The Dr. Hal Report
Vol.XIV No. 2
Of a good beginning cometh a good end.”
John Heywood (1497-1580)
Proverbes, Part I, Chapt.10
“Very impressed with the wonderful, whimsical web woven by the team of artisans
at the Chicken Shack! Just a fantastic underground world of visual, and aural
stimulus accented by a nice tub of booze….”
Radio Valencia’s Quarterman Jack, on last Tuesday’s ADH Preview Show
ADH PREPARES FOR SEASON OPENER
FIRST SHOW HITS THE BOARDS TUESDAY, MAY 17TH
MAY 10TH’S PREVIEW NIGHT SETS STAGE FOR MONTH’S LIMITED RUN
Ladies and Gentlemen, this season of Ask Dr. Hal! is off and running. Our opener on the
17th will bring back all the elements which have defined us in the past– with a few new
Last Tuesday’s Prevue showed that this new night works for our show. Neither mid-week, as when
it was, some time ago, on Wednesdays, nor end-of week, as when we ran it on Fridays,
Saturdays or Sundays, the new date– still experimental– could be seen as a mini-oasis
of relief from initial weekly workaday stress. After all, having faced Monday, you ‘re “over
the hump” –and it’s all downhill from there!
Celebrate Tuesday night at Chez Poulet— drop in for the Ask Dr. Hal! show!
(NOTE: Scheduling changes may occur for future shows .)
WE START EARLIER.
It’s true– unlike previous iterations where a lallygagging audience compelled us to wait
while they straggled in– oh, we knew they would get here eventually, but so would
Christmas –these days, we ‘ve “bitten the bullet” and started up far closer to our declared
start-time of 9:00 PM. Several attendees found that out at our Prevue Show– the hard way.
They missed KrOB ‘s Kartoon– and the whole beginning.
And c’mon– when we hold the (metaphorical) curtain, we end up imposing on those who
did show up at the right time, making them sit and wait while we wait– for late-nicks.
Isn’t it better that we use the time– for yet more solid, full-blooded Ask Dr. Hal! Show?
FIRST on the bill:
KrOB’S KR-R-R-A-A-AZY KARTOON!
“PATIENT PORKY” (1940)
KrOB seems to be indulging his predilection for selecting older cartoons from the Thirties
and early Forties for this cycle. But why not? All should be shown; few ever are.
Be prepared, however, for a bizarre, alien level of humor not congruent with the popular
ethos, and for a slower rhythm and pace overall than the fast-moving, more advanced
cartoons Warners put out in the late Forties. And also be prepared for an unfortunate
race caricature, the farthest thing from political correctness, briefly appearing in the film.
We were graced to know Bob Clampett— this cartoon’s director –personally for a little
while, and there wasn’t a racist bone in his body. But he did derive humor from the
stereotype, as he mined everything in sight for gags.
Yes, Clampett, unlike some other animation directors at Warners, was never mean-spirited.
We will therefore wince as we show this film in its entirety. Music: Carl Stalling. Voices:
And, bye the bye, there are other shocking, disturbing things in this little short– depending,
as in all things, on where you stand.
One thing, however, is a certainty:
If you don’t come early enough you may miss Krob’s Kartune.
PETE GOLDIE’S WONDER-WORLD OF SCIENCE:
SPACE SCIENCE REPORT
ADH Science solon Pete Goldie will present more of the newest discoveries made in the endless
reaches of the unfathomable void. The Learn’d Astronomer and Boffo Boffin will bring us tidings, as
always, of newly discovered aspects of the cosmos.
Perhaps– who knows? –he will dilate upon recent revelations concerning Io, the most volcanically
active body in our Solar System. This remote world contains an underground ocean of magma,
say scientists who cracked a long-standing puzzle posed by NASA’s defunct Galileo Probe, which
orbited giant Jupiter and ogled his many moons from 1995 to 2003.
Some say Man was never meant to see such things. Not Pete, however- and now you can! We
show ’em– each time!
The well-known bon vivant actually arranged for Dr. Hal’s name, and Chicken’s, to be shot into
space aboard the Dawn Explorer on its mission out to the Asteroid Belt, a few years back! We think
that says it all.
As scientific and educational as all-get-out.
The Cassini spacecraft, whose 3-D likeness in miniature dangles over our ADH stage, is in an
excellent state of health, we’re happy to report, with all systems “Go”and all subsystems operating
Pete, a student of the evolution, physics, chemistry, meteorology, and motion of celestial objects,
as well as the formation and future development of the universe itself, fills us in with intricate detail
on the wandering space probe’s discoveries as they happen.
And, with computer-jockey David Capurro’s able assistance, he’ll illustrate his presentation– with a
hum-dinger of a Slide Show to display his rare pictures of strange worlds and distant stars.
And in addition to all of this, he still takes pains in his presentation to “razz” Chicken John.
Don’t miss this challenging and unique portion of our show.
A Dr. Hal Show Extra-Special Featurette.
KrOB’S KREEPY KINEMA MONSTROUS MOVIE–
“THE THRUST EXPEDITION VS. THE LAST DINOSAUR”
ASSEMBLED FROM FOOTAGE SHOT IN THE UNFORTUNATE 1970’S
1977, actually. The movie this all comes from “positively reeks of the polyester Seventies with its
bell-bottoms, long hair and eyeglasses the size of picture windows.” –Mark F. Berry, The Dinosaur
Not only that, but it’s a co-production of Rankin-Bass and Tsuburaya Productions.
That’s Tsuburaya as in Toho studios ( not Eiji Tsuburaya but close, we suspect).Yep, the East-West
fusion of cheesy dinosaur-suit monster effects pictures.
Nothing to celebrate. Kind of the worst of both worlds. Why do we do this? Because we can,
Not enough space here to explain the SubGenius concept of Bulldada.
But wait– it gets better. Wildly emoting at the center is veteran actor Richard Boone– that’s right,
Paladin–in the, er, pivotal rôle of Masten Thrust (no kidding). Your witness, Mr. Freud.
This picture, according to author Stuart Galbraith, was “scheduled to open theatrically in New York
City, but was pulled at the last minute and instead made its U.S. debut as a TV movie for ABC.”
Those were the days.
KrOB’S MONSTER RALLY– AN ULTIMATELY TERRIFYING INDICTMENT OF
Heh, heh, heh…
And so Ask Dr. Hal! put on its Preview Nite last Tues. the 10th– 1nce again, the Show was a going
concern… We had some of our old pals (of course) along 4 the ride, but we noted some new faces too…
We’ll see how it shapes up during this lightning-fast, here-today-gone tomorrow iteration of ADH,
performance dates subject to revision with very little notice… Arrghh– blame calculating Chicken for
the necessity to include that caveat… Better watch these broadsides closely for the straight skinny.
Well, we saw lotsa variety at the show– not that you’d call it a Variety Show… Among attentive
attendees we noted militant Moss, a.k.a. RollingMoss, who didn’t seem to want the whole thing to end,
perennial Paul Pot, whose quiver of queries were shunted by conniving Chicken to the Speed Round,
canine companion jocose Joppa, staking out our round, heuristic Hef-style bed as his personal turf,
and even addled Al “Werewolf” Simms, who posed no prob– we wouldn’t want him there on the 17th,
tho’ —check your ephemeris… While preparing, pre-show, in Chez Poulet’s cavernous upstairs, we
nearly collided with vivacious Valerie Leavy (a collision we wouldn’t have minded), ravishing resident
of the bldg. –she was equally surpriz’d… Another tenant was sweet Sunshine, who not only took in the
show but, good sport that she is, presented paideutical Pete Goldie’s Jar of gags to choleric Chicken
during prankish Pete’s segment… From the balcony above we thought we made out slinky Sarah, as in
Szczechowicz-Goldie– but that was an error, according to both glamorous Goldies (Never be without
your trusty fact-checker)… However, there was no mistaking manly Moses Grubb, devotee of divine
Dionysus, or krazy Kiko, our quondam Brazilian Astronaut for about a brazillion times –and Radio Valencia’s own questing Quarterman Jack, a first-timer to our festive fol-de-rol. RV, as we Pirate
Broadcasters like to call it, covered us– until mindful Mikel-em came in & did his show around ten in
the P.M. –adress all complaints to Commander Chicken John, Esq., since that meant we didn’t get
the show recorded. Pity, too, the audio would’ve been good… Starry-eyed but steely Skippy,
jack-of-all-trades & our doorman that nite, let in luminaries larruping Lloyd Mongoloid of Cookie
Mongoloid fame, obliging Orin Zebest, also from RV’s roster, kingly Kenny a.k.a. Phineas T.
Smokepott, our indispensable laff leader (every show needs one) & jaunty Joseph, a former, and
perhaps future doorman in his own right… Curvaceous Carla Winsom, kaptivating Kelly Cathorn with
jolly John Antrobus squiring, & a few other new faces we couldn’t peg were seen on th’ scene… and
we welcomed also masterful Mike Ritch, Director of the Jean Henry School of Art (plug-ola) with
constant consort the stunning Shawna M., a first (but we hope not last)-timer at ADH… Well, come nextime if you couldn’t be there– this run is short, sport– you could miss it pret-ty easily, we say
queasily. The show following next week may even jump over the hump to a different day, we are just now hearing, & fearing… We’re betting on Wednesday, friends & neighbors… That’s because conniving
Chicken will probably rent out the house on Tues., May 24th to the well-heeled master cuisinier Chef Fleur-de-Lis of S.F.’s trendique eatery Le Restaurant Grasse-Chere-Couteuse, who’s apparently made hungry, cupidity-challenged Chicken a juicy Offer He Couldn’t Refuse… Chick’ll will cry for the show, though, all the way to the bank, as the saying goes. Meanwhile, do come in & show our show some support, sport, before we come up short… this means YOU!
SHOWS – UPCOMING
DARK ROOM BENEFIT FOR SPY EMERSON – MAY 28th
Our friend, fine artist Spy Emerson, is fighting an unscrupulous and ruinously expensive legal attack
by the father of her six-year-old son Lucky and his Midwest-based family acting in concert.
Those who closely know Spy are aware she is an exemplary mother, now overwhelmed by a malicious,
unexpected and fully financed, secretly well-planned, ruthless maneuver.
Any contribution is welcome to help oppose the financial/legal tsunami facing this brave and determined
Local performers, including Ask Dr. Hal!’s own Dr. Hal are to appear in the line-up of an evening variety
show at San Francisco’s Dark Room Theatre, 2263 Mission St. Show time will be 8:00 PM.
A unique roster of contributing talents will make it a night to remember.
Eyenoise Projections by KrOB.
Look for the three Doggie Diner Heads outside the theater, where hot dogs will be grilled and sold to the gastronomically adventurous, before
and during the performance.
Watch this space for developing details, or go to darkroomsf.com Call (415) 401-7987.
Dr. HAL ON RADIO:
Hear classic episodes on
ADH PIRATE RADIO SHOW CONTINUES WITH WEEKLY BROADCAST!
The Ask Dr. Hal! Radio Show has been running Friday nights 9PM to Midnight on S.F.’s newest Pirate
radiovalencia.fm 87.9 FM
Live shows have been simulcast! And if you’ve missed them, they’re still on the radio!
Now, the Ask Dr. Hal! Show, a beloved San Francisco Institution, also
continues as an innovative Pirate Radio Program on RadioValencia.FM
–broadcast –and podcast (keep watching these announcements) even
during the current run of the show!
Dr. Hal Live on Radio– Friday nights, 10 PM – Midnight.
–at the innovative & avant
Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret
3359 Cesar Chavez St.
(Army) Street between Mission and South Van Ness. Just on the
edge of Bernal Heights. The old Odeon Neighborhood.
COME ONE , COME ALL !
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