MONDAY, APRIL 28th, 2008!
The FINAL ASK DR. HAL Show!
WE’VE HAD A GOOD RUN… IT’S BEEN FUN… & NOW…
Are You ready for… KrOB’s Ultimate Edit— “Fear in the Fog”
a Monumental, Mighty Monster Mash-up?
AT 12 GALAXIES—
2565 MISSION ST. AT 22ND
With Dr. Hal, KrOB, Chicken John, David Capurro,
Pete Goldie, Frank Chu– & Mystery Guests! Catch us
ONE MORE MONDAY at 9:00 PM during APRIL!
(MARK YOUR CALENDAR!)
[ A D V E R T I S E M E N T ]
BUY a SIGNED PRINT of Dr. HAL ART
(All proceeds go to artist. Scroll to bottom of page.)
OUR PRICE: $8.00 (CHEAP)
… THE DR. HAL REPORT …
Vol. VIII No. 9 of 9
OUR LAST SHOW
O F T H E S E A S O N
Ask of me whatsoever thou wilt, and I will give it thee.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: San Francisco (April 28th) – The Ask Dr. Hal! Show, after eight memorable performances, has come to its last episode of the present run. The remaining time to experience the long-running night club stage sensation has dwindled to a single remaining opportunity to come see our concluding and greatest production– and behold a KrOB “edit” which nicely sums up his showcasing of all things monstrous and alien. KrOB, that reclusive and adroit manipulator of iconic vignettes mined from deep veins of cryptic popular culture, now lifts one corner of the veil to reveal the ultimate horror of the full-bore, chaotic Monster Apocalypse as a special feature for our audience. Intrigued? Our show is broadcast every Wednesday night on Pirate Cat Radio (84.9 FM on your radio dial) from 10:00 to Midnight (and as a podcast whenever you want), but if you want to see, as opposed to just hear this incredible, horrible soul-freezing featurette, a staple of the oft celebrated and award-winning (in the Bay Guardian and Playboy Online), Ask Dr. Hal! show, you really owe it to yourself to toddle on down to 12 Galaxies, 2565 Mission St. near 22nd. Yes, just as in the days of the late, great Odeon Bar, the tradition of Monster Attacks continues to the very end, gleefully presented by the one and only KrOB. As in previous shows, every effort is being made to preserve those elements which have so often proven themselves in the arena of public attendance. You better believe it. But, starting off…
FRANK CHU to OPEN SHOW with VIGOROUS, VACUOUS VERBOSITY!
What’s supposed to happen is that before every show, by special arrangement, perennial pest/holy man Frank Chu, protest sign grasped firmly in hand, the man after whose opaque rantings the 12 Galaxies night club itself is named, will ascend the stage and (figuratively speaking) shout his barbaric yawp, in the famous phrase. And if he shows up, you can absolutely depend on Frank to deliver– deliver a rapid-fire, curiously unimpassioned, incomprehensible bromide, that is. This diatribe mentions various members of the U.S.Govt. and beings from numerous other worlds as members of a vast, over-arching Conspiracy. But could he be right? Maybe it’s all just too big to grasp. At any rate, he’s often, of late, been a no-show. Will he be present for this, the last of these shows? It’s all in the lap of the Gods. Come see (and hear) for yourself…
CHICKEN JOHN’S MONOLOGUE SETS the SCENE!
Chicken John doesn’t pull his punches. The charismatic former San Francisco Mayoral candidate (and future Supervisoral candidate), having developed his powers of unscripted improvisation during far-flung junkets in Fiji and mysterious, if tormented Tibet, starts us raucously rolling as he shares his thoughts at the beginning of every show, putting the crowd in a receptive mood, choosing his musings on life, strife, love, talk thereof, politics, parlor tricks and the true meaning of “greening.” And then…
PETE GOLDIE presents: MYSTERIES of UNKNOWN WORLDS!
Pete Goldie, a scientific Colossus, has his head in the clouds, even beyond them in the endless reaches of space –but his feet are planted firmly on the ground. Not an Astrologer, but an Astronomer (don’t let Chicken John pull your leg), he is an eager auditor of the evolution, physics, chemistry, meteorology, and motion of extraterrestrial objects & planetary bodies, as well as the formation and development of the universe itself. Did you know top N.A.S.A. scientists often attend our show (and/or listen to the live broadcast on Pirate Cat Radio, 87.9FM)? It’s true! Each of our shows traditionally begins with Pete’s segment: an illustrated recap of the actual latest findings of planetary Astronomy. But he’s, paradoxically, a down-to-earth kind of guy, who can tell you everything about the tiles on the Space Shuttle– and on your bathroom floor! Accompanied by his beloved, dangling model of the far-roving Cassini-Huygens Probe, Pete will zoom us (metaphorically) to (really) far-ranging land-and-space-scapes of outer Solar System Real Estate. The Cassini spacecraft, sports fans, is the first to explore the Saturnian system of rings and moons from orbit around that remote, giant gas planet. Pete’s been relaying its findings since Cassini entered orbit on June 30th, 2004– and immediately started to send him back intriguing images and data. The European Space Agency (ESA)’s Huygens Probe dove down, down into Titan’s thick atmosphere in January, 2005. The sophisticated instruments on both spacecraft are providing Pete (and our Ask Dr. Hal! audience) with vital data and the best views ever of this mysterious, vast region of our Solar System. So, remember when you view Pete’s monofilament-lofted model, lovingly crafted by Paul Pot, that the real Cassini-Huygens is an international collaboration between three space agencies. Seventeen nations contributed to building this spacecraft. The Cassini orbiter was built and managed by NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory, while the Huygens probe was built by the European Space Agency. And the Italian Space Agency provided Cassini’s high-gain communication antenna. In addition to Pete, more than 250 scientists worldwide are studying the data streaming back from Saturn on a daily basis. Just part of our Show (a part which was the longest it’s ever been last time as Pete evinced unusual stamina). HEY KIDS! Special Appearance by Fozzmo the Clown! As for Kogar the Gorilla, we make no promises here that we can count on the participation of that “Primate Prima Donna.” From all indications, the well-known thespian simian has probably made his last knuckle-walking bow on our 12 Galaxies stage.
DAVID CAPURRO EXPERTLY EXTRACTS RELEVANCY from the COMPUTER KEYBOARD—and brings back his BAG of YO-YO TRICKS!
Our very own dementedly devoted David Capurro, in his alternate identity as Yo-Yo Pro, has performed in multiple venues, Now “Cappy” vivaciously vivifies our Show with a kind of visual, Virtual yo-yo-ing: even as Dr. Hal is speaking, David’s dexterous digits flash across his keyboard– and, Wow! A confirming (or at least, ideally, congruent) image appears on the screen! (Usually, filthy, but that’s showbiz.) SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: for our final performance, David has promised he will whip out his Yo-Yo—and treat everyone to an exhibition of Yo-Yo mastery which will be long remembered ever after…
“DR.” HAL: MERETRICIOUS MOUNTEBANK with QUESTIONABLE QUALIFICATIONS– or DIVINELY INSPIRED, OROTUND ORACLE?
Not for us to say. Questions answered— isn’t that the important thing? Your concerns addressed– a personal Ministry. Come and see for yourself. Bardic Episodes remain an unavoidable side effect. Private consultations available. No refunds. As for the legitimacy of his Doctoral credentials, the Head of Dr. Hal’s Order (the Church of the SubGenius), none other than the Most Exalted Reverend Ivan Stang himself, did confer upon him, on Wednesday the 2nd of April 2008, upon his completion of the Protracted Syllabus of SubGenius Studies, the Degree of DOKTOR OF DIVINITY in the name of the Dobbstown Liberty College of Love. That should settle it.
KrOB KREATES final MONSTER ATTACK CLIP for the AGES!
KrOB on the JOB– KrOB’s krazy kut-up kinema kompels kontentment! Last week, just as
advertised, we beheld the onslaught of the Living Skeleton, a tautology given life if not made flesh. In a whirling, clashing display of supernal swordsmanship, the dead faced off against the living. This time we leave the Realm of Legend for an anxious time more closely related to our own, where monsters dwell and where creatures roam. An unnerving incursion into a terrifyingly uncertain scene, where hapless humans find their lives as cheap as those of the so-called lower orders, and pragmatic predators operate with draconian directness. Cool, eh? No, it just wouldn’t be the Ask Dr. Hal! show without the inclusion of this proven popular attraction, would it? Educational and scientific, the great KrOB’s notorious “edits”on the Giant Screen, in dynamic, full-fidelity KrOB Sound™ will again comprise a memorable multi-media experience. Just keep him away from that Kn/rob Creek bottle—he’ll do just fine.
And, really, we are prompted to ask, at what other night club show could you behold such a thing? Think about it. Just make time to be there no later than Nine PM (Chicken insists) Monday night at 12 Galaxies, 2565 Mission St. near 22nd.
Ask Dr. Hal! was considerably enlivened by a surprise performance from the folks who brought you the Life-Size Game of Mousetrap at Burning Man and numerous other venues, thanks to mastermind manly Mark Perez & his mousetrap Myrmidons. An all-mouse-related, torrid Terpsichorean treat for the 12G audience employing elaborate props of giant cheeses provided a break from the usual question-&-answer, as slinky Spy & ravishing Rose, beauties of Burlesque, enacted a stylized synchronous dance routine during which the two lovely girls’ scanty costumes somehow became detached and fell to the floor, revealing their well-rounded charms to the delighted & appreciative crowd. From on stage we had an exceptionally good, close view of these goings on. Then, something for the ladies, as a brigade of Chippendale’s-style junkyard hunks invaded the stage. Pounding, pulsating Disco music blasted, the underdressed louts & oafs pranced and posed in multiple positions, smirking, rotating their hips & flexing their musculature as panicked homophobes fled in all directions… you never know what’ll be unleashed at one of our productions… We didn’t expect it… One surprise of the eve was the unexpected absence of Ringmonster & Show-host chucklin’ Chicken John. The Yeoman of the Showmen contracted a last-minute case of Epizootis & became too ill to perform. Luckily, Pirate Cat Radio’s own jaunty John Hell became available to fill Chick’s brogans—remarkable coincidence –as his own show at the station was cancelled. Mr. Hell has trod the boards with us before, under sim’lar circumstances, & we look forward pretty soon this year to a couple of iterations as Color Commentators for the Power Tool Drag Races (plug-ola!), 1st at the upcoming Maker Faire on May 3rd at the San Mateo Fairgrounds, then at good old Ace International Speedway this May 17th & 18th in San Fran-sissy-co. Another no-show was frantic Frank Chu, last seen hobnobbing on the Sassiety Page in the S.F. Chronicle w/ the so-called (ugh) “Swells.” Wottsamatta, Frankie, ain’t we good enough for you no more…? But we soldiered on…Despite running out of Question Slips early on (people wrote on bus transfers & napkins) we answered the queries of a good-sized crowd, bouncing back from our (comparative) attendance slump of last wk. & featuring such familiar fan faces as masterful Moss, radiant Rhiannon Charisse of Dark Room Theatre fame, & power couple heavenly Hallie McConlogue & comely Corey McGuire. Here’s more plug-ola: Dr. Hal will be marrying the two lovebirds at an outdoor public ceremony according to the principles of the Church of the SubGenius & the affiliated Universal Life Church, coming up soon at, again, the Maker Faire @ the San Mateo Fairgrounds. All audience members of the Ask Dr. Hal! Show are invited to attend, 2:30 Sunday May 4th as the vows are solemnized on the Balcony of the Neverwas Haul, the coolest of all Art Cars (since a rampaging Republican terrorist torched the land-going Galleon La Contessa). The Haul, a steam-powered Victorian house on wheels created by “Satan” Shannon O’Hare & kinky Kimric Smythe among others, will be newly re-fitted and looking better than ever. “Maker Faire is backing this whole thing, this crazy idea to the hilt,” enthuses hypostatic Hallie. “The marketing department loved the whole crazy story of our romance and how Corey won my heart. They gave us 100 free tickets. It also looks like there will be lots of media coverage. We also get to fire off the Life-Sized Mousetrap.” Love is in the air. So B there or B square, folks… Jewel-like Janay Growden, modest Mable Syrup, torrid Terri with squeeze Sherilyn Connelly, and comely Carinna, who lately took the waters with us at Delight’s Hot Springs on a recent Chicken John Bus Trip to the Mojave Desert were all on hand for our penultimate p’formance. So was jocund Josh the Orangebox Man, who we won’t be seeing again for at least a while—he’s also off for a life of wedded bliss, w/ fiancé sizzling Sarah Santos… Someone put a copy of Mr. Opp, a novel by Alice Hegan Rice, author of the immortal Mrs. Wiggs of the Cabbage Patch, on my desk. Thanx, Somebody… And thanx to all who have been supporting us with weekly attendance. We hope to reward you with a last show to die for (tho’ that shouldn’t be, strictly speaking, necessary)…
ASK DR. HAL! EXCLUSIVE! GAGS! GROANS! GOOF-OFFS! GIRLS! GIGGLES! GRANDIOSE GRANDILOQUENCE! GALACTIC ASTRONOMY! DON’T MISS IT! OUR LAST SHOW BEFORE OCTOBER!
A D V E R T I S E M E N T
Alien Apocalypse 2006 Available for Purchase!
We still have 4 or 5…
A special consignment of the Kathy Glass graphic novelette Dr. Hal and Spain Rodriguez produced several years ago, dealing with Monsters, Hippies abducted, yes, and diddled, yes, Aliens, Flying Saucers, Monsters, Corporate Malfeasance, Monsters, Prophecy, Monsters and Geo. W. Bush has become available for sale after the show. Signed and inscribed copies will be provided on request. Yes, I know, the events depicted & predicted didn’t occur in 2006 after all. However, the story may still be enjoyed as an alternative universe tale, like one where the Treaty of Ghent was never signed, Hubert Humphrey was elected President, the South won the Civil War, or Chicken John was voted in as the Mayor of San Francisco… In our cosmos he did get 11,000 votes…
Limited Time Offer! Now You can Buy a Special, Limited Edition Print of Dr. Hal Art!
Signed & Suitable for Framing!
From the book Dinosaur Alphabet. Contact Vicki Olds at Studio Reflex, S.F.
By telephone at (415) 221-2830. By e-mail at
Via Snail Mail, write requesting a Limited Edition Print Order Form to:
Limited Edition Order Form
Studio Reflex, Inc., Attn. Vicki Olds
534 6th Avenue
City 94118. Do it today!