OUR LAST SHOW AT CHEZ POULET!
April 20th, 2009RUN CONCLUDES! OUR FINAL, FAREWELL PERFORMANCE!
Ask Dr. Hal ‘s 23-Skiddoo!
OR, IF YOU PREFER…
Ask Dr. Hal ‘s 23rd Psalm!
WE’RE CLOSING, ANYWAY. BUT– WHATEVER YOU CALL IT…
— WILL YOU MISS THE CLIMAX OF A LEGENDARY SERIES? —
WEDNESDAY, April 22nd!
Chicken Departs April 29th– so This is It!
==PRESENTED ON OUR ENDURING STAGE==
(BUILT TO WITHSTAND A NUCLEAR WAR!)
AT
The Famous Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret
where SHOWTIME— more or less– BEGINS at around
=9:00 PM=
THE SLAPDOWN– Admission: $ 10-
3359 Cesar Chavez St.
(Army) Street between Mission and South Van Ness. Just on the
edge of Bernal Heights. The old Odeon Neighborhood.
The Dr. Hal Report
Vol. IX No. 23.1
RE-CRAFTED & UPDATED FROM OUR PREVIOUS NEWSLETTER
Amended & Appended
” Thou wilt find rest from vain fancies if thou doest every act in life
as though it were thy last.” — Emperor Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
WE ARE LEAVING…
THIS WEEK:
THIS IS THE END @ CHEZ POULET – RADIO REJUVENATION – DEATH & REGENERATION; OUR
INTERIM PLANS: ADH 2.0 – NEW SHOWS, NEW CHICKENS (THOUGH NOT THE REAL ONE ) – KrOB’S
MONSTROUS CLIP: QUETZALCOATL – FALLING HARE – THE LAST BLASTED ASK DR. HAL ! SHOW –
HILLBILLY HADES – FRANK CHU MAKES DO – CAPPY’S RAISON D’Ê TRE – PETE GOLDIE’S STELLAR,
STARRY WISDOM: KEPLER SCANS FOR ROCKY LITTLE EARTH-LIKE WORLDS – THE STAR HOUNDS –
HOUSE RULES RULE – QUESTIONABLE ANSWERS – SOCIAL NOTES 2 WKS. AGO (UPDATED): SLICK
CHICK ‘N A CHICKEN @ CHICKEN ‘S; PARADE O’ PULCHRITUDE PERSISTS; WORTHY OF NOTE – HELP
FOR HOLLIS; LOOP! STATION A SENSATION @ YOSHI’S; RESERVE YOUR SEAT! KrOB’S FILM FARM
RETURNS FOR ITS LAST VOYAGE! NO, NOT MONDAY, THIS TIME, NOT TUESDAY, BUT FRIDAY, APRIL
24th – DON’T MISS THE LAST SHOW IN THE CURRENT KrOB BUS RIDE SERIES: SCREENED WILL BE IT’S A
MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD WORLD– WITH EYENOISE , FUN, GAGS & SURPRISES; VISIT OLD PLANES
FOR OLD TIME’S SAKE – – RESIST THE EVIL PROGRAMMING OF JEJUNEIST CULT: HEAR CLANDESTINE
COMMANDER 14 OF NONCHALANCE ‘S BROADCAST 24-7 IN UPPER DOLORES PARK – YOKED
EVEN MORE WITH YOU TUBE; PUZZO’S NUDEST CLIPS WILL MAKE YOU SEE STARS (& GARTERS)…
THE Ides of April are come, and now gone. And thus it comes to pass, as foretold.
Chicken has seen fit to end our run of Ask Dr. Hal! We thought there were either two more or three more
of these things. Our guess was two more. But stuff happens, and now the next show is it– period. (See
below). And, yes, he still plans to fly off after that to bring his brand of Showmanship to the Old World– we
don’t know for how long; the official word remains for ” 5 to 8 weeks.” As readers of this space know, he’s
going to be leaving all of us behind in San Francisco as he goes off to Europe April 29th. Look at the calendar
& figure it out– this one ends our run at Chez Poulet. With his giant fund-raising installation, Lost Vegas (see
The Dr. Hal Report, Vol. IX, No. 22), Chicken John has finally now raised enough capital– quite a task in This
Economy–to rescue his European friends from bankruptcy. Now he can visit them and mess around installing
ponderous internal combustion engines from massive American cars in flimsy Euro-“Art Boats” over there in
Slovenia, before he drifts down the weary, winding waterways of the Continent into the sewage-strewn,
reeking canals of Venice. That’s Venice, Italy– those Slovenians apparently need an infusion of Detroit Iron in
their flimsy, arty watercraft–
And, since he long ago decreed that the Ask Dr. Hal! Show of the present day must take place in his house,
the restive Mr. Rinaldi doesn’t want a crowd of people there while he’s away and unable to prevent them
from invading, tromping cattle-like into the various chambers including his atelier and sanctum sanctorum,
stealing his shirt-studs and collar stays, the sterling silverware, the case of bowling trophies, his collections
of Fabergé eggs, dueling pistols, gilded snuff-boxes and framed hunting prints, rifling through his drawers
(he hates that), leaving fingerprints on the wallpaper and his secret cupboard of erotic pottery, un-sticking
his stamp collection, breaking his extensive O-scale model railroad layout, making off with his cabinet of
simply adorable vintage Hummel figurines– desecrating his matching “Hello Kitty” bathtowels and “borrowing”
(more or less permanently) his beloved arsenal of power tools…
So, he’s going to seal up Chez Poulet like an Egyptian tomb, that’s it; we’re out of there, it’s been swell, and
now, perforce, we strongly, strongly do urge you not to let go by your final opportunity remaining to experience
the awe and mystery, the wonder, laughter and bemusement, the savagery and splendor, the ne plus ultra we
like to call the Ask Dr. Hal! Show.
BUT… WE’LL CONTINUE AS BEFORE ON PIRATE CAT RADIO, RIGHT?
No– we won’t. It used to be that when the show was “dark” we’d do “the radio version” on S.F.’s pioneering Pirate
Cat Radio. But, like numerous others, we’ve had our differences with the management and have in consequence
been cashiered. But, you know, if you really want to keep coming to the show, we’d love to see you at…
“ASK DR. HAL 2.0– CONVERSATIONS WITH DR. HAL!”
As we’ve previously hinted in these pages, while Chicken’s away there will be a version of the show going on
each Wednesday night until his return. Not the same show you’ve been seeing at Chez Poulet, but with certain
similarities, as well as differences. Though Chicken won’t be on hand, this new, interim show will be moderated
by rotating guest hosts– “Mock Chickens,” if you will. We also intend to broadcast the show live on the newest
Pirate radio station, FCC Free Radio. Check out http://FCCFREERADIO.com And still more is in the works. It
starts Wednesday (of course) April 29th around our regular start-time. And we hope, friends of Ask Dr. Hal!, that
we will bring many of our current audience members to our projected new venue: The Bluesix Acoustic Room,
on 24th St. in the Mission (at Treat), not far from the abandoned, tightly-shuttered Chez Poulet. Meanwhile, we’ve
got one more show to do there! Yes, these are our last remaining hours at Chez Poulet, and we’re more
determined than ever to make history in our own way as we conclude it all. This last show will be epic– even
historic. We’ll be in the zone, at the peak of our form. If you haven’t been coming, now is the time to catch us
at our zenith. Even is these closing days, we’re still refining Ask Dr. Hal! as we go– the word is that our last
three performances have been our very best so far– we’re going to try to go out with the proverbial bang, a real
Shuffle-off-to-Buffalo ending. Kreative KrOB’s on the job, as always, brewing up new surprises in his cinema
cauldron, adding a little of this and that to the bubbling brew. This week, for example, the mandatory obligatory
traditional Monster Clip, last episode dealing with “Pursuit from Under“ in the form of a raging, rubbery, bulbous,
ill-tempered colossal octopus, now will, in the classic spirit of these interludes, feature pursuit from above, when
KrOB, San Francisco, presents:
THE FLYING WHATCHAMACALLIT!
Yes, KrOB’s done it again. If you liked the octopus, rising up from the depths to wreak havoc, you’ll love this flapping,
fluttering, scientifically unclassifiable behemoth that swoops down from the skies of Manhattan to seize and devour its
hapless prey. Very difficult to say what this dragon-like, serpentine terror may be. The wing structure is completely
novel biologically. It comes down at you out of the sun, making it hard to see and avoid. Big, beaky bastard. And, actually,
some say it’s a kind of god– a god that seeks out its own sacrifices. The Aztec feathered serpent-god Quetzalcoatl. Why
it’s in New York isn’t immediately clear. Something about its return in the End Times. And– nothing can stop it– except a
million cops blasting it with bullets. Yet another in a super-series of unforgettable KrOB “Edits.” Scientific! Educational!
View it all on our Giant Screen (since Chicken seems to have retired or sold our “size-challenged” screen). And ’twill be
narrated, as always, by Dr. Hal. But first, before that…
WE START… WITH A KLASSIC KARTOON !
Every episode of Ask Dr. Hal! begins with the showing of a carefully selected, iconic American animated cartoon. KrOB
shows only the best. Last show’s entry was Field & Scream (1955), one of the lesser cartoons (but still dryly funny) by Tex
Avery. We had to show it, because for technical reasons, at the last minute we couldn’t screen the one we advertised,
MGM’s Bad Luck Blackie (1949). And we’re still hoping we can retrieve that one, probably not at Chez Poulet. But now get
ready for another Bob Clampett short from Warner Bros., the “Social Realism” studio. It’s Falling Hare (1943). Made in the
middle of World War II, it’s full of specific topical references that audiences of that time immediately understood. Gags
about gas rationing stickers, for example. Today, few understand them. But because this is a Clampett cartoon, these jokes
are somehow still funny! But that’s not all that distinguishes Falling Hare. Bugs Bunny is a character who always succeeds
in these cartoons– except this time, where he’s given an equally powerful (supernatural) antagonist who tortures him all the
way through the picture. The other point of interest? Gremlins. A while ago (see The Dr. Hal Report, Vol. IX, No. 4) we
showed Clampett’s Russian Rhapsody, the other WB Gremlin cartoon– there are only two of these cartoons– wherein the little
guys bust up Hitler’s private plane. As early as the 1920’s, pilots reported encounters with weird little “aerial creatures” who
sabotaged planes in flight. Then, during the War, author Roald Dahl, who as a pilot had himself crashed in the Libyan Desert,
wrote of it in his books about his experiences in the Air War, which are as wonderful as anything he ever produced. In January,
1942, he was transferred to Washington, D.C. as Assistant Air Attaché. There he eventually authored his novel The Gremlins.
The Walt Disney Studio became interested at this point and planned a cartoon series. At Warners, hearing of this, the Studio
rushed ahead to beat Disney –and Clampett made his two Gremlin cartoons. As it happened, Disney never did follow through.
So only Warners ended up dramatizing the Gremlins and their attacks on aircraft. Until The Twilight Zone, that is, when
William Shatner memorably freaked out at the “Gremlin on the wing” only he could see. Anyway, many, many pilots
absolutely swore they had seen the creatures. Read the Wikipedia article. But the official verdict on the “Little Imps of the Air”
is that the stress of combat, the dizzying heights and oxygen deprivation caused pilot hallucinations, often believed to be a
coping mechanism of the mind to help explain the many problems aircraft faced in combat. Right– that’s the official story. Sure,
stress caused hallucinations. Sure. Uh-huh. If only we had more room… but we like to keep these things short & snappy. Now
that you know the basics (though there’s much more to be said on this topic) we invite you to enjoy this cartoon, and the version
we’re showing comes from a pristine, absolutely perfect print. So join us for one of the last times at the good old Chez Poulet
Gallery Cabaret this Wednesday night, won’t you? –in time to catch up with yet another treasure of your Nation’s once-
flourishing but now (that the Conspiracy has dumbed it all down) mostly vanished popular culture. By the bye– you must
know by now that we’re working hard digging up these cartoons, arguing about them, laboring to show you something
wonderful here. So if you’re just going to keep yakkety-yakking– this means you, Paul Pot– and choose to ignore the cartoon
while we run it, do us and everyone else a favor– and go outside and have a cigarette, or play in traffic.
Remember, though, the rest of our show will start right up at the very moment the cartoon ends.
“[T]he aircraft is kind of a mix of the DC-3/C-47 and the B-18, which was the “bomber” version of the DC-2.”
–Teenonator, Internet Archive
“The aircraft is a Gooney Bird, which was the military version of the DC3. It was also known as the R4D (Navy), C-47 (Army),
Dakota (British commonwealth) and Skytrain (official but seldom used). There were almost 10,000 of them made during WW2
and it flew in more air forces of the world than any other aircraft since and is still flying in some. I am uncertain at which base
the research was done. It was near Hollywood and it happened sometime between the 12th of May, 1942 and June,1943. The
white star in blue circle was adopted the 12th of May 1942 and changed in June 1943, but the tail flash (red and white tail
stripes) were eliminated on the 26th of May, 1942. There were at least two visits to the military base since the opening scenes
show a Gooney Bird tail without the tail stripes, but they are present in other scenes.”
–The Old Sarge, Internet Archive
“This one starts out a little slow… but once Bugs and the Gremlin get airborne the laughs come one right after another. I did
get a creepy 9/11 flashback when the plane was heading for the skyscrapers.”
–Bob Capps, Internet Archive
THE ABSOLUTELY LAST !!@#$%&?? ASK DR. HAL! SHOW. EVER!
At least at Chez Poulet for a while, when Ringmonster Chicken John is gone. See above. And below. No show, as Chicken
follows through on his plans to close up shop and head for Slovenia. Don’t say we didn’t warn you… And give a thought to
attending our substitute show at the Bluesix Acoustic Room on 24th at Treat, each Wednesday night. Watch this space for more…
HEY, WE GOT…
DISAPPEARING HILLBILLIES– THE PERIPATETIC PO’BUCKET FAMILY! JUST ONE LEFT!
In a tiny, tinny, tawdry, tatty, run-down, beat-up, half-pint, washed-up, low-class, two-bit trailer suspended high
above our Ask Dr. Hal! stage dwelt the alcoholic, inbred Po’bucket Family, authentic mountain people from whom
Chicken had apparently been illegally collecting rent –and unspecified “services” –for their minimal share of his
echoing, cavernous domain. It’s furtively whispered that they paid not in money but in a certain product produced in
their clandestine “meth” lab. We choose to disbelieve this absurd canard– that trailer’s just too absurdly small. Even
hillbillies couldn’t pull such a thing off in such a reduced amount of space. At any rate, no one in fact has yet been able
to discern just how many there were of those folks at Chicken’s. But we used to warn that quite often the sound of an
ongoing show, audience laughter, etc. –would rouse them out of their stereotypical lair like a seething, frenzied swarm of
Appalachian ants, apple-knocker alfalfa caterpillars, backwoods bees, clodhopper centipedes, corn-husker chinch bugs,
countrified cockroaches, hayseed hornets, hick hog moths, Podunk potato-flea beetles, rube round-headed apple tree
borers, rusticated rice weevils, sodbuster skeeters, white trash water bugs or yokel yellow mealworms. When this
happened, well, the show, we must admit, oft suffered a momentary interruption. We’re used to it by now, of course, after
all this time. But we couldn’t tell you just to “ignore this bucolic brood,” as that is truly beyond anyone’s powers. Now
they’ve all lit out for the Old World, following Chicken overseas. All that we have left is sweet Spy Emerson, and she too will
soon no longer be among us. For one more time, she’ll be back for our swan song. It’s all we’ve been able to do to continue
when the whole clan suddenly used to erupt forth with rowdy èlan, often in mid-show. Now no more shall we, perforce, just
surrender to the onerous, okie-fied inevitable the way we had to– settling ourselves in for the down-home shivaree, as the
whole clan a-set in a-pickin’ and a-grinnin’ –and profferin’ a big, friendly Howdy-do! to Family Units “Big Jed” Moses, “Daisy
Duke” Spy and (of cuss), the smallest con-sarned varmint of ’em all, li’l Lucky. Now, in Old Europe, the Euros must deal
with them… It’s the End of an Era… They’ll probably all come back sleek millionaires… blasé, world-travelled sophisticates…
TICKETY-BOO WITH FRANK CHU!
Yes, Frank is back! And we’ve got him! Whatever happens, even if this be our fabled final fling, as sure as the Lord
made little green apples, the Emperor Norton of our own time, who regularly appears at our show to deliver his
Message, will be there! And the tangled tale of Frank Chu was recently told in these pages. (See The Dr. Hal Report,
Vol. IX, Nos. 14, 15 & 16). These are worth looking up. Then, there’s also a Wikipedia article. Like the original Norton,
Frank is shown certain deference by the discriminating, given free meals and so on. Amazing how history repeats itself,
isn’t it? Just like this advert. We will always welcome Frank Chu at Ask Dr. Hal! He did skip out on us two weeks ago
when we went on during the Evening of the Same Day as the St. Stupid’s Day Parade (see The Dr. Hal Report, Vol. IX,
No. 21) –and Frank, who marched with the surging throng of Stupid-ites –we saw him there– wore himself out and
never made it to the show. We do think it more than likely that for this our final blow-out, you’ll see him there.
See him right now, if you want to, in the Puzzling Evidence video clip of our February 25th show (Part 2) by clicking
on the link you’ll find in the Monstrous Column of URLs at the bottom of The Dr. Hal Report.
COMPUTER FREEBOOTER A STRAIGHT-SHOOTER !
Straight shots of Fernet Branca, that is. In a cloud of swirling incense, David “Yo-Yo Pro” Capurro, a mainstay
of our show for lo these many years, provides a running visual commentary to all that is said and done as the show
goes on. It works like this: we mention a topic, David operates his keyboard, and almost instantly there’s a related image
up on the screen. You should have been there to see how he augmented the presentation of our special Guest, Zero
Boy. Keeping up with Zero is an achievement in itself. I.J. (Internet Jockey) Capurro, also known for his alter-identity
Yo-Yo Pro, one of the original Monsters of Yo-Yo and Master of Yo-Yo Fu extraordinaire, is a multi-talented, accomplished
baker and a competent guitarist. A cool customer– but he really lives for but one purpose. His main delight in this life is
to ask an anonymous question at Ask Dr. Hal! and get Chicken, unknowingly, to pour him a free shot of Fernet. And in
this, strangely enough, he always succeeds. And– can he ever put away the Fernet! He sure can do it. So he does it. That
settles it.
PETE GOLDIE MARKS OUR PLACE– IN SPACE!
Hey, kids! Ask Resident Astronomer Pete Goldie why NASA’s new planet-hunting telescope has beamed back the first
images of a patch of faraway sky in the Milky Way Galaxy where it hopes to find Earthlike planets! Yes, NASA on Thursday
released several images snapped by that Kepler Space Telescope earlier this month, including a view of a distant part of our
galaxy containing some 14 million stars. Scientists say more than 100,000 of those stars are potential candidates for
research. Launched back in March, Kepler will spend three-and-a-half years studying these stars in search of small, rocky
planets like our own Tellus, or Terra. (That’s the same as Earth, gravity-well dwellers.) The $600 million mission will begin
searching after engineers tune up Kepler’s science instruments in the next few weeks. Meanwhile, still soaring high in the
eastern sky and almost overhead at around midnight are the two stars marking the Hunting Dogs, in Latin known as Canes
Venatici. Located about a third of the way from the end of the Big Dipper’s handle and below it, these dogs were placed in
the heavens by the Gods long ago to assist Bootes, the Bear Driver in his daily task of pursuing the Big Bear (Ursa Major)
around and around the pole of the Celestial Realm. (That Bear is of course the Big Dipper as we know it in our time. Back in
the Middle Ages they called this familiar constellation the Wain (wagon), as it resembles one (more than a bear, we think,
but not, perhaps, as much as a Dipper). So, that would make the Venatici the harriers of a wagon, not a bear. Dogs will run
after vehicles, won’t they? And Pete is right out there with his backyard telescope, making observations and notes. Were
you at Lost Vegas? Visit Pete’s Quantum Entanglement Game? If you attend our show you know him as our own ADH
Science expert. And, despite the needlessly abusive low-comedy sallies of Chicken, as sure as Entropy, Pete (when not
interrupted by a rampaging rogue gorilla, a giant, dancing human-sized chicken, a monstrous cross-species hybrid of the
two forms or an unseemly eructation of copulating, birth-giving, screaming, roof-dwelling hillbillies) just could be going to be
telling each and every one of us about these celestial mutts and other phenomena of the sky. Al-l-l-l-l-l about ’em. One last
time. Enjoy!
CHICKEN JOHN SEZ:
“Hey, everybody– come see the Ask Dr. Hal! Show in a brand new location: my living room. It’s four guys doing
improv, on 4 different levels. It can be amazing, This is the last one of these… of these… this is the… last one.”
NOT A BAR– BUT YOU CAN DRINK!
So there won’t be any John Barleycorn for sale, OK, alcoholics? We don’t do the show in a bar any more. So, though it’s OK
to drink, if you want to you need to BRING YOUR OWN. We encourage you to BRING ALCOHOL. Of course, good questions
will still be ree-warded in the traditional manner– with that old standby, Fernet Branca, –the “Miracle Liquor.” That’s how
Paul Pot and David “Cappy” Capurro (see above) do it, folks– and that’s the one way you can still get a drink at Ask Dr. Hal!
By the way, in our forthcoming shows at the Bluesix Acoustic Room, there will be a bar and you will be able to buy alcohol…
THE ASK DR. HAL! SHOW – FEATURING FRANK CHU – CHICKEN JOHN – DR. HAL – KrOB – PETE GOLDIE – DAVID CAPURRO –
ALL QUESTIONS CHEERFULLY ANSWERED – BARDIC RECITATIONS – FERNET GIVEAWAYS – THE BEST CARTOONS YOU
NEVER SAW – KrOB MONSTER CLIPS – WITH SPECIAL GUESTS THOSE ROOF-DWELLING HILLBILLIES THE “PO’BUCKETS”
– DONATION TEN DOLLARS OR SO – AS CLOSE AS YOU THINK YOU CAN COME – OUR DROP DEAD GORGEOUS DOOR-GIRL
WILL BE THERE TO TAKE YOUR MONEY AND STEAL YOUR HEART AS YOU CROSS HER PALM & OUR THRESHOLD. MAN!
ISN’T SHE LOVELY? WELL– ALL RIGHT, WE ADMIT IT– IT WON’T BE HER. YES, IT’LL BE ROBERT LEVY. YOU SEE, THAT
DOOR-GIRL, ER, GOT WISE TO US– AND IS GONE– LONG GONE… ANYWAY, COME ALL, COME ONE, SHOW’S DONE, DONE,
DONE…
SOCIAL NOTES 2.0
As a Public Service, we re-print the last issue’s “Social Notes” column. Last week there was no Ask Dr. Hal! Show, and all
references are to our 22nd performance. Some emendations, deletions and additions appear in the text. -Ed.
The latest Ask Dr. Hal! Show was a rip-roaring whirlwind of “irritainment,” as some call it. We did so well that we ran out
of chairs… we had ’em sitting on the floor & standing in the aisles. Maybe our headliner, zegnotronic Zero Boy swelled the
draw– he did one of the greatest routines ever as he took us all on “A Trip to Coney Island,” ably assisted by incredibly fast
finger-work on the old Keyboard from dynamic David Capurro… or our other Special Guest the Right Honorable “Gadabout”
Gavin Newsom, Mayor of San Francisco. Although the much-in-demand Mayor Newsom is rarely in the State of California
these days as he skyes around the U.S. raising money for his Goober-natorial Campaign, last Wed. he flew back from Florida
that morning and appeared at his chum Chicken’s in time to do our show. (We understand His Honor is enjoying the beach in
Hawaii at the present time.) Too bad if you missed all this. You still have one more chance to see us while we’re hot. Just ask
dazzled David Lynam, or cute Carmen, who endured the dread kooky KrOB Moment (which happened to be a very long moment),
delectable Dawn Stott– she wasn’t the mystery chicken this time, but was present in an advisory capacity as lovely Lynae Straw
donned the feather’d livery… Ask pneumatic Pamela Lyons if she considered her time there well spent, or marmoreal Melissa…
Kurvaceous Kristina Baverstock might want to second her opinion– or perhaps enticing Emily… Torrid Tarin Towers was among us,
and roseate Rhiannon Charisse… Joyous Janay Growden & June-fresh Julie Holabird… Oh, well, there were some males there
also, as we said… Who can concentrate on them when in the presence of ravishing Robin Coomer? But sheer Love of Truth impels
us to note the attendance of dashing Deekoo L., ready Rhett, casual Casey Cripe, demented David W., palavering Paul Pot– during
the recitation, please! less verbage– but thanx 4 th’ herbage… photog-in-chief Puzzling Evidence… Nobody could deny that bravo,
Bishop Joey, a.k.a. edifying Ed Holmes was on deck, tanned, ready & rested after his previous wk.’s St. Stupid’s Day March on th’
First of April… You couldn’t avoid heckling Hillbillies sylvan Spy Emerson &, assisting as his Significant Other gave birth right
on our stage, manly Moses Grubb… Righteous Robert Levy added up the Score at the Door… Discerning D.S. Black was back…
Get the skinny on our show from any of them– or come yourself. You’ve got this final chance. After that, we interrupt our run.
Sorry– chevalier Chicken likes it that way… WORTHY OF NOTE: .HANDS OUT TO Hometown Gal HOLLIS: The fundraising
continues, all to provide financial help for our pal, Junkyard siren honey-haired Hollis Hawthorne, injured in a motorcycle mishap in
India & still in need of funds tho’ now ensconced at last in Stanford Medical Hospital on these shores. Sofar, th’ community has
raised almost 100 grand, we hear… You too can take part & donate– keep in touch with the latest developments at
http://friendsofhollis.blogspot.com/ –or, and this is even better– donate thru paypal @ elizastrack@gmail.com –help do a good
deed in an evil world. OUT & ABOUT: We saw Loop! Station @ Yoshi’s on Fri. the 17th, advertised here in our Last Number. Wotta
show! We were at the 10 o’ clock (they did 2 performances) & altho this duo never fails to please, they outdid themselves. There we
noted Zesty Zoli, he of the Golden Pipes, daringly décolleté damozel Deidre whose décolletage dazzled our perfervid (& perverted)
peepers, gentlemanly Geoffrey Smart, who stood deprived Dr. Hal a couple rounds of drinks, seduisante Sarah Harbin of Sparkle Motion,
Egoscue system advocate kurvaceous Krista Bray, beauteous Barbara Fried and Patron of the Theatre konniseur KrOB, among other old
friends & fellow-travelers…. Radiant Robin & serene Sam lit up the stage, opening, we kid you not, for mainliner Mos Def. But as we all filed
out, we felt the irony– & pitied all the clueless people lined up for his act, who’d never know how close they came to seeing the real show…
WORTHY OF NOTE: FAB FILM FUN Flash! Kinky KrOB’s Film Farm on the Bus has… flipped over from Monday to Friday night! Right!
(That is, the Bus hasn’t flipped over– not yet, at any rate, but note this schedule change!) Repeat: NOT MONday but FRIday! We know,
we were shocked too. Chicken changed the date again… & again. Then, just as we’d changed all the announcements & thought it now set
— wotta surprise! –he changed it again. Hard to keep up? Last time we were left with (metaphorical) egg on our faces as capricious Chicken
abruptly cancelled the whole megilla at the last minute. He only had confirmation from 10 would-be Film Farm-ers. Remember, if he
can’t confirm enuff folks to chip in the (entirely reasonable) TEN SMACKERS (to offset fuel costs, wear & tear, etc.) he sh*t-cans th’
entire enterprize. Just shoot him an email or whatever. The last one of these trips’ll be historic. Dr. Hal & KrOB fervently hope to see
YOU– that’s YOU– on that Magick Bus. Let two-fisted, tight-fisted cupiditous Chicken know you’re coming. And make that plain as a
pikestaff in the email, OK? Lastime, the disappointed would-be Film Farmers waited… and waited for chary Chicken at Ritual… until the
repugnant reality sank in. Sad Spy had made Snickerdoodles for the voyage, too… All were primed for the night– but instead ended up going
over to Pete Goldie’s to watch a movie in his Living Room. Hats off to saintly Sarah G. for putting up with us on short notice. No, not too
shabby. Quite entertaining, in fact– it doesn’t take a Colossal Superextravaganza to entertain us– still, it just wasn’t a Rocket Ride w/ challenger
Chicken at the wheel. Do recall, this is the last one until Commander Chicken returns from Chicken John’s Euro-Aquatic Adventure [TM] and
if you want to be aboard, schedule accordingly for… April 24th. Once again, Confirm with Chicken in advance or that mercurial fellow might
just decide to pull the rug out from under yet again, a painful prospect to contemplate… The picture? Not a Double Feature for this last outing,
but one lo-o-ong movie: IT’S A MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD WORLD, (Stanley Kramer, 1963). A fine movie to see on a bus, let alone on the bus.
Y’know, when it first appeared this ponderous picture seemed bloated– not all that funny. Still, there was that which drew you into it. And every
year since it’s seemed a better movie. Especially since we no longer have jocund Jim Backus, jackanapes Jerry Lewis, phunny Phil Silvers &
all the rest… not to mention the demented Dick Shawn sequence… See, it’s got the dream cast of the ages… But let kandid KrOB deliver the pitch.
Lazies & Genitalmen, Film Farm’s krazy kurator, KrOB, San Francisco: “Yes, a movie night on Chicken’s (APPLAUSE) Bus. Simple, you might
think… or you might just think simply. In either case, FILM FARM and DRIVE-OUT THEATER is a triumph of artificial selection… That’s probably
why it’s confused so many naturalists. Five years ago, it was spawned in the soggy dark of the Odeon Bar. Strange fertility gave rise to its
‘more than pure’ aesthetic. After the closing of the Odeon, it resurfaced for a short time. The indifference of Normalcy, which became
locally known as ‘Antigenic Drifter Syndrome’ or ‘Advertisements’ very nearly destroyed the show. Since then, back in the subtle care of
Odium Magistrato KrOB and Ringmonster Chicken John, it’s survived and prospered.. and for more than a year it’s evolved into the rolling
cinema it is today. Last year we did FILM FARM and it went something a little like this [Go to PUZZLING EVIDENCE You Tube video stream]: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyqgdRdQgNc Here’s what our Captain has to say about it [KrOB konfides]: ‘Drive out movie. You get on the
bus at Ritual at 8:00 on Friday, April 24th! We drive somewhere… We go to a place. Do a thing. The bus has 2 screens. It’s comfortable and
fun. And kinda stupid. KrOB edits little things for before and after the movies. They are amuzing (sic). There is popcorn. The movies he picks
are great. I drive. We get back around Midnight.’ “The show’s for people with their eyes wide open, who never see it coming,” kasual KrOB
kontinues. “Our Final Installment for this season of FILM FARM takes us to the Charles M. Schultz Sonoma County Airport to look at some
old planes (a very cheap knockoff of the Mojave Airplane Graveyard Tour… no real comparison except to say that there ARE some old
(flupped)-up jets and there ARE a couple of movie references – our feature presentation being one of them) and head to my friend’s (MOSTLY
MAGIC) store in Santa Rosa. Once downtown, we’ll have a snack (I recommend Gary Chu’s Chinese Food) and visit Ken Garr, the owner of the
shop and an extremely funny guy, buy some rubber chickens and squirting nickels, and maybe, just maybe we’ll get a magic show… if you’re
good, kids! Whattaya say? But wait– there’s more! FREE CANDY!! EYENOISE!! OLD-FASHIONEDS, MIXED ON A MOVING VEHICLE!! –and
lots MORE SURPRISES! (‘Surprises’ ‘being: things you may or may not actually like, and would certainly never, ever pay for…) WOO-HOO!” So
that’s it, according to kompletist KrOB. Whew! All this plug-ola’s really bloating the ole Column. And we’re not thru yet. Anyway, that’s th’ skinny
on the Last Voyage of Film Farm. Everything’s coming to an end. Be at Ritual Roasters, 1026 Valencia Street on Friday, April 24th at 8:00 PM
Sharp. [Note time change.] Have $10.00– and wotta bargain –ready for the Driver. If you don’t believe us (& who would after all these
changes?) –you’d believe Facebook, wouldn’t you? Sure you would, all you technology-enslaved automatons. OK, go to http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=65350611029
WORTHY OF NOTE: FAINEANT FOLLIES: The Era of Nonchalance is at hand! If you know what that means (or would like to), have we got a
project for you! Go to Dolores Park at any time. Bring a radio. Once you’re there, tune it to 107.9 FM. Yes, when you’re in upper Dolores Park,
you can listen to a continuous forty-five minute specially engineered dynamic Dr. Hal broadcast (there called Commander 14), running 24-7
on FM radio, 107.9 FM in (((stereo))). And it doesn’t stop there… But now we do…
AMUSING PUZZLING EVIDENCE YOU TUBE CLIPS!
Did you know you can watch some of the show right this minute? Well, thanx to Puzzling Evidence, you
can! Go ahead– scope out a few of the hi-lites from previous episodes of Ask Dr. Hal! –on You Tube! It’s easy!
It’s fun! It’s time-consuming! And it’s technologically au courant, and absolutely the next best thing to being there
in person! How? How, you say? You do? Why are you talking to your computer? Go ahead– just click, clickety-click,
on these handy URLs. Remember, if it won’t play, try watching in High Quality…
NOT FROM ASK DR. HAL! –But you will certainly want to see the PUZZ-EV VIDEO RECORD of the recent
STARS & GARTERS Show at Amnesia March 29th, which did feature the talents of KrOB & Dr. Hal! First, SEE Big
Ben Burke sing with shapely Jessy Roadkill, host Leon Redbone, Unicorn and the Bartender who hammered a
sharpened butter knife up his nose… (Pt. 1):
The William Tell Routine is featured, at the end of which, gorgeous Jessy Face is stripped before all via stage
magic, leaving her adorned only in her blushes– and a few insignificant decorations. You may want to watch
this one more than once– we find it endlessly refreshing. Burke’s Ode to a Brass Bikini, Feats of Strength, Lovely
Linda Robertson, Roadkill & Mack are also back for more sexy clowning… what’s not to like? (Pt. 1.1):
Then, Ravishing Roadkill & Curvaceous Claire Mack practice more All-Woman Feats of Stength! And then they
rock out! Oh… my… God… YEAH! Too bad if you missed that STARS & GARTERS Show (Pt. 2):
Dr. Hal plays the Cabin Boy on the Hindenburg as KrOB provides the Sound while the STARS & GARTERS beauties,
Jessy, Jessy & Claire present their puppet-&-people Play (Pt. 3):
It just gets better at the STARS & GARTERS Show when Lewd Lingerie-clad Lesbian Antics at the Beauty Parlor take
over the stage. PUZZ-EV also throws in a Special Effects shot, where, thru the Magick of Backwards Filming, Jessy
Face’s clothes actually go back on… What’ll they think of next? (Pt. 4):
All right, resume normal breathing and watch these Ask Dr. Hal! Show clips…
Pete Goldie blazes like a supernova as he opens on March 18th (Pt. 1):
Frank Chu & Laser-equipped Unicorns occupy Dr. Hal after his entrance as the questions start on March 18th (Pt. 2):
Chicken is busted for Twittering during the show & we land on the Moon once more on March 18th (Pt. 3):
Underdog (cartoon character) occupies us, along with bickering hillbillies on March 18th (Pt. 4):
Pete Goldie blazes a trail as the show begins, detailing the Kepler Mission on March 11th (Pt. 1):
More of Blake’s Milton and a visit from Frank Chu swings the Show into magnum motion
March 11th (Pt. 2):
Now, dream about hornet stings, how to get laid, SubGenius pedigrees, Spy’s KroB moment, personal food
waste size, Frank Chu’s terms and whether or not the 8-Ball knows anything, from March 11th (Pt. 3):
For the last of the courtly poets, some Shelley, a one-armed Viking problem and yet more poetry finish our
excerpt from March 11th (Pt. 4):
Pete Goldie Peers at Comet 134340; Chicken’s recommendations on Baby & Child Care
start things March 4th (Pt. 1):
Satan’s panties & Superman’s orgasm are highlighted after more of Blake’s Milton March 4th (Pt. 2):
Making the best of a bad assignment, Dr. Hal improvises poetically on Politics & Economics
March 4th (Pt. 3):
Micturation apprehended is seen as a question, as is the Nature of the Conspiracy March 4th (Pt. 4):
The show launches with Chicken’s Monologue and Pete Goldie’s paideutic presentation; we
examine the surface of the planet Mars and look at active Neutron Stars February 25th (Pt. 1):
Midget cover bands, Hillbilly interference, and Frank Chu all contribute on February 25th (Pt. 2):
SubGenius propaganda leads the ADH onslaught on February 25th (Pt. 3):
The Skeleton in Armor closes the show with the saga of a Viking’s life and death on February 25th (Pt. 4):
Pete Goldie puts out a Church Air-flavored Science Sizzler @ ADH, more, on February 18th – The first part:
The Price of scrap steel and stock analysis from Chicken intros Dr. Hal’s Wm. Blake recitation on February 18th
in (Pt. 2):
More of February 18th’s hard-hitting Hal Show hammers the point(s) home (Pt. 3) including the dread KrOB
Moment:
Chicken gets a giant spider in the U.S. Mail and welcomes Pete Goldie in the first
of two parts from ADH on February 11th (Pt. 1):
Frank Chu appears like a wandering ghost to haunt our rain-dogged Feb. 11th folly
(Pt. 2), more:
Just get an eyeload of the first part of February 4th’s febrile free-for-all (Pt. 1):
Now permit yourself a peek at the next cheering chunk from Puzz-Ev TV (Pt. 2):
Observe now the orisons of the terminal trefoil tingle of Feb. 4th’s farandole (Pt. 3):
Scrutinize spectacular samples from our circuitous circus on January 28th (Pt. 1):
Peruse the second part of January 28th’s nonpareil Nonesuch (Pt. 2):
The third part & 2nd iteration of Jan. 28th’s performance sensation (Pt. 3):
View variegated visions from our proactive presentation in mid-January of this young year
January 14th (Pt. 1):
The second part of PUZZ-EV’s commanding compilation of the best of ADH’s mid-month
marvel (Pt. 2):
Here’s the skinny on the first show of 2009, in You Tube Edit form, January 7th (Pt. 1):
The second helping of our succulent show smorgasbord (Pt. 2):
Look & wonder as you observe pivotal occurrences from our last show of the year (New Year’s
Eve) December 31st (Pt. 1):
The second half of PUZZ-EV’s hard-hitting slice of our New Year’s omnivorous omnibus (Pt. 2):
Gaze now at this exceptional edit, excerpted from our recent exhilarating December 24th
performance (Pt. 1):
Behold the second half of the exciting “extreme” excerpt of the show on December 24th
(Pt. 2):
Scope out outré out-takes from our December 17th serendipitous show:
Take in tantalizing tid-bits from our December 10th show. Try clicking on this:
Peer at picturesque portions picked from our December 3rd show. Click on this, or, if that doesn’t work, just cut and
paste it into your browser:
Audit choice fragments from our November 26th show on You Tube, courtesy of Puzzling Evidence. SEE Chicken
unfairly berate KrOB. HEAR Dr. Hal as he wanders farther afield even than usual in his meandering “answers” to
several questions.
Just go to:
See selected clips from November 19th’s show. Warning to Parents:
Chicken really ladles out those !!?@#$%?!! cuss-words.
Go to:
For those who would like to indulge themselves in one final wallow in the mire of partisan politics from last year’s
endless-seeming Presidential election, check out this ultra-entertaining (Adult-themed) Puzzling Evidence video
clip from the ADH Pirate Cat radio show featuring Dr. Hal, KrOB, Pete “Savant” Goldie and the additional appearance
of special guests Presidential Candidate John McTaint and vivacious wife Sindi McTaint. Yowza! Go to:
See you at Chez Poulet one more time, Wednesday night!