MONDAY, APRIL 21st, 2008!
The Penultimate ASK DR. HAL Show!
SEE the Fury of the Sword of the
I N C R E D I B L E
AN EERIE INTERLUDE
The NECROMANCER’S VICTIM BROUGHT
BACK from the DEAD to ATTACK & DESTROY!
AT 12 GALAXIES—
2565 MISSION ST. AT 22ND
With Dr. Hal, KrOB, Chicken John, David Capurro,
Pete Goldie, Frank Chu– & Mystery Guests! Catch us
TWO MORE MONDAYS at 9:00 PM during APRIL!
(MARK YOUR CALENDAR!)
[ A D V E R T I S E M E N T ]
BUY a SIGNED PRINT of Dr. HAL ART
(All proceeds go to artist. Scroll to bottom of page.)
OUR PRICE: $8.00 (CHEAP)
… THE DR. HAL REPORT …
Vol. VIII No. 8 of 9
I will ask thee a thing; hide nothing from me.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: San Francisco (April 21st) – The Ask Dr. Hal! Show now launches its next to last show of the present run. Two more performances in April will conclude this current iteration, the next not to be seen until (possibly) far October (but, who knows?), so the time to experience the long-running night club stage sensation is dwindling fast. Come this playdate– and behold a KrOB “edit” which continues his showcasing of ancient magic and mystery. KrOB, that reclusive and adroit manipulator of iconic vignettes mined from deep veins of cryptic popular culture, now wanders even farther into that hitherto ungleaned demesne, the Realm of Legend, with the story of… The Living Skeleton! (No, anorexia fans, this isn’t about some runway fashion model.) KrOB’s Klip concerns a fell sorcerer’s last, desperate gambit—the nadir of Black Magic’s evil purposes: the re-animation of the dead. Intrigued? Our show is broadcast every Wednesday night on Pirate Cat Radio (84.9 FM on your radio dial) from 10:00 to Midnight (and as a podcast whenever you want), but if you want to see, as opposed to just hear this incredible, soul-freezing featurette, a staple of the oft celebrated and award-winning (in the Bay Guardian and Playboy Online), Ask Dr. Hal! show, you really owe it to yourself to toddle on down to 12 Galaxies, 2565 Mission St. near 22nd. Yes, just as in the days of the late, great Odeon Bar, the tradition of Monster Attacks continues, gleefully presented by the one and only KrOB. As in previous shows, every effort is being made to preserve those elements which have so often proven themselves in the arena of public attendance. We kid you not. But starting off…
FRANK CHU to OPEN SHOW with VACANT, VERBOSE VOLUBILITY!
Before every show, by special arrangement, demon-haunted holy fool Frank Chu, a man on a mission (and in the Mission), protest sign clutched firmly in hand, the pioneer after whose opaque musings the 12 Galaxies night club itself is named, will (if he can remember to show up for his performance) ascend the stage and deliver– deliver a rapid-fire, curiously unimpassioned, incomprehensible bromide which hurts the mind to try to follow. This strange, monotone-voiced tirade mentions various members of the U.S.Govt. and beings from numerous other worlds as members of a vast, over-arching Conspiracy. But could he be right? In “Bob” Dobbs’s” Name, let’s hope not. This prelude is our Invocation to Unknown Gods—just in case. Then…
CHICKEN JOHN’S MONOLOGUE LAYS the KEYSTONE!
The charismatic former San Francisco Mayoral candidate (and future Supervisoral candidate), having developed his powers of unscripted improvisation during far-flung junkets in Fiji and mysterious, if tormented Tibet, builds our foundation as he shares his thoughts at the beginning of every show, putting the crowd in a receptive mood, choosing his musings on life, strife, love, talk thereof, politics, parlor tricks and the true meaning of “greening.” And then…
PETE GOLDIE’S ASTOUNDING ASTROMICAL ASTUTENESS ASTONISHES!
Pete Goldie will get right out there on stage and start showing (with the collaboration of dashing Dave Capurro (see below)) a slide show, accompanied by his crowd-pleasing lecture, of incredible, newly discovered anomalies and curiosities of the far reaches of our good old Solar System. A welcome appetizer to the main course, to satisfy even jaded palates. Accompanied by his beloved, dangling model of the far-roving Cassini-Huygens Probe, Pete will zoom us out of the sticks (Earth’s Gravity Well) into (really) far-ranging land-and-space-scapes of outer Solar System Real Estate. The Cassini spacecraft, sports fans, is the first to explore the Saturnian system of rings and moons from orbit around that remote, giant gas planet. Pete’s been relaying its findings since Cassini entered orbit on June 30th, 2004– and immediately started to send him back intriguing images and data. The European Space Agency (ESA)’s Huygens Probe dove down, down into Titan’s thick atmosphere in January, 2005. The sophisticated instruments on both spacecraft are providing Pete (and our Ask Dr. Hal! audience) with vital data and the best views ever of this mysterious, vast region of our Solar System. So, remember when you view Pete’s monofilament-lofted model, lovingly crafted by Paul Pot, that the real Cassini-Huygens is an international collaboration between three space agencies. Seventeen nations contributed to building this spacecraft. The Cassini orbiter was built and managed by NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory, while the Huygens probe was built by the European Space Agency. And the Italian Space Agency provided Cassini’s high-gain communication antenna. In addition to Pete, more than 250 scientists worldwide are studying the data streaming back from Saturn on a daily basis. Just part of our Show. HEY KIDS! Special Appearance by Fozzmo the Clown! Maybe even Kogar the Gorilla will join that justly celebrated goofball auteur, but we make no promises here. They both won’t be with us until the end—for at least one of that anarchic pair, this will be his last bow on our 12 Galaxies stage.
DAVID CAPURRO EXPERTLY EXTRACTS RELEVANCY from the COMPUTER KEYBOARD—and brings back his BAG of YO-YO TRICKS!
Our very own dementedly devoted David Capurro, in his alternate identity as Yo-Yo Pro, has performed in multiple venues, One of Ask Dr. Hal!’s “stuporstars,” he’s been on National TV and a stage or two (or three, or thirty-three). Now “Cappy” vivaciously vivifies our Show with a kind of visual, Virtual yo-yo-ing: even as Dr. Hal is speaking, David’s dexterous digits flash across his keyboard– and, Gadzooks! A confirming (or at least, ideally, congruent) image appears on the screen! (Usually, filthy, but that’s showbiz.) SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: for these final performances, David will break out his Yo-Yo—and treat everyone to an exhibition of Yo-Yo mastery which will be long remembered ever after…
“DR.” HAL: QUERULOUS QUACK with QUESTIONABLE QUALIFICATIONS– or DEMONSTRATEDLY DYNAMIC DECLAMATOR?
Not for us to say. Questions answered— isn’t that the important thing? Your concerns addressed– a personal Ministry. Come and see for yourself. Bardic Episodes remain an unavoidable side effect. Private consultations available. No refunds. As for the legitimacy of his Doctoral credentials, the Head of Dr. Hal’s Order (the Church of the SubGenius), none other than the Most Exalted Reverend Ivan Stang himself, did confer upon him, on Wednesday the 2nd of April 2008, upon his completion of the Protracted Syllabus of SubGenius Studies, the Degree of DOKTOR OF DIVINITY in the name of the Dobbstown Liberty College of Love. That should settle it.
SKELETON WARRIOR’S SWORD serves SORCERER’S sinful SCHEME!
KrOB on the JOB– KrOB’s krazy kut-up kinema kompels kontentment! Last week, just as
advertised, we beheld the dragon Magog, thrall of Sokurah the Necromancer on the cryptic Island of Colossa, break free from his chains and savagely battle a huge, grotesque Cyclops. This time we see that malevolent mage at his very worst, performing the supreme spiritual crime of Necromancy. The treasures of Colossa Island, on whose shores many vessels were wrecked, attracted many would-be finders, but few returned from its monster-haunted shores. Once, a Hero, one of the greatest swordsmen of his time, had attempted to pilfer Sokurah’s greatest treasure, the Lamp of Barani. But in this he failed, and the evil magician, triumphing, hung up the defeated warrior’s skeleton in his underground castle’s laboratory. But one day, as usually happens, inevitably a greater Hero came, and began to leave with the Lamp tucked into his sash. It was then that Sokurah exercised the full extent of his malefic power, causing the dry bones to live again. The Reaver’s spirit, not allowed the peace of his lawful eternal rest, and in new thrall to Sokurah, seized a sword and shield from the stone wall of the castle– and his grinning skeleton advanced on Sokurah’s new adversary, for a battle to– and beyond– Death. Cool, eh? No, it just wouldn’t be the Ask Dr. Hal! show without the inclusion of this proven popular attraction, would it? Educational and scientific, the great KrOB’s notorious “edits”on the Giant Screen, in dynamic, full-fidelity KrOB Sound™ will again comprise a memorable multi-media experience. Just keep him away from that Kn/rob Creek bottle—he’ll do just fine.
And, really, we are prompted to ask, at what other night club show could you behold such a thing? Think about it. Just make time to be there no later than Nine PM (Chicken insists) Monday night at 12 Galaxies, 2565 Mission St. near 22nd.
Ask Dr. Hal’s 7th voyage took a while to launch. Oh, we were all ready, but as so oft happens, the audience didn’t meander in until almost ten PM. When they come in early, we can start early; it’s that simple– but this time—no dice. Too bad, too, since we could have gone longer. But maybe it was for the best, since so many of the questions this time were of a pronounced Low Comedy origin, all about farts, turds & what have you. We’ll answer ‘em, & it’s our job to make it entertaining, but sometimes it’s a rough slog. Still, we did have some good questions, and the crowd included some of our favorite people: ravishing Robin Coomer of Loop Station, slinky Sonjia Miles a.k.a. the Holy Hemptress who helped set out our late-arriving question slips, the Dark Room Theatre’s sizzling Sherilyn Connelly, maven of their Bad Movie Night (plug-ola!) with g.f. the tempting Terri, peripatetic Puzzling Evidence, radiant Rhiannon Charisse (& from the stage we heard the unmistakeable laff of her mom, marvelously mad Mable Syrup), & ADH stalwart puissant Paul Pot w/ ever-present cavorting canine companion jocose Jabba, & manic Moses, who was there when the lights went out… Jocund Josh the Orangebox Man was still around—enjoy him while you can, folks; he’s headed any day now for woods & pastures new, not to mention the arms of fiancée Colombian cutie stellar Sara Santos… Pedantic Pete Goldie showed off some great & intriguing views of distant worlds (that’s what we [don’t actually] pay him for) & then had to deal once more with that ??!!@#$%! frantic Fozzmo the Clown & his gorilla-suited stooge. Where was Security—missing in action yet again? At least our usual mind-breaking Special Effects are being expertly helmed, as usual, by gagmeister Gabe… Our Host Robert Levy decorated the mahogany for a few imbibers, but we repeat: drink more alcohol! Follow the example of diligent David Capurro & krazy KrOB, get plastered, even, but, c’mon, order from the bar, ADH fans. The house will thank you, chortling Chicken will thank you… Remember, the measure of our success is tied, like it or not, to booze sales at these shows. So march up to the bar & lay out some coin for some Dutch Courage, and we might even be asked to come back to 12G when this run’s over… ‘Twas refreshing to see beauteous Barbara Manepudeam, out clubbing w/ foxy Fan Ameke, & where was the latter’s b.f. Anthony Phoer? La ronde ever continues on the Blvd. of Broken Dreamz… Bold Blue showed, as did the redoubtable Rathbuns, Nieves & Dan, admirable Adriane & trusty Tomas… Alluring Alison Gerlach proved to be a good sport, sports fans, when she aced the Fernet/Whipit Challenge, even as gone gosling Gabe poured on the (very) Special FX… The show was a homecoming for many of us. Over that weekend we’d traveled far, a busload of roisterers on the annual Amargosa Opera House/Mojave Desert/Delight’s Hot Springs trip, but most of our pals from that Chicken John Odeon Applause Bus junket were apparently too tired out, still, to show their faces. Even Dammit the Wonder Dog… Maybe next week we’ll see some of ‘em… We do have some surprises plann’d. What “surprises?” Come & find out. If we gave away the store here, it wouldn’t be a surprise now, would it?
ASK DR. HAL! EXCLUSIVE! GAGS! GROANS! GOOF-OFFS! GIRLS! A GORILLA SUIT! GIGGLES! GRANDIOSE GRANDILOQUENCE! GALACTIC ASTRONOMY! DON’T MISS IT! ONLY TWO SHOWS LEFT!
A D V E R T I S E M E N T
Alien Apocalypse 2006 Available for Purchase!
A special consignment of the Kathy Glass graphic novelette Dr. Hal and Spain Rodriguez produced several years ago, dealing with Monsters, Hippies abducted, yes, and diddled, yes, Aliens, Flying Saucers, Monsters, Corporate Malfeasance, Monsters, Prophecy, Monsters and Geo. W. Bush has become available for sale after the show. Signed and inscribed copies will be provided on request. Yes, I know, the events depicted & predicted didn’t occur in 2006 after all. However, the story may still be enjoyed as an alternative universe tale, like one where the Treaty of Ghent was never signed, Hubert Humphrey was elected President, the South won the Civil War, or Chicken John was voted in as the Mayor of San Francisco… In our cosmos he did get 11,000 votes…
Limited Time Offer! Now You can Buy a Special, Limited Edition Print of Dr. Hal Art!
Signed & Suitable for Framing!
From the book Dinosaur Alphabet. Contact Vicki Olds at Studio Reflex, S.F.
By telephone at (415) 221-2830. By e-mail at
Via Snail Mail, write requesting a Limited Edition Print Order Form to:
Limited Edition Order Form
Studio Reflex, Inc., Attn. Vicki Olds
534 6th Avenue
City 94118. Do it today!