January 27th, 2009
The Dr. Hal Report
Vol. IX                                                                      No. 12
“The Questioner who sits so Sly
Shall not know how to Reply.”
                                                   –William Blake, Auguries of Innocence
A S we approach the cusp of February, the newly-fledged Ask Dr. Hal!
show continues to refine itself. But we’re nowhere near abandoning any of our beloved tropes. You’d think we were
going to run short of   KrOB Monster Mythology Moments any day now, for example. Surely we’ve shown just
about every monster that ever loped. scuttled, flapped or slithered across the motion picture screen, you may be
thinking. Well– think again. For this episode of Ask Dr. Hal! we’re putting up before your eyes a magnificent monster
never before shown during our entire previous 12-year run, when…
         KrOB, San Francisco, Presents:
“Vermithrax, the
Fire-Breathing Dragon!”
(The Thracian Worm of Fell Fiery Breath )
–Another unforgettable KrOB “Edit!”
 View it all on our Giant Screen (or, if you care to, on our “size-challenged” screen). But, before that…
Just before every performance begins, we screen a great animated cartoon– each one seven minutes
of the best theatrical shorts ever committed to film. Last week we brought you, as promised,
The Old Man of the Mountain (1933), featuring perennially popular Betty Boop, eternal starlet of the
Fleischer Cartoon Studio. This week we’re back in the able hands of legendary MGM cartoon director Tex
Avery, as we proudly bring you one of his best, Little Rural Riding Hood (1949). The last of Avery’s three
takes on the ‘Little Red Riding Hood’ story, this cartoon sees the introduction of three new characters: the
country yokel wolf (whose speech is by by Pinto Colvig, better known as the voice of Disney’s Goofy),
his equally unattractive yokel love interest – the rural equivalent of Red from Red Hot Riding Hood, and the
insufferably “civilized” urbane wolf, habitué of posh night clubs. It turns out that Rural Riding Hood has just
been playing “hard to get,” and is just about to surrender her gauche rustic charms completely to the
determined hayseed lupine, when a telegram arrives from that Wolf’s citified cousin, telling him to stop
wasting his time and come to the Big City, where he’ll get a load of something else… Needless to add for
anyone at all familiar with this cycle of cartoons, all four characters (since once in sophisticated territory we
encounter the highly evolved, streamlined and urban Red of over-the-top Va-va-voom appeal) are concerned
with, shall we say, grown-up preoccupations. Yes, this is, once again, one of those wild cartoons of yore which
have had trouble running up against the censors over the years. But fear not– we guarantee, as always,
that no censorship will be in evidence at the Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret– we are taking pains to give you
the whole thing, complete and uncut. So join us this Wednesday night, won’t you? –in time to catch up with
yet another treasure of your Nation’s once-flourishing but now (that the Conspiracy has dumbed it all
down) mostly vanished popular culture. Remember, our show will start right up at the very moment the
cartoon ends. So be on time, brother– be on time!
” Red Riding Hood goes hillbilly in this best-ever take on the culture clash between country cousins
and big city sophistication.”
                                                   –British Film Institute
Dragon, dragon. There are various kinds of dragons. Here we’re dealing with the Western dragon, the
fire-drake or flame-breather, the underground-dwelling, winged variety (the Chinese dragon flies, but has
no wings). Narrowing our definition further, what we have is technically called a Wyvern, which is to say a
dragon with two (rear) legs and two wings. The name “wyvern” derived from the Saxon word Wivere, which
means “serpent.” The French wyvern is known as the Vouivre. Both words are etymologically related to
viper. Other dragons exhibit the seemingly unearthly, non-biological deviation from the vertebrate bau-plan of
four limbs and two wings. And there actually are such creatures (Draco volans) though their wings are not
true limbs, or bat-like as traditionally depicted, but folds of skin attached to their movable ribs. These flying or
gliding reptiles can be found in Bali, the Philippines and elsewhere. They’ve existed in this form for millions of
years. As usual, there’s not enough time to go into all this. Now, the word “dragon” derives from the Greek “drakein, “a serpent of huge size, a python, a dragon.”
What KrOB’s presenting is a giant, serpentiform Wyvern, one
with the name of Vermithrax pejorative. The name parses as “Thracian Wyrm (‘Worm’) who Makes Things
Worse.” It flies. It breathes fire. It’s serpentine, sinuous, horned and tusked. Tusked? Yes indeed. You see, back
in 217 A.D., Philostratus discussed dragons in India in The Life of Apollonius of Tyana. The Loeb Classical
Library translation (by F.C. Conybeare) mentions that “…in most respects the tusks resemble the largest
swine’s, but they are slighter in build and twisted, and have a point as unabraded as sharks’ teeth.” But these
are hair-splittings for scholars and schoolmen– all you need to do is hold on to your seats and hunker
down for one fiery blast of a rip-roaring KrOB “Monster Clip.” Narrated, as always, by Dr. Hal.
The Po’Bucket Family are authentic mountain people who Chicken’s been renting living space to in his
cavernous domain. They (no one in fact has been able to determine just how many there are) reside,
appropriately to the stereotype, in the ridiculously small trailer located just above our Ask Dr. Hal! stage, behind
KrOB’s station. Quite often, however, the sound of an ongoing show brings them out of their lair like a swarm of
backwoods bees or hayseed hornets. When this happens, the show may suffer a momentary interruption.
Chicken squeezes every penny out of that property, by the way. Just about every viable space there has at least
one tenant– and some not-so-viable spaces as well. We can’t tell you just to “ignore them,” as that is beyond
anyone’s powers, when the family suddenly erupts in mid-show. Just proffer a big Howdy-do! to Family Units
Moses, Spy and (of course) li’l Lucky.
Yes, Frank is back! And we’ve got him! That’s the story– at some time during our next show, and indeed during
(nearly) every future show, by special arrangement, the perennial street prophet/protester/holy man, protest sign
grasped firmly in hand, the living institution after whose oracular rantings the late, great 12 Galaxies night club
was named, will ascend the stage once again– and deliver a rapid-fire, impassioned, incomprehensible bromide.
Believe us, no one can figure out what he’s talking about. It’s kind of an Invocation, we guess, wherein we
request the blessings of and endorse the presence of Chicken John’s favorite deities, Randomness and Chaos.
You may rely on it (as the Talking 8-Ball says).  Go, Frank, go! Often, when he bothers to show up, we’ve even got
him answering questions! At least, we once did.
David “Yo-Yo Pro” Capurro provides a running visual commentary as the show progresses. We mention a topic, and
almost instantly there’s a related image up on the screen. It usually turns out to be a highly improper one, too, one
of the Guignol grotesqueries endlessly offered up by the Internet. IJ (Internet Jockey) Capurro, also known for his
alter-identity Yo-Yo Pro, one of the original Monsters of Yo-Yo and Master Yo-Yo Manipulator extraordinaire, often
brings his own fan club with him, thus swelling our attendance– just one of the reasons we love him. “Cappy,” all
the while keeping the show connected to the digital world, engages, as is well known, in incessant schemes to bilk
ever-more choleric Chicken of as many free shots as his inserted questions can receive, as they are rewarded in this
curious fashion for their excellence and entertainment value. In addition, sometimes he unexpectedly shows certain…
pictures of us. These have often in the past proven to be of an embarrassing or revealing nature. It’s amazing what a
really skillful operator can extract from supposedly protected sources. Who knows? Maybe he’ll suddenly put up some
raw shot of you, one you thought private– or never even knew existed. Everybody laughs and laughs. What a sense
of humor the guy has. Heh, heh, heh. But we guess you really have to be there to appreciate this. So, share the
pain! Be there!
ADH Science expert Pete Goldie will lead attendees through the endless reaches of the universe in his continuing
segment, “Waste of Space.” Pete will be on hand this week too, to present more of the newest discoveries made in
the eternal realms of the unfathomable void. Worlds upon worlds– the starry heavens exulting in the exuberant
splendor of the panoply of infinite Night. Nebulae, galaxies beyond number, planets and suns, the coronas of
exploding stars and supernovas. Hey, kids! Now astronomers looking at the spectacular supersonic plumes of gas
and dust shooting from Saturn’s shepherd moon Enceladus say there are strong hints of liquid water, a key building
block of  life. These plumes, which travel at an estimated speed of more than 1,360 mph, just might be ice particles, not
liquid. But such velocities strongly indicate the presence of liquid in the eruption of the mysterious moon, one of 60
circling the giant gas planet. In all likelihood, both ice particles and water vapor shoot from the South Pole of
Enceladus. Of course, Europa, a moon of Jupiter, may have a liquid ocean beneath its frozen surface. But Enceladus’s
considered more accessible. You know, it really is an exciting time in Planetary Exploration, and Pete’s got a  nifty little
model of the Cassini-Huygens Probe, too, that you’ll see at the show, the amazing, far-travelling spacecraft that our pal
Paul Pot perpetually toils over, refining its intricacies. Yes, something’s always happening in Space these days– and
sure as Entropy, Pete (when not interrupted by a rogue gorilla, a giant, dancing megalo-chicken or an unseemly
eructation of roof-dwelling hillbillies) is going to be telling each and every one of us al-l-l-l about it.
“Hey, everybody– come see the Ask Dr. Hal! show in a brand new location: my living room. It’s
4 guys doing improv on 4 different levels. It can be amazing.”
So there won’t be any booze for sale, OK? We don’t do the show in a bar any more, so, it’s OK to
drink, but BRING YOUR OWN. We encourage you to. Of course, good questions will still be rewarded
in the traditional manner– with that old standby, Fernet Branca, TM –the “Miracle Liquor.” That’s how
Paul Pot and David “Cappy” Capurro do it– and that’s the one way you can still get a drink at Ask
Dr. Hal!
We announced it at the show
right after it happened, but the curious logistics of preparing the Dr. Hal Report
have kept us from announcing it in print— until now. Yes, we‘re talking abt. the dramatic entrance of scion
Jasper Wilkins “Sprout” Rathbun,
progeny of proud parents nonpareil Nieves & dashing Dan Rathbun, born at
home on the seventh of this first month of 2009 at the anointed hour of 1:18 AM…

“My Mother groaned, my Father wept,
Into the Dangerous World I leapt;
Helpless, naked, piping Loud,
Like a Fiend hid in a Cloud.”
–Wm. Blake

He leapt into this Dangerous World weighing 9lbs. and at the awesome length of 21 inches. And wotta little charmer
that Jasper is, from all reports. Get this– less than a month old, suave Sprout is already making time, we hear, with
some of the some of the most fetching glamour-dolls
any bright-eyed bachelor ever set his sights on. “I just spent
the last 5 hours with Sprout Rathbun,”
writes super-slinky
Solar Lab. “I’m so in love with that baby!!!” Guess it
just shows to go, it’s not abt. how old you are– some guys have it, some never will…
“I was sitting at the edge
of the stage after the show,” writes delectable Dawn Stott, “at the feet of David Capurro
(a place where we should all spend more time).  My mind was expanding thanks to a little culinary canister of
gaseous assistance.  As the moment unfolded, I had the captivating perspective of viewing the reflection of
KrOB’s neon sign perfectly framed within the metal handle of the canister’s dispenser.  At first, the red, blue,
yellow, and green letters
appeared to be a psychedelic illusion-– like one of those mixed-up liquid crystal
messages one can only see out of the corner of the eye.  However, upon acute scrutiny, the letters were
clear-as-a-bell in the most charming miniature, slightly skewed, version of this significant sign. Some lovely,
timeless and ethereal Hawaiian-style lounge music
was drifting by as I relished this moment of perfection.
There I was, gazing deeply into the handle of this tool with my focused, artful science eye when I spied, from the
corner of my broader perspective, Eric Cash witnessing My Perfect Moment.  And giggling. So I showed him how
to do it, too.”  Check– th’ after-party at our show’s what some folks enjoy the most…
A sudden, devastating
epizootis attack on the gung-ho Goldie household deprived anxious ADH attendees of our
expected Science round-up segment. No pedantic Pete– and also, no ukulele-playing siren missing-in-action Megan
& no brawny bard big Ben Burke, leaving us with metaphorical egg all over our metaphorical face. Is this any
way to run a show?
We hear that back at grandiose Goldie HQ, daughter Daria & spouse Sarah G. are now out of
thanx to devoted “Doc” Pete‘s professional care. Damage to the show, however, may take longer to heal.
Just where the ?!!@#%$?!
were those other opening acts, we not-so-fondly ask? Didn’t they ever hear the old saw,
The Show Must go On? Or, did perhaps convoluted Chicken “forget” to tell them in the first place about their
(supposed) gig? The Dr. Hal Report is determined to unravel this ball of tangled twine. Meanwhile, our krazy
had to figger it all out on their own… At least fearless Frank Chu made th’ scene…
As is the custom,
clouds of swirling incense billowed from dynamic Dave Capurro’s on-stage station, while the ADH
smoke machine
issued forth mystic clouds of fateful fog. Par for the course– except for the laboring lungs of languid
Laurel Davies, TV’s quondam broadcaster Bug Girl. “You guys should be worried about your health,” she writes,
adding “It was a great show [yaay!] and “I did not want (to) leave [booo!]” but breath-challenged B.G. did indeed take
a powder, fearing an eruption of wheezing sneezes would disrupt the proceedings. Trouble is, cabalistic Cappy counts
“incense kindled at the Muses’ flame” to maintain his concentration. We ran the (no smoke) idea past him and
cryptic Chicken, & both nixed it. We do have an on-stage fan blowing the other way, we had the same (smoky) set-up
back at 12 Galaxies, & the smoke-cracker uses harmless water vapor, they maintained… Perhaps if lung-challenged
Laurel sat farther back…?
ADH stalwarts were out
in force at out last outing, incl. some of our faves, viz. ravishing Robin Coomer of supergroup
Loop! Station– their new CD is a-allmost available– put your order in now– resplendent Robin couldn’t spend the whole
evening with us at Chez Poulet– maybe nextime– but enduring to the (bitter?) end were benevolent “Baba” Ron Turner
(Hail Shuggahoo!), jocund Jeremiah Duncan, teetotaling Tarin Towers, sizzling Sr. Mable Syrup & radiant Rhiannon
(rhymes with Shannon) Charisse, puissant Puzzling Evidence getting it all on You Tube (view his new vids directly
this col.), roistering Rev, Chip, masterful Mendon, mighty Mike Z., tough Tim, and lithe LuAnn DeGroot & tempting
Tiffany Farrell, two boisterous beauties who with b(r)e(a)st intentions, were more than willing to show us all their spirit–
and their bosoms, hiking up their tops to provide an explicit eyeload… udderly beautiful… see for yourself in the pertinent
You Tube clip below… admirable Andy Laties hob-nobbed with the likes of commanding Colin Dodsworth, sprightly
Susan B., ready-to-go Richie & nonchalant Nick… Persistent Paul Pot, aerospace ace, dutifully donated vegetation to
the cause, while righteous Robert Levy kept the front door open to make sure nobody was out in the cold…
Après-show, we
managed to chat with komely & kurvaceous Kate Willett, who still hasn’t complained abt. our show
intruding each Wednesday where she hangs her hat. If she’s happy, we’re happy…
Did you know you can watch some of the show right this minute? Well, thanx to Puzzling Evidence, you can!
Go ahead– scope out a few of the hi-lites from previous episodes of Ask Dr. Hal!on You Tube! It’s easy! It’s fun! It’s
time-consuming! And it’s technologically au courant, and absolutely the next best thing to being there in person! How?
How, you say? You do? Why are you talking to your computer? Go ahead– just click, clickety-click, on these handy URLs.

View variegated visions from our proactive presentation in mid-January of this young year
January 14th (Pt. 1):

The second part of PUZZ-EV’s commanding compilation of the best of ADH’s mid-month
marvel (
Pt. 2):

Here’s the skinny on the first show of 2009, in You Tube Edit form, January 7th (Pt. 1):

The second helping of our succulent show smorgasbord (Pt. 2):

Look & wonder as you observe pivotal occurrences from our last show of the year (New Year’s
December 31st (Pt. 1):

The second half of PUZZ-EV‘s hard-hitting slice of our New Year’s omnivorous omnibus (Pt. 2):

Gaze now at this exceptional edit, excerpted from our recent exhilarating December 24th
performance (Pt. 1):

Behold the second half of the exciting “extreme” excerpt of the show on December 24th
(Pt. 2):

Scope out outré out-takes from our December 17th serendipitous show:

Take in tantalizing tid-bits from our December 10th show. Try clicking on this:

Peer at picturesque portions picked from our December 3rd show. Click on this, or, if that doesn’t work, just cut and
paste it into your browser:

Audit choice fragments from our November 26th show on You Tube, courtesy of Puzzling Evidence. SEE Chicken
unfairly berate KrOB. HEAR Dr. Hal as he wanders farther afield even than usual in his meandering “answers” to
several questions.
Just go to:

See selected clips from November 19th‘s show. Warning to Parents:
Chicken really ladles out those cuss-words.
Go to:

The endless-seeming Election Period is now, at last, behind us. For those who would like to indulge themselves in one
final wallow,
check out this ultra-entertaining (Adult-themed) Puzzling Evidence video clip from the ADH Pirate
Cat radio show
featuring Dr. Hal, KrOB, Pete “Savant” Goldie and the additional appearance of special guests
Presidential Candidate John McTaint
and vivacious wife Sindi McTaint.
Go to:

See you Wednesday night!