The next Ask Dr. Hal! Show is December 4th!

YOU’RE INVITED!

Chicken John
presentS

THE GENUINE & ORIGINAL

ASK Dr. HAL! SHOW   
NOW PLAYING AT THE LEGENDARY
Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret
3359 Army (Cesar Chavez St.)   
San Francisco, California
[Where Mission St. Joins Cesar Chavez]

And take note:
WE’RE NOW ON FRIDAYS!
FRIDAY, December 4th!  
GAGS! GOOFS! PRIZES! SURPRISE GUESTS! CRANKS! QUIPS!

PERFORMANCE COMMENCING AT
NINE P.M. SHARP!           
===DOORS OPEN FOR THE SHOW AT 8:30 PM===
THE PRE-SHOW begins about Eight-Thirty. We will be starting as close to Nine PM
as we can. Despite a long history of lagging audiences, we’ll try not to hold the
curtain as we have in the past–
WE CLOSE, ideally,  before Midnight, to give our East Bay friends the chance to
make it in time to catch the last train from the 24th St. BART Station, a few short
blocks North of the CHEZ POULET GALLERY-CABARET [Last East Bay train departs
about 12:16 AM] in S.F.’s colorful Mission District!

Yes! You read it right! The original, unabridged & authentic Ask Dr. 
Hal! Show (beware of derivative question-and-answer shows) is
back in action– with Chicken John & all your favorite, frantic ADH
crew!  With Robert Levy at the door! KrOB at the controls! Pete
Goldie‘s Science Scoops! David “Yo-Yo King” Capurro body-surfs
the Internet! Dr. Hal answers your queries! They’re all back– doing
the show once more! Everybody– even– Woo-hoo! –Frank Chu!
It’s just as if we never left! But beware– the final curtain might fall while you aren’t paying attention– and you’d miss it all!
Admission —       $10.00      (TEN AMERICAN DOLLARS)

[Our usual (reasonable) Admission Price.]

=======The Dr. Hal Report=========
Vol. XII                                                          No. 8

“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me
there lay an invincible summer.”
– Albert Camus

C  O  N  T  E   N   T  S  :

KARTOON : THE WOLF HOWLS FOR LAUREN BACALL IN CLAMPETT’S SUPRESSED KARTOON KLASSIC, BACALL TO ARMS (1946) + THEN IN “SKINS VS. SHIRTS,” KrOB’S VOLATILE VISION OF SKELETONS BATTLING HEROIC THESSALIAN WARRORS TO THE DEATH, WE’LL PUT YOU IN JUST THE RITE MOOD FOR THE XMAS ‘TUDE + INTERVIEW 4 U + BRING YOUR OWN BOOZE & YOU CAN’T LOSE + DAVID CAPURRO ES YO-YO PURO + PETE GOLDIE’S TRULY UNCANNY SPACE REVELATIONS WILL MAKE YOU END UP SEEING STARS + NEWS: CHICKEN “MODIFYING” ADH SET, DR. HAL ART SHOW STILL UP & RUNNING, VISIT SAME THIS WEEK  @ MERCURY CAFE, WATCH FOR OUR FORTHCOMING, CULMINATING XMAS SHOW + SOCIAL NOTES: MOB
OFSMART PEOPLE STAMPEDE INTO SOLD-OUT SHOW, BIRTHDAY GREETING
RESPONSE AVALANCHE + PUZZLING EVIDENCE ADDS MORE YOU TUBE XCERPTS +
A DECEMBER TO REMEMBER!
–AND WE START…  WITH A KLASSIC KARTOON!
Just before every performance begins, we screen a great animated cartoon– each, one
of the best seven-minute theatrical shorts ever committed to film. The previous week we
brought you, as promised, the pro-smoking No Smoking (1951) in which Goofy first attempts
to reject, but then fully embraces the tobacco habit. But this week KrOB’ll outdo himself in his
selection of suppressed animated masterpieces as he presents Warner Bros. animation
director Robert “King” Clampett’s irrepressible Bacall to Arms (1946). This was Clampett’s
second-to-last cartoon at Warners, though he was left uncredited (because he had left the
studio before the cartoon was released). There’s no mistaking Clampett’s directorial presence,
but it’s said that after his departure studio hacks altered the film somewhat, causing its flow
to be jumpier than the usual perfectly-timed Clampett product. What is undisputed is that the
final gag, whether or not Clampett’s, has placed Bacall to Arms on the Do Not Show List, and
in consequence it never appears on television. The entire ending, where the Tex Avery-esque
Wolf happily puffs on Laurie Be-Cool’s cigarette only to get shot by  Bogey GoCart, who then
retrieves the cigarette and smokes it (only for it to blow up and turn him blackfaced, saying in the
voice of African-American comedian Eddie “Rochester” Anderson, “My, oh my! I can work for
Mr. Benny now!”) was completely cut when the rest of the film was shown on TNT, a cable
channel owned by Ted Turner. The opposing view, ours at Ask Dr. Hal! –is that this gag should
not be seen as either racist or even mean-spirited, but more of a contemporary acknowledgement
of a popular radio program (soon to be a nationally known show in the early days of the television
medium). While we would not ever argue that we are now in a “post-racial” society, whatever that
might mean, we do maintain that there needs to come a day when we can accept caricatures which
acknowledge “racial” differences (the entire concept of “race” we know to be scientifically fallacious)
as part of the tradition of universal humor which includes caricatura. We do admit that it isn’t our
particular ox being gored here, but does it then follow that we, cartoon-lovers and lovers of culture
in general, must accept being told we are not allowed our own overview of the matter? Yes, those
unappointed theoreticians, the lame-o censors, the people who know what’s good for you better
than you do, have decreed that this cartoon be never, ever shown. But of course at AskDr. Hal! we
are, as always, taking pains to give you the whole thing, complete and uncut. Oh, it helps to know
something about Ernest Hemingway, his novel To Have and Have Not, the Warner Bros. movie of the
same name, its stars (and actual lovers) Humphrey Bogart and (the then 19-year-old) Lauren Bacall
and maybe for good measure what movie shows used to be like. But even from a perspective of total
ignorance of all the things which make up the backstory of Bacall to Arms, the receptive viewer can
enjoy the film’s eloquent articulation of the universal language of comedy. That’s where we stand. So
join us this Friday night, won’t you? –in time to catch up with yet another treasure  of your Nation’s
once-flourishing but now (that the Conspiracy has dumbed it all down) mostly vanished popular
culture. Remember, our show will start right up at the very moment the cartoon ends. So be on
time! If you’re habitually missing these things you’re doing yourself a disservice & not getting full
equity on your admission price…

Also with…
NEW HERETOFORE UNSHOWN KLASSIC KrOB MONSTER EDIT:
Dry Bones vs. Flesh & Blood!
Clattering Skeleton Swordsmen Best Heroes in Combat–
Due to an unexpected “glitch” we weren’t able to show the intended KrOB Edit, the Skeletonous
Skirmish, so we showed a substitute KrOB Klassic, Monster Snake Coffee Break. And the crowd
loved it, so there was no loss… Still, we’ll show it this week– so here’s last week’s write-up once
again, ideally descriptive of what you’ll see on the 4th… Nothing is wasted on the Show. Except,
each week, the coterie of so-called Smoke Pot Guys who always sit together. Anyway, long, long ago,
as every schoolboy knows, Prince Phrixus of Boiotia, son of Athamas, and his twin sister Helle
were both cordially hated by their cruel stepmother, Ino (their mother had been Nephele, a minor
goddess of the clouds, but someone Ino always felt herself being unfairly measured against). So she
arranged an honor for the two– to be sacrificed to the Harvest Gods. (It may have been a very great
honor, but the kids were actually dubious about this.) Fortunately, Nephele sent them a miraculous
flying ram, on whose fleecy back they got away, just in time. Starting either from Halos in Thessaly
or, according to some, Orchomenus in Boeotia, they cruised at a low-flying altitude over the strait of
the Dardanelles until, when they hit an air pocket, Helle slipped off and fell all the way into the sea
and was killed. They call that body of water the Hellespont, in Helle’s honor– or, the Sea of Helle.
At least there’s the honor.

Phrixus eventually landed in Colchis, where he was adopted by kindly King
Aetes. The ram, as a reward for saving the Prince’s life, was sacrificed to Jove– a great honor, to
be sure– and the golden fleece of this deceased magical beast was hung up in the Holy Grove of
Ares, guarded by a reptilian monster, a many-eyed, multi-headed dragon. So, to make a long story
short, Jason and his Argonauts appeared. With Princess Medea’s help Jason managed to kill the
guardian monster. And then, as they were trying to leave, Aetes, to stop them, sowed the dragon’s
teeth (a Hydra in the movie) –from them, up sprung the legions slain of the monster, a skeleton army.
So watch as KrOB marshals a skeletonous skirmish, animated by the divine Ray Harryhausen, our
Master Puppeteer. Cheers! Oh, what happened to the fleece, you ask? Why, Zeus placed it amid the
stars, a thoughtful gesture. The constellation of Ares is principally formed of the stars Hamai,
Sheratan and Mesarthim, the latter one of the very first binary stars ever to be discovered, in 1664.The Cloven Foot of the Ram. Just ask Pete Goldie. Hamai is a magnitude 2.2 star. Ares, or Aries
may be found somewhat below Triangulum. By the way, you might want to know that Hamai, 72
light-years distant, is heading straight for us– rapidly approaching at 9 miles per second.

Read the latest hard-hitting interview with Dr. Hal on Laughing Squid’s Blog:

http://laughingsquid.com/a-conversation-with-hal-robins/

NO BAR– BUT YOU CAN DRINK! (JUST BRING YOUR OWN)
Not counting the inevitable Fernet Branca shots for the (un)lucky.
With Venom Mango Energy Drinks given away– on the house!!
DAVID CAPURRO ADDS VISUAL EXCITEMENT, LAFFS
Think Dr. Hal talks through his hat? You won’t think so after you watch what Yo-yo Pro Dave
“Computer Jockey” Capurro puts up on our Giant Screen. Even as Dr. Hal is speaking, David’s
dexterous digits flash across his keyboard– and, presto! A confirming (or at least congruent) image
appears on the screen! (Usually, filthy.) And the crowd goes wild. Yes, this week too on ADH we
can expect the multi-talented David Capurro once again to ride herd on the accompanying
images which constantly stream under his assured direction to accompany and illustrate the
oft-controversial conversational vagaries and Mercurial meanderings of Dr. Hal, Pete Goldie and
the guests of Ask Dr. Hal!

PETE GOLDIE WINS 1st PLACE– IN SPACE!
Our Science Segment…
Pete Goldie has his head in the clouds, even beyond them in the endless reaches of space –but his
feet are planted firmly on the ground. In our show Pete deals with the science of celestial objects
(such as stars, planets, comets, and galaxies) and phenomena that originate outside the Earth’s
atmosphere (such as auroras and cosmic background radiation). A student of the evolution, physics,
chemistry, meteorology, and motion of these celestial objects, as well as the formation and future
development of the universe itself, he illustrates his presentation with rare pictures of strange worlds
in our own Solar System. A Dr. Hal Show Special Featurette.

NEWS – ONGOING SHOWS
CHICKEN JOHN PROMISES “SPECIAL MODIFICATION” OF ADH SET
An architectural wonder, the standing set for Ask Dr. Hal! was created and constructed under the close
supervision of ADH Science Dept. Head Pete Goldie. Sturdily built on its enduring raised platform, the
set, bolted to the wall of the Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret with massive steel sections, is said to be not
only earthquake-proof, and thus certified safe for local performances in the Hayward Fault Geosynclinal
Fold Zone, but also the only structure of its kind capable of withstanding a nuclear war (if shielded from
the initial thermal pulse of a directed groundburst)– probably the single strongest component of the
entire building. (This is in contrast to the floor of Chez Poulet, built to be thinner than needed by cost-
conscious Chicken to maximize savings– and in consequence, prone to give way suddenly, at inopportune
moments, causing unexpected sinking of audience members and seats.)

Now The Dr. Hal Report has learned (from a recent Facebook posting) that energetic Chicken is currently altering the famed stage structure, with a view toward honoring a special portion of our faithful fellow-travelling ADH audience.
No word yet certified for public release from the crafty showman has been received on the specific nature
of the modifications involved; however, we can assert with unalloyed confidence that these will become
obvious to all attendees during the very next episode of Ask Dr. Hal!

“THE PRODUCTIONS OF TIME” –Dr. HAL’S CURRENT ART SHOW!
For everyone who missed Dr. Hal’s last art show, some of the images shown there are now featured again,
together with new and previously unshown works. It’s all happening at the Mercury Café, 201 Octavia Street
(at Page). The opening party featured entertainment by Dr. Hal and KrOB. Keep watching this space for our
announcement of the closing party, which, when it happens, in addition to another appearance by the
demented duo, will present a live performance by Dr. Hal ably assisted by KrOB’s visual and auditory magic!
It will also be an opportunity for those who are interested to purchase a limited number of Dr. Hal’s books, The Meaning of Lost and Mismatched Socks (which is becoming quite a rarity– Random House is now out of
them), Dinosaur Alphabet and Alien Apocalypse 2006, including autographed and dedicated copies.
This may be the last best chance to get some of these. Art Prints of many of the pictures can be ordered from
Studio Reflex of San Francisco– pick up a form at the show. The Mercury, serving organic and fair trade
coffees as well as locally produced foods, can be reached at (415) 252-7855.

–And don’t forget! We’re counting down to our Megalo-
Annual Christmas Show–
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 25TH –
=======CHRISTMAS DAY!!===========
OUR BELOVED YEARLY ENACTMENT OF
“The Year Chicken John Saved Christmas!”
[Also known as, “The Night Chicken John Ruined Christmas”]
PRESENTED ON OUR ASK DR. HAL! STAGE – WITH PRESENTS
AND GOOD CHEER FOR ALL, AS WE WIND UP ANOTHER YEAR!
******** (Keep watching this space for developing details!) **********

SOCIAL NOTES
What a Mercurial master is Show Business, whose parameters change each week
as they will, shifting between highs & lows without rhyme or reason. You read here
last wk. about our miserably puny audience showing for our iteration on the 20th of
Nov. –hardly worth doing the show, was the gestalt floating among (some) ADH cast
& crew. Barely in 2 digits, dig it? But then, lastweek, we had ’em sitting in the aisles
(after seats ran out). Lucky for us, ’twas one of our better outings, according to the
grapevine… But really, folks, a good audience makes a good show, or makes a
good show better– we’re nourished by your questions, and good ones can help us
put out a few new young shoots and leaves, even fruit on occasion… Perfunctory
“gag” questions from a minimal and/or indifferent group, on th’ other hand, only shrivel
us inside our bark, to continue the arboreal metaphor, or introduce the gypsy moth
caterpillar or the boring apple worm… those guys… So we were wowed by the
krowd, and Chicken was even so encouraged that he’s altering the ADH Set for
nextime (see News, above)… And who were these robust roisterers, some new to Ask
Dr. Hal? These pioneers? Well, they weren’t all new faces– we even were visited by
charming Chuckles the Clown, an old chum up from Lost Angeles on a recon mission,
and steadfast Cookie Mongoloid lead Lloyd Mongoloid… Artist lovely Lynn Rubenzer
was in the house, & we noted careening Carl Heiney lurching about on a late-nite jaunt
our way… Then there were easy-on-the-eyes Eileen Hassi, curvaceous Connie Hendrix
with torpedo Todd, sultry Suzanne Stefanac, another visitor from afar, alluring aerialist
Mesmerizing Miriam Telles, slinky Sarah Szczechowicz and molasses-sweet Molly…
Dashing D. Steven Black was back… Originally hailing from Doylestown, Pennsylvania
(“Hub of the Universe”) –why can’t ‘Frisco get itself a snazzy moniker like that? –were a
wide-travelled bunch, who came to see us on a hunch– incl. some doctors inna house—
battling Bruce Hall M.D., his wife captivating Cathy Matyas Hall, his sister komely Kathryn
Hall M.D., her husband red-blooded Richard Neilson Esq. J.D. (heeza legal eagle) &
paideutic Pete Goldie‘s best buddy since 2nd grade masterful Mike Anciaux, his Better
Half winsome Wendy Wolfe, & their said-to-be progressive and politically astute son (now
of legal age, but in point of fact underage when Chicken forced a pair of Fernet shots on
him) erudite Erik Anciaux… Euphoric Erik, who seemed unfazed by the alcoholic assault,
shares Dr. Hal’s birthday of Nov. 28th…  “All of those people are smarter than I am,”
moaned perturbed Pete Goldie, who reported “a few difficulties” during the Space Science
Update…  As championing Chicken maintains, it’s an intellectual salon, after all, perplex’d
Pete– at least, that’s part of what he says… No complaints or snide Side Notes from the
likes of frantic Fernando Espinoza, jocund J.D., luscious Lucy, bold Ben Kaminsky or
swooner-crooner zest-filled Zoli Lundy, slumming at our show… And speaking of songbirds,
ravishing Robin Coomer, star of Loop! Station and friend of Shake Well, put in an appealing
appearance, gladdening our doddering frame to its crumbling core– she requested a Two-
Minute Dance Party at the rite moment; request granted, radiant Robin… Yes, declining Dr.
Hal has now– incredibly –become 59, and is accepting condolences at this time…Thanx to
everyone who commemorated– we can’t thank ’em all, but sure appreciated shout-outz from
shapely Spy Emerson, tempting Tina M. Salmon, pneumatic Pamela Lane, righteous
Randolph “Rocknar” Vance, the heavenly handful Holy Hemptress, sultry Sadie Lune/
Anomaly, lavish Leslie Alexander, jocose Jim Earp, phenomenal Phineas Narko, righteous
Robert Levy– great cake & no mistake —artistic & alluring Angela Knowles, dependable
David Doyle, sizzling Solar Lab– when does she get back from N.Y.? —bold Bill Kates,
steadfast Skot Kuiper, marvelous Miriam Telles, theologically-oriented TheFather of Time,
supernal Sister Krystyna Olsiewicz, demented Dale Larson, manly Mark Smith, japester
Jascha Ephraim, rumbustious Rob Coleman, kute Kim Jordan, original Orpheus Stain,
kurvaceous Khristina VanHall, fabulous Frannie Germeshausen, languid Louise
Jarmilowicz, hot-number Holly Hitch, luscious Lena Strayhorn, marksman Mars Elliot,
just-plain-gorgeous Janay Rose & ubiquitous Uriah Findley… the Nonchalant Cell &
Friends of curt Commander 14 & all you hard-working boys ‘n gals down at “Elect Harry S.
Robins for Congress 2010” –thanx for the enthusiasm, howe’er misplaced. And speaking of
thanks, ranks, patient Puzzling Evidence needs some– he gave us a digital camera so’s we
could follow in his size 17 footsteppz– & you can bet the farm he was at the Show again,
shooting us more for those You Tube entries of his on PuzEv TV, rite thru th’nite, to appear
beneath this site… like these most recent ones! Keep going– just drop your eyes down… on
down to these…

…AMAZING, AMUSING PUZZLING EVIDENCE YOU TUBE CLIPS!
Did you know you can watch some of the show right this minute? Well, thanx to Puzzling
Evidence, you can! Go ahead– scope out a few of the hi-lites from previous episodes of Ask Dr. Hal!
–on You Tube! It’s easy! It’s fun! It’s time-consuming! And it’s technologically au courant, and absolutely
the next best thing to being there in person! You need to visit his wonderful site, with rare video of the
Lost Galleon La Contessa and many wonders unrelated to our show– HELCO from Burning Man ’96,
various festivals and performances of all your faves– as well as our stuff –from the links below. How?
How, you say? You do? Why are you talking to your computer? Go ahead– just paste these
handy URLs into your browser. Child’s play. Remember, if it won’t play, try watching in High Quality…
Let’s start with Pete Goldie’s Science Report as we recapitulate our show, which first
took place November 20th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/10/9b10X8U7Dwc

Science has its day, the 19th Psalm and even an a cappella rendition of lyrics from
an extremely obscure musical show as we continue with the best moments shaved
from the ADH of November 20th (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/9/UdozeN4f-Aw

And then a Rebuke to hoarders (of all things) distinguishes this minuscule mote
comprising a significant chunk of show on November 20th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/8/xbEENziL8zY

Incubi et Succubae concern us– both transitory stages of the same volant creature,
just one more Awesome Revelation served up by Ask Dr. Hal! on November 20th
(Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/7/Mi4pWmdyR8o

Bodily functions discussed with an air of unction before questing bumpkins on
that November 20th (Pt. 5):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/6/gOJQJemiIsQ

The Viking Code ends the Show, thanks be to Wotan…Gods, History and Church
forever….or until YouTube gives up the ghost. The last of November 20th (Pt. 6):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/5/BUr2XFfl4s0

The great Geoff Ellsworth of the Towne Dandies opens for us– see the highlights!
He’s amazing! –on November 13th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/16/9wiVQPSnivIThen Pete Goldie adds Science (Astronomy) to the History portion from Mr. Ellsworth’s
light-hearted opening 1-man revue to flavor our savory November 13th salad (Pt. 2), and
Dr. Hal adds an Invocation from the Bard:

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/15/CZB5zAilD_o

Lovely Robin Coomer endures a KrOB Moment and a revolting, slimy swallop of (ugh)
Fernet… Also, His Grace, the Duke of Uke proves to be among us and is cajoled into an
impromptu turn on his signature instrument, the ukulele November 13th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/14/ni2sXf24yi8

Principal co-expressibility is illustrated by KrOB’s artistry, and more on (moron?) that
selfsame November 13th (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/13/u7uQtvu3sbY

Robert Levy subjects himself to the KrOB Plunge; merriment ensues November 13th (Pt. 5):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/12/hkUp2yY1TRc

The Pleasure Saucers of the Sex Goddesses come in for a mention, and, BTW folks, we’ve
been to X-Day– several times –and those Goddesses are really real. So endeth the show,
with Sam Gamgee’s The Stone Troll, on November 13th (Pt. 6):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/11/lm9Jz0oINoY

A show without Pete Goldie– and a drunken Jarico Reese is drafted as scientist-in residence
on a hapless November 6th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/8/GS14DNjswSA

Then Dr. Hal recites Henley’s Invictus, and we’re off, that November 6th (Pt. 2):http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/7/Mm8pKOwNPWg

Things look up when distracting Jenner shows up, but Dr. Hal isn’t fast enough to answer.
Then we parse the Genesis of Bibendum November 6th (Pt. 3):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/6/-T_8UYYFeu8

I am Spy’s Brain is the Readers’ Digest article next summarized November 6th (Pt. 4):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/5/eW2vrao-CTE

Shelley’s apostrophe to the Skylark somehow is added to this non-homogenous mixture to
conclude the show of November 6th (Pt. 5):

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=PuzzlingEvidenceTV#p/u/4/ntE3MS-fSeQ

See you at the exclusive
CHEZ POULET GALLERY-CABARET
3359 Army (Cesar Chavez St.) San Francisco, California
[Where Mission St. Joins Cesar Chavez]

Happening This Friday Night—

            Dec. 4th!