OF THE SUBGENIUS  BRING YOU ASK DR. HAL!

FOUNDED 1998 by CHICKEN JOHN.
You’ll Pay to Know…
…what You Really Think   
At VIRACOCHA ,  998 Valencia St.
CORNER OF VALENCIA ST. & 21ST
Admission $10.00
Doors Open 8:00 PM - Show begins 8:30 PM
(Please Note Early Start Time)
AN EVENING WITH DR. HAL AND FRIENDS
AN UNMATCHED LINE-UP OF ARTISTES & STARS JOINS THE SHOW FOR A
NIGHT OF UNPARALLELLED ENTERTAINMENT. COME ONE, COME ALL.

With Special Guest Opening Act:
SOPHIA, THE SINGING HARP LADY!
Also featuring:
ZERO BOY– MANHATTAN’S BEATBOX MIRACLE!
WHITMAN MCGOWAN — POET OF PUISSANCE
THE DEVIL-ETTES — A POUNDING, PULSATING
PHALANX OF PULCHRITUDE– À GOGO!
…AND (BY SPECIAL ARRANGEMENT) THE ONE & ONLY
“CONNIE” DOBBS — CONSORT OF THE EPOPT!
===================================
The Dr. Hal Report  
Vol. XVI,                                                         Number two

“Exuberance is Beauty.”
– Blake.
“The Road of Excess leads to the Palace of Wisdom.”
–Also Blake.

ADH! BARRELS ON WITH 2ND BOLD BACCHANAL
NEW SPACE TURNS OUT TO BE “THE PLACE”
  by Byron Harris
San Francisco– This Friday will bring this month’s iteration of the
all-new Ask Dr. Hal! show. But we must stress, once again, that this run of Ask Dr.
Hal! is not now being presented at its former habitation, the famous Chez Poulet
Galerie-Cabaret. Instead, for the time being, we now offer our End-of-March Show
at Viracocha, a cozy, tucked-away performance space at 998 Valencia Street, the
corner of 21st & Valencia.

” You Can’t Keep a Good Show Down– Unless You Mean the One
You’re Keeping Down in the Basement.”
– Obscure Saw

Heh, heh! We believe Viracocha is a good fit for our show, and that our regular &
expanding audience will enjoy its comfortable atmosphere and amenities. Yes, it’s in the
basement. Not just figuratively, but literally Underground. And it’s really nice down there.

Also, for this & future shows we’re once again reviving our older tradition of pre-shows
& opening acts.
Those who have been paying attention will remember that Our Founder, Chicken
John, actually got rid of all our opening acts, some years ago. He hated to be responsible
for their level of professionalism. He hated the amount of time they added to the show.
And he really hated– you guessed it –to pay them. But–

“We’re Bringin’ ‘em Back!”
Our recent ventures have shown that these shows –with ancillary acts– can still be
profitable, even enough to pay off guest performers. But note well that such a Utopian
scheme greatly depends on a decent-sized audience. Please attend, then, & cause
this theoretical concept to be born again, into reality.] It’s all about butts in seats, to put
it baldly.
As for Chicken John himself, he is taking a sabbatical from the show during the current season. Also conspicuously absent will beYo-yo Champion & Internet Proxy Surfer
David Capurro, who wants to spend more time with his family.
On March 30th, the rôle of Chicken John will be played by Mr. John Hell, Chief Inspector,
Grand Pandjandrum & Factotum of free-form radio sensation, Radio Valencia.
The part of David Capurro will be interpreted by Sean Kelly, of old Spanganga fame.

A LINE-UP THAT WON’T LIE DOWN!

FIRST…
KrOB’S KR-R-R-A-A-AZY KARTOON!
Just before each performance begins, at precisely 8:30 PM, we screen a great
animated cartoon– each one seven minutes of the best theatrical shorts ever
committed to film.
“REASON,” THE PROTO-DEMOCRAT, & “EMOTION,” THE PROTO-REPUBLICAN
This week KrOB proudly presents a marvelous selection, one of the Walt Disney
Studio’s rarely seen wartime propaganda cartoons, Reason and Emotion (1943),
directed for Disney by Bill Roberts. In this interesting film, we’re taken inside the
human head, male and female, to see the “operator,”the little guy inside (literally)
at the controls of the human personality. Haven’t you seen this set-up before?
As we recall, the old Bell Science Series of educational classroom films used it,
too, the one with Dr. Frank Baxter. We’re talking about how inside the human
head, see, there’s actually a harassed little guy sitting behind an enormous,
over-complicated control panel, operating the complex human body. (It goes
without saying that this begs the question of whether there’s an even smaller
gremlin inside that guy’s head, operating him). And, not too recently, you may
recall, in one of his movies Eddie Murphy played the rôle of a microscopic Eddie
Murphy,,, strange concept …inside the head of the full-sized version, operating the
same kind of keyboard. Murphy also, of course, doubled in brass to play that large
version of himself. [OK, completists, that movie is called Meet Dave (2008).] Anyway,
according to our featured cartoon, everybody’s head contains two of these little
characters, each vying for the driver’s seat.
WITH A FAMILIAR 1940′S ANIMATED CARTOON CHARACTER
We’ll say no more here anent the Inner Man concept. But by the way, it seems
that once again we’ll encounter the star of several of our earlier cartoons, the late
German Reichschancellor & Dictator, Adolf Hitler. Boy, that guy really gets
around, doesn’t he? You’re watching a cartoon, and, all of a sudden– huh? There’s
Hitler! Though Reason and Emotion has frequently been shown only as excerpts
in surveys about propaganda films (when it has been shown at all) we plan
to give you the whole thing complete and uncut. So join us on this last Friday
night of the month, in time to catch up with yet another treasure of your Nation’s
vanished popular culture. See how good hand-drawn animated cartoons once
used to be. Remember, our show will start right up at the very moment that the
cartoon ends. Hitler would want you to be late, wouldn’t he? So be on time!

“The “edited version” is almost worse than nothing at all… It should be seen in
its entirety. The editing doesn’t do a marvelous short [any] justice. Well worth
the trouble to find. Most highly recommended.”
–Robert Reynolds

THEN…
OPENING ACT: SOPHIA, THE SINGING HARP LADY!
We were fortunate to book this act. Sophia plays the harp, yes, & she performs
her own songs as well as traditional ones. Her voice has an emotionally compelling
sweetness & clarity– reportedly, her music has caused the eyes of the crustiest
old hippies to well up with tears in response… As a way of honoring the lyric impulse,
we’re beginning our show on a tranquil note of beauty & melody.

AND…
PETE GOLDIE SETS THE PACE– THROUGH SPACE!
Astronomer & Boffo Boffin Pete Goldie each week brings us new discoveries in
Space Science & the cosmos. A quondam NASA consultant, Dr. Goldie is particularly
interested in the Cassini Space Probe & often reports its findings. Indeed, above our
stage hangs the eternally present scale model of this voyager into far realms of
alienage & distance. He’ll likely give a run-down, perhaps, on how images from Cassini’s
cameras have revealed something that hasn’t been seen so well before: vertical ring
structures that are attributed to the gravitational effects of a 5-mile-wide (8-kilometer-
wide) moon.
RINGS AROUND SATURN
Over most of their area, Saturn’s main rings are only about 30 feet (10 meters) thick, but
the ring particles, thought to be mostly water ice, can be perturbed along their edges
by gravitational interactions with moons that circle in gaps within the rings. The latest
imagery focuses on a tiny moon called Daphnis, which pushes the ring material into
structures that tower as high as a mile (1.5 kilometers). These so-called shepherd
moons of the giant gas planet are thought to be responsible for every gap in the rings–
even for the rings themselves. (Though some gaps don’t seem to have an associated moon,
Pete will (probably) explain that they really do– but these “moonlets” just haven’t been
discovered yet.) With Cassini on the job, however, their discovery may come any day– in
which case Pete will no doubt let us in on it before the official NASA release. That’s right–
privileged information.
SOLAR SYSTEMS GONE HAYWIRE
In young solar systems around just-fledged baby stars, some orbits are more popular than
others, resulting in “planet deserts” or even “planet pile-ups.” Yes, recent findings
indicate that gas giant planets in other star systems are crashing & careening into each
other, smashing everything else nearby right out of its orbit. For a phenomenon you
should ask Pete about is one that has deeply puzzled  various dedicated deep-space
astronomers: rather than occupying orbits at regular distances from a star, giant gas planets
similar to our own system’s Jupiter and Saturn appear to prefer to occupy certain regions in mature
solar systems, while staying clear of others. It seems that high-energy radiation from baby sun-like
stars is the likely force that carves gaps in protoplanetary disks, the clouds of gas & dust that swirl
around young stars, swirling… & swirling… providing the raw materials for planets.
The gaps then act as barricades, corralling planets into certain orbits. The exact locations of
those gaps depend on the mass of these planets, but they generally occur in an area between one
& two astronomical units from the star (One astronomical unit, or AU, marks the average distance
from the Earth to the Sun; 93 million miles). Pete will explain this– that’s what he does.
And he does it all with sardonic humor, dry wit & rhetorical flair. Some people’s favorite part of
the show. He ends by showing the very latest picture– of his daughter, Daria.
So come down to Viracocha’s (literally) underground salon, where Pete will tell you a-a-l-l-l
about it…

AND…
WHITMAN MCGOWAN A.K.A. TRUNGPA BUMBLECHE,
WITH MARGERY SNYDER!
WHITMAN McGOWAN started his spoken word career reading poems at a back-alley
coffeehouse, The Espresso Bar in Pasadena, California, where he put poems for a
dollar each on the menu. After moving North to San Francisco (where his UC Santa
Barbara teacher Kenneth Rexroth previously held a famous salon) he became best
known for crafting a Pagan anthem, “White Folks Was Wild Once, Too,” performed
to great acclaim at last September’s Ask Dr. Hal! Show in Point Arena, California.
Whitman earned his stripes (visible in good light) in performance poetry touring Europe
a number of times around the turn of the Millennium, twice with rock n’ roll revue Le
Cirque Electrique, collaborating with excellent musicians of all types. Along the way
he garnered the title of nightclub wrestling champion of Dresden, Germany (memo to
rowdies: Don’t heckle this guy) & acquired on that same tour an alter ego, Trungpa
Bumbleché. He’s been published in Salon, PUBLIC HOUSE, The Edinburgh Castle Pub
anthology and countless other places. His spoken word & music recordings combine
storytelling, chant, comedy & “talksinging.”  Zeitgeist Press of Berkeley is coming
out later this year with a collection of his greatest performance hits, illustrated by
Firesign Theater art director Bruce Litz.
For us, the S.F. poet adds to the bubbling, seething A.D.H. gumbo with a new special
ingredient: a performance of his recitation “Every 8 Seconds” from his forthcoming,
soon-to-be-released CD “Look What The Cat Dragged In Again,” a number which
features melodious Margery Snyder playing some spooky Debussy on flute.
Just this alone is worth the admission price.

AND…
THE DEVIL-ETTES !
They wear pink miniskirts, white vinyl go-go boots & petite devil horns. And, frankly,
they’re adorable. Sassy, sultry, yet utterly All-American, The Devil-Ettes provide good,
clean fun for kids of all ages! (Especially male kids.)
These go-go goddesses have gained notoriety for “settin’ the fringe a flyin’” at their wacky,
wickedly wild high-energy shows. Keeping the lost art of go-go alive, these gals are living
interpretative masters of the most vivacious dances from the vortex of the heyday of 1960’s
Go-Go, including the Hully Gully, the Jamaican Ska, the Frug, the Watusi and oh, so many
more great dance steps! In addition to numerous performances in their hometown of San
Francisco, the girls’ fancy footwork has taken them to Las Vegas, New Orleans, Los Angeles
and beyond! Moreover, we are pleased to report that these beauties were featured in Atomic
magazine, GQ-Spain, The UTNE Reader, The Spectator, Dance Magazine, Hustler, British
scene magazine The Face & a huge 6-page spread in Deutsches Glamour (that’s Glamour
Magazine’s German edition to you). Local publications often feature them too, including the  cover of the San Francisco Independent, another recent cover feature in the 96 Hours section
of hometown newspaper The San Francisco Chronicle. They’ve gotten a gratifying amount of ink
in The SF Bay Guardian, The SF Weekly (where they were voted Best Garage Rock Dance
Troupe), The San Francisco Examiner and more, many more…
We emphasize– they’re NOT Burlesque performers, they’re NOT strippers, NOT pole
dancers– they’re honest-to-goodness GO-GO DANCERS! Right there before your very eyes.
You’ll think you’ve died and gone to Go-go Heaven.
Indeed, when the time comes, such an assessment may be, in all probability, fairly accurate.

AND…
ZERO BOY!
The performance dynamo known as Zero Boy has appeared with Dr. Hal before, at, for example,
Manhattan’s Theater For The New City in the East Village, & just last year as separate
attractions in Voluption, in Brooklyn, N.Y. And he has just guested in last month’s Ask Dr. Hal! show,
not to mention any number of our shows from earlier years.
Attentive listeners to Dr. Hal’s current radio program on Radio Valencia.FM, also called the Ask
Dr. Hal! Show, have heard him & Dr. Hal together, manically improvising for hours on end.
Now you can see him– live! Folks, he isn’t going to be in this neck of the woods forever. Catch
his act when you can. (This Friday would be a good time.)

” You can’t believe those sounds came out of a human mouth.”
–Kimmie Joan

AND… AND…
CONNIE DOBBS, HERSELF!
PRIMARY WIFE OF J.R. “BOB” DOBBS!
That’s correct, Pilgrim– incredibly, we will feature the ravishing Connie Dobbs, chief wife &
consort of assassinated Church of the SubGenius leader and Epopt, or “Anointed One,” J.R.
“Bob” Dobbs –& head of the Connieite Order within the controversial Church. Expect fireworks
from this tempestuous temptress, more than any ordinary man can handle–& live!

Now, Connie Dobbs make a freight train jump de track,
Connie Dobbs, she make a preacher ball de jack–
I say, dat Connie Dobbs, she make a Saint lay down his Slack.
–Traditional

Also on our programme:
KrOB’s Kompelling Klip: When Chasmosaurs Attack!
Monster Movie Moment– The Attack of a Berserk Chasmosaurine Dinosaur!
A creation revived by KrOB. Thought to have been permanently misplaced, this
chestnut was recently raked from the entropic fires of destruction, separated from
the chaosium & established as an element in the world of harmony.
Once again, frantic, anachronistic cavemen thrash it out with a bellicose behemoth
of the Mesozoic. Not a toothy, temperamental carnivore, either, this time, but a sanguine
Ceratopsian plant-eater. However, “placid” this plant-eater is not. Like the Cape Buffalo
of the present day, the particular Ceratopsian in question may be characterized as
bad-tempered, formidable &, frankly, ferocious.
It may be ill, which would explain its ire. Sick animals often withdraw to attempt to
heal in solitude. And this dinosaur is weirdly hanging out alone in a dark cave, not
what its naturally gregarious species is thought to have done. Our hapless troglodytes
should have known not to intrude, not once but twice– & the infuriated saurian
comes stomping out both times, ripping, bellowing, rampaging, and goring…
Ceratopsians are split into two subfamilies by taxonomists; those with short frills
(centrosaurines) such as Centrosaurus, & those with long frills (chasmosaurines)
like the eponymous Chasmosaurus. In addition to the larger frill, these long-frilled
beasts typically had longer faces & jaws as well– & it is suggested by some
paleontologists that they were most likely a bit more selective about the plants
they ate. Remember, long frills were a relatively late development in dinosaur evolution,
since even Chasmosaurus dates from the Late Cretaceous Period, 76 to 70 million years
before Ask Dr. Hal! The frill of Chasmosaurus has been described as “heart-shaped,”
since its bone structure consists of two large ‘loops’ from a central bone. The name refers
to the two “chasmae,” or holes, in that squamosoparietal frill; most ceratopsians had
openings like this to lighten the weight of that characteristic bony structure (although Triceratops, the most familiar ceratopsian of all, known by name by all children, uniquely
has a solid frill with no holes. Actually, the holes may even have developed very late in the
life of individuals of that species, but there’s no time to get into that here). Some finds
include a number of smaller ossifications (called epoccipitals), which grew clustered on the
outer edge of the frill, all part of this dinosaur’s showy ornamentation to draw the
attention of critical females as part of his mating display. However, we will not call this frill
a “shield.” Not in our write-up. It was so large, & yet so flimsy (since it was mainly skin
stretched between the bones) that it could not, we think, have provided much in the way of
functional defence. It was simply used to appear imposing.
Let’s go further out on this limb & posit a possible secondary function: a heat-exchanger
for purposes of thermoregulation. Why not? It’s our show, after all, an opportunity to
contribute to Science.
Now, like many ceratopsians, chasmosaurs had three main facial horns– one on the nose
& two on the brow. Different fossil finds have produced inconclusive results - one species of
Chasmosaurus, named C. kaiseni, bore long brow horns, while C. belli had only short ones.
Although these were initially named as different species, it now seems possible that sexual
dimorphism was at work, so that the long horns belonged to males & the shorter horns to
females. Could be, could be…
Interestingly, paleontologists have recently recovered some actual fossilized chasmosaur
skin. This skin appears to have had many bony knobs (osteoderms), with five or six sides
each. These knobs, or tubercles, were a standard feature of dinosaur skin. And you will get
a good look at the creature’s skin during its more than one exaggeratedly violent rampages.
You’ll see its epoccipitals, too, as it bashes and mangles its shrieking caveman victims.
Yes, cavemen are variously trampled, impaled, gored & bitten, before the trumpeting,
bellowing Chasm-osaurus meets an equally spectacular demise, from falling from a great
height to its death– into… a chasm, of course. Get it? Ker-splat! –ugghhh…
It’s scientific! Educational!
This is stop-motion animation by the late David Allen & the great Jim Danforth, along
with many other evolutionary ingredients popped into the pot by KrOB to brew up one of the
more popular KrOB Dinosaur Monster Movie Edits. It’s been shown at the Odeon Bar, &
was also exhibited a few years back as part of the I Hate Cartoons Animation Festival,
curated by our old pal Attaboy & narrated then, as it will be the night of Friday, March
30th at Viracocha, 998 Valencia Street, by Dr. Howland Owll.
If you missed it before, catch it this time!

Social Notes
Our 1st Viracocha show back in Feb. was the bee’s knees– after much fretting, sweating
& gnawing our claws, the whole thing went pretty well… We had a good-sized crowd early
enough on so that we could start KrOB’s Kartoon right at half-past eight,  just the way we
wanted… Back in the old Odeon days & after, we’d almost always have to wait until around
10 PM or later before we could get started… don’t know why… there was a missing cable, or
gorilla suit or something… but now… wow! We’re started earlier & we have room for beaucoup
variety! Like zestful Zero Boy, f’r example! Manhattan’s Beatbox Barnstormer was well met
with his 30 min. set… He’ll be back for more this Fri., you bet… He’s been helping demented
Dr. Hal improvise free-form stream-of-consciousness radio on The Ask Dr. Hal! Show on
Radio, on S.F.’s own radical RadioValencia.FM… ahem… No kidding, give it a listen… With
podcasts you can “tune in” any time… And beyond our hero Zoroastrian Zero we had plenty
more going on, but plenty… Those Pandemonium Puppets, now, they larruped & lampooned
Controversial Candidate Republican Ron Paul, & limelighter Lucky Anderson brought down the
house with his prodigious feets of strength… Truly a marvel…Guests at the fest included joyous
Jeanette, luscious Linda Snyder, moving Maggie Matulia, just-plain-gorgeous Jamie Pickard,
ravishing Robin Coomer, magnificent Mickey and jaunty John Shirley, puissant Paul Mavrides,
krazy Ken Kneisel, languid Leslie Sternbergh & kurvaceous Kimmie Joan,.. Among manly
men in attendance were magnificent Moss, stalwart Steve Mobia & steadfast Sean Taylor…
Working for the show we had on our side righteous Robert Levy, kreative KrOB & sprightly Spy
Emerson who kavorted with karefree KrOB & wild man Walter Laing, as all the while peripatetic
Puzzling Evidence recorded everything with the all-seeing Eye of his constant camera…
View the whole show, or at least a chunk of it, on You Tube, Rube, on his Puzzling Evidence
Channel… We boasted the host with the most as jolly John Hell dispensed bon mots & Fernet
shotz… Winsome winners of the coveted Golden Rutabaga Award were the studly Smoke Pot
Guys; accepting on their behalf (princely Phineas T. Smokepott & placid Pete Puffinstuff) kingly
Ken Kneisel sadly didn’t get to his thank-yous before overeager flunkies forced him from the stage.
Meanwhile, saboteurs had slipped sultry Spy Girlfriday a mickey, but she still managed to present
the golden trophy– kachinnating Ken raised it high & declared “I’m king of the world!” Well, maybe
you had to be there. But… if so, why weren’t you? Come this time!

==The Ask Dr. Hal! Show!==
– Featuring the eerie powers of
Dr. Howland Owll
With your host JOHN HELL of Radio Valencia -
With Patented “Eyenoise,” Special Visual Effects,
Monster Clips, Soundscape & Musical Distortion by
KrOB
Science Department: PETE GOLDIE
I.T. Liaison: SEAN KELLY
Girl Friday: SPY EMERSON
MYSTERY GUESTS - BARDIC RECITATIONS -
SOPHIA THE HARP LADY, WHITMAN MCGOWAN,
ZERO BOY & CONNIE DOBBS HERSELF -
BRUTAL DINOSAUR ATTACK - ANIMATED CARTOON -
GIRLS - GAGS - SURPRISES - FERNET SHOTS -

== Come One, Come All! ==
————————————————————————————————-

BOILERPLATE
Ask Dr. Hal! founded by Chicken John Rinaldi in 1998. A popular favorite for 12 years in varied cities & venues.
A legendary performance. Scientific. Educational. NOT for children & those easily shocked. A memorable night out.
“Ask & ye shall receive.” No refunds. Come on time to see the opening acts. Bill is long, & we cannot delay curtain.
Show will end before Midnight. Do YOU have a variety act you would like to perform to open for us? Now taking
submissions. Telephone our booking office at (415) 642-6312. Viracocha information hotline: (415) 374-7048.
WATCH Ask Dr. Hal! on You Tube on the Puzzling Evidence Channel. HEAR Ask Dr. Hal! on
San Francisco’s best Pirate Radio station, listener-supported Radio Valencia.FM
 

VIRACOCHA - 998 Valencia St.

Admission $10.00
Doors Open 8:00 PM - Show begins 8:30 PM

ASK DR. HAL! RETURNS!
=======You Can’t Keep a Good Show Down =======

The Ask Dr. Hal! show is coming back– at a new location!

AN EVENING WITH DR. HAL AND FRIENDS
A VARIEGATED SPECTRUM OF ARTISTES & STARS. A PREVIEW NIGHT OF
OUR RETURN. COME ONE, COME ALL. IT IS HAPPENING AGAIN, AT LAST.
With Special Guest Opening Act:
ZERO BOY!
===================================
The Dr. Hal Report                   
Vol.XVI                                                                     No. 1
“The Earth doth like a Snake renew
Her Winter Weeds outworn.”
–Shelley.
“Our Shelter from the Stormy Blast.”
–Isaac Watts.
   “…snug
As a Bug in a Rug.” –Benjamin Franklin

ADH! RETURNS AFTER LONG ABSENCE
NEW SPACE ADDS SPICE– BUT AS NICE?

   by Byron Harris

San Francisco– This coming Saturday marks the
debut of the all-new Ask Dr. Hal! show.

Or perhaps, the date actually marks a re-continuance
of the old show, the same old show in many respects.

This iteration of Ask Dr. Hal! will not, however, be
presented once again at its former habitation, the famous
Chez Poulet Galerie-Cabaret.

For the time being, we have parted ways with Chez
Poulet and now offer our February Preview Show at
Viracocha, a cozy, tucked-away performance
space at 998 Valencia Street, the corner of 21st &
Valencia.

“You Can’t Keep a Good Show Down–
Unless You Mean the One You‘re Keeping
Down in the Basement.”

We believe Viracocha is a good fit for our show, and that
our regular & expanding audience will enjoy its
comfortable atmosphere and amenities.

And for this & future shows we’re reviving our older
tradition of pre-shows and opening acts.
Our Founder, Chicken John, got rid of the opening acts
some years ago.

He hated to be responsible for their level
of professionalism. He hated the amount of time they
added to the show. And he really hated– bless him! to
pay them. But–   

We‘re Bringin’ ‘em Back!

Our recent ventures have shown that these shows
can still be profitable, even enough to pay off guest
performers.

[Of course, such a Utopian scheme greatly depends
on a decent-sized audience to pull off that sort of thing.
Please attend and cause this theoretical concept to be
born again, into a reality.]

As for Chicken John himself, he is taking a sabbatical
from the show during the current season. Also conspicuously
absent will beYo-yo Champion and Internet Proxy Surfer David
Capurro.  

FIRST…
KrOB’S KR-R-R-A-A-AZY KARTOON!
“Book Revue!” (1946)
Just before every performance begins, we screen a great
animated cartoon– each one seven minutes of the best
theatrical shorts ever committed to film. And this week,
we’re presenting a mind-boggling work of our favorite
all-time animation director, Bob Clampett (1913­1984).
The film: the outstanding Warner Bros. short, Book Revue
(1945). In 1994 it was voted #45 of The 50 Greatest Cartoons
of all time by members of the animation field. At first, Book
Revue seems to be one of those pedestrian cartoons wherein
“after Midnight, books in a bookstore come to life” of the
type that frequently appeared under the Merrie Melodies banner
(such as 1938’s Have You Got any Castles). But it quickly
spins wildly out of control from this sedate premise in true
Clampett style as a manic Daffy Duck (Clampett’s Daffy, not
Chuck Jones’s Duck) enters and takes over.
The cartoon is loaded with puns and pop culture references,
even by Warner standards. After this lampoon, Warner never
issued another cartoon of that genre– the subject had been
exhausted.
Like all Clampett cartoons, Book Revue (later released as Book
Review, spoiling the pun), has run into censorship problems in
this over-protective, social-engineered age.
For example, Daffy’s line about “La Cucharacha,” “So round,
so firm, so fully packed, so easy on the draw” is often cut by
the crowd of PC Nervous Nellies (possibly because of its
sexual innuendo), though this line is actually one of the taglines
for Lucky Strike cigarettes. Actually, the same people don’t
want you to mention the cigarettes, either, come to think of it.
Oh, well– forget them– we are, as always, taking pains to give
you the whole thing, complete and uncut. So join us this
Saturday night, won’t you? –in time to catch up with yet
another treasure of your Nation’s once flourishing but now
(that the Conspiracy has dumbed it all down) mostly vanished
popular culture. Be amazed at how good a cartoon can be. 

Remember, our show will start right up at the very moment
the cartoon ends. So be on time!

Then…
Opening Act: Pandemonium Puppet Theatre!
Aristotle (384 BC – 322 BC) uses puppets as an exemplum in his
noted work, De Motu Animalium (On the Motion of Animals).
To refresh your memory, that formidable Hellenic sage wrote:
“The movements of animals may be compared with those of
automatic puppets, which are activated on the occasion of a tiny
movement; the levers are released, and strike the twisted strings
against one another.” [N.B. Aristotle here sounds the same note as
pioneering entomologist J. Henri Fabré, who famously described
insects as “puppets” jerked about by “instinct,” whatever that is.
It all depends on who is pulling the strings, we guess.]
But the origin of puppet movement, though puppets are set
going by numerous methods– rods, strings, levers, stop motion
animation and so on –is the human hand. Come view a puppet
show which we think even old Aristotle would like. Puppets– those
little bastards can get away with just about anything (though we
intend to test this), according to puppetrix Spy Emerson.
From the folks who periodically bring you, “Happy Forever.”

Then…
Opening Act: Zero Boy!

“Zero Boy is the Elvis of the onomatopoeia, a man who has taken a
Junior High school lunchroom skill and raised and refined it to high art.
No one can touch him at what he does, yet it is impossible to use words to
tell you what that is. He has been called a vocal cartoonist, but he is much
more like a vocal cartoon…
“While  he has done heaps of radio (notably National Public Radio’s
Next Big Thing, where he’s had a regular feature called “Stump Zero Boy”),
his gift is not only aural but physical. Seeing him live is best. In a way, his
skill is cinematic. He uses his voice, hands and face to make your mind’s
eye see a picture… He has created an entirely unique theatre form.”
–Travalanche
Then…
Pete Goldie’s Super-Scientific Whatchamacallit

ADH Science solon Pete Goldie has been providing breathless audiences
with images from NASA’s Cassini Probe, and the excitement was palpable
at our last show, in Point Arena, CA (See The Dr. Hal Report, Vol. XV,
No. 1). What other show releases scientific information before NASA does?
Pete will be on hand this week too, with another presentation:  more of
the newest discoveries made in the endless reaches of the unfathomable
void. It’s an exciting time. Folks, it’s more than likely that this time “Doc”
Goldie will show us more from the Cassini-Huygens Probe’s newest roster of
discoveries. The roaming robot spacecraft once actually completed its
flyby of Titan (on Nov. 19, 2008), during an episode of the Ask Dr. Hal! Show,
passing that glabrous Saturnian moon at an altitude of 1,023 kilometers
(that’s 636 miles, Imperial Measure fans). During the intricately plotted, super-
close pass, the Visual and Infrared Mapping Spectrometer (VIMS) was
able, we hear, to image the region around the Huygens landing site at a
resolution of less than a kilometer per pixel. VIMS (and several other
instruments) also observed atmospheric composition and structure, while
Cassini’s fields and particles instruments focused on Titan’s interaction with
Saturn’s magnetosphere and the solar wind. And that was four years ago!
Just think what scientific advances have taken place since then!
Just because the Conspiracy News Media are full of the yowlings of all those
reactionary, power-mad, science-denying hillbillies, don’t get the idea that
the advancement of learning has slowed to a crawl. It hasn’t at our show,
anyway, thanks in large part to Pete, our own boffo boffin.
So come down to Viracocha’s (literally) underground salon, where Pete
will tell you a-a-l-l-l about it…

Also on our programme:
“WHEN EXTRATERRESTRIALS ATTACK EARTH!”
Ruthless Aggressors from Other Star Systems Bomb, Strafe
Planet’s Cities to Radioactive Rubble

KrOB usually provides us with specially re-edited footage of something
or other agressing against hapless humans.This whole bit, traditionally
about being attacked by (usually quite exotic) animals, though offered
up by us staunchly in the spirit of all fun, nonetheless pushes certain hard-
wired evolutionary buttons. As rational thought on the matter should
make plain, any animals should be more afraid of humans than vice
versa, if you look at the record so far… But… what if we were the
“animals,” lower in the hierarchical tier than we usually find (or place)
ourselves? What if there were Powers surpassing ours as we dominate
the brutes on our (and their) own planet? How would it feel? Not good, is
our answer. And KrOB’s been itching to put this one up on the big screen
for quite some time. This Saturday he gets his chance. Watch as the
Aliens, the Space People, the Sky Gods or what have you, put us in the
unenviable position of those poor moose (meece?) and wolves facing a
terrifying and inexplicable doom– being blasted from above by
Sarah Palin from a helicopter. You know, this might be the scariest
KrOB “edit” yet! We advise those who may be overly sensitive to such
material to turn away or shade their eyes. 

Social Notes
Our last show in secluded, bucolic Point Arena, California still has ‘em
talking about it, we hear. Although we were competing with a rampaging
rock concert across the st. from our vivacious venue, the Odd Fellows Hall
on historic Main St., we managed to knock ‘em dead– and pay everyone
off. Like our new run of S.F. ADH shows, we brought back our older M.O.
of multiple opening acts… We like the variety– improves the show, we
think… Host with the Most jaunty John Hell, we boast, gave us one hell of a
good roast– & you can watch him do it again at Viracocha… Of cuss, we
couldnna dunnit without ADH’s friends up there, so many & fair– chiefly
bodacious Blake More, provocative poet, and courageous Chris Campbell
–who took a chance on the viability of our viaticum… Then we had good
party favors from Jewel-brite Justin Credible, who helmed the after-show
dance party (& we’re hoping to get her to do it again for us)… Headliners
incldd. pugnacious “spokaoke” poet Whitman McGowan, a future Viracocha
opening act for our upcoming March 30th milestone (crease your calendar for
that one) accompanied by (barely) skin-clad Terpsichorean temptresses
nubile Nupondi & luscious Loana, 2 Neolithic & nubile cave babes with
anachronistic attitude, dancing up a storm… Also on the bill: the ever-appealing,
romantic Randy & ready Randi, aka fabulous Freddi Price & lovely Lilli Rose Love…
Renown’d Rusty Rebar, ADH Poet in Residence, wuz there to give us an incitant
Invocation & send-off to set the whole megilla in magnum motion. Meanwhile,
curvaceous Connie Dobbs gave our show some easy-on-the-eyes excitement,
esp. when we showed a clip she’d brought of her latest sinema sensation– to the
surprise of dumfounded Dr. Hal & others, this proved to be raw pornography, com-
plete with insertion shots & you-name it… Was our countenance crimson… Still
reeling from this, theatregoers were then treated, after our last Bardic Recitation,
to an extended address by the Church of the SubGenius’s own demented Dr.
Philo Drummond. Blue don’t begin to describe it, sports fans… More like indigo or
deep ultra-violet….This monumental Jeremiad shocked & stunned quite a few of
the maturer audience members, who were a bit unprepared for phlegmatic Philo’s
dramatic dissertation on “Anal Fissure Tissue” & its (mostly sexually/excretory-)
related addtnl. topicks… As we said, they’re still yakking abt. our Show up there…
Other familiar faces incldd. long-term fan Leslie Sternbergh Alexander, quondam
Brazilian Astronaut “Konga” Kiko Aumond, with superlative spouse jewel-like
Jenn “Jennalex” Alexander (no relation we know of to locomoting Leslie but who
also took that long N. Cal trip up for our sake, which takes th’ cake) & others… Sadly,
singer bemused Bryn Harris & belly dancer lost Lamia Jasmine were unaccountably
AWOL, tho’ advertised– yet we soldiered on, and there was so much on the bill we
insist they weren’t wholly missed… Kingly KrOB was on the job w/ some of his better
very special effects, tho’ doddering Dr. Hal still winces as he recalls how kruel KrOB
Puckishly piped in the Green Acres theme, right as he was trying to recite Annabel
Lee by edifying Eddie Poe… Paideutic Pete Goldie was in his element with a lengthy
smorgasbord of stars, planets, comets, moons & asteroids– & wait’ll y’all get a load
of  konquering KrOB’s newest invigorating intro to proud papa Pete’s act– worth
admission in itself, we say. Peripatetic Puzzling Evidence was grandly on hand to
shoot the proceedings, just so you can check ‘em out. What, you mean to say you
don’t look at the Puzzling Evidence Channel on YouTube? You can watch Ask Dr.
Hal! shows of the past on there, as long as you’ve got the stamina, until the cows come
home, & after… All in all, ’twas a great day for ADH & friends– & the next day, depraved
Dr. Hal decompressed with all sorts of California-type fun: skinny-dipping with chorus
girls from the show, then chasing unclothed chorus girls on nearby Bowling Ball Beach
(too bad they tend to run faster than he does, being a lot younger & fitter) & then, because
one picks up a lot of sand on those fabled CA. beaches, showering with those same
chorus girls –until one & all were sparkling clean… an udderly beautiful xperience… We
like our reception in P.A. & hope to make the whole affair an annual one. Here’s hoping
the Odd Fellows feel the same way and would like to host us 1nce more… Meanwhile,
come ‘n see how we fit in @ Viracocha, our new host space on Valencia– a hop, skip &
a jump from Ritual Roasters @ the site of the former Botanica Yoruba… Instead of Santeria
& sacrificing chickens, that space’ll now be the place for our show a-go-go. So…?

==The Ask Dr. Hal! Show!==
– Featuring the eerie powers of
  Dr. Howland Owll
With your host JOHN HELL of Radio Valencia -
With Patented “Eyenoise,” Special Visual Effects,
Monster Clips, Soundscape & Musical Direction by
KrOB
Science Department: PETE GOLDIE
I.T. Liaison: ROBERT LEVY
Girl Friday: SPY EMERSON
MYSTERY GUESTS - PUPPETS - BARDIC RECITATIONS -
ANIMATED CARTOONS - GIRLS - GAGS - SURPRISES -
THE GOLDEN RUTABAGA AWARDS CEREMONY -
–With Special Guest Star, ZERO BOY!!
== Come One, Come All! ==
—————————————————————————————————————-

BOILERPLATE
Ask Dr. Hal! founded by Chicken John Rinaldi in 1998. A popular favorite for 12 years in varied cities & venues.
A legendary performance. Scientific. Educational. NOT for children & those easily shocked. A memorable night out.
“Ask & ye shall receive.” No refunds. Come on time to see the opening acts. Bill is long, & we cannot delay curtain.
Show will end before Midnight. Do YOU have a variety act you would like to perform to open for us? Now taking
submissions. Telephone our booking office at (415) 642-6312. Viracocha information hotline: (415) 374-7048.
Unavoidably, duplication of names on our lists may occur; please excuse, and delete, additional copies of this
mailing if they arrive. WATCH Ask Dr. Hal! on You Tube on the Puzzling Evidence Channel. HEAR Ask Dr. Hal! on
San Francisco’s best Pirate Radio station, listener-supported Radio Valencia.FM

 

AN ANNUAL TRADITION– IT’S CHRISTMAS, CHICKEN JOHN!

Are you not going to get a gift this year? Are you far from your relations– or not speaking to them? Do you not have any family? Any friends? Are you cast adrift in a sea of emptiness and despair?

Will you have your Christmas Eve alone, drinking Scotch, looking
in the mirror? Are you not going to get even one wrapped present this
year?

Well, then. That’s terrible. Funny, but terrible.

But buck up, Bunky...

There is another option. You can find other people who are in the same boat as you– and spend your Christmas Day-night with them. Courtesy of us. 
No, I’m not talking about casual encounters on Craig’s List… I’m
talking about:

IT’S CHRISTMAS, CHICKEN JOHN! Yes, it’s happening once again. December 25th, 2011, Christmas Day! Come one, come all (at 9:00 PM and after) to that well-known, preposterous potlatch. Give and receive. Bring a wrapped present or two, get a gift in return at our Christmas Party, a holiday favorite…

Here’s the word from showman Chicken John: 

“For the last 27 years, I’ve done an orphan Christmas show. It’s kinda a game show, where people from the audience come up on stage and answer Trivia questions. If you answer the question correctly, you get to open a present.

“However, if you answer the question incorrectly… you get to open a present. The presents are provided by you, the audience. They are something… some good, some terrible. All absurd. All for fun.”

With YOUR BOASTFUL HOSTS,

CHICKEN JOHN & DR. HAL!

A veritable LAFF RIOT! GAGS! GIRLS! SURPRISES! OH, THE HUMANITY!

At Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret, 3359 Cesar Chavez Street at South Van Ness. Doors open 8:30 PM.

Christmas will be over– NOW we can have FUN! See YOU there!

BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!!

“The very last Dr. Hal show is always my favorite, and the visuals of a show by an
underground comics artist is a key component, so just listening on the radio is
not enough.”
–Eric Diesel (Personal communication)

“A good old man, sir; he will be talking: as they say, When the age is in the wit is out.”

–William Shakespeare (baptized 26 April, 1564; died 23 April, 1616)
Much Ado about Nothing. ACT III Scene 5

Friends, Ladies and Gentlemen, and fellow-travelers, Ask Dr. Hal! is doing one last show.
And– with apologies for any confusion, we are moving the date to Wednesday night.
As in former days, it will happen– one final time –mid-week once again. On…
Wednesday, May 25th…
But… why?
Well, you see, Showman Chicken John made a financially-prompted decision– to rent out the house on Tues., May 24th to the well-heeled master cuisinier Chef Fleur-de-lis of SF’s ultra-trendique eatery Le Restaurant Grasse-Chère-Coûteuse.
So, for one more time, join us Wednesday night at Chez Poulet for the ever-evolving Ask Dr. Hal! show!

FIRST
KrOB’S KR-R-R-A-A-AZY KARTOON!
“KITTY CORNERED” (1946)
We like to start the show with a bang– and we do. Just before every performance begins, we screen a great animated cartoon, lovingly selected by KrOB– eight minutes of the best theatrical  shorts ever committed to film This last week, we’re back with Warner Bros. Cartoons and our all-time favorite cartoon director, the late Bob Clampett, whom Dr. Hal and his sister Martha were privileged to know personally. And this is a stand-out, a great cartoon among a track record of great cartoons. It might even be Clampett’s best work, and that’s saying a lot. It’s Kitty Cornered (1946) featuring Porky Pig vs. an army of fractious cats, including, for the first time ever in a Looney Tunes cartoon, Sylvester the cat. It’s the only time Sylvester ever appeared in a Clampett-directed cartoon.
Kitty Kornered is Clampett’s final cartoon starring his longtime star Porky Pig (if you don’t count the cameo in Clampett’s next cartoon, The Great Piggy Bank Robbery where Porky appears for a few seconds as a (poorly) disguised trolley driver).
Kitty Kornered’s an astonishing little film, like all Clampett’s work. It moves like lightning and is packed with ten times as many gags, on all different levels, as were found in most Warner Bros. cartoons.
And, wouldn’t you know it  (is there a pattern emerging here?)– like so many of the cartoons KrOB’s been showing, the censors have cut it in the past. What could those infernal Nervous Nellies find censorable in Kitty Cornered? Incredibly, it’s a scene where, after Porky tries to throw the cats out but they throw him out,
the cats drink alcohol, read comics, and smoke cigars –ooh, civilization would just fall if that were allowed to be shown– before Porky bursts in and… well, we won’t give any more away.
But we guarantee, as always, that no censorship will be in evidence at the Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret– we’re taking pains to give you, as almost never seen these days, the whole thing, complete and uncut.
So join us this Wednesday night, won’t you? –in time to catch up with yet another treasure of your Nation’s once-flourishing but now (that the Conspiracy has dumbed it all down) mostly vanished popular culture.
Remember, our show will start right up at the very moment the cartoon ends. Which is to say:
If you don’t come early enough you may miss Krob’s Kartune.

THEN
PETE GOLDIE’S WONDER-WORLD OF SCIENCE:
SPACE SCIENCE REPORT
ADH Science solon Pete Goldie will present more of the newest discoveries made in the endless
reaches of the unfathomable void. The Learn’d Astronomer and Boffo Boffin will bring us tidings, as
always, of newly discovered aspects of the cosmos.
Perhaps– who knows? –he will dilate upon recent revelations concerning so-called free-range planets!
Say, remember where Ming the Merciless (Flash Gordon’s implacable enemy) hung his hat? It was the Planet Mongo. A planet that entered our Solar System from Deep Space, beyond the heliopause. Mere fiction, you say? What about the scenario in the movie When Worlds Collide?
Remember that one? Two wandering planets, at first only noted by astronomers with the best
equipment, come into the System, heading for the Sun. By the end of the picture, one of them has
squarely hit– and obliterated –the Earth. Nonsense, you say? Science-Fiction clap-trap? Not so
fast!
For, as Pete just might describe, a team of astronomers has revealed that hundreds of billions of
“rogue” planets have escaped from their solar systems and are indeed roving freely in space,
secluded and far from any host star.
The researchers led by Professor Dr.Takahiro Sumi of Osaka University in Japan, using New
Zealand-based Mount John University Observatory’s 5.9-foot telescope, have reported that they
observed 10 Jupiter-sized planets, each around 10,000 to 20,000 light-years away from Earth.
There were no stars within a range of a billion miles or so of those planets. Researchers concluded
that our Milky Way Galaxy is littered with free-range planets of all sizes, wandering silently and
desolately in the spaces between the stars…
It is suggested that the orphan planets somehow escaped from their formative solar systems soon after
they condensed from the interstellar dust that also created their long-abandoned solar parents.
So check out Pete’s presentation. As scientific and educational as all-get-out.
Pete, a student of the evolution, physics, chemistry, meteorology, and motion of celestial objects,
as well as the formation and future development of the universe itself, fills us in with intricate detail,
even while Chicken, totally uninterested, writhes in ill-concealed impatience.
The original of the Cassini spacecraft, whose 3-D likeness in miniature, constructed by avid aviation
and space enthusiast “Paul Pot,” dangles over our ADH stage, continues its mission to the outer planets in an excellent state of health, we’re happy to report, with all systems “Go” –and all
subsystems operating normally.
And, with computer-jockey David Capurro’s able assistance, Pete‘ll illustrate his presentation– with
a hum-dinger of a Slide Show to display his rare pictures of strange worlds and distant suns.
And in addition to all of this, he still takes pains in his presentation to “razz” Chicken John.
Don’t miss this challenging and unique portion of our show.
A Dr. Hal Show Extra-Special Featurette.

ALSO FEATURING
KrOB’S KREEPY KINEMA MONSTROUS MOVIE
“MONSTER OCTOPUS STRIKES FROM THE ABYSS”
GIANT CEPHALOPOD RISES FROM ABYSSAL SUBMARINE CREVASSE
In rip-roaring stop-motion animation– of course!
KrOB’s krafted this klip from the Czech film classic Vynález zkázy (1959), which explores themes
tangental but still somewhat similar to those in Ukradená vzducholo (or The Stolen Airship) –creations
both of Karel Zeman, Czech animator and filmmaker. He is considered the co-founder of the Czech
animated film.  Zeman used hand-made sets painted in the style of Victorian illustrations (mainly
engravings by Gustave Doré), and then had live actors wandering through animated settings. The great
success of these science fiction and fantasy features is a tribute to Zeman’s sense of humor and
storytelling abilities, as well as his technique and originality.
So– the octopus strikes!  Zeman’s films possess a sophisticated wit and visual style that enchants– even
in the portrayal of this bulbous, sucker-studded primordial horror.
Octopuses are in fact venomous– the bite of some small Pacific species is instantly fatal. But once this
deep-sea Titan grasps you in its undulating, ropy arms, the venom problem is not really centrally
significant any more, as we shall see.
And we’ll throw in at this point that giant octopuses do indeed exist in the oozy darkness of the benthic
wilderness.
Symbologists tell us that the octopus generally signifies the unconscious mind– arms radiating from a
centrally located head.
KrOB’S MONSTER RALLY– AN ULTIMATELY TERRIFYING INDICTMENT OF
HUMANITY ITSELF!
Heh, heh, heh…

SOCIAL NOTES

Rain, rain… we were sure it would wash away any chance we could get good attendance– but, despite
the prevailing meteorological inclemency our attendees found their way to attend just the same… so our
Grand Opening pitch went off with hardly a hitch… now comes the Grand Closing, our last production  in this briefest of cycles. A run really not long enough? Ooh! We think so, too… So forward all of those
complaints, gripes & objections to cheerful Chicken John, Showman at chicken@chickenjohn.com
–& see where that gets you… We’ll (probably) be back after (too) many months more… Meanwhile, come
on in for this, our last Barbaric Yawp– we offer our refined brand of entertainment for a recondite few–
izzat you? It won’t be raining this time, if last time that’s why we missed noting your phiz in the peanut gallery… Now, though rain’s no longer a drain on our reign, another woolly problem stands athwart our course– & scheduling’s the source… The whole shebang leapfrogs to Wednesday , just after we got ‘em
all used to a weekly Tuesday night flight. That’s because conniving Chicken’s going to rent out the house on Tues., May 24th to the well-heeled master cuisinier Chef Fleur-de-Lis from SF’s latest “hip” trendique eatery Le Restaurant Grasse-Chere-Couteuse, who made Chicken a (financial) offer he couldn’t refuse…

As we pointed out in this space last week, after selling us all out, he’ll cry for the
show– all the way to the bank. Ach, du Lieber & Stoller… Still, we have one final opportunity to
deliver the goods with full immunity. That’s this Wednesday, May 25th. Join us then again for one
more final fruitful interval… Be a part of it as we make history at the old Chez Poulet… So– last wk.,
who-all was there? Quite a variety of S.F.’s boho high sassiety. Among others, f’rinstance, marmoreal
Mable Syrup, who’s a perpetually indulgent Sister to our band of brothers, enchanting Emma Henley who
faced the dread KrOB Moment at first hand, lovely Leslie whom we remember so fetchingly (& toplessly)
adorned the Burning Man Opera a few seasons back, jubilant Jeanette and juniper-fresh Julie Holabird, a  lovely, long-term, long-stemmed ADH devotee, so welcome to see… Photog Puzzling Evidence documented the doings for
You Tube, as always– you might want to scroll down and click on some of those, we suppose… Another
face from the past joined the cast– gregarious Gabe, our Sound Man from the the haze of the late, great 12
Galaxies days, when our host with the most was redoubtable Robert Levy… Enjoy it, gadabout Gabe? Say,
we could use another one of those– a Sound Man, we mean… A Sound Man is Hard to Find, eh? Ahem!
Attention! We’re looking for a Lost Passport– seen it, sport? It belongs to anxious Amas Valeika… Kingly
Ken laid on his distinctive laff –we also know him as philosophical Phineas T. Smokepott, & wotta laff he’s got… Radio Valencia performance keystone Kiko A., whom you know as Nose Hair Lint Gland’s demented
Dr. Fiasco, was pleasantly present, especially accompanied by appealingly jocund Jenn Alexander, his
Better Half– we were pleased to have wedded them, in a ceremony earlier this year– did you hear? Try to
keep up… Manly Mongoloid, a.k.a. leonine Lloyd Mongoloid of supergroup Cookie Mongoloid, was among
us as well… At the door, steely-eyed Skippy was in charge of vetting the incoming crowd and collecting the
admission, an ADH tradition… We also noted jocose Joe, remarkable Rob Srinivasan, a mathematically
au courant savant, timely Timothy, & curvaceous Catalina Eckhardt… Cheerful Chicken, meanwhile, tried valiantly to vend, sell, & even absolutely give away numerous packages, left over from his recent Dolores
Park agitprop session, of plastic fake vomit… Said artificial upchuck brings to mind that we also hosted
old-timer Oops, (how’s that for a segue, folks?) not in our gaze since the old Odeon daze, who’s back– with
an incomprehensible tale of intrigue, kidnapping and legal complication, one of the strangest in Creation… but c’mon, obliging Oops kept us afloat with a tempting tip of a C-note in the question hopper, challenging
us to top the topper. No kidding, you never know who’ll show up up at the show, so… go! Your last
chance! May we have this dance?

LETTERS
Dear Dr. Hal,
I have received email threats from the President of the Dominion of Melchizedek that
my hands will be cut off, so I cannot post on the Internet. I have forwarded these to the federal prosecutor
investigating P_______ G_____ and R_____ R____, and just after I got the emails, I recieved a call to meet with
Secret Service Agent “N__” of the Electronic Crimes Unit just after I got the electronic mail physical threat.
 If you need proof of this, please let me know.
Yours, E. Diesel

SHOWS - UPCOMING
DARK ROOM BENEFIT FOR SPY EMERSON - MAY 28th
Dark Room Theatre, 2263 Mission St., San Francisco - 8:00 PM
Our friend, fine artist Spy Emerson, is fighting an unscrupulous and ruinously expensive legal attack
by the father of her six-year-old son Lucky and his Midwest-based family acting in concert.
Those who closely know Spy are aware she is an exemplary mother, now overwhelmed by a malicious,
unexpected and fully financed, secretly well-planned, ruthless maneuver. We are in Spy’s corner on this one.
Any contribution is welcome to help oppose the financial/legal tsunami facing this brave and determined
woman.
Local performers, including Ask Dr. Hal!’s own Dr. Hal are to appear in the line-up of an evening variety show at San Francisco’s Dark Room Theatre, 2263 Mission St.  Show time will be 8:00 PM.
A unique roster of contributing talents will make it a night to remember.
Eyenoise Projections by KrOB.
Look for the three Doggie Diner Heads outside the theater, where hot dogs will be grilled and sold, before and during the performance.
Watch this space for developing details, or go to darkroomsf.com

Call (415) 401-7987.

Some of Our Favorite Questions
“Dr. Hal, is there a ready-made substitute for blood plasma?”
Why, yes. If you happen to be on a tropical island, remember that the liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute.
“Dr. Hal, is there anything that kills more people than plane crashes every year?”
Lots of things, if we go world-wide. Donkeys, for example. I’m not kidding– don’t ever stand behind one.
“What are the three biggest brand names on Earth? ”
Marlboro, Coca-Cola and Budweiser, in that order.
“Is there any sound that doesn’t echo?”
Yes, since you ask, the quack of a duck. No one knows why.
“How come every time they show those floods on TV they always show a cow on
some roof?”
Well, cows can easily be persuaded to look after their own best interests, even by perfidious humans. The major problem comes along after the flood. You see, a cow will let you lead her upstairs, but not downstairs.
“Hey, Dr. Hal, are there any creatures who can breathe through their anuses?”
The answer– sigh… is yes. The talented animal in question: the common mud-turtle. And you can’t.

If you have a question for me, I, Dr. Howland Owll, have an answer for you! 

Dr. HAL ON RADIO:
Hear classic episodes on Radio Valencia!
ADH PIRATE RADIO SHOW CONTINUES WITH WEEKLY BROADCAST!
The Ask Dr. Hal! Radio Show has been running Friday nights 9PM to Midnight on S.F.’s newest Pirate Radio sensation–
 radiovalencia.fm 87.9 FM
Live shows have been simulcast! And if you’ve missed them, they’re still on the radio!
Now, the Ask Dr. Hal! Show, a beloved San Francisco Institution, also
continues as an innovative Pirate Radio Program on RadioValencia.FM
–broadcast –and podcast (keep watching these announcements) even
during the current run of the show!
Dr. Hal Live on Radio– Friday nights, 10 PM - Midnight.
Podcasts:
http://radiovalencia.fm/recent-shows/

–at the innovative & avant
Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret
3359 Cesar Chavez St.
(Army) Street between Mission and South Van Ness. Just on the
edge of Bernal Heights. The old Odeon Neighborhood.
COME ONE , COME ALL !
Watch Ask Dr. Hal! Shows– the very latest, and those of days gone by!
Visit the Puzzling Evidence Channel on You Tube! Just type in “search words” Ask Dr. Hal!

Of a good beginning cometh a good end.”
John Heywood (1497-1580)
Proverbes, Part I, Chapt.10

“Very impressed with the wonderful, whimsical web woven by the team of artisans
at the Chicken Shack!  Just a fantastic underground world of visual, and aural
stimulus accented by a nice tub of booze….”
Radio Valencia’s Quarterman Jack, on last Tuesday’s ADH Preview Show

ADH PREPARES FOR SEASON OPENER
FIRST SHOW HITS THE BOARDS TUESDAY, MAY 17TH
MAY 10TH’S PREVIEW NIGHT SETS STAGE FOR MONTH’S LIMITED RUN
Ladies and Gentlemen, this season of Ask Dr. Hal! is off and running. Our opener on the
17th will bring back all the elements which have defined us in the past– with a few new
wrinkles.
Last Tuesday’s Prevue showed that this new night works for our show. Neither mid-week, as when
it was, some time ago, on Wednesdays, nor end-of week, as when we ran it on Fridays,
Saturdays or Sundays, the new date– still experimental– could be seen as a mini-oasis
of relief from initial weekly workaday stress. After all, having faced Monday, you ‘re “over
the hump” –and it’s all downhill from there!
Celebrate Tuesday night at Chez Poulet– drop in for the Ask Dr. Hal! show!
(NOTE: Scheduling changes may occur for future shows .)

WE START EARLIER.
It’s true– unlike previous iterations where a lallygagging audience compelled us to wait
while they straggled in– oh, we knew they would get here eventually, but so would
Christmas –these days, we ‘ve “bitten the bullet” and started up far closer to our declared
start-time of 9:00 PM. Several attendees found that out at our Prevue Show– the hard way.
They missed KrOB ’s Kartoon– and the whole beginning.
And c’mon– when we hold the (metaphorical) curtain, we end up imposing on those who
did show up at the right time, making them sit and wait while we wait– for late-nicks.
Isn’t it better that we use the time– for yet more solid, full-blooded Ask Dr. Hal! Show?
FIRST on the bill:
KrOB’S KR-R-R-A-A-AZY KARTOON!
“PATIENT PORKY” (1940)
KrOB seems to be indulging his predilection for selecting older cartoons from the Thirties
and early Forties for this cycle. But why not? All should be shown; few ever are.
Be prepared, however, for a bizarre, alien level of humor not congruent with the popular
ethos, and for a slower rhythm and pace overall than the fast-moving, more advanced
cartoons Warners put out in the late Forties. And also be prepared for an unfortunate
race caricature, the farthest thing from political correctness, briefly appearing in the film.
We were graced to know Bob Clampett– this cartoon’s director –personally for a little
while, and there wasn’t a racist bone in his body. But he did derive humor from the
stereotype, as he mined everything in sight for gags.
Yes, Clampett, unlike some other animation directors at Warners, was never mean-spirited.
We will therefore wince as we show this film in its entirety. Music: Carl Stalling. Voices:
Mel Blanc.
And, bye the bye, there are other shocking, disturbing things in this little short– depending,
as in all things, on where you stand.
One thing, however, is a certainty:
If you don’t come early enough you may miss Krob’s Kartune.

THEN:
PETE GOLDIE’S WONDER-WORLD OF SCIENCE:
SPACE SCIENCE REPORT
ADH Science solon Pete Goldie will present more of the newest discoveries made in the endless
reaches of the unfathomable void. The Learn’d Astronomer and Boffo Boffin will bring us tidings, as
always, of newly discovered aspects of the cosmos.
Perhaps– who knows? –he will dilate upon recent revelations concerning Io, the most volcanically
active body in our Solar System. This remote world contains an underground ocean of magma,
say scientists who cracked a long-standing puzzle posed by NASA’s defunct Galileo Probe, which
orbited giant Jupiter and ogled his many moons from 1995 to 2003.
Some say Man was never meant to see such things. Not Pete, however­- and now you can! We
show ‘em– each time!
The well-known bon vivant actually arranged for Dr. Hal’s name, and Chicken’s, to be shot into
space aboard the Dawn Explorer on its mission out to the Asteroid Belt, a few years back! We think
that says it all.
As scientific and educational as all-get-out.
The Cassini spacecraft, whose 3-D likeness in miniature dangles over our ADH stage, is in an
excellent state of health, we’re happy to report, with all systems “Go”and all subsystems operating
normally.
Pete, a student of the evolution, physics, chemistry, meteorology, and motion of celestial objects,
as well as the formation and future development of the universe itself, fills us in with intricate detail
on the wandering space probe’s discoveries as they happen.
And, with computer-jockey David Capurro’s able assistance, he’ll illustrate his presentation– with a
hum-dinger of a Slide Show to display his rare pictures of strange worlds and distant stars.
And in addition to all of this, he still takes pains in his presentation to “razz” Chicken John.
Don’t miss this challenging and unique portion of our show.
A Dr. Hal Show Extra-Special Featurette.

ALSO FEATURING:
KrOB’S KREEPY KINEMA MONSTROUS MOVIE–
“THE THRUST EXPEDITION VS. THE LAST DINOSAUR”
ASSEMBLED FROM FOOTAGE SHOT IN THE UNFORTUNATE 1970′S
1977, actually. The movie this all comes from “positively reeks of the polyester Seventies with its
bell-bottoms, long hair and eyeglasses the size of picture windows.” –Mark F. Berry, The Dinosaur
Filmography.
Not only that, but it’s a co-production of Rankin-Bass and Tsuburaya Productions.

That’s Tsuburaya as in Toho studios ( not Eiji Tsuburaya but close, we suspect).Yep, the East-West
fusion of cheesy dinosaur-suit monster effects pictures.
Nothing to celebrate. Kind of the worst of both worlds. Why do we do this? Because we can,
bwa-ha-ha-haa!
Not enough space here to explain the SubGenius concept of Bulldada.
But wait– it gets better. Wildly emoting at the center is veteran actor Richard Boone– that’s right,
Paladin–in the, er, pivotal rôle of Masten Thrust (no kidding). Your witness, Mr. Freud.
This picture, according to author Stuart Galbraith, was “scheduled to open theatrically in New York
City, but was pulled at the last minute and instead made its U.S. debut as a TV movie for ABC.”
Those were the days.
KrOB’S MONSTER RALLY– AN ULTIMATELY TERRIFYING INDICTMENT OF
HUMANITY ITSELF!
Heh, heh, heh…

SOCIAL NOTES

And so Ask Dr. Hal! put on its Preview Nite last Tues. the 10th– 1nce again, the Show was a going
concern… We had some of our old pals (of course) along 4 the ride, but we noted some new faces too…
We’ll see how it shapes up during this lightning-fast, here-today-gone tomorrow iteration of ADH,
performance dates subject to revision with very little notice… Arrghh– blame calculating Chicken for
the necessity to include that caveat… Better watch these broadsides closely for the straight skinny.
Well, we saw lotsa variety at the show– not that you’d call it a Variety Show…  Among attentive
attendees we noted militant Moss, a.k.a. RollingMoss, who didn’t seem to want the whole thing to end,
perennial Paul Pot, whose quiver of queries were shunted by conniving Chicken to the Speed Round,
canine companion jocose Joppa, staking out our round, heuristic Hef-style bed as his personal turf,
and even addled Al “Werewolf” Simms, who posed no prob– we wouldn’t want him there on the 17th,
tho’ –check your ephemeris… While preparing, pre-show, in Chez Poulet’s cavernous upstairs, we
nearly collided with vivacious Valerie Leavy (a collision we wouldn’t have minded), ravishing resident
of the bldg. –she was equally surpriz’d… Another tenant was sweet Sunshine, who not only took in the
show but, good sport that she is, presented paideutical Pete Goldie’s Jar of gags to choleric Chicken
during prankish Pete’s segment… From the balcony above we thought we made out slinky Sarah, as in
Szczechowicz-Goldie– but that was an error, according to both glamorous Goldies (Never be without
your trusty fact-checker)… However, there was no mistaking manly Moses Grubb, devotee of divine
Dionysus, or krazy Kiko, our quondam Brazilian Astronaut for about a brazillion times –and Radio  Valencia’s own questing Quarterman Jack, a first-timer to our festive fol-de-rol. RV, as we Pirate
Broadcasters like to call it, covered us– until mindful Mikel-em came in & did his show around ten in
the P.M. –adress all complaints to Commander Chicken John, Esq., since that meant we didn’t get
the show recorded. Pity, too, the audio would’ve been good… Starry-eyed but steely Skippy,
jack-of-all-trades & our doorman that nite, let in luminaries larruping Lloyd Mongoloid of Cookie
Mongoloid fame, obliging Orin Zebest, also from RV’s roster, kingly Kenny a.k.a. Phineas T.
Smokepott, our indispensable laff leader (every show needs one) & jaunty Joseph, a former, and
perhaps future doorman in his own right… Curvaceous Carla Winsom, kaptivating Kelly Cathorn with
jolly John Antrobus squiring, & a few other new faces we couldn’t peg were seen on th’ scene… and
we welcomed also masterful Mike Ritch, Director of the Jean Henry School of Art (plug-ola) with
constant consort the stunning Shawna M., a first (but we hope not last)-timer at ADH… Well, come nextime if you couldn’t be there– this run is short, sport– you could miss it pret-ty easily, we say
queasily. The show following next week may even jump over the hump to a different day, we are just now hearing, & fearing… We’re betting on Wednesday, friends & neighbors… That’s because conniving
Chicken will probably rent out the house on Tues., May 24th to the well-heeled master cuisinier Chef Fleur-de-Lis of S.F.’s trendique eatery Le Restaurant Grasse-Chere-Couteuse, who’s apparently made hungry, cupidity-challenged Chicken a juicy Offer He Couldn’t Refuse… Chick’ll will cry for the show, though, all the way to the bank, as the saying goes. Meanwhile, do come in & show our show some support, sport, before we come up short… this means YOU!

SHOWS - UPCOMING
DARK ROOM BENEFIT FOR SPY EMERSON - MAY 28th
Our friend, fine artist Spy Emerson, is fighting an unscrupulous and ruinously expensive legal attack
by the father of her six-year-old son Lucky and his Midwest-based family acting in concert.
Those who closely know Spy are aware she is an exemplary mother, now overwhelmed by a malicious,
unexpected and fully financed, secretly well-planned, ruthless maneuver.
Any contribution is welcome to help oppose the financial/legal tsunami facing this brave and determined
woman.
Local performers, including Ask Dr. Hal!’s own Dr. Hal are to appear in the line-up of an evening variety
show at San Francisco’s Dark Room Theatre, 2263 Mission St.  Show time will be 8:00 PM.
A unique roster of contributing talents will make it a night to remember.
Eyenoise Projections by KrOB.
Look for the three Doggie Diner Heads outside the theater, where hot dogs will be grilled and sold to the gastronomically adventurous, before
and during the performance.
Watch this space for developing details, or go to darkroomsf.com   Call (415) 401-7987.

Dr. HAL ON RADIO:
Hear classic episodes on
Radio Valencia!
ADH PIRATE RADIO SHOW CONTINUES WITH WEEKLY BROADCAST!
The Ask Dr. Hal! Radio Show has been running Friday nights 9PM to Midnight on S.F.’s newest Pirate
Radio sensation–
 radiovalencia.fm 87.9 FM
Live shows have been simulcast! And if you’ve missed them, they’re still on the radio!
Now, the Ask Dr. Hal! Show, a beloved San Francisco Institution, also
continues as an innovative Pirate Radio Program on RadioValencia.FM
–broadcast –and podcast (keep watching these announcements) even
during the current run of the show!
Dr. Hal Live on Radio– Friday nights, 10 PM - Midnight.
Podcasts:
http://radiovalencia.fm/recent-shows/

–at the innovative & avant
Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret
3359 Cesar Chavez St.
(Army) Street between Mission and South Van Ness. Just on the
edge of Bernal Heights. The old Odeon Neighborhood.
COME ONE , COME ALL !
Watch Ask Dr. Hal! Shows– the very latest, and those of days gone by!
Visit the Puzzling Evidence Channel on You Tube:

http://www.youtube.com/user/PuzzlingEvidenceTV#grid/user/
0DAC31E6BF7CF386

Tuesday, May 10th
Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret
3359 Cesar Chavez (Army) St.
Doors 8:30 - Show 9:00 PM.     

Admission $10 [NO COMPS]      
======================================================================================

The Dr. Hal Report - Vol. XIV - No. 1   

“An advance showing… to which a selected audience is invited before public presentation
begins…”
– Online Dictionary (1994– ?)

PREVIEW SHOW HITS THE BOARDS TUESDAY, MAY 10TH
This is not only a time of economic uncertainty, threatened ecological collapse and political
instability– but also, locally, of the potential criminalization of entertainment. The Powers that Be
in San Francisco– the usual clueless local pencil-pushers, bean-counters and police groupies –are
now pushing for two-month in advance permit application for any kind of performance (said permits
to cost $2,000.00 apiece) with giant fines and prosecution for the non-compliant, metal detectors at
venue entrances, mandatory fingerprinting for audience members and a mandated cop– a flatfoot
hired out for every 50 people in an audience. Cops at shows– just what we all need.
This climate of excessive regulation certainly threatens to stifle all forms of entertainment not
sanctioned by the circles of inmost privilege. Many in the arts community now believe the issue is
even more crucial than anything to do with taco trucks in Dolores Park…

Just the same, despite all this, Chicken John and Ask Dr. Hal!  are boldly planning to bring back their
show during May. But, as the saying goes, if you blink, you might miss it.

We invite you to our Dr. Hal Show Preview this coming Tuesday night.

Tuesday nights are an experimental first for our show.

Meanwhile, here’s a review of what we do that came out not too long ago:

http://sf.funcheap.com/city-guide/dr-hal-show/

Don’t miss what all the excitement’s about. Come on in and join us at this latent upcoming iteration of the
all-new Ask Dr. Hal! Show!–

WITH KrOB KARTUNE KLASSIC:
I Love to Singa (1936)
A strict piano teaching owl is cursed with a son who “loves to singa,” but only jazz. A Laff Riot directed by
cartoon legend Tex Avery.
and…
SEE KrOB’S MONSTROUS KLIP–
ROBOT GORILLA AUDITS DINOSAUR FOOTAGE
NOT FOR THE WEAK-HEARTED
FEATURING THE EPONYMOUS RO-MAN OF (PLANET) RO-MAN
KrOB’s krazy kut-up kinema kompels kontentment!
KrOB swears to high heaven that this excerpt is up to his usual standard.We advise those
who may be overly sensitive to such material to turn away or shade their eyes. It’s “showbiz”
–pure entertainment — and it’s all happening right here– at the famed Ask Dr. Hal! Show!
Perhaps you can run– but you can’t hide from the xists and their
invincible “CALCINATOR” death-ray of doom! These
awesomely Apocalyptic actinic blasts hurl themselves
RIGHT OFF THE PROJECTION SURFACE– & INTO THE AUDIENCE!
They ‘re coming– KrOB’s masterminding the Alien Invasion!
–And get a load of those DINOSAURS!

but first…
PETE GOLDIE PROVIDES amazing
ALTERNATE OUTER SPACE  THRILLS!
Scientifically au courant, the show boasts its own Astronomer and Science Expert, Pete Goldie.

DAVID CAPURRO  CULLS CLIPS, SNAPS FROM
ONLINE IMAGESTREAM– SYNCHRONOUS ” IRRITAINMENT”
‘Puter jock rocks the box, unlocks, mocks Pandora’s Box paradox.

CHICKEN JOHN  SEZ:
“Hey, everybody– come see the Ask Dr. Hal! Show in a brand new location: my living room. It’s
4 guys doing improv on 4 different levels. It can be amazing.”

4 GUYS ON THE RISE:
CHICKEN JOHN

Dr. HAL ROBINS

KrOB

DAVID CAPURRO
…AND SURPRISE MYSTERY GUESTS!

Hear classic episodes on
Radio Valencia!
ADH PIRATE RADIO SHOW CONTINUES WITH WEEKLY BROADCAST!
The Ask Dr. Hal! Radio Show has been running Friday nights, 9PM to Midnight on S.F.’s newest Pirate Radio sensation–
 radiovalencia.fm 87.9 FM
Live shows have been simulcast! And if you’ve missed them, they’re still on the radio!
Now, the Ask Dr. Hal! Show, a beloved San Francisco Institution, will
continue as an innovative Pirate Radio Program on RadioValencia.FM
–broadcast –and podcast (keep watching these announcements) even
during the current run of the show!
Dr. Hal Live on Radio only– Friday nights, 10 PM - Midnight.
Podcasts:
http://radiovalencia.fm/recent-shows/

At home, or on at Chez Poulet,  Ask Dr. Hal!  is here– to stay!

IT’S THE SHOW YOU KNOW AND LOVE…
Gags ! Goofs ! Girls! Surprises !
–Can You endure… The KrOB Moment?
(Ask Dr. Hal! will not be responsible for injuries or lasting mental trauma) *********************
All on our Custom-Made Stage
(by Pete Goldie)
–at the innovative & avant
Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret
3359 Cesar Chavez St.
(Army) Street between Mission and South Van Ness. Just on the
edge of Bernal Heights. The old Odeon Neighborhood.
COME ONE, COME ALL!

The Ask Dr. Hal! Show will be “dark” until at least the middle of March. Until we re-appear, follow us on radio on Radio Valencia 87.9 FM as before on Friday nights. However, the show now begins at 10 PM, not, as before, 8 PM. How did this come to be?

It’s all because the radio station has taken on many new programs and hosts, all refugees from ham-handed corporate-mandated changes…

CHANGES IN WORLD OF RADIO

For 33 years, KUSF in San Francisco was an essential voice on the Bay Area FM airwaves,  featuring unusually diverse, avant-garde music and a broad range of cultural programming not heard elsewhere on the dial.

But on January 18, 2011, the University of Southern California announced a deal with Entercom Communications to acquire the call sign, programming and intellectual property of longtime “classical” music outlet KDFC-FM– and began airing that station’s programming on the 90.3 FM frequency (as well as on also-acquired KNDL).

KUSF’s longtime famously free-form and eclectic student-run format was abruptly dropped from the 90.3 FM frequency following the announcement of the station’s sale,  a $3.75 million deal that transfers KUSF’s 90.3 FM frequency to “classical” music station KDFC, just purchased by a University of Southern California-controlled nonprofit. KDFC’s old frequency, 102.1, is being taken over by rock station KUFX.

This move is said to be part of a larger deal that still requires Federal Communications Commission approval. Please note that the organization saveKUSF is fighting to block the sale of the broadcasting rights to 90.3FM.

The university plans to make KUSF an online-only entity. Although KUSF enjoyed a mix of students and volunteers from the community, those or any other volunteers will not have a role with the on-line KUSF.

And so it is that many who had shows on KUSF have come to Radio Valencia, 87.9 FM, where they’ve been welcomed. There they can continue their programming, and Radio Valencia is all the better for it.

BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO ASK DR. HAL!?

The Ask Dr. Hal! Show at Chez Poulet is, for the time being, suspended, but will return in the near future after a series of relocations, readjustments and recalculations.

The Ask Dr. Hal! Show on Radio, formerly 8:00 - Midnight on Friday nights on  Radio Valencia, 87.9 FM, is still to be found on Friday nights. But it has been shortened by two hours as a result of these changes. The first two hours are now given to famed radio personality Dennis Scheyer, known on the air as Dennis the Menace, late of KUSF: at 8 PM, tune in for “Menace’s Warm-up” –a mix of new, innovative rock. At 9 PM, listen to “The Menace’s Attic.” Then at 10 PM the Ask Dr. Hal! Show begins, running for the next two hours. Please join us (And feel free to call in on the air, at (415) 875-9051).

For information concerning Radio Valencia and the Ask Dr. Hal! Radio Show, go to

http://radiovalencia.fm/shows/

Keep watching this space for the latest on the return of the live night club sensation, the Ask Dr. Hal! Show!

NEWS - ADAM ALEXANDER’S “MATHEMATICALITY” NOW EXHIBITING ONLINE

Recommended:

An online show of mathematician-artist Adam Alexander’s  digital art may now be viewed at

http://fusegallerynyc.com/Line/11alexander/alexander.html

These visual creations are expressions of mathematical ideas, not arbitrary digital fancies. For this reason, Alexander may be considered a poet of Nature, since underlying the work is the structure of ultimate reality seen in the realm of numbers. The aesthetic appeal of the pieces suggests some form of transcendence, a key to the strikingly individual personality of the cosmos.

“Mathematicality,” digital artwork by Adam Alexander launched online on Wednesday, January 19, 2011, at

www.fusegallerynyc.com.

For more information, contact Fuse Gallery at

(212) 777.7988

or

fusegall@fusegallerynyc.com. 

OUR FIFTH SHOW!
Somehow it seems as if we’ve already done more, but we didn’t do one for Christmas Week and
we did none in November as originally planned. So this is the fifth.
And forget not to read the latest review of our sure-fire show at funcheapsf:

http://sf.funcheap.com/city-guide/dr-hal-show/

Have you even been to Ask Dr. Hal! lately? Have you ever? C’mon– give us a try! Our next show
might be the one with your name on it, so to speak.

With

our Laff-Riot-ous Cartoon–
“Swing Shift Cinderella” (1945)
Another in our series of the best American cartoons!
Lovingly selected–by KrOB…

We like to start the show with a bang– and we do. Just before every performance begins, we screen a great
animated cartoon, lovingly selected by KrOB– eight minutes of the best theatrical shorts ever committed to
film. And this week, our KrOB Klassic goes even farther afield to tangle with the tale of Cinderella –in one of
the best cartoons we’ll ever show at Ask Dr. Hal! It starts with Little Red Riding Hood, but in a few seconds it
veers wildly into Avery’s wild world of wolves, babes, and one bacchanalian babushka of a “cougar” Fairy
Godmother… Friends, if you miss this one, we can’t say how long it might be before the chance of a repeat
performance. What we’re doing at the show, if you haven’t yet noticed, is working our way through the cartoon
syllabus to show our patrons just how great the American animated cartoon used to be, and we hate to
repeat ourselves too often. This is another “grown-up” cartoon from MGM’s Tex Avery, who’s been called (by
Joe Adamson, among others) the “King of Cartoons .” On deck is Swing Shift Cinderella (1945)– it’s rude,
crude, politically incorrect– and devastatingly funny. We can’t imagine how you’d have any other chance to
see this film in these times, projected large and loud– the way we show ‘em. And yes, this is, once again, one
of those wild cartoons of yore which have had trouble running up against the censors over the years. This whole
idea, that children need “protection” from these cartoons, or any other work of art, is so wrong-headed, and
oozes (originally) from the odious Reagan years and the unexamined assumption that “cartoons are for kids.”
But don’t believe it, Jack– cartoons are for all humanity, dig? The great cartoon makers never lost sight of
this. Fear not– we guarantee, as always, that no censorship will be in evidence at the Chez Poulet Gallery-
Cabaret– we’re taking pains to give you, as almost never seen these days, the whole thing, complete and
uncut. So join us this Wednesday night, won’t you? –in time to catch up with yet another treasure of your
Nation’s once-flourishing but now (that the Conspiracy has dumbed it all down) mostly vanished popular
culture. Remember, our show will start right up at the very moment the cartoon ends.

” A classic! a masterpiece! –Especially Preston Blair’s luscious and sexy animation of Cinderella !”
–VodeoJMC63, Thadblog

Exciting Co-Hit

SEE KrOB’S MONSTROUS KLIP–
KAUTIONARY KLASSIC KrOB APOCALYPTIK EDIT:
KrOB Weaves an Entangling Web of Enveloping Horror with Newest Creation–
“Giant Spiders– Threat, or Menace? “
The Perennial Problem of AbnormallyAmplified Arachnids
NOT FOR THE WEAK-HEARTED
KrOB’s krazy kut-up kinema kompels kontentment!
Just how big does a spider need to be to be “giant?” Many people tend to freak out at the sight of
quite ordinary-sized spiders. A figure from nightmares and a phobia bred in the bone so deeply as to
be, probably, hard-wired in the minds of spider-phobes as an evolutionary psychomemory, the giant
spider endlessly resurfaces in the narrative of art as an embodiment of bioxenophobic horror.
You Tube and the Internet are full of disturbing “videos” showing helpless people being “pranked” as
the insensitive boyfriend, or sadistic, guffawing bully-buddy, drops a frantically wriggling spider on an
unsuspecting person.
What are we to make of all this? Can we comfort these poor souls by saying that the limitations on size
imposed by gravity and physics really (and fortunately) prevent spiders from being the monsters so often
encountered in various movies? That’s the stock answer, but– is it fully true?
Well, not really. You see, whatever anyone else may tell you, we’re here to affirm that even known
spiders and arthropods can, under the proper circumstances, become far larger than commonly supposed.
Moreover, the example of giant prehistoric spiders shows that Nature is quite capable of producing, when
She wants to, arachnids of even more monstrous dimensions than these.
The Paleozoic giant arthropods and Eurypterids, for example, managed to attain singularly great bulk–
one of the latter (Pterygotus macrophthalmus) is said to have attained the dimensions of “a small sports
car.”
How about today? Well, the extremely spider-like Coconut Crab, Birgis latro, which is fully terrestrial
and can crack open coconuts (or, reportedly, crunch through a broom handle) superficially does resemble
a giant spider indeed, and weighs in at 5.2 kilograms– between 11-12 pounds. That’s a big one. Though
these babies are now threatened with extinction –though what isn’t? –they’re still around.
The Brazilian Wandering Spider, Phoneutria, the largest spider officially recognized on Earth, can span
a dinner plate, is venomous and will attack humans. One once attacked Dr. Hal’s grandmother, in fact. She
got him with a broom, though. Ugh– what a mess. Remind him to tell that story at the show.
Anyway, it should suffice to say that in our next episode of Ask Dr. Hal!, KrOB’s going to be exhibiting– you
guessed it– monstrous, bulging spiders far greater in size than any limitation imposed by Science or History.
We’ll watch, from the apparent safety of our seats, as these Brobdingnagian behemoths attack horrified
human victims. Nothing’s too good for our audience at the Ask Dr. Hal! Show!
These scuttling, scurrying  Arthropodal Aggressors practically
hurl themselves RIGHT OFF THE PROJECTION SURFACE– & INTO THE AUDIENCE!
The new miracle of the Screen! More Horrible than Reality at its Worst!
They ‘re coming– with KrOB turning loose the spider Goliaths!

THEN…
PETE GOLDIE PROVIDES OUTER SPACE  THRILLS!
Our Science Segment…
ADH Science solon Pete Goldie will present more of the newest discoveries made in the endless reaches
of the unfathomable void. The learn’d Astronomer and Boffo Boffin will bring us tidings, as always, of newly
discovered aspects of the cosmos. Dr. Goldie, who is a quondam NASA consultant, has been called a delver
into mysteries of natural philosophy. A fully qualified astro-science specialist, Pete gives us astonishing
pictures of worlds never before viewed by human eyes– transmitted by intricate robots who are now busily
exploring our Outer Solar System. You’ll be spellbound as, with the assistance of these far-flung metal
myrmidons, Pete will whisk you away, to, say, the transits of Mercury or Venus, or guide you among gas
giant super-planet Saturn’s planet-sized weird and monstrous moons, where mountains may be made of ice,
volcanoes spew ammonia, and methane rains from the sky. Some say Man was never meant to see such
things. Not Pete, however­- and now you can… The well-known bon vivant actually arranged for Dr. Hal’s name,
and Chicken’s, to be shot into space aboard the Dawn Explorer on its mission to the Asteroid Belt a few years
back! We think that says it all. As scientific and educational as all-get-out.
Recently released for the holidays, looming, greenish images of the variegated surface of Saturn’s second largest
moon, Rhea, obtained by NASA’s Cassini Spacecraft, show new and dramatic views of fractures cutting through
aeons-old craters, indicating a history of tectonic rumbling. We’d bet on the massive gravity well of its parent
planet as the culprit– but, who knows? The most recent spacecraft telemetry was acquired on December 28th
from the Deep Space Network Tracking Complex at Madrid, Spain. The Cassini spacecraft, whose 3-D likeness
in miniature dangles over our ADH stage, is in an excellent state of health, we’re happy to report, with all systems
“Go”and all subsystems operating normally. Pete, a student of the evolution, physics, chemistry, meteorology,
and motion of celestial objects, as well as the formation and future development of the universe itself, fills us in
on the wandering space probe’s discoveries as they happen. And, with computer-jockey David Capurro’s able
assistance, he usually also illustrates his presentation with a hum-dinger of a Slide Show to display his rare
pictures of strange worlds and distant stars.  Don’t miss this challenging and unique portion of our show. A
Dr. Hal Show Extra-Special Featurette.

Social Notes

The nite of New Year’s Eve & time for our 4th ADH xtravaganza, as showtime rolled around, something turned
up missing– most of the audience. Nerve-wracking at the best of times, the strain was palpable as we held
that metaphorical curtain for our straggling Sybarites… Finally we had to start KrOB’s kartoon & cut to the chase–
& as so oft is the case, during & after we started getting our missing krowd by dribs & drabs… In came the beautiful
& heavenly Hoerler sisters, kurvaceous Kristina (con gusto Gustavo) & easy-on-the-eyes Eva… The East Bay’s ultra-
attractive Ulfeldt Anja, kutie-pie Kelly, marmoreal Mable Syrup, lithe Lisa Vincenti, kaptivating Kate Willett (who
now, sadly for her many fans– just ask manly Marc Roper –heads back to Chicago for the nonce), among a bevy of
bewitching beauties… speaking of which, pneumatic Pamela Angel, up from L.A. visiting doting Dr. Hal, xperienced
ADH for the 1st time that nite from the front row; spectacular & personable Pamela will be back (we hope)… ‘Twas
also a first for fine artist & quondam cartoonist pioneering Palmer Vreedees, pal o’ paparazzo Puzzling Evidence
(they enjoyed some pre-show SubGenius “shop talk”), who, as always, recorded us for prurient Posterity…
Persistent Paul Pot (a.k.a. pious Paul Cox) appeared with canine companion jolly Joppa the Mutt– all this time we
thought it was “Jabba” –but said quadruped takes his cognomen from that ancient city, south of Caesarea, also
called Jaffa, where, according to scribbler Strabo in the 1st century A.D., alluring Andromeda, see-worthy daughter
of careless starr’d Ethiop queen Cassiopeia, was bound, naked and quivering, to a rock in the sea as a human
sacrifice, to appease thrunched Thetis & the other sea-nymphs, as a snack for the fearsome local sea-dragon, before
plucky Perseus rescued her in the nick of time… Anyhoo, we were all wet about that darn dawg’s name, dog-gone it,
now here corrected… Phat Phineas T. Smokepott, a.k.a. kachinnating Ken Garr, known for & by his ultra-loud laff,
sat with his welcome contingent, the snickering Smoke Pot Guys– they find everything amusing, lucky 4 us… Dauntless Deekoo was there too… And so, as the minutes counted down to the turn-over of the year, we were
fortunate to be among so many good friends… Whoever shelled out $60 to take in the show at Bimbo’s, or expended
a small fortune to be at competing Sea of Dreams, at good old Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret for a mere 10 smackers
we were flying high… Say, wotta ’bout the Bus Trip? we hear you all plaintively asking while you’re multi-tasking…
what was that like? Sorry, all that stuff is classified, Clyde– you shouldda been there, square.. Maybe nexttime?
UPCOMING– Mark your Calendar for this Saturday the 8th when Radio Valencia.FM, our own super-sizzling
sensation uvva radio station– or izzit a podcast station? –celebrates its extended existence with a way-out wing-ding… A little bird on our shoulder cheeped that C.P.’ll be the place to be that eve… Pocket Full of Rye will play, they
say, & wotta party… all so’s the likes of us can keep on keepin’ on… It’s a fun(d)-raiser, so do your part for art here in
the City of Arts & Innovation… Just before ADH’s Friday-nite fracas, another event could be well-spent @ the old same
place: a dual booksigning & image show from 2 auteurs known to readers of this column: joltin’ John Law & jaunty Jon
Haeber, authors respectively of The Space Between & Grossinger’s: City of Refuge and Illusion. Larruping Law and
heroic Haeber will be presenting their images and signing copies of their books at 8 PM. You know where– Chez
Poulet, at 3359 Cesar Chavez St., on Thursday, January 6th, Twenty-eleven, not Twenty-ten as (they) previously reported, tsk., tsk….

SHOW STARTS DEC. 3rd– NO FOOLING

To the many who have written and made inquiries, the answer may now be relayed– December 3rd will mark the triumphant debut of the all-new live show, which brings back KrOB, Pete Goldie, Dave Capurro, Ringmonster Chicken John, Dr. Howland Owll and, for all we know, even the Smoke Pot Guys and Frank Chu.

It’s a whole new ball game, and it’s our wager that we and the Friends of Ask Dr. Hal! are all set to play. Huzza!

ADMISSION SET: ONE SAWBUCK

Doors will open at 8:00 PM; pre-show concludes at the traditional ADH! start time of Nine PM with KrOB’s Kartoon Klassic selection from our civilization’s hidden graphic heritage– then on to Chicken John’s Monomanialogue, and the rest of the show! Admission for the run has been set by Chicken John at $10.00. Chicken vows there will be no “comps–” we’ll see how that works out.

SCIENCE SNIPS, MONSTER KLIPS, BARDIC TRIPS

All the Show’s outstanding traditions will continue to be represented during the coming iteration of live performances.

WE’LL STILL BE ON THE RADIO

The Ask Dr. Hal! Show Radio Show, currently on RadioValencia.FM at 87.9 FM on your radio dial, has been for many die-hards merely the succedaneum for the not-available live show. But to those who do prefer to listen at home, the live show will be fully broadcast on the same station for the entire duration of the show. If you can’t make it down to the spacious Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret, 3359 Cesar Chavez at South Van Ness, then tune us in and listen along!

PODCASTS OF RADIO SHOW TO DATE: A LINK

We encourage our fans and listeners to download radio episodes now available as “pod-casts:”

http://podcasts.radiovalencia.fm/ask_dr_hal/

VIEW PREVIOUS EPISODES

While away many a precious, irreplaceable hour gazing goggle-eyed at this vast archive of videos of our shows to date, courtesy of the Puzzling Evidence Channel on You Tube! Here’s the link:

http://www.youtube.com/user/PuzzlingEvidenceTV#grid/user/0DAC31E6BF7CF386