this venue should be pleased– if, that is, mercurial Chicken refrains from changing his plans at the
last minute, once again…
CONTRIBUTE TO S.P.A.C.E. TO SUPPORT FORTHCOMING LEGAL CASE
S.P.A.C.E., the locus of the much-loved room where the Ask Dr. Hal! Show had so many enjoyable recent
performances, was raided and closed down by a rampaging, out-of control Alcoholic Beverage Commission
(ABC) in early July. The entirely misguided and vicious official “War on Fun” continues in S.F. Now S.P.A.C.E.
and its beleaguered director Skot Kuiper face a criminal record and disproportionately enormous fine from the
bullying agency. The crime? Attempting to host a fund-raiser and allowing alcohol sales on the premises.
S.P.A.C.E. joins many other sufferers from bureaucratic overreaction, including Bottom of the Hill, Cafe du
Nord, DNA Lounge, Glas Kat, the Great American Music Hall, Slim’s and now the Mission Hill Saloon, where
Paul de Jong’s Kareoke Nights are the most recent victim. Read about it at http://stopthewaronfun.org and visit
the site to join, donate and learn whom to e-mail. Let your state and local officials know that you want to
protect live entertainment and that you want effective citizen oversight for the ABC. This is no laughing matter
if you think it at all important, as we do, to preserve and protect live music and entertainment in California.
during a time of economic downturn and potential societal degradation. While Californians everywhere could use
a lift, the ABC has decided to step up harassment of bars, clubs, dance halls and live venues of all types.
Remember, these clubs have simply been attempting to present entertainment to all-ages audiences.
To donate to Skot Kuiper of S.P.A.C.E., who is confronting ruinously expensive legal proceedings, send your
contributions to 354 5th St., San Francisco 94107.
STUDIO SPACE AVAILABLE AT S.P.A.C.E.
The home of S.F.’s FCC Free Radio studio, S.P.A.C.E. has other studios currently available at reasonable
(bargain) rates. The building is conveniently located to BART and public transportation and offers a multitude of
advantages. Contact Skot if interested (and renting these two studios would help his financial challenges) at
                                                    skot@videoamp.org
The studios available are $395 and $495 monthly. “They are work-only creative spaces,” Skot tells us, “and open
to many interpretations of how that’s utilized.”

SOCIAL NOTES
Gad-about Geoffrey Smart ably helmed ADH’s penultimate offering, coolly ignoring the Jonas-Brothers-
concert-like screaming from the besotted, writhing female half of the krowd… Ignoring or immune to Dr. Hal’s
fading fascination, the heaving herd of writhing frails & flappers screeched & swooned as the Limey Lothario
brought all his suave charmz to bear… We knew he was rite for th’ part, but who knew they’d like the host th’
most? Another Bitter Pill t’ swaller; ‘nother day, ‘nother dollar… Speaking of which, the envelopes were never so
lite… not mucho gelt in sight…a rest room token and a few fickle nickels… a few fives and ones, and it hardly even
tickles… not a good nite for pore ole Dr. Hal in the Exchequer; he’d’ve had better luck as a Mission St. beggar…
Ah, but the Soul Wallet was full, as we bombarded the fans with high-caliber heavy entertainment– some of
KrOB’s most kompelling kreations unspooled on th’ Big Screen & despairing Dr. Hal nonetheless hit new high
heights… We took ’em thru billions of years of cosmic time– & that wuz just Papa Pete Goldie’s intro segment!
Naw, we kid Pete Goldie… his astro-flights are never moldy… Patriot Pete wasn’t about to let gentlemanly Geoff
forget the American Revolution, stirring up the crowd’s fervor fer Columbia… Ackshully, ’twas the KrOB Klip that
took th’ proverbial cake as spontaneous applause busted out at th’ corn-clusion. Delectable Dawn Stott said it was
the best. show. ever. –and she oughtta know; she’s been there for most of ’em… Also pleasantly present: darling
Danny Girl & metro Maenad krush-proof Katy Bell… If ye missed ’em that week, they’ll sure top the topper this wk.
when they host our last, biggest & best ADH show of the Summer Season… Other utter beauties included curvy
Claire Mack, who’d hurt her back but wuz back on track, heavenly Helen & the honey-sweet Holy Hemptress, once
& future temptress… Then there wuz juniper-fresh Jessy Roadkill, Dr. Hal’s co-emcee @ Amnesia’s recent Holla
Folly Burlesque Show, a gig that anyone’d dig– tho’ that watering hole gets wholly watered with the sweat that
pours in rivers from the pores of th’ krammed-in krowd, some of us get to hang in the dressing room and help the
curvaceous chorus girls outta distress, and dat dress, or just sprawl there and observe the Beauties of Nature,
while they shed their maidenly modesty & exhibitionist inhibitions like somenny pluck’d Pigeons… Of course
we’re squeeking of peripatetic Puzzling Evidence, the manly moustache who documents our show (see below)
from the front row… pertinacious P.E. also chilled behind the scenes & took in the va-va view– & you’ll soon find
he’s gone & captured the frolicsome Amnesia scene for You Tube– check out Puz-Ev TV before long, if we’re not
wrong… that’s one bounding hound who gets around… And back in th’ Ask Dr. Hal! Corral, we also noted case-
hardened Casey Cripe, joyful Juniper Hill, jaunty Jason, punchy Perry Still, still punching, hot Chica Cucaracha
Consuela Revolta, & bumptious Barry… Buff Big Frank hot-dogged it over to th’ Dark Room to take in the show,
complaining of a powerful Pete Goldie overdose but gamely staying (almost) to th’ end… Red-blooded Rory also
showed his phiz but dissed paideutic Pete’s prezentation… ‘t’s not for everybody… Frantic Frank Chillamos really
did wanna know what Dr. Hal intends when his dinosaur friends return via Frankenengineering– how endearing…
Jocund Jim Fourniadis and enchanting Erin kept the house, & thanx for carin’… Sizzlin’ Spy & merry-Andrew Moses
reappeared to teach us all their version of Etiquette– mauvaise honte Miss Manners can relax, tho’ –her job’s safe…
Well, next week is the peak, boys & girls. That last blast of ours is one you won’t wanna miss… ’nuff said. But…
Frank Chu– where were you?

AMAZING, AMUSING PUZZLING EVIDENCE YOU TUBE CLIPS!
Did you know you can watch some of the show right this minute? Well, thanx to Puzzling
Evidence, you can! Go ahead– scope out a few of the hi-lites from previous episodes of Ask Dr. Hal!
–on You Tube! It’s easy! It’s fun! It’s time-consuming! And it’s technologically au courant, and absolutely
the next best thing to being there in person! You need to visit his wonderful site, with rare video of the
Lost Galleon La Contessa and many wonders unrelated to our show, as well as our stuff from the links
below. How? How, you say? You do? Why are you talking to your computer? Go ahead– just click,
clickety-click, on these handy URLs. Remember, if it won’t play, try watching in High Quality…

Our first show at The Dark Room begins– Jim Fourniadis brings on Pete Goldie August 5th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jkgxw3M1_PU&feature=channel_page

Then Dr. Hal swings into action as we discuss Zombie vs. Robot Apocalypses August 5th (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FkyB4t8cmc&feature=related

Paper or Plastic? is the query, and we come out strongly for Hemp for Victory August 5th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3A-xAz8_Us&feature=channel

We plug Bad Movie Night at The Dark Room and travel into a theory of aesthetics August 5th (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKc51W-KETE&feature=channel

Lesbian Vampire Poetry? Well, we had to conclude August 5th with something good, since someone
gave us 20 bucks! Pt. 5):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VO4YKd8D_ZM&feature=channel

Michael Peppe hosts ADH with flair and élan– watch his amazing performance piece starting us
off on June 24th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpjmGpiMM_8&feature=channel_page

Watch Pete Goldie teleport into his seat after Peppe brings him on– and launch into his Science
Spectacular about the coming Moon Strike (on October 5th at 7:30 PM), back on June 24th (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkthY__umOk&feature=related

Farther into space with Pete Goldie at S.P.A.C.E. June 24th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVoTp4ysvC0&feature=related

Dr. Hal is prevailed upon to tell the harrowing Michael Peppe Heart Attack Story for a handsome
premium on June 24th (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUX6np8LJ2M&feature=related

Who’s tougher– Jesus or Superman? An aroused public demands (and gets) the answer June 24th
(Pt. 5):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgTdL55UgPQ&feature=related

Then (oh, boy!) lovely, lovely Claire Mack and Jessy Roadkill mount the stage (at last!) and do their
stuff, that superb night on June 24th (Pt. 6):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrD7moetftQ&feature=related

The two beauties continue their musical mastery on our ADH stage, singing of whiskey on June 24th
(Pt. 7):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BU21YKdjd5A

Kelek Stevenson opens for us– she even has a beautiful voice, as it turns out. And, with Dave
Evans’s help, she plucks your heartstrings– along with those of America’s only native instrument–
on June 10th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBw8IPr8D_U&feature=channel_page

More of Kelek is always a good idea, as you can see and hear from June 10th (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYX4_kyIr20&feature=channel_page

Pete Goldie takes us up, above and beyond, during his Space Report on June 10th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0u1OOYlzJg&feature=channel_page

Pete and ADH 2.0 host John Hell continue the bumptious badinage June 10th (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcfRphuxmVI&feature=channel_page

Dr. Hal speaks (floridly) of Devils and Damsels, assisted by Edward Fitzgerald and Omar
Khayyam, John Hell, KrOB and the gas-house gang. Who invented the spoon? Can you
stop a bullet with your mind? And so trended ADH 2.0 on June 10th (Pt. 5):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqZTON7eCB8&feature=channel_page

Now it’s time for the KrOB Moment which concerns itself with the Coming of the Robots, on
June 10th (Pt. 6):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EisHwCwa02w&feature=channel

“A rat crept softly through the vegetation…” And so closes ADH 2.0: CWDH on June 10th (Pt. 7):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coL-4iTNpGs&feature=channel

Jarico Reesce brings on Pete Goldie to begin the show on June 3rd, but Frank Chu has other
ideas– very familiar ideas indeed, as it turns out (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlzzUTqd88U&feature=channel_page

Jarico introduces a dummy as well as Dr. Hal, who tells of the far-future continent Zothique on
June 3rd (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xv-fg4jAJTo&feature=channel_page

“What are you, Hal?” is answered, and why coming back from the dead is not fun on June 3rd
(Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXLkaThme9U&feature=channel_page

But Jarico bungles poor, patient Barbara Fried’s question on dating in San Francisco, prompting
an answer which fails to satisfy– c’est la guerre as always on May 13th (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-go8QsNbyA&feature=channel_page

Guest host Jascha Ephraim strokes Pete Goldie for a job and a grout report when we begin
our second show in May– May 13th, that is (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxBnemW4Gm8&feature=channel_page

Then Dr. Hal recites Frost’s Acquainted With the Night as we get going in earnest on May 13th,
as you can see by clicking on this (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=at-Bi5Y9WHY&feature=related

What colors may dinosaurs have been are suggested by Dr. Hal, as questions fly thick and fast
May 13th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujkfDAEOXRI&feature=related

Dr. Philo Drummond drags the show to a crawl (intentionally?) as he becomes “Chicken” on
May 6th– then, the Rules change drastically (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SYY_yXDQCQ&feature=channel_page

Now Philo brings in Eric Cash as a faux Pete Goldie. What next on May 6th? (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RU4dRMpIIRM&feature=channel_page

Philo shows his true colors in bravo style as he catches the rhythm on May 6th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikgIobtVWyA&feature=channel_page

But then a contentious young lady makes a serious effort to kill the show, while Philo
sits idly by. Michael Peppe never saw the advertised 3-D, but gets to drink Fernet– on
us– all on May 6th (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_C2GIebi2c&feature=channel_page

After the distaff disruptor finally ceases tormenting Dr. Hal, he explains The Mystery of
the Fez. Still May 6th (Pt. 5):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHg8Z_oIIO0&feature=channel_page

The show concludes with Coleridge’s Frost at Midnight, at 12 AM on May 6th (Pt. 6):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QES6EPw1ES0&feature=channel_page

Robin Coomer is our first “Chicken” as our first show begins outside the sealed fortress of
Chez Poulet, the night of April 29th (Pt. 1). What is Time, to a Photon?:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBN0C7cgShk&feature=channel_page

In the near-darkness of the Bluesix Acoustic Room, Dr. Hal recites for the first time away from
Chez Poulet on our April 29th show (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8NBMe7yoog&feature=channel_page

Dr. Hal answers the question: What is the Frequency? Robin presiding on April 29th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7nEj5kmaOw&feature=channel_page

The closing recitation on April 29th is The Highwayman by Alfred Noyes (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sflUShLaaMs&feature=channel_page

Pete Goldie dilates on the latest from Mars, starting us up on April 22nd. And then the Hillbillies’
clandestine Meth Lab explodes, heralding their exodus (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnxEmHCm2Qk&feature=channel_page

Dinosaurs with two brains? Get the real scoop from the show on April 22nd, commencing with
a recitation from Drayton by Dr. Hal. Our last show at Chez Poulet (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a_YS-rx_dM&feature=channel_page

Wonder Woman’s BDSM activities are briefly discussed on April 22nd (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zyth9AOF9w&feature=channel_page

Sean Kelly interprets Dr. Hal’s words with physical movement that night of April 22nd (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIvlybCCtlQ&feature=channel_page

Zero Boy takes us all to Coney Island in a tour-de-force performance beginning our April 8th show
(Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOzFvdOhIFs&feature=channel_page

We’re still at Coney Island with Zero Boy and wouldn’t it be great to stay there? April 8th (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CF0CNJQ98hY&feature=channel_page

An astounding ride through space to rendezvous with an icy comet, courtesy of Pete Goldie
keeps us rolling on April 8th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msM6YBk5w5c&feature=channel_page

It’s Mayor Gavin Newsom! No, really! Everyone guest stars on April 8th Frank Chu included (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoY8Z1G-hZY&feature=channel_page

The Abstruse Realm of Mathematicks is challenged in verse ex tempore (Pt. 5):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HFQihXZg7g&feature=channel_page

Robin Coomer scores a date with the (unfairly lucky) Magic 8-Ball on April 8th’s crowded evening.
Zero Boy brings home the audio bacon (Pt. 6):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t81GFUtBJLw&feature=channel_page

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock closes our April 8th show (Pt. 7):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opvZb-PZqYU&feature=channel_page

St. Stupid’s Day night and this was Ask Dr. Hal! (April 1st) The first part, with more soon to follow
(keep checking here!) from Puzz-Ev:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wp8cxpz4bv0&feature=channel_page

Pete Goldie describes the toilet on the International Space Station and its problems in our April 1st
show (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEkkM5iJwWI&feature=channel_page

Sex advice of a most esoteric character is solicited– and received, the night of April 1st (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBq2ZxZfvS4&feature=channel_page

Eric McFadden sings The “Edgar Allen Poe-lka” and “Carnival Town!” A treat from our April 1st
extravaganza (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEJTEqXrN9c&feature=channel_page

NOT FROM ASK DR. HAL! –But you will certainly want to see the PUZZ-EV VIDEO RECORD of the
recent STARS & GARTERS Show at Amnesia March 29th, which did feature the talents of KrOB & Dr.
Hal! First, SEE Big Ben Burke sing with shapely Jessy Roadkill, host Leon Redbone, Unicorn and the
Bartender who hammered a sharpened butter knife up his nose… (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpcteA1fHBE&feature=channel_page

The William Tell Routine is featured, at the end of which, gorgeous Jessy Face is stripped before all
via stage magic, leaving her adorned only in her blushes– and a few insignificant decorations. You
may want to watch this one more than once, Gentlemen– we find it endlessly refreshing. Burke’s Ode
to a Brass Bikini, Feats of Strength, Lovely Linda Robertson, Roadkill & Mack are also back for more
sexy clowning… what’s not to like? (Pt. 1.1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjSnRn_jDME&feature=channel_page

Then, Ravishing Roadkill & Curvaceous Claire Mack practice more All-Woman Feats of Stength! And
then they rock out! Oh… my… God… YEAH! Too bad if you missed that STARS & GARTERS Show
(Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D61tXANj8EI&feature=related

Dr. Hal plays the Cabin Boy on the Hindenburg as KrOB provides the Sound while the STARS &
GARTERS beauties, Jessy, Jessy & Claire present their puppet-&-people Play (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TNj71D2ZR4&feature=related

It just gets better at the STARS & GARTERS Show when Lewd Lingerie-clad Lesbian Antics at the
Beauty Parlor take over the stage. PUZZ-EV also throws in a Special Effects shot, where, thru the
Magick of Backwards Filming, Jessy Face’s clothes actually go back on… What’ll they think of
next? (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieU1H6SDao8&feature=related

All right, resume normal breathing and watch these Ask Dr. Hal! Show clips…

Pete Goldie documents a recent Asteroid Strike as March 25th’s show gets into gear (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhF3ov6jBDs&feature=channel_page

More from Blake’s Milton starts off the Dr. Hal portion March 25th (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOUl9qvDU6E&feature=channel_page

Then Dr. Hal smokes dope on stage, as urged, and the March 25th show worries Chicken
as it  becomes “psychedelic” (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qveNWHy0OXk&feature=channel_page

Chicken demands that Dr. Hal answer 3 questions at once– in ex tempore verse! What
happened? It was March 25th (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDb7TiBbMW0&feature=channel_page

Pete Goldie blazes like a supernova as he opens on March 18th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAOtGMsFICs&feature=channel_page

Frank Chu & Laser-equipped Unicorns occupy Dr. Hal after his entrance as the questions
start on March 18th (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8xSaZqyDcU&feature=channel_page

Chicken is busted for Twittering during the show & we land on the Moon once more on March
18th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6csEpKCZUIc&feature=channel_page

Underdog (cartoon character) occupies us, along with bickering hillbillies on March 18th (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JNrtLjYXWw&feature=channel_page

Pete Goldie blazes a trail as the show begins, detailing the Kepler Mission on March 11th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9MjZtg_Sco&feature=channel_page

More of Blake’s Milton and a visit from Frank Chu swings the Show into magnum motion
March 11th (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QI3QAKLb13I&feature=channel_page

Now, dream about hornet stings, how to get laid, SubGenius pedigrees, Spy’s KroB moment,
personal food waste size, Frank Chu’s terms and whether or not the 8-Ball knows anything, from
March 11th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8pAKioBL14&feature=channel

For the last of the courtly poets, some Shelley, a one-armed Viking problem and yet more poetry
finish our excerpt from March 11th (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZWdsavr1qc&feature=channel

Pete Goldie Peers at Comet 134340; Chicken’s recommendations on Baby & Child Care
start things March 4th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L34P6ZtkMQU&feature=channel_page

Satan’s panties & Superman’s orgasm are highlighted after more of Blake’s Milton March 4th (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMi-2s6iKPk&feature=channel_page

Making the best of a bad assignment, Dr. Hal improvises poetically on Politics & Economics
March 4th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ifNGkwlkfM&feature=channel_page

Micturation apprehended is seen as a question, as is the Nature of the Conspiracy March 4th (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gfbqh2j4pPA&feature=channel_page

The show launches with Chicken’s Monologue and Pete Goldie’s paideutic presentation; we
examine the surface of the planet Mars and look at active Neutron Stars February 25th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqnnBW8CH1E&feature=related

Midget cover bands, Hillbilly interference, and Frank Chu all contribute on February 25th (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ua0rpp16PPY&feature=email

SubGenius propaganda leads the ADH onslaught on February 25th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVXXSfHV8xc&feature=related

The Skeleton in Armor closes the show with the saga of a Viking’s life and death on February
25th (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9hdIKnAgtE&feature=related

Pete Goldie puts out a Church Air-flavored Science Sizzler @ ADH, more, on February 18th – The
first part:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAxJj1PhMgE&feature=related

The Price of scrap steel and stock analysis from Chicken intros Dr. Hal’s Wm. Blake recitation on
February 18th in (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuEZoR8AaHw&feature=email

More of February 18th’s hard-hitting Hal Show hammers the point(s) home (Pt. 3) including the
dread KrOB Moment:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M43OesL3lsk&feature=related

Chicken gets a giant spider in the U.S. Mail and welcomes Pete Goldie in the first
of two parts from ADH on February 11th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nl4jZ7OZBFU&feature=channel_page

Frank Chu appears like a wandering ghost to haunt our rain-dogged Feb. 11th folly
(Pt. 2), more:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7D24ZWSxMMg&feature=channel_page

Just get an eyeload of the first part of February 4th’s febrile free-for-all (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7rC4Vv5N6w&feature=channel

Now permit yourself a peek at the next cheering chunk from Puzz-Ev TV (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2doUT-QvQI&feature=channel

Observe now the orisons of the terminal trefoil tingle of Feb. 4th’s farandole (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJHi3p97J18&feature=channel_page

Scrutinize spectacular samples from our circuitous circus on January 28th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IloOn7o1F0&feature=channel

Peruse the second part of January 28th’s nonpareil Nonesuch (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02c1-y1RV_M&feature=email

The third part & 2nd iteration of Jan. 28th’s performance sensation (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JI1vYal4Z_0&feature=related

View variegated visions from our proactive presentation in mid-January of this young year
January 14th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZGpuy-4Il0&feature=channel

The second part of PUZZ-EV’s commanding compilation of the best of ADH’s mid-month
marvel (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYkU7VLEQKE&feature=related

Here’s the skinny on the first show of 2009, in You Tube Edit form, January 7th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJbgPrD_Jfc&feature=related

The second helping of our succulent show smorgasbord (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYhqbSmn30M&feature=related

Look & wonder as you observe pivotal occurrences from our last show of the year (New Year’s
Eve) December 31st (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2uUR1GJgQI&feature=channel_page

The second half of PUZZ-EV’s hard-hitting slice of our New Year’s omnivorous omnibus (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EITPiw4XPw8&feature=channel_page

Gaze now at this exceptional edit, excerpted from our recent exhilarating December 24th
performance (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJO2i73RR-Y&feature=channel

Behold the second half of the exciting “extreme” excerpt of the show on December 24th
(Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJeYyZ7jG9k&feature=channel

Scope out outré out-takes from our December 17th serendipitous show:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRIJURy6mpg&feature=channel

Take in tantalizing tid-bits from our December 10th show. Try clicking on this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SO-KGmQgvI&feature=channel

Peer at picturesque portions picked from our December 3rd show. Click on this, or, if that
doesn’t work, just cut and paste it into your browser:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_QToZF1LrA

Audit choice fragments from our November 26th show on You Tube, courtesy of Puzzling
Evidence. SEE Chicken unfairly berate KrOB. HEAR Dr. Hal as he wanders farther afield
even than usual in his meandering “answers” to several questions. Just go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NVLPHyiExc

See selected clips from November 19th’s show. Warning to Parents:
Chicken really ladles out those !!?@#$%?!! cuss-words.
Go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixlk8linoEs

For those who would like to indulge themselves in one final wallow in the mire of partisan
politics from last year’s endless-seeming Presidential election, check out this
ultra-entertaining (Adult-themed) Puzzling Evidence video clip from the late ADH Pirate
Cat radio show featuring Dr. Hal, KrOB, Pete “Savant” Goldie and the additional appearance
of special guests Presidential Candidate John McTaint and vivacious wife Sindi McTaint.
Yowza! Go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrfFcbcmo9I&feature=email

See you at the DARK ROOM THEATER
               2263 Mission St. San Francisco, California
                                             [Near Mission & 19th Sts.]
                 This Wednesday Night!
                    Aug. 19th!

ASK Dr. HAL is BACK AGAIN!

August 2nd, 2009

Ask Dr. Hal! 3.0: Conversations with Dr. Hal!”
NOW APPEARING

AT  THE
DARK ROOM THEATER
2263 Mission St. San Francisco, California
[Near Mission & 19th Sts.]
EAST BAY ASK DR. HAL! FANS TAKE NOTE: 2 BLOCKS SOUTH
OF THE 16th ST. B.A.R.T. STATION ON MISSION…
WEDNESDAY, August 5th!  
THE FIRST WEDNESDAY IN AUGUST…
TEN P.M. SHARP!
==DOORS OPEN FOR THE SHOW AT 9:30 PM==
THE PRE-SHOW begins about Nine-Thirty. We will be starting as close to Ten PM as we can. Despite a long history of lagging audiences, we won’t hold the curtain as we have in the past–
WE CLOSE before Midnight, to give our East Bay friends the chance to catch the last train from the 16th St. BART Station, 2 blocks North of the DARK ROOM [departs about 12:20 AM]
 Admission $10.00 or what you can… no one turned away…
S L I- I- I- I- I D I N G     S C A L E !

The Dr. Hal Report

Vol. XI                                         No. 1  

Each Venture
Is a new beginning, a raid on the inarticulate
With shabby equipment always deteriorating
In the general mess of imprecision of feeling.

— T.S. Eliot

Four Quartets (1943), Burnt Norton
THIS WEEK’S SECRETLY FAMOUS ‘GUEST CHICKEN’
IN OUR ROTISSERIE OF HOSTS WILL BE…
Jim Fourniadis!
The Dark Room’s own Sinister Svengali–
Lead Singer & Guitar Player for Rats of Unusual Size!
Chicken John came back from his European Adventure– but now he’s gone again! Or, you
could just classify him as still gone– we mean real gone, Daddy-O, dig? Rumor has it that
he’s in Cape Cod, perhaps hanging out with the Kennedys. (Hey, it worked for Arnold Alois
Schwarzenegger
). Anyhoo, until we get going at his place once again (see NEWS, below),
our show will continue to be hosted by a rotating series of “Chickens,” or “Mock Chickens,”
if you will. And this week the coveted role of Chicken will be interpreted by the redoubtable Jim
Fourniadis, actor, performer, stage manager and impresario. He plays the banjo, too!

With…
UNIQUE ANIMATED CARTOON PRESENTATION!
LONESOME LENNY (1946)
Another in our series of
the best American cartoons!
Lovingly selected–by KrOB…
One of the most obnoxious cartoon characters ever devised– and that’s saying a lot–
was MGM’s Screwy Squirrel. Ever heard of him? It’s not too surprising if you haven’t– he
wasn’t very popular with the public. Starting in Screwball Squirrel (1944), the squirrelly
little fellow starred in a series of cartoons (Happy-Go-Nutty, 1944, Big Heel-Watha, ’44,
Screwy Truant, ’45, etc.) directed by the legendary Tex Avery, who has been called (by
some) the King of Cartoons. An unpleasant, aggressive personality, a devotion to
mindless, sadistic mayhem and– that voice! An unbelievably irritating, adenoidal buzz–
oh, it suited him well, but is hard to take, we kid you not. Well, this is the very cartoon in
which Avery killed the little bastard off. That’s right (is this a “spoiler?”) he dies in the end.
And the agent of his demise is none other than the titular Lenny, a well-meaning, slow-witted  canine who’s too strong for his own good. In fact, Lenny is a take-off on Lennie from John
Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men– the role played in the (Hal Roach) movie by Lon Chaney Jr.,
who’s perhaps better known as the Wolf Man, Universal Pictures’ durable werewolf from
numerous monster rallies. This is all backstory and not really necessary to enjoy Lonesome
Lenny, a creative and at times brilliant cascade of gags and pratfalls in the best tradition of
the classic American theatrical cartoon. Featuring the hyperkinetic musical stylings of Scott
Bradley. As always, our show will start the very moment the cartoon concludes. Come in
time not to miss it, folks, or you’ll probably otherwise never, ever see it…

Also with…
HORRIFYING KLASSIC KrOB MONSTER EDIT:
“Swift Vengeance of the Chelonians!”
From the depths of interstellar space they come– unearthly beings evolved under a remote
and alien sun. Down from the sky in star-spanning ships, masters of an unknown technology who
could release actinic energies far in advance of humanity’s primitive gunpowder and nuclear weapons,
these sapient creatures are completely non-terrestrial in provenance– of a different clay. Able to
deal severely, with terrifying ruthlessness, with any bumbling monkey-boy humanoids who unwisely
oppose them, the creatures from space are revealed as… turtles. Well, that’s a surprise. But, really,
should it be, when we note what evolutionary forces have brought about during the development of
life on our own planet? Actually, they’re the descendants of tortoise-like ancestors– it’s been aeons
since they resembled earthly terrapins. But you don’t want to mess with ’em. No way, no how.
These guys don’t just lie around under a plastic palm tree. Beware… beware! Yes, it’s another
caustic cautionary fable served up by krafty KrOB. Where does he get this footage? Sometimes it’s
better not to know. In dynamic, artistic stop-motion animation– the Divine Art. Scientific! Provoking!
Educational! View it all on our (somewhat) Giant Screen. It’s just one small fractal fragment of the
totality to be experienced at our unique and well-travelled night club show; once more we bring its
unusual brand of conviviality and information to an outré but receptive audience. Not for children
or those easily shocked.

CONSULTING DR. HOWLAND OWLL
“DR.” HAL: MOLDY MOUNTEBANK with DEBATABLE DOCTORATE or INSPIRING INNOVATOR
effortlessly ENTERTAINING with INORDINATE INTELLIGENCE? Questions answered, concerns
addressed– a personal Ministry. Come and see for yourself. Bardic Episodes remain an unavoidable
side effect. Private consultations available. No refunds.

Read the latest interview with Dr. Hal on Laughing Squid’s Blog:


   http://laughingsquid.com/a-conversation-with-hal-robins/

NEWS
[“Social Notes” will return in our next issue.]
ADH FORCED TO MOVE FROM S.P.A.C.E.
OUR LAST VENUE THE LATEST VICTIM IN “WAR ON FUN” IN NEWSOM‘S SAN FRANCISCO
San Francisco – Fanatical zealots
at the ABC (Alcoholic Beverage Commission) struck again last month to
close down S.P.A.C.E., the locus of the much-loved room where the Ask Dr. Hal! show had so many enjoyable
recent performances. Throwing their weight around in the manner of all such petty tyrants, plainclothes ABC
goons
seized equipment and dragged the sound man off to jail for merely inquiring, “Are you going to take my
gear?” the Dr. Hal Report has learned. Now S.P.A.C.E. and its beleaguered director Skot Kuiper face an
uncertain future, including a criminal record and disproportionately enormous fine from the bullying agency. The
crime? Attempting to host a fund-raiser and allowing alcohol sales on the premises.
Unwillingly exiled from S.P.A.C.E. and its J.R. “Bob” Dobbs Memorial Hall, the Ask Dr. Hal! show now moves
to San Francisco’s Dark Room Theater on colorful Mission Street near 19th. Meanwhile, S.P.A.C.E. joins the
many other sufferers of short-sighted, punitive and crypto-fascist bureaucratico-police overreaction, including
Bottom of the Hill, Cafe du Nord, DNA Lounge, Glas Kat, the Great American Music Hall, Slim’s and now
the Mission Hill Saloon, where Paul de Jong’s Kareoke Nights are the most recent victim. Read about it at
http://stopthewaronfun.org and visit the site to join, donate and learn whom to e-mail. Let your state and local
officials
know that you want to protect live entertainment and that you want effective citizen oversight for the
ABC.
This is no laughing matter if you think it at all important, as we do, to preserve and protect live music and
entertainment
in California during a time of economic downturn and potential societal degradation. While small
businesses are failing left and right and Californians everywhere could use a lift, the ABC has decided to step up
harassment of bars, clubs, dance halls and live venues of all types. Remember, these clubs aren’t accused of
serving alcohol to minors. Nor are they accused of attracting crime or violence. They’ve simply been attempting to
present entertainment to all-ages audiences.
To donate to Skot Kuiper of S.P.A.C.E., who is confronting ruinously expensive legal proceedings, send your
contributions to 354 5th St., San Francisco 94107.

STUDIO SPACE AVAILABLE AT S.P.A.C.E.
The home
of S.F.’s FCC Free Radio studio, S.P.A.C.E. has other studios currently available at reasonable
(bargain) rates. The building is conveniently located to BART and public transportation and offers a multitude of
advantages. Contact Skot if interested (and renting these two studios would help his financial challenges) at
                                                     skot@videoamp.org
The studios available are $395 and $495 monthly. “They are work-only creative spaces,” Skot tells us, “and open
to many interpretations of how that’s utilized.”

FALSE ASK DR. HAL! SHOW AT CHEZ POULET COMPETES, NIGHT OF AUGUST 5TH
CHICKEN’S TENANTS DEFY HIS WISHES, RUN GAME SHOW IN HIS ABSENCE
The same night
the newest version of Ask Dr. Hal! debuts before the public, a rival question-and-answer show
will make its bows, at, ironically, our own Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret. As announced recently on Facebook, Mr.
Rick Abruzzo will present What’s Your Answer? in the former home of ADH. The irony lies in the fact that when
Chicken left he said he didn’t want us to do the show at its home venue while he was away because he didn’t
want
an audience of “strangers” entering his house while he was away from home, soiling his linen and
pilfering his power tools. That’s why Ask Dr. Hal! has been, ever since then, a homeless orphan, wandering from
one ill-starred venue to another. Although we‘re pleased as punch to have landed this month at the very congenial
Dark Room Theater, it’s naturally vexing to be barred from our true home turf while an inauthentic rival presumes
to steal our basic concept and our audience. “Now that the Ask Dr. Hal! show has moved to the SOMA,Abruzzo
has proclaimed, “there is a big, gaping hole in the entertainment division here at Chez Poulet. A hole I intend to
fill.” Meanwhile, we‘re banking on at least a few of our most constant attendees to join us at the Dark Room, although
less loyal thrill-seekers may well troop to 3359 Army (Cesar Chavez) St. to see how others, including popular favorites
Mike Spiegelman (from Spiegelmania) and Sean Kelly interpret our own patented question-answering specialty. Ah,
if it were only possible to attend both shows! Friends, we’re here to tell you: that possibility exists! Theirs runs from 8-11
PM; ours starts
at 10 PM and runs to 11:30! Ergo, for the adventurous theatre-goer, show-hopping could be a reality.
See an hour and a half of their show, then scoot a few blocks up Mission to see the hour and a half of our show.
It can be done! 
Why, we’d go ourselves– if we weren’t occupied…

ADH TO RETURN TO CHEZ POULET GALLERY-CABARET FRIDAYS IN SEPTEMBER ’09
In a recent
communication, Grand Ringmonster “Chicken” John Rinaldi has proposed that the Ask Dr. Hal! show
start again at Chez Poulet on Fridays, beginning September 11th, and continue to do Fridays until such time as he
decides to do something else. The returning show would start at 9:00, with 1/2 hour of “pre-show whatever” and the
main body of the show for the remaining hour, under this plan. Tyler, our once and future Technical Director, is to be
tapped to be the “sound guy” and to record and edit video. Those who prefer the show take place only at this venue
should be pleased– if, that is, mercurial Chicken refrains from changing his plans at the last minute once again…
VISIT “PUZZLING EVIDENCE TV on YOU TUBE for MANY, MANY VISITS to the ASK Dr. HAL! SHOW and Dr. Hal’s Pals n’ Gals!

ASK Dr. HAL 2.0 No. 7– Last Show for 3 weeks!

June 22nd, 2009

IT’S OUR LAST SHOW (UNTIL LATE JULY)!

“…a fully entertaining 2.5 hour evening of endless variety.”
–Dawn Stott
“Ask Dr. Hal! 2.0:
Conversations with Dr. Hal!”
=== N U M B E R    S E V E N ===
NOW APPEARING AT
The J.R. “Bob” Dobbs Memorial Hall
in
S.P.A.C.E.
(Space Preservation Agency for Creative Enterprise)
354 5th St. (5th St. at Folsom)      

EAST BAY ASK DR. HAL! FANS TAKE NOTE: 3 BLOCKS SOUTH
OF THE POWELL ST. B.A.R.T. STATION; 2 BLOCKS SOUTH OF
MISSION ON 5TH. NEAR MISSION, BUT NOT IN THE MISSION…
WEDNESDAY, June 24th! THE LAST WEDNESDAY IN JUNE…
N I N E – T H I R T Y P.M.     

THE PRE-SHOW begins around Nine.

We start as close to that time as we can,

but so many of our audience tend to show up

after the hour that we usually
aren’t able to start until after 9:30 PM.
WE CLOSE before Midnight, to give our East Bay friends the chance to make
it in time to catch the last train to the Powell St. BART Station, 3 blocks North
of the J. R. “Bob” Dobbs Memorial Hall.
Admission $10.00

or what you can… no one turned away…

AND TUNE IN!

OUR SHOW IS NOW, AT LAST BROADCAST LIVE
on FCC FREE RADIO, 107.3 FM
— San Francisco’s Alternative Radio Station!

Listen this Wednesday!

                  The Dr. Hal Report    
Vol.                                                  No. 7

Across the sky
And down from heaven.

That’s the way
To make a seven.  

–Mrs. Flanagan’s Kindergarten

THIS WEEK:
MICHAEL PEPPE WILL WIELD CHICKEN’S HEFTY GAVEL LIKE THOR’S HAMMER –
CLAIRE MACK & JESSY ROADKILL, SMOKING HOT STARS & GARTERS SIRENS
TO SET ADH 2.0 STAGE ABLAZE WITH RAMBUNCTIOUS ROCK-OUT – LETTERS
UNFETTERED – NAY-SAYERS UNHORSED – DR. HAL REPORT ENDORSED – DR.
HAL IS YOUR PAL – RADIO DAZE – CHICKEN’S HOME, BUT APPARENTLY IN
HIDING – KrOB ON THE JOB – CAN YOU MASTER THE CHUMASTER? FRANK
CHU WON’T SUE – PETE GOLDIE– HIS CASE FOR SPACE – EARTH PLANS TO
VIOLATE MOON UNSPEAKABLY – NO DRINKS FOR SALE (OFFICIALLY- WINK-
WINK) – SOCIAL NOTES: LULLED BY DR. HAL’S LULLABY; SNOOZEWORTHY
SNOREFEST –  PARADE O’ PULCHRITUDE – BRING YOUR MOM TO ASK DR. HAL
2.0 DAY – BRING YOUR INFANT DAUGHTER TO ASK DR. HAL 2.0 DAY –  ROBERT
LEVY HOLDS THE REINS – STILL  COUNTER-PROGRAMMING  THE JEJUNEIST CULT:
LISTEN ALONG TO COMMANDER 14 OF NONCHALANCE’S BROADCAST 24-7
IN UPPER DOLORES PARK WHILE IT LASTS – YOKED EVEN MORE WITH YOU TUBE;
PUZZO’S NUDEST CLIPS WILL MAKE YOU SEE STARS (& GARTERS); NEW VIEWS OF
OLD & (MORE) RECENT SHOWS…

THIS WEEK’S FINAL FAMOUS ‘GUEST CHICKEN’
IN OUR ROTATING SERIES OF HOSTS WILL BE…
Michael Peppe!
[BUBBA FREE IM-HO-PEP]
Yes!  Performance Art Legend takes Ringmonster Chicken John’s seat!
‘Back in the 80’s, Michael Peppe began a unique kind of experimental performance art based on
the ideas that “all human behavior is musically composable” and that “our definition of music is
merely a cultural definition.”
‘He calls it “Behaviormusik,” and it consists of words in foreign languages, poetry, prayers,
impressions, comedy, dialects, movie cliches, facial expressions, gestures, dance, chants, jazz,  rock, pop, hymns, TV themes, “facemusik” (mouth noises, like whistling and nonsense babbling),
and whatever else he throws into the mix.
‘Behaviormusik has no overall meaning or theme, but is “tied together in a stream-of-consciousness”
and “constructed in a way so that it reaches certain musical, theatrical, choreographic, and poetic
climaxes.”
‘Unlike film, a poetry reading, or opera, Peppe doesn’t attempt to force an emotional response or point
of view onto his audience.  Each individual’s reaction should be a purely subjective experience. He
was obviously influenced by the Absurdist art movement.  “No matter how abstract you make
something, no matter how random you make it appear, people will always get meaning out of it.”
‘If you’ve ever seen Waiting for Godot, you have a good idea of what Absurdist art is about.  Absurdists
will do just about anything and call it “art,” and if you don’t understand it, that’s because it’s
purposefully meant to be meaningless, which makes it absurd… and that’s the point.’
–Michelle, My Underground Secret Society: 

Summary of an Interview from Peter Belsito’s
Notes From the Pop Underground (1985)
With…
the MUSICAL SENSATION…
Claire MACK & Jessy ROADKILL !
Sensational SIRENS of STARS & GARTERS
BEAUTEOUS BALLADEERS; ROADKILL & MACK TAKE NO PRISONERS!

And with…
UNIQUE ANIMATED CARTOON PRESENTATION!
PREHISTORIC PORKY (1940)
Another in our series of
the best American cartoons!
In “One Billion, Trillion B.C.,” cave-dweller Porky Pig starts his day by playing
catch with his pet dinosaur, Rover. Then, he reads the latest issue of “Expire”
(The Magazine for Cave Men), which informs him that his animal-skin clothing
is out of date. There is nothing else for Porky to do but go hunting for a new
Spring wardrobe, an expedition which leads to a dangerous encounter with
an inordinately surly black panther. We at Ask Dr. Hal 2.0: Conversations With
Dr. Hal
would rather watch a cartoon directed by animation genius Bob Clampett
than one made by anybody else. See why in this elegant, light-hearted and, above
all, hilarious black-and-white masterpiece. The show starts immediately afterward.

“Clampett keeps the action moving so that nearly every
scene is a hoot. I recommend it.”
–Lee Eisenberg
Also with…
HORRIFYING KLASSIC KrOB MONSTER EDIT:
THE DINOSAUR IN THE CATHEDRAL!
MESOZOIC DEITY PROFANES & DESTROYS CHRISTIAN SANCTUARY!
A PARABLE IN PREHISTORIC PREDESTINATION –

NOT FOR THE WEAK-HEARTED

KrOB now turns our attention to a battle between gods old and new, as an amazing
robin’s-egg blue theropod, called Gwangi by a clandestine society of Mexican
Gypsies, his acolytes, strides into an enormous, elaborate cathedral at the
climax of this, KrOB’s latest “edit.” After invisible actinic god-rays fly back and
forth, the saurischian carnosaur is distracted, fatally, by a warning growl from
the church’s mighty organ, and painfully receives a wound from a flagpole-spear
penetrating his right tympanum. The supernormal contretemps is resolved,
Ragnarok-style, with flowers of consuming, purifying fire. More stop-motion
animation from Ray Harryhausen, whom we love, admire and revere.
Aside from all this, remember that tonight’s caustic parable of reptilian yearning
and revenge– part of our bill at the “Ask Dr. Hal 2.0: Conversations With Dr. Hal”  show this upcoming Wednesday night, June 24th at S.P.A.C.E., San Francisco’s
BOLD NEW Variety Arts Showcase at 354 5th St. (5th St. at Folsom), is all courtesy
of the master movie archivist, KrOB and just one small fractal fragment of the totality
to be experienced at our unique and well-travelled night club show; once more we
bring its unusual brand of conviviality and information to an outré but receptive audience.

LETTERS DEPT.
Still more letters objecting generally to our stripped-down Special “Austerity” Edition
of The Dr. Hal Report (and specifically to the letter from Mr. $_____ R____ of this City)
are coming in. To date, all support the longer, standard version of this Bulletin that
Mr. R____ whined about (see The Dr. Hal Report, Vol. X, Nos. 5 & 6) apparently actually
preferring this mammoth e-document with its discursive animadversions and digressions
to a shorter version more compatible with short attention spans and Twitter.
Mr. Jim Khennedy of S. F. writes,
“You know, I am one who is frequently humiliated because I don’t examine documents
(especially instructions) closely enough – and even I find it impossible to miss the glaring
time and date information at your top end… I think you’re taking the annoying buzzing of
the flea-brained “Mr. $_____ R____” and his kith & kin a bit too much to heart.  The world
is crowded with idiots and assouls – it does no one who matters any good to kow-tow to the
limitations of the lowest common denominator.”
Then there was this from Carla Nucci of Berkeley, Ca.:
“Please, Dr. Hal, PLEASE don’t shorten a single word of your darling newsletter! I never had
trouble finding the info. That mean old $_____ R_____ must have been having a bad hair day!
If I do any ‘digging’ [Ed. note: Mr. R____ complained about having to “dig through” the Report
to retrieve the essential information: who, what, where, cost and so on] it’s ’cause I’m looking for
something that made me laugh the first time I read it!”
After serious consideration, we have decided to retain our old format for these, the faithful few. But
remember, all the essential information is at the top. Below the place where it says, “The Dr. Hal Report,” everything else is description. The needed information is, and always is,
at the top, the first part of the message. The rest is for people who want to know more. At the
bottom we still provide the You Tube links with which you can view past episodes.

CONSULTING DR. HOWLAND OWLL
“DR.” HAL: MOLDY MOUNTEBANK with DEBATABLE DOCTORATE or INSPIRING INNOVATOR effortlessly ENTERTAINING with INORDINATE INTELLIGENCE? Questions answered, concerns
addressed– a personal Ministry. Come and see for yourself. Bardic Episodes remain an unavoidable
side effect. Private consultations available. No refunds.
Read the latest interview with Dr. Hal on Laughing Squid’s Blog:
http://laughingsquid.com/a-conversation-with-hal-robins/

“ASK DR. HAL 2.0 — CONVERSATIONS WITH DR. HAL!”
–BROADCAST LIVE ON FCC FREE RADIO!” FINALLY!

On S.F.’s newest Pirate radio station,
FCC Free Radio, each episode of the show is now also a live radio broadcast heard around the
world.

Tune us in at 107.3 FM, San Francisco’s Alternative Radio Station, starting at or around
9:30 PM.

KrOB ON THE JOB!
What can one say… his vision is unique… he accepts no compromises… without him, we’re
nothing… KrOB surfs the waves of principal co-expressibility with a master’s touch, teasing the
ear and eye with an ever-new, evolving synthesis of elements drawn from the whirlpool of
popular culture. And, he’s got one hell of a sense of humor. Sometimes he wears a funny hat.

ME, YOU & FRANK CHU!
Say, have you ever wanted to put up your own personal “message” on Frank Chu’s famous
Sign? Thanks to the latest sensation on-line– the Acme Chumaker, the timely invention of web-
wizard Jef Poskanzer, you can add your own message right up there with the traditional indictment
of the hostile 12 Galaxies!

Leah Garchik of The San Francisco Chronicle highlighted this time-has-
come feature in her column on the 14th of May. Just go to

acme.com/chumaker

& see for yourself…
Meanwhile, we’ve got the real McCoy! In fact, he never left! Whatever happens, as sure as the Lord
made little green apples, the Emperor Norton of our own time, who regularly appears at our show
to deliver his Message, will be there! Most of the time, anyway. And the tangled tale of Frank Chu,
told in these pages (See The Dr. Hal Report, Vol. IX, Nos. 14, 15 & 16), may come to include some
additional chapters. Like the original Norton, Frank is shown certain deference by the discriminating,
given free meals and so on. We will always welcome Frank Chu at Ask Dr. Hal! See him right now,
if you want to, in the Puzzling Evidence video clip of our February 25th show (Part 2) by cutting and pasting the link you’ll find down there in the Monstrous Column of URLs at the bottom of The Dr. Hal Report into your browser…

PETE GOLDIE SETS THE PACE– THROUGH SPACE!
Astronomer and Boffo Boffin Pete Goldie each week brings us new discoveries in Space Science
and the cosmos. Perhaps this time he’ll explain the intricacies of NASA’s first Moon shot in a decade,
launched Thursday from Cape Canaveral, Florida, which sent up a pair of unmanned Science probes
that will help determine where astronauts could land and set up the planned Moon Base favored by George
W. Bush
and current U.S. President B. H. Obama. The mission is a first step in NASA’s effort to return
humans to the moon by 2020.
The liftoff occurred just one month and two days shy of the 40th anniversary of the first Lunar footprints,
made by the heroes of the 1969 Lunar landing disputed only by contentious, Benzedrine-popping
rednecks and assorted under-educated cranks– and, of course, also by global-warming denier Chicken John.
Scientists cheered as the Atlas V rocket carrying the two spacecraft blasted off in late afternoon, ascending
through heavy circling clouds and providing an exhilarating start to the $583 million mission.  The two spacecraft should reach the Moon in four to five days­- or by early next week. One will enter into an
orbit around the Moon for a mapping mission. The other will swing past the Moon and go into an elongated
orbit around Earth that will put it on course to crash into a crater at the Moon’s south pole in October.
NASA expects the dramatic moon-impacting part of the mission to be, as it claimed in a recent release with
characteristically ponderous humor, “a smashing success.” (Get it?) It’s a quest to determine whether frozen
water is buried in one of the permanently shadowed craters. Water would be a tremendous resource for thirsty
astronauts. If there’s enough, it could possibly provide an ingredient in fuel for space trips which wouldn’t have
to be dragged up through Earth’s costly gravity well. It’s an unusual two-for-one Moon shot.
The Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter will provide a high-precision, three-dimensional map of the Lunar
surface. It will circle the Lunar poles and, via its seven science instruments, provide a new Atlas of the Moon
as well as a guidebook for future explorers.
The second probe, called the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite, will be aiming for a spectacular
smashup that should be visible from the United States.
As the hurtling probe bashes into the delicate inner structures of the crater, unmolested for uncounted millions
of years, a huge cloud of ejected Lunar material, including the water ice, now wasted for all eternity, will boil
up miles high in the Moon’s one-sixth Earth gravity. The impact at the bottom of the shadowed crater from this act
of cosmic vandalism from  the satellite’s spent upper-stage Centaur rocket, more than 5,000 pounds (2,270
kilograms) of dead weight careening in at 5,600 mph (9,000 kph), will make a blast wave not unlike that of a
moderate-yield nuclear bomb of between six to seven megatons. And unassuming Pete is party to these and
other secrets, which he’ll relay to you. That’s right– privileged information.
And he does it all with sardonic humor, dry wit and rhetorical flair. Some people’s favorite part of the
show. He ends by showing the latest picture– of his daughter, Daria.

NO BAR FOR NOW– BUT YOU CAN DRINK! (JUST BRING YOUR OWN)
We expect eventually, in our future shows, to provide a full bar. We are by no means “teetotalers”
at Ask Dr. Hal! — far from it. Yet those who have been attentive to recent headlines can understand
that there is now ongoing a wide-ranging crusade from Mayor Newsom and his apparatchiks to close
down all night spots and evening venues of “unapproved” entertainment whose sponsors have been
unequal to surmounting a labyrinthine “permit process–” and in forking over the more than hefty “fees”
the militant social-engineering “goo-goos” have imposed. To be brief, you can’t scratch your nose in
this burg without a license, for which you’d better be prepared to pay plenty. So, without any disrespect
to old John Barleycorn, for the time being, at least, just to keep from causing any troubles for our new
hosts, there won’t be any booze for sale, OK? It’s OK to drink, please understand (provided you can
hold your liquor) but BRING YOUR OWN. We encourage you to. Of course, good questions will still
be rewarded in the traditional Ask Dr. Hal! manner– with that old standby, Fernet Branca, –the famed
“Miracle Liquor.” That’s how Paul Pot and David “Cappy” Capurro have traditionally done it– and that’s the one way you can still get a drink at Ask Dr. Hal! Of course, if by some chance we were selling
drinks, we couldn’t tell you here. could we? Alcoholics, try reading between the lines with your bloodshot, sunken eyes…

SOCIAL NOTES

The J.R. “Bob” Dobbs Memorial Hall at S.P.A.C.E. held an attentive crowd last Wed. when the sixth ADH
2.0
was in full swing… Front & center was torrid Tracy Feldstein who got so comfortable on her padded seat–
the Hall has couches in addition to regular seating– that she slipped into slumber before we concluded… That’s
us– a good place to relax… There’s nothing like the soothing voice of drowsy-making Dr. Hal trying to recite a
long poem by worthy William Blake while you get comfortable, the surrounding darkness like a thick blanket, the
murmuring sound of the recitation like the gentle rustling of leaves in a quiet, sleeping forest… beside a barely
audible stream… whuwassah! Pardon us, dozed off there for a minute… Persistent Paul Pot‘s usual armload of
questions
won him Fernet & even the coveted KrOB Moment, though no Church Air was there to spare… At least
we had Fernet… We think he has the goods on whoever volunteered to fill out the mystery gorilla-suit during the
Sponsor’s Moment– allegedly (sez prurient Pete Goldie) a lingerie-clad, slinky supermodel– as well, but he’s
been keeping mum… Also in the house, the heavenly Holy Hemptress made a showing, rubbing elbows with the
lissome likes of sizzling Sasha Vucovic, dynamic Dianne Lewes & tempestuous Tawnee “Airhead” Allynne…
We noted masterful Mutt, coy Cappy’s kompanion-in-arms kingly Ken K, future host mighty Michael J. Peppe &
another Michael, mindful Michael Lyons… Radiant Robin Coomer of Loop! Station fame & renown brought her
mom, komely Kathy Coomer —or vice versa– both were there, anyway, & sultry Simone & devoted David
Calkins
brought their (well-behaved) offspring, elegant Emma Danger, age 5.5 months, the youngest chile ever
to attend our show according to proud papa Pete Goldie, who keeps track of such things… Then there was devilish
Daniel Roos, kordial Kim Vick, garrulous Gary B. Freshour & the Saturn St. Gang… At the front of the Hall
sits Prussian-backed Puzzling Evidence, recording our show for Posterity (via You Tube), a persistent presence
at these affairs… Host rockin’ Robert Levy knew how to focus on the locus & get some traction on the action,
one of our best Mock Chickens to date… Now proactive Peppe has a high standard to surpass… He’s been taking
notes… Then we’ve got to take a 3-wk. break after this week’s episode… seems a shame while things are rolling
along, but they need us at X-Day in far-off New Yawk State… But pay attention to This Space & keep peering
peepers peeled for our next announcement, when we let you in on when, maybe even on where, ADH, whether
2.0, 3.0 or Original Classic, will next be available in the Large Economy Size… We’re betting July 22nd, faithful
few… WORTHY OF NOTE: FAINEANT FOLLIES: The Era of Nonchalance is at hand! If you know what that
means (or would like to), have we got a project for you! Go to Dolores Park at any time. Bring a radio. Once
you’re there,
tune it to
107.9 FM. Yes, when you’re in upper Dolores Park, you can listen to a continuous forty-
five-minute specially engineered
dynamic Dr. Hal broadcast (there called Commander 14), running 24-7 on
FM radio,
107.9 FM in (((stereo))). And it doesn’t stop there… Don’t forget to tune us in if’n you can’t make it to
ADH– thanx to the tireless efforts of jocund John Hell and esp. journeyman John Miller — on fledgling Pirate
station FCC Free Radio; set the dial for 107.3 FM & hold on for the ride, Clyde… This Wed. @ 9:30 PM…
THOSE AMUSING PUZZLING EVIDENCE VIDEO CLIPS!

Did you know you can watch some of the show right this minute? Well, thanx to Puzzling
Evidence,
you can! Go ahead– scope out a few of the hi-lites from previous episodes of Ask Dr. Hal!
–on You Tube! It’s easy! It’s fun! It’s time-consuming! And it’s technologically au courant, and absolutely
the next best thing to being there in person! You need to visit his wonderful site, with rare video of the
Lost Galleon La Contessa and many wonders unrelated to our show, as well as our stuff from the links
below. How? How, you say? You do? Why are you talking to your computer? Go ahead– just ccut and paste any of these handy URLs right into your browser, Towser. Remember, if it won’t play, try watching in High Quality…

Kelek Stevenson opens for us– she even has a beautiful voice, as it turns out. And, with Dave
Evans’s help, she plucks your heartstrings– along with those of America’s only native instrument–
on June 10th (Pt. 1):

More of Kelek is always a good idea, as you can see and hear from June 10th (Pt. 2):

Pete Goldie takes us up, above and beyond, during his Space Report on June 10th (Pt. 3):

Pete and ADH 2.0 host John Hell continue the bumptious badinage June 10th (Pt. 4):

Dr. Hal speaks (floridly) of Devils and Damsels, assisted by Edward Fitzgerald and Omar
Khayyam, John Hell, KrOB and the gas-house gang. Who invented the spoon? Can you
stop a bullet with your mind? And so trended ADH 2.0 on June 10th (Pt. 5):

Now it’s time for the KrOB Moment which concerns itself with the Coming of the Robots, on
June 10th (Pt. 6):

“A rat crept softly through the vegetation…” And so closes ADH 2.0: CWDH on June 10th (Pt. 7):

Jarico Reesce brings on Pete Goldie to begin the show on June 3rd, but Frank Chu has other
ideas– very familiar ideas indeed, as it turns out (Pt. 1):

Jarico introduces a dummy as well as Dr. Hal, who tells of the far-future continent Zothique on
June 3rd (Pt. 2):

“What are you, Hal?” is answered, and why coming back from the dead is not fun on June 3rd
(Pt. 3):

But Jarico bungles poor, patient Barbara Fried’s question on dating in San Francisco, prompting
an answer which fails to satisfy– c’est la guerre as always on May 13th (Pt. 4):

Guest host Jascha Ephraim strokes Pete Goldie for a job and a grout report when we begin
our second show in May– May 13th, that is (Pt. 1):

Then Dr. Hal recites Frost’s Acquainted With the Night as we get going in earnest on May 13th,
as you can see by clicking on this (Pt. 2):

What colors may dinosaurs have been are suggested by Dr. Hal, as questions fly thick and fast
May 13th (Pt. 3):

Dr. Philo Drummond drags the show to a crawl (intentionally?) as he becomes “Chicken” on
May 6th– then, the Rules change drastically (Pt. 1):


Now Philo brings in Eric Cash as a faux Pete Goldie. What next on May 6th? (Pt. 2):

Philo shows his true colors in bravo style as he catches the rhythm on May 6th (Pt. 3):

But then a contentious young lady makes a serious effort to kill the show, while Philo
sits idly by. Michael Peppe never saw the advertised 3-D, but gets to drink Fernet– on
us– all on May 6th (Pt. 4):

After the distaff disruptor finally ceases tormenting Dr. Hal, he explains The Mystery of
the Fez. Still May 6th (Pt. 5):

The show concludes with Coleridge’s Frost at Midnight, at 12 AM on May 6th (Pt. 6):

Robin Coomer is our first “Chicken” as our first show begins outside the sealed fortress of
Chez Poulet, the night of April 29th (Pt. 1). What is Time, to a Photon?:

In the near-darkness of the Bluesix Acoustic Room, Dr. Hal recites for the first time away from
Chez Poulet on our April 29th show (Pt. 2):


Dr. Hal answers the question: What is the Frequency? Robin presiding on April 29th (Pt. 3):

The closing recitation on April 29th is The Highwayman by Alfred Noyes (Pt. 4):

Pete Goldie dilates on the latest from Mars, starting us up on April 22nd. And then the Hillbillies’
clandestine Meth Lab explodes, heralding their exodus (Pt. 1):

Dinosaurs with two brains? Get the real scoop from the show on April 22nd, commencing with
a recitation from Drayton by Dr. Hal. Our last show at Chez Poulet (Pt. 2):

Wonder Woman’s BDSM activities are briefly discussed on April 22nd (Pt. 3):

Sean Kelly interprets Dr. Hal’s words with physical movement that night of April 22nd (Pt. 4):

Zero Boy takes us all to Coney Island in a tour-de-force performance beginning our April 8th show
(Pt. 1):

We’re still at Coney Island with Zero Boy and wouldn’t it be great to stay there? April 8th (Pt. 2):


An astounding ride through space to rendezvous with an icy comet, courtesy of Pete Goldie
keeps us rolling on April 8th (Pt. 3):

It’s Mayor Gavin Newsom! No, really! Everyone guest stars on April 8th Frank Chu included (Pt. 4):

The Abstruse Realm of Mathematicks is challenged in verse ex tempore (Pt. 5):

Robin Coomer scores a date with the (unfairly lucky) Magic 8-Ball on April 8th’s crowded evening.
Zero Boy brings home the audio bacon (Pt. 6):

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock closes our April 8th show (Pt. 7):

St. Stupid’s Day night and this was Ask Dr. Hal! (April 1st) The first part, with more soon to follow
(keep checking here!) from Puzz-Ev:

Pete Goldie describes the toilet on the International Space Station and its problems in our April 1st
show (Pt. 2):


Sex advice of a most esoteric character is solicited– and received, the night of April 1st (Pt. 3):

Eric McFadden sings The “Edgar Allen Poe-lka” and “Carnival Town!” A treat from our April 1st
extravaganza (Pt. 4):

NOT FROM ASK DR. HAL! –But you will certainly want to see the PUZZ-EV VIDEO RECORD of the
recent STARS & GARTERS Show at Amnesia March 29th, which did feature the talents of KrOB & Dr.
Hal! First, SEE Big Ben Burke sing with shapely Jessy Roadkill, host Leon Redbone, Unicorn and the
Bartender who hammered a sharpened butter knife up his nose… (Pt. 1):

The William Tell Routine is featured, at the end of which, gorgeous Jessy Face is stripped before all
via stage magic, leaving her adorned only in her blushes– and a few insignificant decorations. You
may want to watch this one more than once, Gentlemen– we find it endlessly refreshing. Burke’s Ode
to a Brass Bikini, Feats of Strength, Lovely Linda Robertson, Roadkill & Mack are also back for more
sexy clowning… what’s not to like? (Pt. 1.1):

Then, Ravishing Roadkill & Curvaceous Claire Mack practice more All-Woman Feats of Stength! And
then they rock out! Oh… my… God… YEAH! Too bad if you missed that STARS & GARTERS Show
(Pt. 2):


Dr. Hal plays the Cabin Boy on the Hindenburg as KrOB provides the Sound while the STARS &
GARTERS beauties, Jessy, Jessy & Claire present their puppet-&-people Play (Pt. 3):

It just gets better at the STARS & GARTERS Show when Lewd Lingerie-clad Lesbian Antics at the
Beauty Parlor take over the stage. PUZZ-EV also throws in a Special Effects shot, where, thru the
Magick of Backwards Filming, Jessy Face’s clothes actually go back on… What’ll they think of
next? (Pt. 4):

All right, resume normal breathing and watch these Ask Dr. Hal! Show clips…

Pete Goldie documents a recent Asteroid Strike as March 25th’s show gets into gear (Pt. 1):

More from Blake’s Milton starts off the Dr. Hal portion March 25th (Pt. 2):

Then Dr. Hal smokes dope on stage, as urged, and the March 25th show worries Chicken
as it  becomes “psychedelic” (Pt. 3):

Chicken demands that Dr. Hal answer 3 questions at once– in ex tempore verse! What
happened? It was March 25th (Pt. 4):

Pete Goldie blazes like a supernova as he opens on March 18th (Pt. 1):

Frank Chu & Laser-equipped Unicorns occupy Dr. Hal after his entrance as the questions
start on March 18th (Pt. 2):

Chicken is busted for Twittering during the show & we land on the Moon once more on March
18th (Pt. 3):

Underdog (cartoon character) occupies us, along with bickering hillbillies on March 18th (Pt. 4):

Pete Goldie blazes a trail as the show begins, detailing the Kepler Mission on March 11th (Pt. 1):

More of Blake’s Milton and a visit from Frank Chu swings the Show into magnum motion
March 11th (Pt. 2):

Now, dream about hornet stings, how to get laid, SubGenius pedigrees, Spy’s KroB moment,
personal food waste size, Frank Chu’s terms and whether or not the 8-Ball knows anything, from  March 11th (Pt. 3):

For the last of the courtly poets, some Shelley, a one-armed Viking problem and yet more poetry
finish our excerpt from March 11th (Pt. 4):

Pete Goldie Peers at Comet 134340; Chicken’s recommendations on Baby & Child Care
start things March 4th (Pt. 1):

Satan’s panties & Superman’s orgasm are highlighted after more of Blake’s Milton March 4th (Pt. 2):

Making the best of a bad assignment, Dr. Hal improvises poetically on Politics & Economics
March 4th (Pt. 3):

Micturation apprehended is seen as a question, as is the Nature of the Conspiracy March 4th (Pt. 4):

The show launches with Chicken’s Monologue and Pete Goldie’s paideutic presentation; we examine the surface of the planet Mars and look at active Neutron Stars February 25th (Pt. 1):

Midget cover bands, Hillbilly interference, and Frank Chu all contribute on February 25th (Pt. 2):

SubGenius propaganda leads the ADH onslaught on February 25th (Pt. 3):

The Skeleton in Armor closes the show with the saga of a Viking’s life and death on February
25th (Pt. 4):

Pete Goldie puts out a Church Air-flavored Science Sizzler @ ADH, more, on February 18th – The
first part:

The Price of scrap steel and stock analysis from Chicken intros Dr. Hal’s Wm. Blake recitation on
February 18th in (Pt. 2):

More of February 18th’s hard-hitting Hal Show hammers the point(s) home (Pt. 3) including the
dread KrOB Moment:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M43OesL3lsk&feature=related

Chicken gets a giant spider in the U.S. Mail and welcomes Pete Goldie in the first
of two parts from ADH on February 11th (Pt. 1):

Frank Chu appears like a wandering ghost to haunt our rain-dogged Feb. 11th folly
(Pt. 2), more:

Just get an eyeload of the first part of February 4th’s febrile free-for-all (Pt. 1):

Now permit yourself a peek at the next cheering chunk from Puzz-Ev TV (Pt. 2):

Observe now the orisons of the terminal trefoil tingle of Feb. 4th’s farandole (Pt. 3):

Scrutinize spectacular samples from our circuitous circus on January 28th (Pt. 1):

Peruse the second part of January 28th’s nonpareil Nonesuch (Pt. 2):

The third part & 2nd iteration of Jan. 28th’s performance sensation (Pt. 3):

View variegated visions from our proactive presentation in mid-January of this young yearJanuary 14th (Pt. 1):

The second part of PUZZ-EV’s commanding compilation of the best of ADH’s mid-month
marvel (Pt. 2):

Here’s the skinny on the first show of 2009, in You Tube Edit form, January 7th (Pt. 1):

The second helping of our succulent show smorgasbord (Pt. 2):

Look & wonder as you observe pivotal occurrences from our last show of the year (New Year’s
Eve) December 31st (Pt. 1):

The second half of PUZZ-EV’s hard-hitting slice of our New Year’s omnivorous omnibus (Pt. 2):

Gaze now at this exceptional edit, excerpted from our recent exhilarating December 24th
performance (Pt. 1):


Behold the second half of the exciting “extreme” excerpt of the show on December 24th
(Pt. 2):

Scope out outré out-takes from our December 17th serendipitous show:

Take in tantalizing tid-bits from our December 10th show. Try clicking on this:

Peer at picturesque portions picked from our December 3rd show. Click on this, or, if that
doesn’t work, just cut and paste it into your browser:

Audit choice fragments from our November 26th show on You Tube, courtesy of Puzzling
Evidence. SEE Chicken unfairly berate KrOB. HEAR Dr. Hal as he wanders farther afield
even than usual in his meandering “answers” to several questions. Just go to:

See selected clips from November 19th’s show. Warning to Parents:
Chicken really ladles out those !!?@#$%?!! cuss-words.
Go to:

For those who would like to indulge themselves in one final wallow in the mire of partisan
politics from last year’s endless-seeming Presidential election, check out this
ultra-entertaining (Adult-themed) Puzzling Evidence video clip from the late ADH Pirate
Cat radio show featuring Dr. Hal, KrOB, Pete “Savant” Goldie and the additional appearance
of special guests Presidential Candidate John McTaint and vivacious wife Sindi McTaint.
Yowza! Go to:

See you at the J.R. “Bob” Dobbs Memorial Hall– Wednesday Night!
354 5th St. (5th St. at Folsom)

ASK Dr. HAL 2.0: Conversations With Dr. Hal NUMBER SIX!

June 15th, 2009

“Ask Dr. Hal! 2.0: Conversations with Dr. Hal!”

The Current Version of our Long-Running Show

NOW APPEARING at

The J.R. “Bob” Dobbs Memorial Hall
in
S.P.A.C.E.

(Space Preservation Agency for Creative Enterprise)
354 5th St. (5th St. at Folsom)

EAST BAY ASK DR. HAL! FANS TAKE NOTE:

3 BLOCKS SOUTH OF THE POWELL ST. B.A.R.T. STATION; 2 BLOCKS SOUTH OF MISSION ON 5TH.

NEAR MISSION, BUT NOT IN THE MISSION…
WEDNESDAY, June 17th! 

N I N E – T H I R T Y   P.M.

THE PRE-SHOW begins around Nine.

We start as close to that time as we can, but so many of our audience tend to show up after the hour that we usually aren’t able to start until after 9:30 PM.
WE CLOSE before Midnight, to give our East Bay friends the chance to make the last train from the Powell St. BART Station,

3 blocks North of the J. R. “Bob” Dobbs Memorial Hall.
Admission $10.00 or what you can… no one turned away…               AND FOR THE FIRST TIME!

OUR SHOW TO BE BROADCAST LIVE
on FCC FREE RADIO, 107.3 FM!
— San Francisco’s Alternative Radio Station!

Launching Wednesday!

The Dr. Hal Report   
Vol. X                                     No. 6

Six of one; half a dozen of the other.
–Traditional saying

THIS WEEK’S FAMOUS ‘GUEST CHICKEN’ IN
OUR ROTATING SERIES OF HOSTS WILL BE…
ROBERT LEVY!
Yes! The Founder of the Late, Great 12 Galaxies Night Club (voted one of the 10 Greatest Rock Clubs in America by Playboy Online) will Also Double in Brass as he Helms the Show, and Wields Absent Ringmonster Chicken John’s hefty Gavel, at Long Last!

And with…
UNIQUE ANIMATED CARTOON PRESENTATION!
GORILLA MY DREAMS (1948)
Another in our series of
the best American cartoons!
Gorilla My Dreams is a Looney Tunes short from the best days of Warner Brothers’ classic
animation studio, and features Warners’ most durable cartoon star, Bugs Bunny. It was
directed by Robert McKimson, who had been a protégé of Bob Clampett, our favorite
animation director. Though some of McKimson’s cartoons have been criticized for being too
talky and dependent on verbal humor, Gorilla My Dreams unfolds at a suitably manic pace.
The short features, in addition to Bugs, Mr. and Mrs.Gruesome Gorilla. Although this cartoon
was remade in 1959 as Apes of Wrath, Gorilla My Dreams is considered the superior of the
two versions. Lovingly selected by KrOB, who it must be noted has a bit of a “thing” for
gorillas…

Also with…
HORRIFYING KLASSIC KrOB MONSTER EDIT:
RHEDOSAURUS RAMPAGE!
REVIVED PREHISTORIC BEHEMOTH WALLOWS THROUGH LOWER MANHATTAN!

NOT FOR THE WEAK-HEARTED

What’s a Rhedosaurus? A giant prehistoric creature, not technically speaking a dinosaur,
although we do use the term loosely in our advertising. This amphibious beast, capable of
swimming  22.7 nautical miles (20,000 fathoms) underwater without surfacing to breathe,
had been flash-thawed from his icy glacier prison by an experimental Arctic nuclear blast
conducted by U.S. Scientists as part of “Operation Experiment.” In KrOB’s edit, the prehistoric colossus suddenly shows up at the site of his old stamping grounds. Unfortunately for thousands  of residents, this site happens to be Manhattan Island– New York City.
A transcendental epiphany of stop-motion animation by Gordon Sawyer Award-winning Ray Harryhausen, this absolutely educational and scientific presentation is offered as part of our
ongoing show. SEE the monster that preceded (and inspired) Toho’s Godzilla.
This creature isn’t, by the way, to be confused with the giant dinosaur Rhoetosaurus, though it’s
pronounced almost exactly the same. Just for the record, Rhoetosaurus  longmani was an
Antipodal sauropod from the middle Jurassic period, some 180-175 million years ago. The
Rhedosaurus is quite different, a gigantic Rynchocephalian like the still-flourishing Tuatara or
Sphenodon, last living exemplar of an ancient order of reptiles. Intriguingly, Rhedosaurs, we’re
told, evolved into sauropodomorphs, though not into true sauropods, which these descendants
resemble only from evolutionary convergence. As dinosaur-like as such descendants appear,
it should be remembered that, strictly speaking, they too are not really dinosaurs, but highly evolved
Rynchocephalians.
Unfortunately, the foremost authority on this species, the late Dr. Thurgood Elson, perished in a
mysterious diving bell “accident” before giving paleontology an explanation of the linkage
between these taxons.
Aside from all this, remember that tonight’s caustic parable of reptilian yearning and revenge–
part of our bill at the

“Ask Dr. Hal 2.0: Conversations With Dr. Hal”

show this upcoming Wednesday night, June 17th

at S.P.A.C.E.,

San Francisco’s BOLD NEW Variety Arts Showcase

at 354 5th St. (5th St. at Folsom),

is all courtesy of the master movie archivist, KrOB
and just one small fractal fragment of the totality

to be experienced at our unique and
well-travelled night club show;

once more we bring its unusual brand of conviviality and
information to an outré but receptive audience.

CONSULTING DR. HOWLAND OWLL
“DR.” HAL: SHODDY CHARLATAN with DUBIOUS DOCTORATE or ENLIGHTENING ENTERTAINER
effortlessly ENGAGING with ESOTERIC WISDOM?

Questions answered, concerns addressed–

a Personal Ministry. Come and see for yourself.

Bardic Episodes remain an unavoidable side effect.
Private consultations available. No refunds.
“ASK DR. HAL 2.0 — CONVERSATIONS WITH DR. HAL!”
–BROADCAST LIVE
ON FCC FREE RADIO!” FINALLY!

Yes! On S.F.’s newest Pirate radio station, FCC Free Radio, for the very first time, this episode of the show will also be a live radio broadcast heard around the world. Tune us in at 107.3 FM,

San Francisco’s Alternative Radio Station,

starting at 9:30 PM.

KrOB!
What can one say… his vision is unique… he accepts no compromises… without him, we’re
nothing… KrOB surfs the waves of principal co-expressibility with a master’s touch, teasing the
ear and eye with an ever-new, evolving synthesis of elements drawn from the whirlpool of
popular culture. And, he’s got one hell of a sense of humor.

PETE GOLDIE SETS THE PACE– THROUGH SPACE!
Astronomer and Boffo Boffin Pete Goldie each week brings us new discoveries in Space Science
and the cosmos. A quondam NASA consultant, Dr. Goldie is particularly interested in the Cassini
Space Probe
and often reports its findings. He’ll give a run-down on how images from Cassini’s
cameras have revealed something that hasn’t been seen so well before: vertical ring structures
that are attributed to the gravitational effects of a 5-mile-wide (8-kilometer-wide) moon.
Over most of their area, Saturn’s main rings are only about 30 feet (10 meters) thick, but the ring
particles, thought to be mostly water ice, can be perturbed along their edges by gravitational
interactions with moons that circle in gaps within the rings. The latest imagery focuses on a tiny
moon called Daphnis, which pushes the ring material into structures that tower as high as a mile
(1.5 kilometers). These so-called shepherd moons of the giant gas planet are thought to be responsible
for every gap in the rings– even for the rings themselves. (Though some gaps don’t seem to have an
associated moon, Pete would probably explain that they really do– but these “moonlets” haven’t been
discovered yet.) With Cassini on the job, however, their discovery may come any day– in which case
Pete will no doubt let us in on it before the official NASA release. That’s right– privileged information.
And he does it all with sardonic humor, dry wit and rhetorical flair. Some people’s favorite part of
the show. He ends by showing the latest picture– of his daughter, Daria.

NO BAR FOR NOW– BUT YOU CAN DRINK!

(JUST BRING YOUR OWN)
We expect eventually, after a few more shows, to provide a full bar. We are by no means “teetotalers”
at Ask Dr. Hal! — far from it. Yet those who have been attentive to recent headlines can understand
that there is now ongoing a wide-ranging crusade from Mayor Newsom and his apparatchiks to close
down all night spots and evening venues of “unapproved” entertainment whose sponsors have been
unequal to surmounting a labyrinthine “permit process–” and in forking over the more than hefty “fees”
the militant social-engineering “goo-goos” have imposed. To be brief, you can’t scratch your nose in
this burg without a license, for which you’d better be prepared to pay plenty. So, without any disrespect
to old John Barleycorn, for the time being, at least, just to keep from causing any troubles for our new
hosts, there won’t be any booze for sale, OK? It’s OK to drink, please understand (provided you can  hold your liquor) but BRING YOUR OWN. We encourage you to. Of course, good questions will still
be rewarded in the traditional Ask Dr. Hal! manner– with that old standby, Fernet Branca,  –the famed
“Miracle Liquor.” That’s how Paul Pot and David “Cappy” Capurro have traditionally done it– and that’s
the one way you can still get a drink at Ask Dr. Hal! Of course, if by some chance we were selling
drinks, we couldn’t tell you here, could we? Alcoholics, try reading between the lines with your bloodshot,
sunken eyes…

SOCIAL NOTES

LAST WEEK
At the J.R. “Bob” Dobbs Memorial Hall
in S.P.A.C.E. (Space Preservation Agency for Creative Enterprise),
uber-host sterling Skot Kuiper facilitated our 2nd show there… Word is that ADH fans love th’ new & improved
venue,
some even more than (blasphemy!) our home base in the currently Chicken-less Chez Poulet Gallery-
Cabaret!
Better get back soon, Chick… Ack-shully, the Big Chicken may be back as early as next week, a little
birdie on our shoulder chirped (not Twittered or Tweeted) t’other day… meanwhile, we’re all having a blast at
last in a spot that’s hot… Speaking of heat, reet, komely Kelek Stevenson opened for us last Wed., but not as
fans of her routines as Flag Girl for the Xtra Action Marching Band might suppose– she didn’t dance, but …
played the banjo, America’s only native instrument, & sang along like an angel as dynamic Dave Evans sat in
on ee-lectric git-tar… Devoted Dave’s wife agreeable Adrienne was there, and kreative Kelek’s friend, dapper Dan
Acland–
but for most of the krowd, this side of kombustible Kelek was a revelation… Just drop down, wontchew,
to th’ pertinent Puzzling Evidence TV videos on You Tube available here as URLs rite after this section, the ones
for June 10th, pts. 1 & 2, click on ’em & you’ll see (& hear) what we mean… Fearless Frank Chu appeared again
to warn us about the 12 Galaxies… anyone not heard yet abt. the latest sensation on-line– the Acme Chumaster?
With this baby, the invention of jocose Jef Poskanzer, you can put your own message right up there on fab
Frank’s swingin’ sign. We use it… OK, go to
acme.com/chumaker & see for yourself… Linked-in Leah Garchik of
the Ess Eff Chron even spilled the beans abt. frantic Frank’s digital dupe in her col. back on the 14th of May– how
Time flize, don’t it… Now we’re settled into S.P.A.C.E. the word is out & the audiences are ambling in… radiant Robin
Coomer
of Loop! Station fame was easy to spot (& easy-on-the-eyes); other beauties included resplendent Rosanna
Scimeca,
creatrix of many memorable artpieces– remember the Chandelier that fell from the sky back at a certain
Desert Festival a few years ago? Or does the name Big Rig Jig sound a familiar note? Racy Rosanna made it
happen… Delectable Dawn Stott added decorativeness to th’ dramatis personae… the Mysterious Michael Peppe,
who’s our likely Mock Chicken for next wks. ADH 2.0; CWDH, was in the house taking notes… He’s in training…
Just-married (Deacon Dr. Hal performed the ceremony out at the Cliff House) husband Henry A. Lannan had a
question or 2 to pop in the hopper… so did co-operative Cody… Tantalizing Ty of Stagewerks was among us
(slumming?) & there was no mistaking agile Anat, who’s decorated many a Burning Man Fashion Show runway,
when we host it each year out in the Nevada desert dust; mercurial Mark Mcgothican, who’s oft video’d the
same, brought her in… Karaoke King princely Paul de Jong put in an appearance… he’s also been doing the
Double Dutch. Not sold? Behold:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKyTfg7WBqI Zap Comix & all-round U.G.
Comics legend
sterling Spain Rodriguez also gave us a try @ the new space, S.P.A.C.E. & puffin’ Paul Pot
chugged in with his dozy donative– the business end, wrapped in tightly-folded folding money, ended up on the
carpet during post-show clean-up, & yegg Yours Truly had to do a little “carpet farming;” takes us back… All
in all, ’twas a ball…
TWO WEEKS AGO
Lastweek,
we didn’t run “Social Notes” in the Report as we put out our Special “Austerity” Edition (see Vol. X,
No. 5). But though we were indeed mightily ticked off at a letter attacking this journal from a certain recondite
rabbit-suit fetishist, that was only an excuse– the real reason we truncated this Treatise was that we lacked the
time to put out a full-sized ish— instead of doing that, dog-tired Dr. Hal headed up to Petrolia in Calif’s fabled Lost
Coast, riding with kurvaceous Kate Rannells & ravishing Robin Coomer to visit nonpareil Nieves & doughty Dan
Rathbun,
along with jaunty Jasper Rathbun, go swimmin’ in the wild Mattole River with a few choice
acquaintances
& closely observe the Beauties of Nature… It’s only fair, howe’er, to mention some of the glittering
crowd that packed the J.R. “Bob” Dobbs Memorial Hall when we opened there: alabaster-skinned Agnes, joyous
Jenner, beauteous barkeep from the Old Odeon Daze, bright-eye’d Bug Girl, torrid Ty McKenzie, malapert Marcia
Crosby,
slinky-but-unaccountably-shy Shibumi of Studio Reflex, beauteous Barbara Fried, dazzling Dawn Stott,
charismatic Cherry Zonkowski (it was her birthday, & the Champagne flowed), devoted D.S. Black, kute Kate
Rannells,
goddess of the Mattole, suave Skot Kuiper, without whom etc., peripatetic Paul Pot, fabulous Francine
Bennett–
it’d been too long! –and Zegnotronic Zoli, who we definitely had in mind when we screened our cartoon
abt. Willie, the Opera-Singing Whale. Masterful Michael Peppe also made the scene, as did bruiser Byron Shirley
& patrician Perry Shirley… We couldn’t leave out marvellous Madeline “Bunnywhiskers” Boyne from this screed,
this scroll of souls, and despite his famed disdain for this publication, we noted that there in the back sat that
saturnine scapegrace, $teven Raspa himself…
WORTHY OF NOTE: FAINEANT FOLLIES: The Era of Nonchalance is at hand! If you know what that means
(or would like to), have we got a project for you! Go to Dolores Park at any time. Bring a radio. Once you’re
there,
tune it to
107.9 FM. Yes, when you’re in upper Dolores Park, you can listen to a continuous forty-five-
minute specially engineered
dynamic Dr. Hal broadcast (there called Commander 14), running 24-7 on FM
radio,
107.9 FM in (((stereo))). And it doesn’t stop there…

ASK Dr. HAL Show 2.0: Conversations With Dr. Hal NUMBER FIVE!

June 8th, 2009

“Ask Dr. Hal! 2.0:
Conversations with Dr. Hal !”

NOW APPEARING AT
The J.R. “Bob” Dobbs Memorial Hall
in
  S.P.A.C.E.
(Space Preservation Agency for Creative Enterprise)
354 5th St. ( 5th St. at Folsom ) 
EAST BAY ASK DR. HAL! FANS TAKE NOTE: 3 BLOCKS SOUTH
OF THE POWELL ST. B.A.R.T. STATION; 2 BLOCKS SOUTH OF
MISSION ON 5TH. NEAR MISSION, BUT NOT IN THE MISSION…
WEDNESDAY, June 10th!  
A F T E R   N I N E
THE PRE-SHOW begins around Nine. We start as close to that time as we can, but so many of our audience tend to show up after the hour that we usually aren’t able to start until 9:30 PM.
WE CLOSE before Midnight, to give our East Bay friends the chance to make the last train to the Powell St. BART Station, 3 blocks North
of the J. R. “Bob” Dobbs Memorial Hall.
Admission $ 10.00

…or what you can… no one turned away…
 [We have left The Bluesix Acoustic Room & will not return.]

The Dr. Hal Report       
Vol. X                                                                      No. 5

SPECIAL “AUSTERITY” EDITION

THIS WEEK’S FAMOUS ‘GUEST CHICKEN’ IN
OUR ROTATING SERIES OF HOSTS WILL BE…
JOHN HELL!
Yes, that John Hell! Radio personality, event color commentator,
bon vivant & raconteur. He’ll whip us into shape…
SPECIAL CONTRIBUTING GUEST ARTIST
KELEK STEVENSON!
Banjo Balladeer to Serenade Lucky ADH 2.0 Audience
Beloved of Terpsichore, the Muse of Dance as a member of the Extra Action Marching Band Flag Team, Kelek also pursues Euterpe, the Muse of Music, as we shall hear. Don’t miss this performance!

And with…
UNIQUE ANIMATED CARTOON PRESENTATION!
BAD-LUCK BLACKIE! (1949)
Another in our series of
the best American cartoons ever made!
Bad Luck Blackie, produced by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer at the end of the Forties,
was directed by the great Tex Avery, the so-called

“King of Cartoons.” We at Ask Dr. Hal! sincerely believethat these wonderful short films deserve greater exposure. Each one of our shows begins with another cartoon, introduced by Dr. Hal.

It’s worth noting that Bad-Luck Blackie was voted

the fifteenth-best cartoon of all-time in a
1994 poll of one-thousand animation industry professionals, as referenced in the book The 50 Greatest Cartoons. (q.v.).

Also with…
HORRIFYING KLASSIC KrOB MONSTER EDIT:
MONSTER SNAKE COFFEE BREAK
INORDINATELY LARGE SNAKES (1,000 Ft. long) DISRUPT RETAIL COFFEE-HOUSE EXPERIENCE
NOT FOR THE WEAK-HEARTED

ABOUT “ADH 2.0: C.W.D.H.”
BEGUN YEARS AGO IN THE DESERT, this show revolves around questions–
& answers. Try it yourself! Anyone in the audience may ask Dr. Hal any
question on any subject. Special side features include Guest Entertainers,
our ongoing Science Report from Astronomer Pete Goldie, cartoons and the special “edits,” by media genius KrOB, from our archive of Monster Movie Moments.
Our show carries on in the absence of founder Chicken John. We also intend,
very soon, to broadcast the show live on the newest Pirate radio station, FCC Free Radio.

This station is just starting up– right after its birth cry (it’s a long
gestation) we expect to be on the air any time now.

Yes, we’ve been saying this for a while, as you may have noticed, but it’s getting closer and closer to getting done.

And before you know it, each show will also be a live radio broadcast heard around the world. Check out
 http://FCCFREERADIO.com

ASK Dr. HAL! 2.0: Conversations with Dr. Hal!

June 2nd, 2009

WEDNESDAY, June 3rd!
COME SEE US IN OUR NEW LOCATION!

“Ask Dr. Hal! 2.0: Conversations with Dr. Hal!”
returns– in our all-new, roomy, comfortable &
well-appointed PERFORMANCE SPACE.

[We have left The Bluesix Acoustic Room & will
not return.]

NOW BEHOLD THE ALL-NEW ASK DR. HAL!, at

The J.R. “Bob” Dobbs Memorial Hall,

at S.P.A.C.E.
(Space Preservation Agency for Creative Enterprise)

Where? 354 5th St. (5th St. at Folsom)

EAST BAY ASK DR. HAL! FANS TAKE NOTE:
3 BLOCKS SOUTH OF THE POWELL ST. B.A.R.T.
STATION; 2 BLOCKS SOUTH OF MISSION ON 5TH.
NEAR MISSION, BUT NOT IN THE MISSION…

When? Time of performance:

AFTER 9 O’ CLOCK

[probably about 9:30,
but DON’t be late & miss the cartoon…]
Pre-show starts around Nine P.M.

How much? NOT much– Admission $10.00
or what you can… no one turned away…

We’re working on a bar, but for now, if you want to
drink, BRING YOUR OWN– or, ask a good question
and be awarded Fernet shots…

Ask any question on any subject. It will be answered.
Pete Goldie leads you through the cosmos. KrOB
performs his magic. SEE our Monstrous Movie Clip–
a gigantic Octopus mangles San Francisco! SEE our
rare and wonderful animated cartoon on our giant
screen! WIN
intoxicating Fernet shots!
Featuring Dr. Howland Owll, Orotund Oracle.
All hosted
by The Amazing Jarico Reesce of Cyclecide
Bicycle Rodeo
fame!
Passion! Monsters! Cartoons! Poetry! Pandemonium!
You owe it to yourself to be there!         

ASK DR. HAL! TO REMAIN DARK ANOTHER WEEK

May 26th, 2009

“Foxes have Earths, and the Birds of the Air have Nests;
but the Son of Man hath not where to Lay his Head.”

–Matthew 8:20 

N O T I C E
The Ask Dr. Hal! Show–
Ask Dr. Hal! 2.0: Conversations With Dr. Hal

WILL NOT BE PERFORMED this week, while we search for a new PERFORMANCE SPACE.
We have left the Bluesix Acoustic Room
& will not return.

THIS WEEK THERE IS NO SHOW.

–Expect us back the following week
IN AN ALL-NEW VENUE–
watch for our usual announcement.
THE ASK DR. HAL SHOW– ASK DR. HAL! 2.0: CONVERSATIONS WITH DR. HAL WILL GO DARK THIS
COMING WEEK, BUT RETURN IN FULL FORCE ON THE FIRST WEDNESDAY OF THE MONTH, WITH SPECIAL MUSICAL GUESTS
AND 12 GALAXIES’ ROBERT LEVY AS OUR “GUEST CHICKEN” HOST. A MAGNIFICENT CARTOON AND KrOB MONSTER PARABLE ARE ALSO GUARANTEED.

COME ONE, COME ALL TO OUR NEWER, MORE INTIMATE VERSION OF OUR LONG-
RUNNING TRADITIONAL PERFORMANCE. ALL QUESTIONS CHEERFULLY ANSWERED;
FERNET GIVEN FOR PLEASING QUERIES.

…and follow our adventures, via You Tube, on Puzzling Evidence TV!     

ASK Dr. Hal 2.0 # 4 CANCELLED!

May 16th, 2009

 NOTICE
The Ask Dr. Hal! Show–
Ask Dr. Hal! 2.0: Conversations With Dr. Hal

WILL NOT BE PERFORMED this
week, but will return next week
on
WEDNESDAY, May 27th!
…AT THE BLUESIX ACOUSTIC ROOM

3043 24th Street
24th Street at Treat
A F T E R    N I N E
Admission $10.00 or what you can… no one turned away… full bar
–watch for our usual announcement!
THE ASK DR. HAL SHOW– ASK DR. HAL! 2.0: CONVERSATIONS WITH DR. HAL WILL GO DARK THIS
COMING WEEK, BUT RETURN IN FULL FORCE ON THE LAST WEDNESDAY OF THE MONTH, WITH SPECIAL MUSICAL GUESTS AND 12 GALAXIES’ ROBERT LEVY AS OUR “GUEST CHICKEN” HOST. A MAGNIFICENT CARTOON AND KrOB MONSTER PARABLE ARE ALSO GUARANTEED. COME ONE, COME ALL TO OUR NEWER, MORE INTIMATE VERSION OF OUR LONG-RUNNING TRADITIONAL PERFORMANCE.

ALL QUESTIONS CHEERFULLY ANSWERED; FERNET GIVEN FOR PLEASING QUERIES.

…and follow our adventures, via You Tube,

on Puzzling Evidence TV!

ASK Dr. HAL 2.0 – Conversations With Dr. Hal NUMBER THREE!

May 11th, 2009

ANNOUNCING THE 3rd PERFORMANCE OF THE NEWEST, “OFFBEAT” VERSION OF THE ONGOING PHENOMENAL SENSATION,

“Ask Dr. Hal! 2.0: Conversations with Dr. Hal!”

WEDNESDAY, May 13th! ALL-NEW VENUE…THE BLUESIX ACOUSTIC ROOM, 3043 24th Street, 24th Street at Treat, A F T E R   N I N E Admission $10.00 or what you can… no one turned away… full bar!

“Ask Dr. Hal! 2.0: Conversations With Dr. Hal” appears again this Wednesday night at the Bluesix Acoustic Room on 24th St. a few blocks east of the BART station. This time,
the role of absent founder Chicken John, now on a junket overseas in  Slovenia to expand his empire, will be Jascha Ephraim, known for many talents and appearances,
including The Jascha Ephraim Memorial Library.

  We’ll have the first look at Jascha’s new movie, A Living Olympus!

 KrOB is back, and we also offer the traditional Monster
Movie Clip, featuring a scientific and educational battle between dinosaur and cave
men– narrated, of course, by Dr. Hal. 

Bardic poetic recitations performed, Fernet
shots dispensed; all questions answered. Just don’t bring your own refreshment– that’s
frowned on here– and do patronize the bar.

Watch us on You Tube! It’s all posted at Puzzling Evidence TV– like this excerpt from our
first show of the new run, hosted by Robin Coomer of Loop! Station fame:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBN0C7cgShk


ASK Dr. HAL 2.0– Conversations Withe Dr. Hal– No. 2!

May 4th, 2009

ANNOUNCING THE 2nd PERFORMANCE OF THE NEWEST, “OFFBEAT” VERSION OF
THE ONGOING PHENOMENAL SENSATION,

“Ask Dr. Hal! 2.0: Conversations with Dr. Hal!”

WEDNESDAY, May 6th! ALL-NEW VENUE…THE BLUESIX ACOUSTIC ROOM, 3043 24th
Street, 24th Street at Treat, A F T E R   N I N E Admission $10.00 or what you can… no
one turned away… full bar

“Ask Dr. Hal! 2.0: Conversations With Dr. Hal” appears again at the Bluesix Acoustic
Room. This time the role of absent founder Chicken John, now en route to Slovenia to
expand his empire, will be noted Subgenius personality Dr. Philo Drummond, known
from the Puzzling Evidence radio show on KPFA 94.1 FM radio and as a founder of
the SubGenius sect. A 3-D movie dealing with dreams and the mysteries of the occult,
The Mask of Doom will be shown, and special glasses will be distributed to our audience
free of charge for their viewing entertainment. We also offer the traditional Monster Movie
Clip, featuring a scientific and educational battle between a prehistoric dragon and a giant
albino gorilla– narrated, of course, by Dr. Hal. Bardic poetic recitations performed, Fernet
shots dispensed; all questions answered. Just don’t bring your own refreshment– that’s
frowned on here– and do patronize the bar.

SOCIAL NOTES

Our first show away from our home at the Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret attracted a small but devoted
audience. There were some newcomers, too, but we certainly noted those who had faith in us & in our
ability to keep the
show going in Chicken‘s absence. And they have our deepest gratitude, since we
appreciate their loyalty
in this time of trial while we make this stuff up as we go along… First and foremost,
to our guest Chicken, remarkable Robin Coomer, any amt. of thanx wd. be inadequate. But she was all that
one could hope for in the demanding role of Chicken (which takes so much more than a moustache, a hat
& an attitude). The
show was a success, from what we hear– and we think she should get the lion’s share of
the credit. But then, jocund John Hell in the role of kreative KrOB, and rococo Robert Levy in the difficult part
of Digitally devious David Capurro are also most deserving of praise… The Bluesix Acoustic Room is an
intimate little place with far less crowd capacity than the old Chez Poulet, but it felt right somehow as the
combination of assembled talents swung the
show into magnum motion… Boffo boffin “Ptolemy” Pete
Goldie
had everybody ooh-ing & ahh-ing at his spectackular
Slide Show of Artist’s Conceptions of Gamma
Ray Bursts
& other unviewable stellar phenomena… Stellar in her own way, vivacious vixen the jocose
Justin Credible cheered from the sidelines… we also appreciated delectable Dawn Stott, joyful Janet Nia &
curvy Clara Fortner… Man-abt.-town Michael Peppe, a future Chicken @ this gathering, got well into the spirit
(& spirits) as the eve progressed… Persistent Paul Pot was there angling for those precious free Fernet shotz…
Our old fellow-traveler Tech-master Tyler, of Brown Whorenet fame (his band) raised plenty of the right kind of
hell… speaking of which, jaunty John Hell channeled his inner KrOB piping in music-a-plenty… Mr. Hell, our
once and future partner in such affairs as the fabled & forthcoming
Power Tool Drag Races (watch for ’em this
year) & the
Escape From Berkeley Non-Petroleum Powered Race (ditto– this time it’s not to Vegas as in ’08,
but to the Mexican border!) did acknowledge just how hard it was to be as adept as KrOB in the Apt Musical
Selection dept., tho’ we think he did a crackerjack job… Also worthy of kudos, righteous Robert Levy did an
Image Mining dauntless Dave Capurro himself wd. have approved of… Fearless Frank Chu didn’t let anyone
down… WORTHY OF NOTE: FAINEANT FOLLIES: The Era of Nonchalance is at hand! If you know what that
means (or would like to), have we got a project for you! Go to Dolores Park at any time. Bring a radio. Once
you’re there,
tune it to
107.9 FM. Yes, when you’re in upper Dolores Park, you can listen to a continuous
forty-five minute specially engineered
dynamic
Dr. Hal broadcast (there called Commander 14), running 24-7
on FM radio,
107.9 FM in (((stereo))). And it doesn’t stop there… There were some new faces we will probably
come to know & list in these pages… Puzzling Evidence recorded us for posterity– or at least for You Tube…SEE THE SHOW on YOU TUBE! The latest posting (featuring Special Guest Performer Zero Boy):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOzFvdOhIFs&feature=channel_page 

SEE HOURS & HOURS of Ask Dr. Hal! on You Tube! Just type in the search words: Puzzling Evidence.

Thanks to all who followed us to our new show!

See you at the Bluesix Acoustic Room– Wednesday Night!