ASK DR. HAL’S 7th Heaven!

December 16th, 2008
Ukulele Apocalypse!
The Horrendous Hydra– KrOB
Moves to Mythology with
“When Sanguinary 7-Headed
Serpents Sinuously Slither!”
Swamp-dwelling Multi-headed Monstrosity
Sure to be the Hit of Holiday Season!
Just before each performance begins, we screen a great animated
cartoon– each one seven minutes of the best theatrical shorts ever
committed to film. Last week we showed the sublime Porky Pig adventure,
Porky in Wackyland (1938). This week KrOB proudly presents one of the
Walt Disney Studio’s rarely seen wartime propaganda cartoons, Reason and
Emotion (1943), directed for Disney by Bill Roberts. In this interesting film,
we’re taken inside the human head, male and female, to see the “operator,”
the little guy inside (literally) at the controls of the human personality.
Actually, according to the cartoon, each head contains two of these little
characters, each vying for the driver’s seat. We’ll say no more here, except
that once again we’ll encounter the star of one of our earlier cartoons, the late
German Dictator, Adolf Hitler. Boy, that guy really gets around, doesn’t he?
Though Reason and Emotion has frequently been shown only as excerpts
in surveys about propaganda films (when it has been shown at all) we plan
to give you the whole thing complete and uncut. So join us this Wednesday
night in time to catch up with yet another treasure of your Nation’s vanished
popular culture. Remember, our show will start right up at the very moment
the cartoon ends. Hitler would want you to be late, wouldn’t he? So be on time!
And so, the 6th Episode of Ask Dr. Hal! took place, & once more the venerable Chez Poulet
Gallery-Cabaret sported the veritable cream of the outré elite. Nighthawks & café society,
saints & sinners, swells & habitués of late-night haunts– all found their way to the (almost)
red-painted building looming over colorful Cesar Chavez Street, among them manly Marco
Casserole, sizzling Sarah Szczechowicz, tautological Tabula Rasa, gadabout Gary
Longoria & martinet Marc… Long-time call-in caller to radio show(s) “jinglebells” Jeff showed
his familiar phiz, while dashing Duncan D’nuts, with alouette Alex O’Leary on his arm, was
among the 1st to show… No-nonsense Neiltron, kurvaceous Kate Willett, who helped me
organize some welcome last-minute pre-show Java (the beverage, not the software), turned-out
Tarin Towers & torrid Ty McKenzie, fine artist luscious Lynn Rubenzer, who defrayed her
KrOB Moment citing health concerns, & Eeasy-on-the-eyes Ena Dallas of the Xtra Action
Marching Band Flag Team, who was squired by lucky dawg rock-steady Roky Roulette,
infused beauty & liveliness to our after-hours crowd…Radiant Robin Coomer of music
sensation Loop! Station was definitely, delightfully present; have you yet encountered her
adorable rock ‘n roll alter-ego pert Patsy McDonald, & heard her band (with engaging Eric
McFadden), ShakeWell? Then there was peripatetic Paul Pot, Keeper of the model Cassini-
Huygens spacecraft; each session that gizmo gets more fine work done on it at home in
proud Paul’s avionic Adytum… Regal Robert Levy, dedicated Doorkeeper, raked in sacks of
simoleons… Puissant Puzzling Evidence of eponymous KPFA 94.1 FM radio renown, who,
in case you haven’t noticed, has been shooting assorted mini-docs of our show which he
then puts up for daring display on You Tube. Wanna see ’em? Well, click on the links below
this col. –there’s a new one each time we go to press… Haughty Hagula barely gave us the
time of day– what we get 4 asking her, we suppose… Devoted Don Bruce & tractable Tracy
Feldstein, artificers & Patrons of the Arts, hung out on Hef’s– whoops! –make that Dammit
the Wonder Dog’s round bed in the corner. The divine Dammit herself was tucked away
behind the scenes, seeming lonely when we visited her… Odeon Cocaine All-Stars
drummer, crusty Chris Campbell, brought us a crown-like chapeau, a gift sent just for us
from his better half, Point Arena poet-performer bodacious Blake “Sushi Me” More, p’rhaps
to mark our recent (Nov. 28th) B’day– much appreciated, youse guys. We hope bountiful Blake’ll
visit us again soon, no mistake… Gallivanting Gavin Newsom showed off a few (too many) of his
YouTube State of the City segments (yaw-w-w-n-n-n)… Luvbirdz admirable Aaron & Bohemian
Bronwyn Ximm found childcare for the x-quisite Ximlet & set out to see us… Redoubtable R. T.
Wadsworth of Nixon, Nevada stopped in, but he didn’t stay; at least we didn’t see him toward
the conclusion of the eve– get his ten bucks, Robert? What was that alla bout? Someone clue
me… We did note that our own persistent Pete Goldie brought in a special visitor who did, ‘s
far’s we know, make it all the way thru– his mom, marvellous Marguerite
Garges-Goldie-Pixley-White. Proud Pete secured her a special seat… The roof-dwelling
hillbillies were back, having successfully put down a major mouse insurrection up in their spare
digs. They brought a clip of their own– showing li’l “Lancelot” Lucky confronting & slaying a truly
monstrous fanged specimen lurking in the family’s gas oven. Ma & Pa, slinky Spy Emerson &
man-about-town Moses, the show’s own “Dancing Outlaw,” proudly inserted the tidbit into
KrOB’s video stream as their contribution. At least this time they didn’t burst upon the scene
interrupting the Classical symmetry of Pete Goldie’s presentation… A new feature has been
added to our show that you’ll no doubt see more of in future episodes– the Two Minute Dance
Party. Effervescent Ena intro’d it in her question, & suddenly the joint was jumping with gyrating
gents & lovely ladies, while strobes flashed & the Disco Ball spun shards of reddish light over all…
Even formidable Frank Chu got into the spirit… There was a mini-version of the same during the
after-party… Nobody, it seemed, wanted to leave, though the show proper had ended. As for
us, we plan to be there for awhile. That’s right! Now that we’re booking the show ourselves, in
its own performance space, no harried rock club owner (& for the record I don’t mean our
doughty Doorman, reliable Robert Levy, late of our last venue, the late, great 12 Galaxies,
named by fearless Frank Chu) –can “suddenly” recall that one of our show dates is preempted
by a thoughtlessly booked Pimpslappz concert, benefit for a Wistful Sexual Predator’s Bicycle
Boondoggle or other seemingly more profitable enterprise… It (the Show) goes on the boards
every dog-goned Wednesday at 9:00 PM, and that’s the way the ball bounces. Here at Chicken
John Productions we keep in mind that some of you have a need…  a need to catch the
la-a-a-st B.A.R.T. train at 12:17 AM from the 24th St. Mission Station back to the wilds of the East
Bay. Translation: these days we start earlier. We really do, tho’ we’ve been known to hold the door
for latecomers. Just don’t depend on it. So try to get there before 9:00 PM, wontcha, or you might
miss the cartoon, or come it while it’s going, so’s others get distracted & don’t get to see it…
Chicken John to do 22nd
Stupid Christmas Show!
SAN FRANCISCO – Chicken John, noted idiot, started a tradition
back in 1986. He threw a Christmas show, on Christmas Night– for
people who didn’t have families, or had them but couldn’t be with
them for whatever reason. Call it Orphan Christmas.
   The show started out as a punk rock show with music and other
stuff. In the early 90’s it became a variety show. In 1997, with partner
Hal Robins (the Ask Dr.Hal! show, SubGenius Foundation, voice of
Half-Life’s Isaac Kleiner) it became a homegrown version of a popular
Chuck Barris Game Show: Treasure Hunt. In the show Treasure Hunt,
you answer a trivia question, and if you get it right you get to select a
wrapped present. You open it, and keep whatever was in the box.
   Chicken adopted this concept, but put the gifts under a “Christmas
Tree” (usually a mike stand with a branch duct taped to it). But the twist
is that Chicken gets people to bring the wrapped gifts. So, say,
someone may come with a whole pick up truckload of gifts. The pile is
often, in fact, very high.
   The show starts at 10PM. The show ends when the last gift is opened
(which was after 3AM last year). It’s really a marathon of unendurable
comic improv, as Chicken and Hal drag everyone on stage to answer
Trivial Pursuit questions and fill the Chez Poulet with gift wrappings and
Holiday bullshit. Some gifts are stellar, some a joke. Some are just
confusing. Best present to date was a ticket to Burning Man. The worst–
a dirty diaper.
   Others have been an entire set of encyclopedias, various items of small
furniture, comic books, fake Rolex watches, “sea monkeys,” cat food, a
diary, original artwork, a paddle-ball game, a bubble-blower, a set of
car keys, a laptop, a bag of weed, pictures of your mother naked, a
parking ticket (payable), fun-sized candy, a coupon for a hand job, a
Ritual Roasters Coffee coupon, garbage bags and a Slinky. It wouldn’t be
Christmas if someone didn’t get a Slinky, would it? So, on Christmas Night,
come over to the Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret.Your family is all of us
who also have no families. And if you weren’t going to get to unwrap a gift
this year– well, Chicken’s got you covered. God bless us all. Everyone. Even
“The Year Chicken John Saved Christmas,” Year 22!
  (Also known as, “The Year Chicken John Ruined Christmas”)
DECEMBER 25th– Christmas Night, 10 PM.
So, it’s like this…
DECEMBER 24th: The Ask Dr. Hal! Show. DECEMBER 25th:
The 22nd Annual Christmas Show. Come to both!
Be our Guest– on NEW YEAR’S EVE!
Ring in 2009 the right way– with Chicken and Hal!
DECEMBER 31st– Until after Midnight!
Watch this space for news about our New Year’s Eve Chez Poulet
Extravaganza! If you were fretting about “where you wanted to
be” that night, fret no longer! It’ll be the slam-bangety-est, most
chaotic New Year’s Eve Event in town! You’re invited!