MONDAY, MARCH 17th, 2008!
ASK DR. HAL! Presents:
UNCANNY UNDERSEA RAMPAGE of the MAMMOTH MONSTER AMMONITE!
—RUN CONTINUES AT 12 GALAXIES—
2565 MISSION ST. AT 22ND
With Dr. Hal, KrOB, Chicken, David Capurro, Pete Goldie, Frank Chu & Mystery Guests!
MONDAY NIGHT!
(We’re on EVERY MONDAY AT 9:00 PM
during MARCH & APRIL!) MARK YOUR CALENDAR!

OUR PRICE: $7.00 (CHEAP)

… THE DR. HAL REPORT …
Vol. VIII No. 3 OF 9

It is not every question that deserves an answer.
PUBLILIUS SYRUS
[Circa 42 B.C.]

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: San Francisco (Mar. 17th) – The award-winning (in the Bay Guardian) Ask Dr. Hal! Show continues with flair and panache as, in its next iteration, a breathtaking KrOB “edit” features an undersea encounter with a monstrous Ammonite, a prehistoric form of Nautiloid cephalopod. Just as in the days of the late, great Odeon Bar, the tradition of Monster Attack sideshows continues, adeptly finessed by the one and only KrOB. As in previous shows, every effort is being made to preserve those elements which have so often proven themselves in the arena of public attendance. Why mess with success?

FRANK CHU TO INAUGURATE SHOW WITH BENEDICTION
Before every show, by special arrangement, perennial protester/holy man Frank Chu, protest sign grasped firmly in hand, the man after whose opaque rantings the 12 Galaxies night club itself is named, will ascend the stage and deliver a rapid-fire, impassioned, incomprehensible bromide. Signed, sealed and delivered.

CHICKEN JOHN’S MONOLOGUE PROVIDES TRENCHANT COMMENTARY ON CONTEMPORARY TOPICS
The former San Francisco Mayoral candidate, having developed his powers of unscripted improvisation during far-flung junkets in Fiji and mysterious Tibet, shares his thoughts at the beginning of every show, putting the crowd in a receptive mood with his musings on life, love and
politics.

PETE GOLDIE – YOUR GUIDE to the STARRY REALM of the SKIES
Pete Goldie has his head in the clouds, even beyond them in the endless reaches of space –but his feet are planted firmly on the ground. In our show Pete deals with the science of celestial objects (such as stars, planets, comets, and galaxies) and phenomena that originate outside the Earth’s atmosphere (such as auroras and cosmic background radiation). Not an Astrologer, but an Astronomer (don’t let Chicken John pull your leg), he is an eager auditor of the evolution, physics, chemistry, meteorology, and motion of these celestial objects, as well as the formation and development of the universe itself. As he might tell you, the word “astronomy” literally means “Law of the Stars” and is derived from the Greek astronomia, from the words astron, (“stars”) and nomos, (“law”). Did you know top N.A.S.A. scientists often attend our show (and/or listen to the live broadcast on Pirate Cat Radio, 87.9FM)? It’s true! Our show begins with an illustrated recap of the actual latest findings of planetary Astronomy. But Pete is, paradoxically, a down-to-earth kind of guy. He can tell you everything about the tiles on the Space Shuttle– and on your bathroom floor! He’s also a raconteur, artificer and craftsman, and a delver into mysteries of Natural Philosophy. The well-known bon vivant arranged for my name, and Chicken’s, to be shot into space aboard the Dawn Explorer on its mission to the Asteroid Belt! I think that says it all. As scientific and educational as all-get-out.

DR. HAL: ENTERTAINER, CHARLATAN or BOTH?
Questions answered, concerns addressed– a personal Ministry. Come and see for yourself. Bardic
Episodes remain an unavoidable side effect.

KrOB DAZZLES with NEW TALE of TENTACLED TERROR!
KrOB on the JOB– KrOB’s krazy kut-up kinema kompels kontentment! Last week, just as
advertised, a 1,500-ft. long Octopus significantly damaged the familiar Ferry Building at the foot of Market Street, a little-known episode from San Francisco’s history. This week KrOB’ll feature a disquieting encounter with a prehistoric creature called an Ammonite. Originating from within the bactritoid nautiloids, the ammonoid cephalopods first appeared in the Late Silurian to early Devonian (circa 400 million years ago) becoming extinct at the end of the Secondary, the close of the Cretaceous Period (65 million years B.C.) along with the dinosaurs. Or did they? Because KrOB is showing what is clearly a living specimen, lashing out to attack divers with its coiling tentacles. When wounded (by a state-of-the-art underwater Electric Gun), the brute responds by shooting out a great cloud of ink, like a squid or octopus of today. This shows the absolutely novel nature of this featured creature, as all the Ammonoidea are thought not to be able to have done this.
The classification of ammonoids, shell-bearing cephalopods, is based in part on the elaborate ornamentation and structure of the septa comprising their shells’ gas chambers. By these and other characteristics we can divide subclass Ammonoidea into three orders and eight known suborders. While nearly all nautiloids show gently curving sutures, the ammonoid suture line (the intersection of the septum with the outer shell) was folded, forming saddles (or peaks) and lobes (or valleys). Cool! No, it just wouldn’t be the Ask Dr. Hal! show without the inclusion of this proven popular attraction. Educational and scientific, the great KrOB’s notorious “edits” will again add that certain je ne sais quoi which is one of the hallmarks of superior entertainment exclusively featured by our show, on the GiantScreen, in dynamic, full-fidelity KrOB Sound to comprise a memorable multi-media experience.
And, really, at what other night club show could you behold such a thing? Just make time to be there no later than Nine PM (Chicken insists) Monday night at 12 Galaxies, 2565 Mission St. near 22nd.

DAVID CAPURRO IS ONE WITH THE COMPUTER
In his alternate identity as Yo-Yo Pro, our own dashing David Capurro has performed in multiple venues, from rinky-dink fly-by-night small time gigs (the Jim Rose Circus) to the Big Time (us, natch). “Cappy” livens our Show with a kind of visual yo-yo-ing: even as Dr. Hal is speaking, David’s dexterous digits flash across his keyboard– and, Abra-cadabra! A confirming (or at least congruent) image appears on the screen! (Usually, filthy.) And the seething crowd goes wild.

SOCIAL NOTES
12 Galaxies was surely the place to be last Monday nite when Ask Dr. Hal! wuz in session. Altho’ right before 9:00 PM, which we try to make our start time these dizzy days (there’s so-o much material to cover!) it looked as if hardly anybody thought it worthwhile to be there– only a few of doughty David Capurro’s fans, watching him do yo-yo trickz– once again we ended up holding that metaphorical curtain– by showtime, just like last time, we had a big house. This’s encouraging– in past runs attendance has slacked off (not in a good way), as people think, “as long as the run is on, we can always catch them next week. The result: light houses during the run, causing frowns from 12G head honcho Rhadamanthus Robert Levy, and a packed house for the 1st & last shows. Don’t want to jinx it, but could we have broken the curse? Could be, could be. Let’s see how well we do for this third time…
Among the attendees we noted dauntless Daniel Clark, jolly Jay, natty Nate Greenfarb, tough guy Ten (tin?) Can Farber, jocund Joe the Mailman, slinky Sarah, adorable Angela Knowles (insert wolf whistle here), ravishing Rhiannon Charisse of S.F.s own Dark Room Theater, sidesaddle Sean, engaging Erica, kingly (& kinky) Ken Norberg, & lolloping Lum the Mad. Journeyman Josh the Orange Box Man doffed his duds for a clown suit… We saw famous former SubGenius schismatic apostate jagged Janor Hypercleets, nacreously nubile Nieves with hubby dashing Dan, the Rock God of Sleepytime Gorilla Museum fame, & zestful Zoli, who also goes by (stage name) Yoni Wannaleiya in that dynamite musical sensaysh, The Wink n’ Yoni Show, again unforgivably without his bodacious ball & chain, ravishing Rosanna– but she’s still got seven more chances to catch the show… From far, far back in Dr. Hal’s past– his teenage years, if you can scope that, came krazy Kree Arvanitas, seeing our Show for the 1st time. Kree, who now hangs her many hats in Seattle, just happened to be sojourning at the Hostel right across the street from 12 G… Shadowy radio god princely Puzzling Evidence had a table near the front– so did peripatetic Paul Pot w/ constant Canine Companion jittery Jabba… this show’s going to the dawgs, I swear… ‘Course, there wuz no mistaking the One & Only boyish Bishop Joey of the 1st Church of the Last Laugh, Founder Emeritus of the (upcoming!) St. Stupid’s Day Parade in S.F. Bish, who also goes by the moniker of edified Ed Holmes, brought a guy along who’d never glimmed us before– kinetic Kaoru Watanabe from NYC, who’s also a p’forming member of KODO Taiko from Japan, in town to do his stuff at Rhythmix Thurs. nite in Alameda. Word is, he loved the show. Busy Bish also brought along a certain percolating Pons Marr, a Rhythmix resident who recently moved here from Ell Lay. Protean Pons may be a well-known performance artist to his fans, but I have to say, in this burg P.A.s are the proverbial Dime a Dozen, although again, Mr. Marr’s always been one of the best. Far more impressive to me are magisterial Marr’s credentials as an actor in Monster Movies, the absolute pinnacle of all Art & Human Endeavor. You may remember him from such pictures as The Golden Child (1986) which featured edgy Eddie Murphy (Pons played the evil Monkey Man in that pic’s monster rally), or cheeky Chuck Russel’s 1988 remake of 1958s The Blob. Remember that scene where the bulbous Blob bulges its way into a movie theater, and when the projectionist comes into the booth he looks up at the ceiling & sees the Blob, which drops right down on him and devours him? Of course you do. Well, paragon Pons played the projectionist! Anybody see 1985s Return to Oz, a major Disney release (& Academy Award nominee from that year)? We did, & we remember menacing Mr. Marr as one of the Wheelers, bizarre beings with bony wheels instead of hands & feet: personable Pons again. Well, we can’t let Social Notes get too long, or we’d go further into his fascinating filmography. He, too, loved the show, stayed after to tell us personally– which brings us to a strange thing– glad they liked it, but honestly, the show had its problems. The show, in fact had an Alcohol Problem. Chicken & KrOB got so pickled, so foxed, so pixilated, so (literally) falling down drunk that pure chaos emerged. KrOB beating Chicken with his hat– Chicken tipping over KrOB with an enormous crash, the latter landing on the stage in a perturbed pile-up of his equipment… How bad wuz it?? So bad that Chicken sent out a letter of apology to his entire list. That’s how bad. But we had to have been doing something right, though baffled Bob Dobbs alone knows what that might have been– It’s not for us to say. Let’s leave it to benignant Bishop Joey, who sent this note post-show: great show, Hal, rough n’ drunk as it was, I had many laffs…

ASK DR. HAL! GAGS! GROANS! GOOF-OFFS! GIRLS! GIGGLES! GRANDIOSE GRANDILOQUENCE! GET SOME! SEVEN SHOWS LEFT!

A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Alien Apocalypse 2006 Available for Purchase!
A special consignment of the Kathy Glass graphic novelette Dr. Hal and Spain Rodriguez produced several years ago, dealing with Monsters, Hippies abducted, yes, and diddled, yes, by Aliens, Flying Saucers, Monsters, Corporate Malfeasance, Prophecy, Monsters and Geo. W. Bush has become available for sale after the show. Signed and inscribed copies will be provided on request. Yes, I know, the events depicted & predicted didn’t occur in 2006 after all. However, the story may still be enjoyed as an alternative universe tale, like one where the South won the Civil War, or Hubert Humphrey was elected President or Chicken John was voted in as the Mayor of San Francisco…

Buy a Limited Edition Print of Dr. Hal Art!
Signed & Suitable for Framing!
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By telephone at (415) 221-2830. By e-mail at

volds@studioreflex.com

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