Chicken is gone, but not ASK Dr. HAL!
(In a way…)
ANNOUNCING:
WHILE CHICKEN’S GONE, THERE’S A DIFFERENT, CONTINUING
DR. HAL SHOW…
“Ask Dr. Hal! 2.0: Conversations with Dr. Hal”
WEDNESDAY, April 29th!
ALL-NEW VENUE
…AT THE BLUESIX ACOUSTIC ROOM
3043 24th Street
24th Street at Treat
A F T E R   N I N E
Admission $10.00 or what you can… no one turned away… full bar
The Dr. Hal Report
Vol. X                                                                  No. 1
“While the cat’s away, the mice will play.”

                                                    — Ancient Proverb

WE ARE STILL AROUND…
JUST NOT AT THE CHEZ POULET  GALLERY-CABARET
WITH A ROTATING SERIES OF HOSTS!
THIS WEEK’S SPECIAL ‘GUEST CHICKEN’
–-ROBIN COOMER!
Yes, that Robin Coomer!
THIS WEEK:
RADIO REJUVENATION  – DEATH & REGENERATION: ADH 2.0 – SMALLER, MORE INTIMATE NEW SHOWS, NEW “CHICKENS” (THOUGH NOT THE REAL ONE) – ROBIN
COOMER RULES – WHEN CHASMOSAURS ATTACK IS KrOB’S KLASSIC KLIP – TORTOISE WINS BY A HARE – THE ADVENTURES OF CHICKEN JOHN – YOU AND
FRANK CHU – PETE GOLDIE’S ASTRO-FACTS: THE GIANT SPACE BLOB – DRINK YOURSELF COMATOSE – SOCIAL NOTES  – RESIST THE EVIL PROGRAMMING OF
JEJUNEIST CULT: HEAR COMMANDER 14 OF NONCHALANCE’S BROADCAST 24-7
IN UPPER DOLORES PARK – YOKED EVEN MORE WITH YOU TUBE; PUZZO’S NUDEST CLIPS WILL MAKE YOU SEE STARS (& GARTERS); NEW VIEWS OF OLD SHOWS…

“ASK DR. HAL 2.0– CONVERSATIONS WITH DR. HAL!”
This is a message for all friends of Ask Dr. Hal! The shows at Chicken’s place on Cesar Chavez
are suspended for the time being while he’s away. And for that time– five to eight weeks– there will
still be a version of the show going on each Wednesday night
until his return. Not the same show you’ve been seeing at Chez Poulet, but with certain similarities, as well as differences. Yes,
though Chicken won’t be on hand, this new, interim show will be moderated by rotating guest hosts– “Mock Chickens,” if you will. We also intend to broadcast the show live on the newest Pirate radio station, FCC Free Radio. This station is just starting up– we expect to be on the air by our second or third performance. Check out http://FCCFREERADIO.com
And still more is in the works. The first of these is Wednesday (of course) April 29th, around our regular start-time. And we hope, friends of Ask Dr. Hal!, that we will bring many of our current
audience members to our projected new venue:

The Bluesix Acoustic Room, 3043 24th St. in
the Mission (at Treat), not far from the abandoned, tightly-shuttered Chez Poulet. It’s easy to find,
just a few blocks east of the 24th St. BART station (East Bay Ask Dr. Hal! fans take note).

with…
YOUR HOST– ROBIN COOMER!
We don’t have Chicken to kick around any more, to paraphrase the late Richard Nixon. Of course,
like old “Tricky Dick,” Chicken will be back before you know it– you can’t keep a good man down.
But in his absence, this version of the show will be hosted by a series of Guest Hosts– and first and foremost among these will be the breathtakingly beautiful and talented Robin Coomer– a long-time friend of our show who will now ask the questions and ride herd on the answers. But how did we get Robin to do this? Let’s just say– we lucked out.

WHEN CHASMOSAURS ATTACK!
Among the features of our previous show we are continuing will be the much talked-about KrOB Monster Klip. For our April 29th show, look for a KrOB Klassic, When Chasmosaurs Attack!
A parable of evolution and legendary history highlighted by exquisite stop-motion animation by the late David Allen under the direction of Jim Danforth. A cinematic gem with the “KrOB Touch.”
Seen at the “I Hate Cartoons”Cartoon Festival in 2004 and in the Odeon Bar. Narrated, as always, by Dr. Hal. But first, before that…

WE START… WITH A KLASSIC KARTOON!
Every episode of Ask Dr. Hal! begins with the showing of a carefully selected, iconic American animated cartoon. For our première at Bluesix, we’re showing another great Warner Bros. short
by our all-time favorite director, Bob Clampett. It’s Tortoise Wins by a Hare (1943), featuring Bugs Bunny– but probably not the Bugs that you know– or think you know. It’s a variation on Aesop’s story of The Tortoise and the Hare. Following Disney’s lead, a number of cartoons were made on the subject by the various studios. But, as usual, Warners (and Clampett) get in the last word. Bugs, as seen here, is irritable, choleric and unethical, to say the least. He’s certainly not Chuck Jones’s  unflappable, somewhat gay Bugs. He snarls, spits out carrot chunks, winks and leers at the audience. As his face distorts during his tantrums, you can see all his back teeth, not just the incisors. The ingenious plot brings in the Rabbit Mafia, who attempt to “fix” the race. The cartoon becomes a
devastating satire on American (Wartime) attitudes… And yes, this is, once again, one of those wild cartoons of yore which have had trouble running up against the censors over the years. It concludes with
Clampett’s oft-used “suicide gag,” where a number of the criminal rabbit characters blow their brains out at the conclusion, after realizing that they’ve been trying to sabotage Bugs throughout the cartoon, a bit that’s been cut from many TV prints, including versions shown on the Turner Channel’s Cartoon Network, TBS, and TNT. This whole idea, that children need “protection” from these cartoons, or any other work of art, is so wrong-headed, and oozes (originally) from the odious Reagan years and the
unexamined assumption that “cartoons are for kids.” But don’t believe it, Jack— cartoons are for all humanity, dig? The great cartoon makers never lost sight of this. Fear not– we guarantee, as always,
that no censorship will be in evidence at the Bluesix Acoustic Room– we’re taking pains to give you, as almost never seen these days, the whole thing, complete and uncut. So join us this Wednesday night, won’t you? –in time to catch up with yet another treasure of your Nation’s history and once-flourishing but now (that the Conspiracy has dumbed it all down) mostly vanished popular culture.
Remember, our show will start right up at the very moment the cartoon ends.

THE ADVENTURES OF CHICKEN JOHN!
As readers of this space know, ADH founder Chicken John Rinaldi is heading off to Europe to oversee a sort of preposterous regatta of “Art Boats.” The whole freakin’ flotilla will wind through the Continent’s historic waterways, ending at Venice just in time to crash the fabled Biennale di Venezia. As we hear reports of his progress, read every installment here– follow intrepid Chicken by proxy through Ruritania, Graustark, Syldavia, Borduria, Grand Fenwick and Freedonia. A Dr. Hal Report exclusive!

WHO’S THROUGH WITH FRANK CHU?
Yes, Frank is back! And we’ve got him! In fact, he never left! Whatever happens, as sure as the Lord made little green apples, the Emperor Norton of our own time, who regularly appears at
our show to deliver his Message, will be there! Most of the time, anyway. And the tangled tale of Frank Chu, told in these pages (See The Dr. Hal Report, Vol. IX, Nos. 14, 15 & 16), may come to include additional chapters. Like the original Norton, Frank is shown certain deference by the discriminating, given free meals and so on. We will always welcome Frank Chu at Ask Dr. Hal!
See him right now, if you want to, in the Puzzling Evidence video clip of our February 25th show (Part 2) by clicking on the link you’ll find down there in the Monstrous Column of URLs at the bottom of The Dr. Hal Report.

PETE GOLDIE’S SPACE INTERFACE!
Hey, kids! Ask Resident Astronomer Pete Goldie about the giant, unthinkably huge Space Blob recently spotted in the endless reaches of the starry realm! The enormous “what-is-it?” which dates
from when the universe was relatively young has got astronomers puzzled. Remember, because of the fixed speed of light in our cosmos, when we view its remotest objects we’re looking literally back in time. And, as observers peered back to when the universe was only 800 million years old, they found something that was out of proportion and out of time! It was gaseous, big, and emitted a certain type of radiation, but scientists don’t even know what to call it. So they just labeled it a radiation-emitting “blob.” Their peer-reviewed study will be published in next month’s edition of the Astrophysical
Journal. But what’s most remarkable about this blob is its size: It’s 55,000 light-years long! That’s comparable to the radius of the disk-shaped Milky Way, our own galaxy! According to many theories of the universe, nothing was supposed to be that big at that time. Fortunately, ADH fans won’t need to wait for that issue of the Journal; Pete will be right on hand to fill us all in.

A FULL BAR– YOU CAN DRINK!
This is the announcement a lot of you have been waiting for. Our host and barkeep, Bluesix’s amiable Joe the Bartender, Master Mixologist, will pour you any drink your little alcohol-sodden heart
craves. Of course, good questions will still be ree-warded in the traditional manner– with that old standby, Fernet Branca, –the “Miracle Liquor.”

SOCIAL NOTES

After so much of the usual jiggery-pokery by conniving Chicken about which show actually was our last,
a certain cynicism about these announcements was only proper. Was it a gag– would there really be “one
more” Ask Dr. Hal! Show? But no, that was really it… Still, folks who like us at the old Jean Poulet Gallery-
Cabaret have only to wait about a month and a half; rover Rinaldi will return around then & we’ll take up
where we left off… But now we have a chance to try an experimental version of ADH at a new site, which we
hope will be just as much fun in its own way… Our last iteration of the Old Show did go out in a blaze of glory,
though– we packed the house & had ’em sitting in the aisles… Eventually there’ll be a Puzzling Evidence
Video on You Tube for everybody who couldn’t make it that nite… In attendance were techno-whiz Trade Mark
Gunderson of the Evolution Control Committee avec posse (we’ve oft had the pleasure of doing radio with him
at Burning Man, as we did indeed last year), beauty Brooke Buchanan, sturdy Scott Klemmer, nonpareil Noah
Balmer, big Bob, juniper-fresh Jessie, & cuddly Cowbell… Stalwart Stu was there, ditto torrid Tarin Towers;
there was also no mistaking kurvaceous Kate Willett, whom we’re always glad to see… Ditto that for ravishing
Robin Coomer, the supremely talented chanteuse who’s giving our first Bluesix show a timely assist, malapert
Mable Syrup, enchanting Eileen Hassi, regina of Ritual Roasters, & delectable Dawn Stott… Dashing D.S.
Black, representing the beleaguered Art of Letters, lovely Lera Boroditsky representing the scientific community
& stand-up guy Sean Kelly standing in for the free-form Theater Arts covered between them the very best of the
institutions which support human civilization, which is good because we can’t do it alone… Then there was
amazing Amacker Bullwinkle, who just had a birthday, & resplendent Rhiannon Charisse, bright lite of the
Dark Room… Princely Paul de Jong & peripatetic Paul Pot were their irrepressible selves, but no one got hurt…
Computer-wiz Cappy’s pal & roomie kingly Ken was seen again in the krowd… The part of the human-sized
chicken, so essential to “Prof” Pete Goldie’s running gags, this time was essayed by heroic Hemptress, spirited
Sonjia Miles, p’rhaps the last time for awhile the feathered foil will stalk the show’s stage until the return of the
chief Chicken from overseas…One face from the past was the oblique Oops (yes, his real name) who hasn’t been
seen since the old-timey Odeon daze but was up to his old trix, marking up the money so much that the robots at
the bank wouldn’t recognize it when we attempted a nite deposit– better than when he useta tear up the bills into
small pieces, causing us to spend many an eve seated at the kitchen table fastening ’em back together with Scotch
tape… All in all, a great crowd for our grand finale at Chez Poulet… Now let’s see how this thing goes at Bluesix.
It’s a lot closer to B.A.R.T. via the 24th St. Station, so East Bay-ers won’t get stranded– we fear a few might have
been left high & dry, since the show, excessive in so many respects, also exceeded the time limit… That won’t
happen again, tho… Hope to see as many of you as can make it to the new place for our home base…

AMUSING PUZZLING EVIDENCE YOU TUBE CLIPS!
Did you know you can watch some of the show right this minute? Well, thanx to Puzzling Evidence, you can! Go ahead– scope out a few of the hi-lites from previous episodes of Ask Dr. Hal! –on You Tube! It’s easy! It’s fun! It’s time-consuming! And it’s technologically au courant, and absolutely the next best thing to being there in person! How? How, you say? You do? Why are you talking to your
computer? Go ahead– just click, clickety-click, on these handy URLs. Remember, if it won’t play, try watching in High Quality…

St. Stupid’s Day night and this was Ask Dr. Hal! (April 1st) The first part, with more soon to follow
(keep checking here!) from Puzz-Ev:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wp8cxpz4bv0&feature=channel_page

NOT FROM ASK DR. HAL! –But you will certainly want to see the PUZZ-EV VIDEO RECORD of the
recent STARS & GARTERS Show at Amnesia March 29th, which did feature the talents of KrOB & Dr.
Hal! First, SEE Big Ben Burke sing with shapely Jessy Roadkill, host Leon Redbone, Unicorn and the
Bartender who hammered a sharpened butter knife up his nose… (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpcteA1fHBE&feature=channel_page

The William Tell Routine is featured, at the end of which, gorgeous Jessy Face is stripped before all
via stage magic, leaving her adorned only in her blushes– and a few insignificant decorations. You
may want to watch this one more than once, Gentlemen– we find it endlessly refreshing. Burke’s Ode
to a Brass Bikini, Feats of Strength, Lovely Linda Robertson, Roadkill & Mack are also back for more
sexy clowning… what’s not to like? (Pt. 1.1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjSnRn_jDME&feature=channel_page

Then, Ravishing Roadkill & Curvaceous Claire Mack practice more All-Woman Feats of Stength! And
then they rock out! Oh… my… God… YEAH! Too bad if you missed that STARS & GARTERS Show
(Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D61tXANj8EI&feature=related

Dr. Hal plays the Cabin Boy on the Hindenburg as KrOB provides the Sound while the STARS &
GARTERS beauties, Jessy, Jessy & Claire present their puppet-&-people Play (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TNj71D2ZR4&feature=related

It just gets better at the STARS & GARTERS Show when Lewd Lingerie-clad Lesbian Antics at the
Beauty Parlor take over the stage. PUZZ-EV also throws in a Special Effects shot, where, thru the
Magick of Backwards Filming, Jessy Face’s clothes actually go back on… What’ll they think of
next? (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieU1H6SDao8&feature=related

All right, resume normal breathing and watch these Ask Dr. Hal! Show clips…

Pete Goldie documents a recent Asteroid Strike as March 25th’s show gets into gear (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhF3ov6jBDs&feature=channel_page

More from Blake’s Milton starts off the Dr. Hal portion March 25th (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOUl9qvDU6E&feature=channel_page

Then Dr. Hal smokes dope on stage, as urged, and the March 25th show worries Chicken
as it  becomes “psychedelic” (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qveNWHy0OXk&feature=channel_page

Chicken demands that Dr. Hal answer 3 questions at once– in ex tempore verse! What
happened? It was March 25th (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDb7TiBbMW0&feature=channel_page

Pete Goldie blazes like a supernova as he opens on March 18th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAOtGMsFICs&feature=channel_page

Frank Chu & Laser-equipped Unicorns occupy Dr. Hal after his entrance as the questions
start on March 18th (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8xSaZqyDcU&feature=channel_page

Chicken is busted for Twittering during the show & we land on the Moon once more on March
18th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6csEpKCZUIc&feature=channel_page

Underdog (cartoon character) occupies us, along with bickering hillbillies on March 18th (Pt. 4):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JNrtLjYXWw&feature=channel_page

Pete Goldie blazes a trail as the show begins, detailing the Kepler Mission on March 11th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9MjZtg_Sco&feature=channel_page

More of Blake’s Milton and a visit from Frank Chu swings the Show into magnum motion
March 11th (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QI3QAKLb13I&feature=channel_page

Now, dream about hornet stings, how to get laid, SubGenius pedigrees, Spy’s KroB moment,
personal food waste size, Frank Chu’s terms and whether or not the 8-Ball knows anything, from
March 11th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8pAKioBL14&feature=channel

For the last of the courtly poets, some Shelley, a one-armed Viking problem and yet more poetry
finish our excerpt from March 11th (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZWdsavr1qc&feature=channel

Pete Goldie Peers at Comet 134340; Chicken’s recommendations on Baby & Child Care
start things March 4th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L34P6ZtkMQU&feature=channel_page

Satan’s panties & Superman’s orgasm are highlighted after more of Blake’s Milton March 4th (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMi-2s6iKPk&feature=channel_page

Making the best of a bad assignment, Dr. Hal improvises poetically on Politics & Economics
March 4th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ifNGkwlkfM&feature=channel_page

Micturation apprehended is seen as a question, as is the Nature of the Conspiracy March 4th (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gfbqh2j4pPA&feature=channel_page

The show launches with Chicken’s Monologue and Pete Goldie’s paideutic presentation; we
examine the surface of the planet Mars and look at active Neutron Stars February 25th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqnnBW8CH1E&feature=related

Midget cover bands, Hillbilly interference, and Frank Chu all contribute on February 25th (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ua0rpp16PPY&feature=email

SubGenius propaganda leads the ADH onslaught on February 25th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVXXSfHV8xc&feature=related

The Skeleton in Armor closes the show with the saga of a Viking’s life and death on February
25th (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9hdIKnAgtE&feature=related

Pete Goldie puts out a Church Air-flavored Science Sizzler @ ADH, more, on February 18th – The
first part:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAxJj1PhMgE&feature=related

The Price of scrap steel and stock analysis from Chicken intros Dr. Hal’s Wm. Blake recitation on
February 18th in (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuEZoR8AaHw&feature=email

More of February 18th’s hard-hitting Hal Show hammers the point(s) home (Pt. 3) including the
dread KrOB Moment:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M43OesL3lsk&feature=related

Chicken gets a giant spider in the U.S. Mail and welcomes Pete Goldie in the firstof two parts from ADH on February 11th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nl4jZ7OZBFU&feature=channel_page

Frank Chu appears like a wandering ghost to haunt our rain-dogged Feb. 11th folly
(Pt. 2), more:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7D24ZWSxMMg&feature=channel_page

Just get an eyeload of the first part of February 4th’s febrile free-for-all (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7rC4Vv5N6w&feature=channel

Now permit yourself a peek at the next cheering chunk from Puzz-Ev TV (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2doUT-QvQI&feature=channel

Observe now the orisons of the terminal trefoil tingle of Feb. 4th’s farandole (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJHi3p97J18&feature=channel_page

Scrutinize spectacular samples from our circuitous circus on January 28th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IloOn7o1F0&feature=channel

Peruse the second part of January 28th’s nonpareil Nonesuch (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02c1-y1RV_M&feature=email

The third part & 2nd iteration of Jan. 28th’s performance sensation (Pt. 3):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JI1vYal4Z_0&feature=related

View variegated visions from our proactive presentation in mid-January of this young year
January 14th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZGpuy-4Il0&feature=channel

The second part of PUZZ-EV’s commanding compilation of the best of ADH’s mid-month
marvel (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYkU7VLEQKE&feature=related

Here’s the skinny on the first show of 2009, in You Tube Edit form, January 7th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJbgPrD_Jfc&feature=related

The second helping of our succulent show smorgasbord (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYhqbSmn30M&feature=related

Look & wonder as you observe pivotal occurrences from our last show of the year (New Year’s
Eve) December 31st (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2uUR1GJgQI&feature=channel_page

The second half of PUZZ-EV’s hard-hitting slice of our New Year’s omnivorous omnibus (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EITPiw4XPw8&feature=channel_page

Gaze now at this exceptional edit, excerpted from our recent exhilarating December 24th
performance (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJO2i73RR-Y&feature=channel

Behold the second half of the exciting “extreme” excerpt of the show on December 24th
(Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJeYyZ7jG9k&feature=channel

Scope out outré out-takes from our December 17th serendipitous show:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRIJURy6mpg&feature=channel

Take in tantalizing tid-bits from our December 10th show. Try clicking on this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SO-KGmQgvI&feature=channel

Peer at picturesque portions picked from our December 3rd show. Click on this, or, if that
doesn’t work, just cut and paste it into your browser:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_QToZF1LrA

Audit choice fragments from our November 26th show on You Tube, courtesy of Puzzling
Evidence. SEE Chicken unfairly berate KrOB. HEAR Dr. Hal as he wanders farther afield
even than usual in his meandering “answers” to several questions. Just go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NVLPHyiExc
See selected clips from November 19th’s show. Warning to Parents:
Chicken really ladles out those !!?@#$%?!! cuss-words.
Go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixlk8linoEs

For those who would like to indulge themselves in one final wallow in the mire of partisan
politics from last year’s endless-seeming Presidential election, check out this
ultra-entertaining (Adult-themed) Puzzling Evidence video clip from the late ADH Pirate
Cat radio show featuring Dr. Hal, KrOB, Pete “Savant” Goldie and the additional appearance
of special guests Presidential Candidate John McTaint and vivacious wife Sindi McTaint.
Yowza! Go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrfFcbcmo9I&feature=email

See you at the Bluesix Acoustic Room– Wednesday Night!