Once Again– “It’s Christmas, Chicken John!”

Wednesday, December 21st, 2011

HERE IT COMES!

AN ANNUAL TRADITION– IT’S CHRISTMAS, CHICKEN JOHN!

Are you not going to get a gift this year? Are you far from your relations– or not speaking to them? Do you not have any family? Any friends? Are you cast adrift in a sea of emptiness and despair?

Will you have your Christmas Eve alone, drinking Scotch, looking
in the mirror? Are you not going to get even one wrapped present this
year?

Well, then. That’s terrible. Funny, but terrible.

But buck up, Bunky...

There is another option. You can find other people who are in the same boat as you— and spend your Christmas Day-night with them. Courtesy of us. 
No, I’m not talking about casual encounters on Craig’s List… I’m
talking about:

IT’S CHRISTMAS, CHICKEN JOHN! Yes, it’s happening once again. December 25th, 2011, Christmas Day! Come one, come all (at 9:00 PM and after) to that well-known, preposterous potlatch. Give and receive. Bring a wrapped present or two, get a gift in return at our Christmas Party, a holiday favorite…

Here’s the word from showman Chicken John: 

“For the last 27 years, I’ve done an orphan Christmas show. It’s kinda a game show, where people from the audience come up on stage and answer Trivia questions. If you answer the question correctly, you get to open a present.

“However, if you answer the question incorrectly… you get to open a present. The presents are provided by you, the audience. They are something… some good, some terrible. All absurd. All for fun.”

With YOUR BOASTFUL HOSTS,

CHICKEN JOHN & DR. HAL!

A veritable LAFF RIOT! GAGS! GIRLS! SURPRISES! OH, THE HUMANITY!

At Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret, 3359 Cesar Chavez Street at South Van Ness. Doors open 8:30 PM.

Christmas will be over– NOW we can have FUN! See YOU there!

BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!! BRING WRAPPED GIFTS!!!!!

FINAL Ask Dr. Hal! NOT TUESDAY but WEDNESDAY, MAY 25th

Monday, May 23rd, 2011

 The Dr. Hal Report
Vol.
XIV                                                                                                                                                                                          No. 3

“The very last Dr. Hal show is always my favorite, and the visuals of a show by an
underground comics artist is a key component, so just listening on the radio is
not enough.”
–Eric Diesel (Personal communication)

“A good old man, sir; he will be talking: as they say, When the age is in the wit is out.”

–William Shakespeare (baptized 26 April, 1564; died 23 April, 1616)
Much Ado about Nothing. ACT III Scene 5

Friends, Ladies and Gentlemen, and fellow-travelers, Ask Dr. Hal! is doing one last show.
And– with apologies for any confusion, we are moving the date to Wednesday night.
As in former days, it will happen– one final time –mid-week once again. On…
Wednesday, May 25th…
But… why?
Well, you see, Showman Chicken John made a financially-prompted decision– to rent out the house on Tues., May 24th to the well-heeled master cuisinier Chef Fleur-de-lis of SF’s ultra-trendique eatery Le Restaurant Grasse-Chère-Coûteuse.
So, for one more time, join us Wednesday night at Chez Poulet for the ever-evolving Ask Dr. Hal! show!

FIRST
KrOB’S KR-R-R-A-A-AZY KARTOON!
“KITTY CORNERED” (1946)
We like to start the show with a bang– and we do. Just before every performance begins, we screen a great animated cartoon, lovingly selected by KrOB– eight minutes of the best theatrical  shorts ever committed to film This last week, we’re back with Warner Bros. Cartoons and our all-time favorite cartoon director, the late Bob Clampett, whom Dr. Hal and his sister Martha were privileged to know personally. And this is a stand-out, a great cartoon among a track record of great cartoons. It might even be Clampett’s best work, and that’s saying a lot. It’s Kitty Cornered (1946) featuring Porky Pig vs. an army of fractious cats, including, for the first time ever in a Looney Tunes cartoon, Sylvester the cat. It’s the only time Sylvester ever appeared in a Clampett-directed cartoon.
Kitty Kornered is Clampett’s final cartoon starring his longtime star Porky Pig (if you don’t count the cameo in Clampett’s next cartoon, The Great Piggy Bank Robbery where Porky appears for a few seconds as a (poorly) disguised trolley driver).
Kitty Kornered’s an astonishing little film, like all Clampett’s work. It moves like lightning and is packed with ten times as many gags, on all different levels, as were found in most Warner Bros. cartoons.
And, wouldn’t you know it  (is there a pattern emerging here?)– like so many of the cartoons KrOB’s been showing, the censors have cut it in the past. What could those infernal Nervous Nellies find censorable in Kitty Cornered? Incredibly, it’s a scene where, after Porky tries to throw the cats out but they throw him out,
the cats drink alcohol, read comics, and smoke cigars –ooh, civilization would just fall if that were allowed to be shown– before Porky bursts in and… well, we won’t give any more away.
But we guarantee, as always, that no censorship will be in evidence at the Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret– we’re taking pains to give you, as almost never seen these days, the whole thing, complete and uncut.
So join us this Wednesday night, won’t you? –in time to catch up with yet another treasure of your Nation’s once-flourishing but now (that the Conspiracy has dumbed it all down) mostly vanished popular culture.
Remember, our show will start right up at the very moment the cartoon ends. Which is to say:
If you don’t come early enough you may miss Krob’s Kartune.

THEN
PETE GOLDIE’S WONDER-WORLD OF SCIENCE:
SPACE SCIENCE REPORT

ADH Science solon Pete Goldie will present more of the newest discoveries made in the endless
reaches of the unfathomable void. The Learn’d Astronomer and Boffo Boffin will bring us tidings, as
always, of newly discovered aspects of the cosmos.
Perhaps– who knows? –he will dilate upon recent revelations concerning so-called free-range planets!
Say, remember where Ming the Merciless (Flash Gordon’s implacable enemy) hung his hat? It was the Planet Mongo. A planet that entered our Solar System from Deep Space, beyond the heliopause. Mere fiction, you say? What about the scenario in the movie When Worlds Collide?
Remember that one? Two wandering planets, at first only noted by astronomers with the best
equipment, come into the System, heading for the Sun. By the end of the picture, one of them has
squarely hit– and obliterated –the Earth. Nonsense, you say? Science-Fiction clap-trap? Not so
fast!
For, as Pete just might describe, a team of astronomers has revealed that hundreds of billions of
“rogue” planets have escaped from their solar systems and are indeed roving freely in space,
secluded and far from any host star.
The researchers led by Professor Dr.Takahiro Sumi of Osaka University in Japan, using New
Zealand-based Mount John University Observatory’s 5.9-foot telescope, have reported that they
observed 10 Jupiter-sized planets, each around 10,000 to 20,000 light-years away from Earth.
There were no stars within a range of a billion miles or so of those planets. Researchers concluded
that our Milky Way Galaxy is littered with free-range planets of all sizes, wandering silently and
desolately in the spaces between the stars…
It is suggested that the orphan planets somehow escaped from their formative solar systems soon after
they condensed from the interstellar dust that also created their long-abandoned solar parents.
So check out Pete’s presentation. As scientific and educational as all-get-out.
Pete, a student of the evolution, physics, chemistry, meteorology, and motion of celestial objects,
as well as the formation and future development of the universe itself, fills us in with intricate detail,
even while Chicken, totally uninterested, writhes in ill-concealed impatience.
The original of the Cassini spacecraft, whose 3-D likeness in miniature, constructed by avid aviation
and space enthusiast “Paul Pot,” dangles over our ADH stage, continues its mission to the outer planets in an excellent state of health, we’re happy to report, with all systems “Go” –and all
subsystems operating normally.
And, with computer-jockey David Capurro’s able assistance, Pete‘ll illustrate his presentation– with
a hum-dinger of a Slide Show to display his rare pictures of strange worlds and distant suns.
And in addition to all of this, he still takes pains in his presentation to “razz” Chicken John.
Don’t miss this challenging and unique portion of our show.
A Dr. Hal Show Extra-Special Featurette.

ALSO FEATURING
KrOB’S KREEPY KINEMA MONSTROUS MOVIE
“MONSTER OCTOPUS STRIKES FROM THE ABYSS”

GIANT CEPHALOPOD RISES FROM ABYSSAL SUBMARINE CREVASSE
In rip-roaring stop-motion animation– of course!
KrOB’s krafted this klip from the Czech film classic Vynález zkázy (1959), which explores themes
tangental but still somewhat similar to those in Ukradená vzducholo (or The Stolen Airship) –creations
both of Karel Zeman, Czech animator and filmmaker. He is considered the co-founder of the Czech
animated film.  Zeman used hand-made sets painted in the style of Victorian illustrations (mainly
engravings by Gustave Doré), and then had live actors wandering through animated settings. The great
success of these science fiction and fantasy features is a tribute to Zeman’s sense of humor and
storytelling abilities, as well as his technique and originality.
So– the octopus strikes!  Zeman’s films possess a sophisticated wit and visual style that enchants– even
in the portrayal of this bulbous, sucker-studded primordial horror.
Octopuses are in fact venomous– the bite of some small Pacific species is instantly fatal. But once this
deep-sea Titan grasps you in its undulating, ropy arms, the venom problem is not really centrally
significant any more, as we shall see.
And we’ll throw in at this point that giant octopuses do indeed exist in the oozy darkness of the benthic
wilderness.
Symbologists tell us that the octopus generally signifies the unconscious mind– arms radiating from a
centrally located head.
KrOB’S MONSTER RALLY– AN ULTIMATELY TERRIFYING INDICTMENT OF
HUMANITY ITSELF!
Heh, heh, heh…

SOCIAL NOTES

Rain, rain… we were sure it would wash away any chance we could get good attendance– but, despite
the prevailing meteorological inclemency our attendees found their way to attend just the same… so our
Grand Opening pitch went off with hardly a hitch… now comes the Grand Closing, our last production 
in this briefest of cycles. A run really not long enough? Ooh! We think so, too… So forward all of those
complaints, gripes & objections to cheerful Chicken John, Showman at
chicken@chickenjohn.com
–& see where that gets you… We’ll (probably) be back after (too) many months more… Meanwhile, come
on in
for this, our last Barbaric Yawp– we offer our refined brand of entertainment for a recondite few–
izzat you? It won’t be raining this time, if last time that’s why we missed noting your phiz in the peanut
gallery… Now, though rain’s no longer a drain on our reign, another woolly problem stands athwart our course— & scheduling’s the source… The whole shebang leapfrogs to Wednesday , just after we got ’em
all used to a weekly Tuesday night flight. That’s because conniving Chicken‘s going to rent out the house
on Tues., May 24th to the well-heeled master cuisinier Chef Fleur-de-Lis from SF’s latest “hip” trendique eatery Le Restaurant Grasse-Chere-Couteuse, who made Chicken a (financial) offer he couldn’t refuse…

As we pointed out in this space last week, after selling us all out, he’ll cry for the
show– all the way to the bank. Ach, du Lieber & Stoller… Still, we have one final opportunity to
deliver the goods with full immunity. That’s this Wednesday, May 25th. Join us then again for one
more
final fruitful interval… Be a part of it as we make history at the old Chez Poulet… So– last wk.,
who-all was there? Quite a variety of S.F.’s boho high sassiety. Among others, f’rinstance, marmoreal
Mable Syrup, who’s a perpetually indulgent Sister to our band of brothers, enchanting Emma Henley who
faced the dread KrOB Moment at first hand, lovely Leslie whom we remember so fetchingly (& toplessly)
adorned the Burning Man Opera a few seasons back, jubilant Jeanette and juniper-fresh Julie Holabird,
lovely, long-term, long-stemmed ADH devotee, so welcome to see… Photog Puzzling Evidence documented the doings for
You Tube, as always– you might want to scroll down and click on some of those, we suppose… Another
face
from the past joined the cast– gregarious Gabe, our Sound Man from the the haze of the late, great 12
Galaxies
days, when our host with the most was redoubtable Robert Levy… Enjoy it, gadabout Gabe? Say,
we could use another one of those– a Sound Man, we mean… A Sound Man is Hard to Find, eh? Ahem!
Attention!
We’re looking for a Lost Passport— seen it, sport? It belongs to anxious Amas Valeika… Kingly
Ken laid on his distinctive laff –we also know him as philosophical Phineas T. Smokepott, & wotta laff he’s
got… Radio Valencia performance keystone Kiko A., whom you know as Nose Hair Lint Gland’s demented
Dr. Fiasco, was pleasantly present, especially accompanied by appealingly jocund Jenn Alexander, his
Better Half– we were pleased to have wedded them, in a ceremony earlier this year– did you hear? Try to
keep up… Manly Mongoloid, a.k.a. leonine Lloyd Mongoloid of supergroup Cookie Mongoloid, was among
us as well… At the door, steely-eyed Skippy was in charge of vetting the incoming crowd and collecting the
admission, an ADH tradition… We also noted jocose Joe, remarkable Rob Srinivasan, a mathematically
au courant savant, timely Timothy, & curvaceous Catalina Eckhardt… Cheerful Chicken, meanwhile, tried
valiantly to vend, sell, & even absolutely give away numerous packages, left over from his recent Dolores
Park
agitprop session, of plastic fake vomit… Said artificial upchuck brings to mind that we also hosted
old-timer Oops, (how’s that for a segue, folks?) not in our gaze since the old Odeon daze, who’s back– with
an incomprehensible tale of intrigue, kidnapping and legal complication, one of the strangest in Creation…
but c’mon, obliging Oops kept us afloat with a tempting tip of a C-note in the question hopper, challenging
us to top the topper. No kidding, you never know who’ll show up up at the show, so… go! Your last
chance!
May we have this dance?

LETTERS
Dear Dr. Hal,
I
have received email threats from the President of the Dominion of Melchizedek that
my hands will be cut off, so I cannot post on the Internet. I have forwarded these to the federal prosecutor
investigating P_______ G_____ and R_____ R____, and just after I got the emails, I recieved a call to meet with
Secret Service Agent “N__” of the Electronic Crimes Unit just after I got the electronic mail physical threat.
 If you need proof of this, please let me know.
Yours, E. Diesel

SHOWS – UPCOMING
DARK ROOM BENEFIT FOR SPY EMERSON – MAY 28th
Dark Room Theatre, 2263 Mission St., San Francisco – 8:00 PM
Our friend, fine artist Spy Emerson, is fighting an unscrupulous and ruinously expensive legal attack
by the father of her six-year-old son Lucky and his Midwest-based family acting in concert.
Those who closely know Spy are aware she is an exemplary mother, now overwhelmed by a malicious,
unexpected and fully financed, secretly well-planned, ruthless maneuver. We are in Spy’s corner on this one.
Any contribution is welcome to help oppose the financial/legal tsunami facing this brave and determined
woman.
Local performers, including Ask Dr. Hal!’s own Dr. Hal are to appear in the line-up of an evening variety show at San Francisco’s Dark Room Theatre, 2263 Mission St.  Show time will be 8:00 PM.
A unique roster of contributing talents will make it a night to remember.
Eyenoise Projections by KrOB.
Look for the three Doggie Diner Heads outside the theater, where hot dogs will be grilled and sold, before and during the performance.
Watch this space for developing details, or go to darkroomsf.com

Call (415) 401-7987.

Some of Our Favorite Questions
“Dr. Hal, is there a ready-made substitute for blood plasma?
Why, yes. If you happen to be on a tropical island, remember that the liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute.
“Dr. Hal, is there anything that kills more people than plane crashes every year?”
Lots of things, if we go world-wide. Donkeys, for example. I’m not kidding– don’t ever stand behind one.
“What are the three biggest brand names on Earth? ”
Marlboro, Coca-Cola and Budweiser, in that order.
“Is there any sound that doesn’t echo?”
Yes, since you ask, the quack of a duck. No one knows why.
“How come every time they show those floods on TV they always show a cow on
some roof?”
Well, cows can easily be persuaded to look after their own best interests, even by perfidious humans. The major problem comes along after the flood. You see, a cow will let you lead her upstairs, but not downstairs.
“Hey, Dr. Hal, are there any creatures who can breathe through their anuses?”
The answer– sigh… is yes. The talented animal in question: the common mud-turtle. And you can’t.

If you have a question for me, I, Dr. Howland Owll, have an answer for you! 

Dr. HAL ON RADIO:
Hear classic episodes on Radio Valencia!
ADH PIRATE RADIO SHOW CONTINUES WITH WEEKLY BROADCAST!
The Ask Dr. Hal! Radio Show has been running Friday nights 9PM to Midnight on S.F.’s newest Pirate Radio sensation–
 radiovalencia.fm 87.9 FM
Live shows have been simulcast! And if you’ve missed them, they’re still on the radio!
Now, the Ask Dr. Hal! Show, a beloved San Francisco Institution, also
continues as an innovative Pirate Radio Program on RadioValencia.FM
broadcast –and podcast (keep watching these announcements) even
during the current run
of the show!
Dr. Hal Live on Radio– Friday nights, 10 PM – Midnight.
Podcasts:
http://radiovalencia.fm/recent-shows/

–at the innovative & avant
Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret
3359 Cesar Chavez St.
(Army) Street between Mission and South Van Ness. Just on the
edge of Bernal Heights. The old Odeon Neighborhood.
COME ONE , COME ALL !
Watch Ask Dr. Hal! Shows– the very latest, and those of days gone by!
Visit the Puzzling Evidence Channel on You Tube! Just type in “search words” Ask Dr. Hal!

ASK DR. HAL! OPENING SHOW– Tuesday, May 17th!

Monday, May 16th, 2011

             The Dr. Hal Report    
Vol.XIV                                             No. 2

Of a good beginning cometh a good end.”
John Heywood (1497-1580)
Proverbes, Part I, Chapt.10

“Very impressed with the wonderful, whimsical web woven by the team of artisans
at the Chicken Shack!  Just a fantastic underground world of visual, and aural
stimulus accented by a nice tub of booze….”
Radio Valencia’s Quarterman Jack, on last Tuesday’s ADH Preview Show

ADH PREPARES FOR SEASON OPENER
FIRST SHOW HITS THE BOARDS TUESDAY, MAY 17TH

MAY 10TH’S PREVIEW NIGHT SETS STAGE FOR MONTH’S LIMITED RUN
Ladies and Gentlemen, this season of Ask Dr. Hal! is off and running. Our opener on the
17th will bring back all the elements which have defined us in the past– with a few new
wrinkles.
Last Tuesday’s Prevue showed that this new night works for our show. Neither mid-week, as when
it was, some time ago, on Wednesdays, nor end-of week, as when we ran it on Fridays,
Saturdays or Sundays, the new date– still experimental– could be seen as a mini-oasis
of relief from initial weekly workaday stress. After all, having faced Monday, you ‘re “over
the hump” –and it’s all downhill from there!
Celebrate Tuesday night at Chez Poulet— drop in for the Ask Dr. Hal! show!
(NOTE: Scheduling changes may occur for future shows .)

WE START EARLIER.
It’s true– unlike previous iterations where a lallygagging audience compelled us to wait
while they straggled in– oh, we knew they would get here eventually, but so would
Christmas –these days, we ‘ve “bitten the bullet” and started up far closer to our declared
start-time of 9:00 PM. Several attendees found that out at our Prevue Show– the hard way.
They missed KrOB ‘s Kartoon– and the whole beginning.
And c’mon– when we hold the (metaphorical) curtain, we end up imposing on those who
did show up at the right time, making them sit and wait while we wait– for late-nicks.
Isn’t it better that we use the time– for yet more solid, full-blooded Ask Dr. Hal! Show?
FIRST on the bill:
KrOB’S KR-R-R-A-A-AZY KARTOON!
“PATIENT PORKY” (1940)
KrOB seems to be indulging his predilection for selecting older cartoons from the Thirties
and early Forties for this cycle. But why not? All should be shown; few ever are.
Be prepared, however, for a bizarre, alien level of humor not congruent with the popular
ethos, and for a slower rhythm and pace overall than the fast-moving, more advanced
cartoons Warners put out in the late Forties. And also be prepared for an unfortunate
race caricature, the farthest thing from political correctness, briefly appearing in the film.
We were graced to know Bob Clampett— this cartoon’s director –personally for a little
while, and there wasn’t a racist bone in his body. But he did derive humor from the
stereotype, as he mined everything in sight for gags.
Yes, Clampett, unlike some other animation directors at Warners, was never mean-spirited.
We will therefore wince as we show this film in its entirety. Music: Carl Stalling. Voices:
Mel Blanc.
And, bye the bye, there are other shocking, disturbing things in this little short– depending,
as in all things, on where you stand.
One thing, however, is a certainty:
If you don’t come early enough you may miss Krob’s Kartune.

THEN:
PETE GOLDIE’S WONDER-WORLD OF SCIENCE:
SPACE SCIENCE REPORT
ADH Science solon Pete Goldie will present more of the newest discoveries made in the endless
reaches of the unfathomable void. The Learn’d Astronomer and Boffo Boffin will bring us tidings, as
always, of newly discovered aspects of the cosmos.
Perhaps– who knows? –he will dilate upon recent revelations concerning Io, the most volcanically
active body in our Solar System. This remote world contains an underground ocean of magma,
say scientists who cracked a long-standing puzzle posed by NASA’s defunct Galileo Probe, which
orbited giant Jupiter and ogled his many moons from 1995 to 2003.
Some say Man was never meant to see such things. Not Pete, however­- and now you can! We
show ’em– each time!
The well-known bon vivant actually arranged for Dr. Hal’s name, and Chicken’s, to be shot into
space aboard the Dawn Explorer on its mission out to the Asteroid Belt, a few years back! We think
that says it all.
As scientific and educational as all-get-out.
The Cassini spacecraft, whose 3-D likeness in miniature dangles over our ADH stage, is in an
excellent state of health, we’re happy to report, with all systems “Go”and all subsystems operating
normally.
Pete, a student of the evolution, physics, chemistry, meteorology, and motion of celestial objects,
as well as the formation and future development of the universe itself, fills us in with intricate detail
on the wandering space probe’s discoveries as they happen.
And, with computer-jockey David Capurro’s able assistance, he’ll illustrate his presentation– with a
hum-dinger of a Slide Show to display his rare pictures of strange worlds and distant stars.
And in addition to all of this, he still takes pains in his presentation to “razz” Chicken John.
Don’t miss this challenging and unique portion of our show.
A Dr. Hal Show Extra-Special Featurette.

ALSO FEATURING:
KrOB’S KREEPY KINEMA MONSTROUS MOVIE–
“THE THRUST EXPEDITION VS. THE LAST DINOSAUR”
ASSEMBLED FROM FOOTAGE SHOT IN THE UNFORTUNATE 1970’S
1977, actually. The movie this all comes from “positively reeks of the polyester Seventies with its
bell-bottoms, long hair and eyeglasses the size of picture windows.” –Mark F. Berry, The Dinosaur
Filmography.
Not only that, but it’s a co-production of Rankin-Bass and Tsuburaya Productions.

That’s Tsuburaya as in Toho studios ( not Eiji Tsuburaya but close, we suspect).Yep, the East-West
fusion of cheesy dinosaur-suit monster effects pictures.
Nothing to celebrate. Kind of the worst of both worlds. Why do we do this? Because we can,
bwa-ha-ha-haa!
Not enough space here to explain the SubGenius concept of Bulldada.
But wait– it gets better. Wildly emoting at the center is veteran actor Richard Boone– that’s right,
Paladin–in the, er, pivotal rôle of Masten Thrust (no kidding). Your witness, Mr. Freud.
This picture, according to author Stuart Galbraith, was “scheduled to open theatrically in New York
City, but was pulled at the last minute and instead made its U.S. debut as a TV movie for ABC.”
Those were the days.
KrOB’S MONSTER RALLY– AN ULTIMATELY TERRIFYING INDICTMENT OF
HUMANITY ITSELF!

Heh, heh, heh…

SOCIAL NOTES

And so Ask Dr. Hal! put on its Preview Nite last Tues. the 10th– 1nce again, the Show was a going
concern… We had some of our old pals (of course) along 4 the ride, but we noted some new faces too…
We’ll see how it shapes up during this lightning-fast, here-today-gone tomorrow iteration of ADH,
performance dates subject to revision with very little notice… Arrghh– blame calculating Chicken for
the necessity to include that caveat… Better watch these broadsides closely for the straight skinny.
Well, we saw lotsa variety at the show– not that you’d call it a Variety Show…  Among attentive
attendees we noted militant Moss, a.k.a. RollingMoss, who didn’t seem to want the whole thing to end,
perennial Paul Pot, whose quiver of queries were shunted by conniving Chicken to the Speed Round,
canine companion jocose Joppa, staking out our round, heuristic Hef-style bed as his personal turf,
and even addled Al “Werewolf” Simms, who posed no prob– we wouldn’t want him there on the 17th,
tho’ —check your ephemeris… While preparing, pre-show, in Chez Poulet’s cavernous upstairs, we
nearly collided with vivacious Valerie Leavy (a collision we wouldn’t have minded), ravishing resident
of the bldg. –she was equally surpriz’d… Another tenant was sweet Sunshine, who not only took in the
show but, good sport that she is, presented paideutical Pete Goldie’s Jar of gags to choleric Chicken
during prankish Pete’s segment… From the balcony above we thought we made out slinky Sarah, as in
Szczechowicz-Goldie– but that was an error, according to both glamorous Goldies (Never be without
your trusty fact-checker)… However, there was no mistaking manly Moses Grubb, devotee of divine
Dionysus, or krazy Kiko, our quondam Brazilian Astronaut for about a brazillion times –and Radio 
Valencia’s own questing Quarterman Jack, a first-timer to our festive fol-de-rol. RV, as we Pirate
Broadcasters
like to call it, covered us– until mindful Mikel-em came in & did his show around ten in
the P.M. –adress all complaints to Commander Chicken John, Esq., since that meant we didn’t get
the show recorded. Pity, too, the audio would’ve been good… Starry-eyed but steely Skippy,
jack-of-all-trades & our doorman that nite, let in luminaries larruping Lloyd Mongoloid of Cookie
Mongoloid
fame, obliging Orin Zebest, also from RV’s roster, kingly Kenny a.k.a. Phineas T.
Smokepott,
our indispensable laff leader (every show needs one) & jaunty Joseph, a former, and
perhaps future doorman in his own right… Curvaceous Carla Winsom, kaptivating Kelly Cathorn with
jolly John Antrobus squiring, & a few other new faces we couldn’t peg were seen on th’ scene… and
we welcomed also masterful Mike Ritch, Director of the Jean Henry School of Art (plug-ola) with
constant consort the stunning Shawna M., a first (but we hope not last)-timer at ADH… Well, come
nextime if you couldn’t be there– this run is short, sport– you could miss it pret-ty easily, we say
queasily. The show following next week may even jump over the hump to a different day, we are just
now hearing, & fearing… We’re betting on Wednesday, friends & neighbors… That’s because conniving
Chicken will probably rent out the house on Tues., May 24th to the well-heeled master cuisinier Chef Fleur-de-Lis of S.F.’s trendique eatery Le Restaurant Grasse-Chere-Couteuse, who’s apparently made hungry, cupidity-challenged Chicken a juicy Offer He Couldn’t Refuse… Chick’ll will cry for the show, though, all the way to the bank, as the saying goes. Meanwhile, do come in & show our show some support, sport, before we come up short… this means YOU!

SHOWS – UPCOMING
DARK ROOM BENEFIT FOR SPY EMERSON – MAY 28th
Our friend, fine artist Spy Emerson, is fighting an unscrupulous and ruinously expensive legal attack
by the father of her six-year-old son Lucky and his Midwest-based family acting in concert.
Those who closely know Spy are aware she is an exemplary mother, now overwhelmed by a malicious,
unexpected and fully financed, secretly well-planned, ruthless maneuver.
Any contribution is welcome to help oppose the financial/legal tsunami facing this brave and determined
woman.
Local performers, including Ask Dr. Hal!’s own Dr. Hal are to appear in the line-up of an evening variety
show at San Francisco’s Dark Room Theatre, 2263 Mission St.  Show time will be 8:00 PM.
A unique roster of contributing talents will make it a night to remember.
Eyenoise Projections by KrOB.
Look for the three Doggie Diner Heads outside the theater, where hot dogs will be grilled and sold to the gastronomically adventurous, before
and during the performance.
Watch this space for developing details, or go to darkroomsf.com   Call (415) 401-7987.

Dr. HAL ON RADIO:
Hear classic episodes on
Radio Valencia!
ADH PIRATE RADIO SHOW CONTINUES WITH WEEKLY BROADCAST!
The Ask Dr. Hal! Radio Show has been running Friday nights 9PM to Midnight on S.F.’s newest Pirate
Radio sensation–
 radiovalencia.fm 87.9 FM
Live shows have been simulcast! And if you’ve missed them, they’re still on the radio!
Now, the Ask Dr. Hal! Show, a beloved San Francisco Institution, also
continues as an innovative Pirate Radio Program on RadioValencia.FM
–broadcast –and podcast (keep watching these announcements) even
during the current run of the show!
Dr. Hal Live on Radio– Friday nights, 10 PM – Midnight.
Podcasts:
http://radiovalencia.fm/recent-shows/

–at the innovative & avant
Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret
3359 Cesar Chavez St.
(Army) Street between Mission and South Van Ness. Just on the
edge of Bernal Heights. The old Odeon Neighborhood.
COME ONE , COME ALL !
Watch Ask Dr. Hal! Shows— the very latest, and those of days gone by!
Visit the Puzzling Evidence Channel on You Tube:

http://www.youtube.com/user/PuzzlingEvidenceTV#grid/user/
0DAC31E6BF7CF386

ASK DR. HAL! PRESENTS SPECIAL PREVIEW

Tuesday, May 10th, 2011

SPECIAL PREVIEW SHOW BEGINS LATEST ADH RUN

Tuesday, May 10th
Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret
3359 Cesar Chavez (Army) St.
Doors 8:30 – Show 9:00 PM.     

Admission $10 [NO COMPS]      
======================================================================================

The Dr. Hal Report – Vol. XIV – No. 1   

“An advance showing… to which a selected audience is invited before public presentation
begins…”
— Online Dictionary (1994– ?)

PREVIEW SHOW HITS THE BOARDS TUESDAY, MAY 10TH
This is not only a time of economic uncertainty, threatened ecological collapse and political
instability– but also, locally, of the potential criminalization of entertainment. The Powers that Be
in San Francisco– the usual clueless local pencil-pushers, bean-counters and police groupies –are
now pushing for two-month in advance permit application for any kind of performance (said permits
to cost $2,000.00 apiece) with giant fines and prosecution for the non-compliant, metal detectors at
venue entrances, mandatory fingerprinting for audience members and a mandated cop– a flatfoot
hired out for every 50 people in an audience. Cops at shows– just what we all need.
This climate of excessive regulation certainly threatens to stifle all forms of entertainment not
sanctioned by the circles of inmost privilege. Many in the arts community now believe the issue is
even more crucial than anything to do with taco trucks in Dolores Park…

Just the same, despite all this, Chicken John and Ask Dr. Hal!  are boldly planning to bring back their
show during May. But, as the saying goes, if you blink, you might miss it.

We invite you to our Dr. Hal Show Preview this coming Tuesday night.

Tuesday nights are an experimental first for our show.

Meanwhile, here’s a review of what we do that came out not too long ago:

http://sf.funcheap.com/city-guide/dr-hal-show/

Don’t miss what all the excitement’s about. Come on in and join us at this latent upcoming iteration of the
all-new Ask Dr. Hal! Show!–

WITH KrOB KARTUNE KLASSIC:
I Love to Singa (1936)
A strict piano teaching owl is cursed with a son who “loves to singa,” but only jazz. A Laff Riot directed by
cartoon legend Tex Avery.
and…
SEE KrOB’S MONSTROUS KLIP–
ROBOT GORILLA AUDITS DINOSAUR FOOTAGE
NOT FOR THE WEAK-HEARTED
FEATURING THE EPONYMOUS RO-MAN OF (PLANET) RO-MAN
KrOB’s krazy kut-up kinema kompels kontentment!
KrOB swears to high heaven that this excerpt is up to his usual standard.We advise those
who may be overly sensitive to such material to turn away or shade their eyes. It’s “showbiz”
–pure entertainment — and it’s all happening right here– at the famed Ask Dr. Hal! Show!
Perhaps you can run– but you can’t hide from the xists and their
invincible “CALCINATOR” death-ray of doom! These
awesomely Apocalyptic actinic blasts hurl themselves
RIGHT OFF THE PROJECTION SURFACE– & INTO THE AUDIENCE!
They ‘re coming– KrOB’s masterminding the Alien Invasion!
–And get a load of those DINOSAURS!

but first…
PETE GOLDIE PROVIDES amazing
ALTERNATE OUTER SPACE  THRILLS!
Scientifically au courant, the show boasts its own Astronomer and Science Expert, Pete Goldie.

DAVID CAPURRO  CULLS CLIPS, SNAPS FROM
ONLINE IMAGESTREAM– SYNCHRONOUS ” IRRITAINMENT”
‘Puter jock rocks the box, unlocks, mocks Pandora’s Box paradox.

CHICKEN JOHN  SEZ:
“Hey, everybody– come see the Ask Dr. Hal! Show in a brand new location: my living room. It’s
4 guys doing improv on 4 different levels. It can be amazing.”

4 GUYS ON THE RISE:
CHICKEN JOHN

Dr. HAL ROBINS

KrOB

DAVID CAPURRO
…AND SURPRISE MYSTERY GUESTS!

Hear classic episodes on
Radio Valencia!
ADH PIRATE RADIO SHOW CONTINUES WITH WEEKLY BROADCAST!
The Ask Dr. Hal! Radio Show has been running Friday nights, 9PM to Midnight on S.F.’s newest Pirate Radio sensation–
 radiovalencia.fm 87.9 FM
Live shows have been simulcast! And if you’ve missed them, they’re still on the radio!
Now, the Ask Dr. Hal! Show, a beloved San Francisco Institution, will
continue as an innovative Pirate Radio Program on RadioValencia.FM
–broadcast –and podcast (keep watching these announcements) even
during the current run of the show!
Dr. Hal Live on Radio only– Friday nights, 10 PM – Midnight.
Podcasts:
http://radiovalencia.fm/recent-shows/

At home, or on at Chez Poulet,  Ask Dr. Hal!  is here– to stay!

IT’S THE SHOW YOU KNOW AND LOVE…
Gags ! Goofs ! Girls! Surprises !
–Can You endure… The KrOB Moment?
(Ask Dr. Hal! will not be responsible for injuries or lasting mental trauma) *********************
All on our Custom-Made Stage
(by Pete Goldie)

–at the innovative & avant
Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret
3359 Cesar Chavez St.
(Army) Street between Mission and South Van Ness. Just on the
edge of Bernal Heights. The old Odeon Neighborhood.
COME ONE, COME ALL!

FORMAT CHANGE: Ask Dr. Hal! Radio Show now 10 PM – Midnight

Monday, February 7th, 2011

ADH SUSPENDED UNTIL MID-MARCH

The Ask Dr. Hal! Show will be “dark” until at least the middle of March. Until we re-appear, follow us on radio on Radio Valencia 87.9 FM as before on Friday nights. However, the show now begins at 10 PM, not, as before, 8 PM. How did this come to be?

It’s all because the radio station has taken on many new programs and hosts, all refugees from ham-handed corporate-mandated changes…

CHANGES IN WORLD OF RADIO

For 33 years, KUSF in San Francisco was an essential voice on the Bay Area FM airwaves,  featuring unusually diverse, avant-garde music and a broad range of cultural programming not heard elsewhere on the dial.

But on January 18, 2011, the University of Southern California announced a deal with Entercom Communications to acquire the call sign, programming and intellectual property of longtime “classical” music outlet KDFC-FM— and began airing that station’s programming on the 90.3 FM frequency (as well as on also-acquired KNDL).

KUSF‘s longtime famously free-form and eclectic student-run format was abruptly dropped from the 90.3 FM frequency following the announcement of the station’s sale,  a $3.75 million deal that transfers KUSF’s 90.3 FM frequency to “classical” music station KDFC, just purchased by a University of Southern California-controlled nonprofit. KDFC‘s old frequency, 102.1, is being taken over by rock station KUFX.

This move is said to be part of a larger deal that still requires Federal Communications Commission approval. Please note that the organization saveKUSF is fighting to block the sale of the broadcasting rights to 90.3FM.

The university plans to make KUSF an online-only entity. Although KUSF enjoyed a mix of students and volunteers from the community, those or any other volunteers will not have a role with the on-line KUSF.

And so it is that many who had shows on KUSF have come to Radio Valencia, 87.9 FM, where they’ve been welcomed. There they can continue their programming, and Radio Valencia is all the better for it.

BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO ASK DR. HAL!?

The Ask Dr. Hal! Show at Chez Poulet is, for the time being, suspended, but will return in the near future after a series of relocations, readjustments and recalculations.

The Ask Dr. Hal! Show on Radio, formerly 8:00 – Midnight on Friday nights on  Radio Valencia, 87.9 FM, is still to be found on Friday nights. But it has been shortened by two hours as a result of these changes. The first two hours are now given to famed radio personality Dennis Scheyer, known on the air as Dennis the Menace, late of KUSF: at 8 PM, tune in for “Menace’s Warm-up” –a mix of new, innovative rock. At 9 PM, listen to “The Menace’s Attic.” Then at 10 PM the Ask Dr. Hal! Show begins, running for the next two hours. Please join us (And feel free to call in on the air, at (415) 875-9051).

For information concerning Radio Valencia and the Ask Dr. Hal! Radio Show, go to

http://radiovalencia.fm/shows/

Keep watching this space for the latest on the return of the live night club sensation, the Ask Dr. Hal! Show!

NEWS – ADAM ALEXANDER’S “MATHEMATICALITY” NOW EXHIBITING ONLINE

Recommended:

An online show of mathematician-artist Adam Alexander‘s  digital art may now be viewed at

http://fusegallerynyc.com/Line/11alexander/alexander.html

These visual creations are expressions of mathematical ideas, not arbitrary digital fancies. For this reason, Alexander may be considered a poet of Nature, since underlying the work is the structure of ultimate reality seen in the realm of numbers. The aesthetic appeal of the pieces suggests some form of transcendence, a key to the strikingly individual personality of the cosmos.

“Mathematicality,” digital artwork by Adam Alexander launched online on Wednesday, January 19, 2011, at

www.fusegallerynyc.com.

For more information, contact Fuse Gallery at

(212) 777.7988

or

fusegall@fusegallerynyc.com. 

ASK DR. HAL! Starts Year on Jan. 7th!

Tuesday, January 4th, 2011

Friday, January 7th                            [DATE of show]
Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret            [VENUE of show]
3359 Cesar Chavez (Army) St.         [LOCATION of show]
Doors 8:30 – Show 9:00 PM.            [TIME of show]

COCK-A-DOODLE DOO!
IT’S OUR FIRST-OF-THE-YEAR SHOW!
Ask Dr. Hal! Meets Year 2011…

Admission $10                                    [PRICE of show]

OUR FIFTH SHOW!
Somehow it seems as if we’ve already done more, but we didn’t do one for Christmas Week and
we did none in November as originally planned. So this is the fifth.
And forget not to read the latest review of our sure-fire show at funcheapsf:

http://sf.funcheap.com/city-guide/dr-hal-show/

Have you even been to Ask Dr. Hal! lately? Have you ever? C’mon– give us a try! Our next show
might be the one with your name on it, so to speak.

With

our Laff-Riot-ous Cartoon–
“Swing Shift Cinderella” (1945)
Another in our series of the best American cartoons!
Lovingly selected–by KrOB…

We like to start the show with a bang– and we do. Just before every performance begins, we screen a great
animated cartoon, lovingly selected by KrOB– eight minutes of the best theatrical shorts ever committed to
film. And this week, our KrOB Klassic goes even farther afield to tangle with the tale of Cinderella –in one of
the best cartoons we’ll ever show at Ask Dr. Hal! It starts with Little Red Riding Hood, but in a few seconds it
veers wildly into Avery’s wild world of wolves, babes, and one bacchanalian babushka of a “cougar” Fairy
Godmother… Friends, if you miss this one, we can’t say how long it might be before the chance of a repeat
performance. What we’re doing at the show, if you haven’t yet noticed, is working our way through the cartoon
syllabus to show our patrons just how great the American animated cartoon used to be, and we hate to
repeat ourselves too often. This is another “grown-up” cartoon from MGM’s Tex Avery, who’s been called (by
Joe Adamson, among others) the “King of Cartoons .” On deck is Swing Shift Cinderella (1945)– it’s rude,
crude, politically incorrect– and devastatingly funny. We can’t imagine how you’d have any other chance to
see this film in these times, projected large and loud– the way we show ’em. And yes, this is, once again, one
of those wild cartoons of yore which have had trouble running up against the censors over the years. This whole
idea, that children need “protection” from these cartoons, or any other work of art, is so wrong-headed, and
oozes (originally) from the odious Reagan years and the unexamined assumption that “cartoons are for kids.”
But don’t believe it, Jack– cartoons are for all humanity, dig? The great cartoon makers never lost sight of
this. Fear not– we guarantee, as always, that no censorship will be in evidence at the Chez Poulet Gallery-
Cabaret– we’re taking pains to give you, as almost never seen these days, the whole thing, complete and
uncut. So join us this Wednesday night, won’t you? –in time to catch up with yet another treasure of your
Nation’s once-flourishing but now (that the Conspiracy has dumbed it all down) mostly vanished popular
culture. Remember, our show will start right up at the very moment the cartoon ends.

” A classic! a masterpiece! –Especially Preston Blair’s luscious and sexy animation of Cinderella !”
–VodeoJMC63, Thadblog

Exciting Co-Hit

SEE KrOB’S MONSTROUS KLIP–
KAUTIONARY KLASSIC KrOB APOCALYPTIK EDIT:
KrOB Weaves an Entangling Web of Enveloping Horror with Newest Creation–
“Giant Spiders– Threat, or Menace? “
The Perennial Problem of AbnormallyAmplified Arachnids
NOT FOR THE WEAK-HEARTED
KrOB’s krazy kut-up kinema kompels kontentment!
Just how big does a spider need to be to be “giant?” Many people tend to freak out at the sight of
quite ordinary-sized spiders. A figure from nightmares and a phobia bred in the bone so deeply as to
be, probably, hard-wired in the minds of spider-phobes as an evolutionary psychomemory, the giant
spider endlessly resurfaces in the narrative of art as an embodiment of bioxenophobic horror.
You Tube and the Internet are full of disturbing “videos” showing helpless people being “pranked” as
the insensitive boyfriend, or sadistic, guffawing bully-buddy, drops a frantically wriggling spider on an
unsuspecting person.
What are we to make of all this? Can we comfort these poor souls by saying that the limitations on size
imposed by gravity and physics really (and fortunately) prevent spiders from being the monsters so often
encountered in various movies? That’s the stock answer, but– is it fully true?
Well, not really. You see, whatever anyone else may tell you, we’re here to affirm that even known
spiders and arthropods can, under the proper circumstances, become far larger than commonly supposed.
Moreover, the example of giant prehistoric spiders shows that Nature is quite capable of producing, when
She wants to, arachnids of even more monstrous dimensions than these.
The Paleozoic giant arthropods and Eurypterids, for example, managed to attain singularly great bulk–
one of the latter (Pterygotus macrophthalmus) is said to have attained the dimensions of “a small sports
car.”
How about today? Well, the extremely spider-like Coconut Crab, Birgis latro, which is fully terrestrial
and can crack open coconuts (or, reportedly, crunch through a broom handle) superficially does resemble
a giant spider indeed, and weighs in at 5.2 kilograms– between 11-12 pounds. That’s a big one. Though
these babies are now threatened with extinction –though what isn’t? –they’re still around.
The Brazilian Wandering Spider, Phoneutria, the largest spider officially recognized on Earth, can span
a dinner plate, is venomous and will attack humans. One once attacked Dr. Hal’s grandmother, in fact. She
got him with a broom, though. Ugh– what a mess. Remind him to tell that story at the show.
Anyway, it should suffice to say that in our next episode of Ask Dr. Hal!, KrOB’s going to be exhibiting– you
guessed it– monstrous, bulging spiders far greater in size than any limitation imposed by Science or History.
We’ll watch, from the apparent safety of our seats, as these Brobdingnagian behemoths attack horrified
human victims. Nothing’s too good for our audience at the Ask Dr. Hal! Show!
These scuttling, scurrying  Arthropodal Aggressors practically
hurl themselves RIGHT OFF THE PROJECTION SURFACE– & INTO THE AUDIENCE!
The new miracle of the Screen! More Horrible than Reality at its Worst!
They ‘re coming– with KrOB turning loose the spider Goliaths!

THEN…
PETE GOLDIE PROVIDES OUTER SPACE  THRILLS!
Our Science Segment…
ADH Science solon Pete Goldie will present more of the newest discoveries made in the endless reaches
of the unfathomable void. The learn’d Astronomer and Boffo Boffin will bring us tidings, as always, of newly
discovered aspects of the cosmos. Dr. Goldie, who is a quondam NASA consultant, has been called a delver
into mysteries of natural philosophy. A fully qualified astro-science specialist, Pete gives us astonishing
pictures of worlds never before viewed by human eyes– transmitted by intricate robots who are now busily
exploring our Outer Solar System. You’ll be spellbound as, with the assistance of these far-flung metal
myrmidons, Pete will whisk you away, to, say, the transits of Mercury or Venus, or guide you among gas
giant super-planet Saturn’s planet-sized weird and monstrous moons, where mountains may be made of ice,
volcanoes spew ammonia, and methane rains from the sky. Some say Man was never meant to see such
things. Not Pete, however­- and now you can… The well-known bon vivant actually arranged for Dr. Hal’s name,
and Chicken’s, to be shot into space aboard the Dawn Explorer on its mission to the Asteroid Belt a few years
back! We think that says it all. As scientific and educational as all-get-out.
Recently released for the holidays, looming, greenish images of the variegated surface of Saturn’s second largest
moon, Rhea, obtained by NASA’s Cassini Spacecraft, show new and dramatic views of fractures cutting through
aeons-old craters, indicating a history of tectonic rumbling. We’d bet on the massive gravity well of its parent
planet as the culprit– but, who knows? The most recent spacecraft telemetry was acquired on December 28th
from the Deep Space Network Tracking Complex at Madrid, Spain. The Cassini spacecraft, whose 3-D likeness
in miniature dangles over our ADH stage, is in an excellent state of health, we’re happy to report, with all systems
“Go”and all subsystems operating normally. Pete, a student of the evolution, physics, chemistry, meteorology,
and motion of celestial objects, as well as the formation and future development of the universe itself, fills us in
on the wandering space probe’s discoveries as they happen. And, with computer-jockey David Capurro’s able
assistance, he usually also illustrates his presentation with a hum-dinger of a Slide Show to display his rare
pictures of strange worlds and distant stars.  Don’t miss this challenging and unique portion of our show. A
Dr. Hal Show Extra-Special Featurette.


Social Notes

The nite of New Year’s Eve & time for our 4th ADH xtravaganza, as showtime rolled around, something turned
up missing– most of the audience. Nerve-wracking at the best of times, the strain was palpable as we held
that metaphorical curtain for our straggling Sybarites… Finally we had to start KrOB’s kartoon & cut to the chase–
& as so oft is the case, during & after we started getting our missing krowd by dribs & drabs… In came the beautiful
& heavenly Hoerler sisters, kurvaceous Kristina (con gusto Gustavo) & easy-on-the-eyes Eva… The East Bay’s ultra-
attractive Ulfeldt Anja, kutie-pie Kelly, marmoreal Mable Syrup, lithe Lisa Vincenti, kaptivating Kate Willett (who
now, sadly for her many fans– just ask manly Marc Roper —heads back to Chicago for the nonce), among a bevy of
bewitching beauties… speaking of which, pneumatic Pamela Angel, up from L.A. visiting doting Dr. Hal, xperienced
ADH for the 1st time that nite from the front row; spectacular & personable Pamela will be back (we hope)… ‘Twas
also a first for fine artist & quondam cartoonist pioneering Palmer Vreedees, pal o’ paparazzo Puzzling Evidence
(
they enjoyed some pre-show SubGenius “shop talk”), who, as always, recorded us for prurient Posterity…
Persistent Paul Pot (a.k.a. pious Paul Cox) appeared with canine companion jolly Joppa the Mutt– all this time we
thought it was “Jabba” –but said quadruped takes his cognomen from that ancient city, south of Caesarea, also
called Jaffa, where, according to scribbler Strabo in the 1st century A.D., alluring Andromeda, see-worthy daughter
of careless starr’d Ethiop queen Cassiopeia, was bound, naked and quivering, to a rock in the sea as a human
sacrifice,
to appease thrunched Thetis & the other sea-nymphs, as a snack for the fearsome local sea-dragon, before
plucky Perseus rescued her in the nick of time… Anyhoo, we were all wet about that darn dawg’s name, dog-gone it,
now here corrected… Phat Phineas T. Smokepott, a.k.a. kachinnating Ken Garr, known for & by his ultra-loud laff,
sat with his welcome contingent, the snickering Smoke Pot Guys– they find everything amusing, lucky 4 us…
Dauntless Deekoo was there too… And so, as the minutes counted down to the turn-over of the year, we were
fortunate
to be among so many good friends… Whoever shelled out $60 to take in the show at Bimbo’s, or expended
a small fortune to be at competing Sea of Dreams, at good old Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret for a mere 10 smackers
we
were flying high… Say, wotta ’bout the Bus Trip? we hear you all plaintively asking while you’re multi-tasking…
what was that like? Sorry, all that stuff is classified, Clyde– you shouldda been there, square.. Maybe nexttime?
UPCOMING– Mark your Calendar for this Saturday the 8th when Radio Valencia.FM, our own super-sizzling
sensation uvva radio station– or izzit a podcast station? –celebrates its extended existence with a way-out wing-
ding… A little bird on our shoulder cheeped that C.P.’ll be the place to be that eve… Pocket Full of Rye will play, they
say, & wotta party… all so’s the likes of us can keep on keepin’ on… It’s a fun(d)-raiser, so do your part for art here in
the City of Arts & Innovation… Just before ADH’s Friday-nite fracas, another event could be well-spent @ the old same
place: a dual booksigning & image show from 2 auteurs known to readers of this column: joltin’ John Law & jaunty Jon
Haeber,
authors respectively of The Space Between & Grossinger’s: City of Refuge and Illusion. Larruping Law and
heroic Haeber will be presenting their images and signing copies of their books at 8 PM. You know where– Chez
Poulet,
at 3359 Cesar Chavez St., on Thursday, January 6th, Twenty-eleven, not Twenty-ten as (they) previously reported,
tsk., tsk….

ASK DR. HAL! TO BEGIN HISTORIC RUN: DECEMBER & BEYOND!

Monday, November 15th, 2010

SAN FRANCISCO –  After numerous setbacks, the Ask Dr. Hal! Show is now “unequivocally” set to resume on every Friday in December of 2010, our sources have learned.

SHOW STARTS DEC. 3rd– NO FOOLING

To the many who have written and made inquiries, the answer may now be relayed– December 3rd will mark the triumphant debut of the all-new live show, which brings back KrOB, Pete Goldie, Dave Capurro, Ringmonster Chicken John, Dr. Howland Owll and, for all we know, even the Smoke Pot Guys and Frank Chu.

It’s a whole new ball game, and it’s our wager that we and the Friends of Ask Dr. Hal! are all set to play. Huzza!

ADMISSION SET: ONE SAWBUCK

Doors will open at 8:00 PM; pre-show concludes at the traditional ADH! start time of Nine PM with KrOB’s Kartoon Klassic selection from our civilization’s hidden graphic heritage– then on to Chicken John’s Monomanialogue, and the rest of the show! Admission for the run has been set by Chicken John at $10.00. Chicken vows there will be no “comps–“ we’ll see how that works out.

SCIENCE SNIPS, MONSTER KLIPS, BARDIC TRIPS

All the Show‘s outstanding traditions will continue to be represented during the coming iteration of live performances.

WE’LL STILL BE ON THE RADIO

The Ask Dr. Hal! Show Radio Show, currently on RadioValencia.FM at 87.9 FM on your radio dial, has been for many die-hards merely the succedaneum for the not-available live show. But to those who do prefer to listen at home, the live show will be fully broadcast on the same station for the entire duration of the show. If you can’t make it down to the spacious Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret, 3359 Cesar Chavez at South Van Ness, then tune us in and listen along!

PODCASTS OF RADIO SHOW TO DATE: A LINK

We encourage our fans and listeners to download radio episodes now available as “pod-casts:”

http://podcasts.radiovalencia.fm/ask_dr_hal/

VIEW PREVIOUS EPISODES

While away many a precious, irreplaceable hour gazing goggle-eyed at this vast archive of videos of our shows to date, courtesy of the Puzzling Evidence Channel on You Tube! Here’s the link:

http://www.youtube.com/user/PuzzlingEvidenceTV#grid/user/0DAC31E6BF7CF386

Ask Dr. Hal! CANCELLED for November

Thursday, November 4th, 2010

CHICKEN JOHN SUSPENDS ENTIRE NOVEMBER RUN
Despite previous announcements, the Ask Dr. Hal! Show
will not resume performances on Friday, November 5th.
Chicken has decided that renting the Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret,
the space where the show plays, to employees of high-technology
companies for their events, will generate more revenue and be
more profitable than doing the show.
We at Ask Dr. Hal! still hope to start the show again on a weekly
basis, depending on circmstances, perhaps in December.
When and if this happens, look for another announcement like this
one, this time that the show will be going forward. The current plan
is still that Ask Dr. Hal! will, if it does start, take place Friday evenings.
All of us at the show regret this postponement and its inconvenience
to our friends and audience.
For the time being, the Ask Dr. Hal! Radio Show broadcasts on a
weekly basis from radiovalencia.fm each Friday from 8:00 PM until
Midnight
, featuring the talents of Dr. Hal, KrOB, Pete Goldie and
special guests.

– ADH NEWS ROUNDUP –

Saturday, August 28th, 2010

Dr. HAL AT NEVERWAS CAMP AT BURNING MAN:

the Hibernian Steam Empire…

The previous address given for the location of this camp has been invalidated. It seems the BRDPW “requisitioned” our old one. But I, Dr. Howland Owll, will welcome all visitors & well-wishers at 3:30 & “F.” Look for the steam-powered Victorian house on wheels. [It turned out to be 3:30 & I, Istanbul. –Ed.]

After Tuesday I will reside at Happyland, Esplanade to Athens at 6:30, until I depart, probably on Thursday.

ASK DR. HAL! RADIO SHOW PODCASTS

The ADH Radio Show has now run for five tempestuous episodes. Follow along at radiovalencia.fm – we will eventually also be doing an actual FM broadcast on 87.9 FM. Catch the show between 8 PM & Midnight, Fridays.

Episode I – Liberty Hall

Featuring Puzzling Evidence & KrOB. We take questions, give answers, & explore & enlarge the Noosphere. With Pete “Doc” Goldie & the Dr. Hal Dancers.

Episode II – Sex & Lewdness

Featuring Dr. Hal, KrOB, Puzzling Evidence & Pete Goldie. As promised, the show dives into an abyss of sleazy vulgarity, with larruping lashings of lubricitous lewdness. Not for children or those easily shocked.

Episode III – The Living Skeleton

Featuring  Dr. Hal, KrOB, Puzzling Evidence, Pete Goldie & Chicken John, with call-in from David Capurro. Episode concludes with a dramatization by Dr. Hal of Robert Frost’s “The Witch of Coos.”

Episode IV – Ze Potpourri

Pendant Dr. Hal voyager a desert plus horrible, KrOB et Evidence Embarrassant preparer le show, avec Pete Goldie et autres. Ils employer les CDs de embarras de richesse…

Episode V – Malt More than Milton

Returned from the hellish “Playa,” Dr. Hal combines forces with KrOB to produce a valedictory for those who survived by resisting the summoning voices of the fiendish afreets & djinn of the alkaline desert wastes of horror. “Aunt Bertha” once again is invoked, and John Milton has his innings. But the appearance of Pete Goldie with welcome beverages does more to justify the ways of “Bob” to Man.

ADH NOW RENEGADE RADIO SENSATION

Saturday, August 21st, 2010

Ask Dr. Hal! has started as a radio broadcast on the newest Pirate station in S.F., Radio Valencia.Located at the Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret on Cesar Chavez, the new studio, home for the time being to ADH, was recently constructed by Chicken John and his Myrmidons.

The Ask Dr. Hal! Show now may be heard each Friday night from 9 PM to Midnight, sometimes starting as early as 8 PM. On hand (usually) are KrOB, Pete Goldie and archivist Puzzling Evidence, eponymous host of the show that bears his name early (3-5 AM!) Friday mornings on Pacifica Radio’s KPFA, 94.1 FM in Berkeley, a show now in its twenty-sixth year on the air.

About that– the on-the-air thing– Radio Valencia‘s just getting started and in point of fact is not yet actually broadcasting, so to speak. While we’re still in extended start-up mode– and starting up a radio station of any kind is no simple undertaking –we’re podcasting, not (yet) broadcasting. To hear these podcasts, go to

radiovalencia fm.

The show is, as much as we can make it, the radio version of the once and future night club act, Ask Dr. Hal! Ask your questions by calling in to our studio at

(415) 531-2029  

while the show is going on. This number is invalid at any other time.

Eventually, according to Chicken, the  live show will be back–   and when it returns to the boards at Chez Poulet, he has recently asserted, it will still be a radio show, broadcast before a live audience. Aside from this newest feature, that show will be, once again, the well-known quantity (and quality)  audiences have come to expect. See you there!   

DR. HAL TO TRAVEL TO “BURNING MAN” 

It’s That Time of Year again, and, as in other years, I, Dr. Hal, will soon be, as they say, “on the Playa.” For those who know what this means, feel free to visit– I will be with the Steampunks at the Neverwas Haul camp of Shannon and Kathy Tucker O’Hare. Look for us at around 4:30 and “D.” 

I will reside there until Tuesday after the Burn, after which time I’ll be at Happyland, 6:30 and Esplanade. After Wednesday I will return to the “Default World.”

Come see my spoken-word performance on Friday at Noon in Center Camp Cafe on the ancillary stage.

And don’t miss my main show, the People’s Fashion Show– the reason I’m at Burning Man to begin with. This is (always) held on Saturday, the Day of the Burn, 5-7 on the Main Stage of CCC.

Come to see the show– or be in it! I, Dr. Hal, welcome one and all.