MONDAY, MARCH 10th, 2008!
ASK DR. HAL SHOWCASES OCTOPUS ATROCITY IN S.F.!
RUN CONTINUES AT 12 GALAXIES, 2565 MISSION ST. AT 22ND
With Dr. Hal, KrOB, Chicken, David Capurro, Pete Goldie, and Frank Chu
MONDAY NIGHT!
(We’re on EVERY MONDAY AT 9:00 PM during MARCH & APRIL1)
Our Price: $7.00 (cheap)

THE DR. HAL REPORT
Vol. VIII – No. 2 OF 9

This World is All a fleeting Show
For Man’s Illusion giv’n;
The Smiles of Joy, the Tears of Woe,
Deceitful Shine, deceitful Flow–
There’s nothing True but Heaven.
THOMAS MOORE
[1780-1852]

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: San Francisco (Mar. 6th) – The award-winning
night club show (in the Bay Guardian) Ask Dr. Hal! will follow its smash
opening performance of last Monday with another sure-fire entry, featuring
an incredible, mind-breaking KrOB “edit” –S.F.’s beloved Ferry Building at
the foot of Market Street grasped and demolished by the titanic tentacles
of an enraged Monster Octopus. Just as in the days of the late, great Odeon
Bar, the tradition of Monster Attack sideshows continues, adeptly finessed
by the one and only KrOB. As in previous shows, every effort is being made
to preserve those elements which have so often proven themselves in the
arena of public attendance. ‘Nuff said.

FRANK CHU TO INAUGURATE SHOW WITH BENEDICTION
Before every show, by special arrangement, perennial protester/holy man
Frank Chu, protest sign grasped firmly in hand, the man after whose
opaque rantings the 12 Galaxies night club itself is named, will ascend the
stage and deliver a rapid-fire, impassioned, incomprehensible bromide. Or
else.

CHICKEN JOHN’S MONOLOGUE CONTINUES TOPICAL, REVELATORY
The former San Francisco Mayoral candidate, having developed his powers
of unscripted improvisation during far-flung junkets in Fiji and mysterious
Tibet, puts the crowd in a receptive mood with his musings on life, love and
politics.

PETE GOLDIE PROVIDES SMORGASBORD OF STARRY WISDOM
The Learn’d Astronomer “Doc” Goldie leads off each show with hard-core
astro-science, usually an illustrated recap of the actual latest findings of
planetary Astronomy. But you never know with Pete– he just might segue
into an impassioned argument for the release of a famous Political Prisoner.
As unpredictable as the mysteries of our Universe itself, Pete can tell you
everything about the tiles on the Space Shuttle– and even the ones on your
bathroom floor! As scientific and educational as all-get-out.

DR. HAL: MAGIC POWERS or JUST LUCKY?
Questions answered, concerns addressed– a personal Ministry. Bardic
Episodes remain an unavoidable side effect.

KrOB ON THE JOB– WE OGLE AN OMINOUS CEPHALOPOD RAMPAGE!
KrOB’s krazy kut-up kinema kompels kontentment! Last week, just as
advertised, a 1,000-ft. Serpent and his friends went on an unforgettable
rampage. This week he’ll feature documentary-style footage from a little-known
episode of San Francisco’s civic history– the time (in 1955) a 1,000-ft. plus
Octopus significantly damaged the familiar Ferry Building at the foot of Market
Street. You’ll see it stretch its rubbery, undulating arms down Market, mashing
mobs into mush. Then, Nat’nl Guard troops drive those tentacles back– with
flamethrowers! Cool! No, it just wouldn’t be the Ask Dr. Hal! show without the
inclusion of this proven popular attraction. Educational and scientific, the great
KrOB’s notorious “edits” will again add that certain je ne sais quoi which is one
of the hallmarks of superior entertainment exclusively featured by our show, on
the Giant Screen, in dynamic, full-fidelity KrOB Sound™ to comprise a
memorable multi-media experience.
And, really, at what other night club show could you behold such a thing? Just
make time to be there no later than Nine PM (Chicken insists) Monday night at
12 Galaxies, 2565 Mission St. near 22nd.

DAVID CAPURRO BENDS THE INTERNET TO HIS WILL
In his alternate identity as Yo-Yo Pro, our own dashing David Capurro has
performed in multiple venues, from the small-time (the Jim Rose Circus) to the
Big Time (us, natch). “Cappy” livens our Show with a kind of visual yo-yo-ing:
even as Dr. Hal is speaking, David’s dexterous digits flash across his keyboard–
and, Alakazam! A confirming (or at least congruent) image appears on the screen!
(Usually, filthy.) And the seething crowd goes wild.
ALL BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND!!
FERNET GIVEAWAYS!
CELEBRATED SCIENCE SYMPOSIUM:
Avant -garde ASTRONOMY
Dazzling DEMONOLOGY
Erudite ETYMOLOGY
Encyclopaedic ENTOMOLOGY
Perplexing PALEONTOLOGY
Pedantic POETIC RECITATION
Menacing MONSTER ATTACK FOOTAGE
ALL Broadcast WEDNESDAY NIGHTS 10 PM – MIDNIGHT
on Pirate Cat Radio, 87.9FM

SOCIAL NOTES
Ask Dr. Hal! had to start up last Monday without the benison of the Benediction
by frantic Frank Chu, who wuz unaccountably AWOL. Don’t let it happen again,
Frank– a word to the wise– your contract can be re-negotiated. A little bird told
me… Chicken’s monologue, about the realities of being “Green,” sounded a bit
like his stump speeches back on the campaign trail. Maybe if that trail hadn’t
had so many stumps set athwart it… Seriously, folks, politics, or some kind of
civics, are always with us… This was also shown when next, big Pete Goldie
shouldered his way to the stage. At first, with peekaboo shotz of avalanches on
Mars, his spiel ran in its usual way, but then “Doc” Goldie veered unexpectedly
away from Pure Science to plead the case of one poor politikal prisoner, a.k.a.
one Paul Addis. His demonstration had props, too. Watch this space 4 future
detailz… At first I thought the opening of ADH was going to be a frost (un-
seasonal)– at 9 Pee Em we only had abt. 15 attendees. But pretty soon we
filled the house all the way out to the street– a large, cosmopolitan crowd.
Yr. Humble Narrator was sick, sick sick– that ??@#%$&?! “flu” that’s been
“going round.” But not too sick to notice, while I forged ahead and did the show,
that the outpatients were out in force… Wotta great group. Last Gasp’s regal
Ron Turner handed me a notice about Underground Comics legendary guru Gary
Arlington’s new art show, which runs thru March 31st at Muddy’s– Muddy Waters
Cafe, that is. Which one? The one at 1304 Valencia– V. & 24th. Opened Friday…
I glimmed luscious Lynn Rubenzer, who’s also no slouch in the art dept. Her
show, a window installation, also opened Friday– and runs 2 months– thru May.
I have to like anybody’s work who paints pterodactyls, and you shd. check the
showing out @ 826 Valencia. There was no mistaking kute Katy Bell, who I saw
at the bar with the one and only divine Dixie De La Tour. The La Tour brought
along, visiting from Japan, her baby brother John. Wonder how he liked the show?
And she proved to be a ministering angel, giving me a firkin of Matzoh Ball Soup
for my ailment… I can testify it did me a world of good. A thousand thanks…
Torrid Ty McKenzie was a welcome sight, as was juniper-fresh Janay Growden…
Geoffrey Smart, an old fellow traveler, former Bosun of the late lamented Galleon
La Contessa, gave us moral support… Zemindar Zoli was there too, hailing from
his spread in Glenfield Glen. Squire Zoli, who also goes by (stage name) Yoni
Wannaleiya in that dynamite musical sensaysh, The Wink n’ Yoni Show, was
without his better half, ravishing Rosanna– but she’s got eight more chances to
catch the show. Zoli’s sister Monica Lundy, who’s exhibited her paintings at the
bon ton Chez Poulet Gallery, now has a new show @ Good Vibrations Polk St.
Gallery, which is at 1620 Polk (@ Sact’o). The opening reception wing ding’s
this upcoming Thurs., March 13th around 6 PM-ish. Her show runs thru April
7th… Jolly John F. bought one of my Alien Apocalypse books after the show…
Righteous Robert Levy served up the libations, while tech experts two-gun Tyler
& gone gosling Gabe rode herd on the mind-breaking Special Effects… Man-
about-town Moses was there when the lites went out– & on again… SubGenius
apostate Janor Hypercleats took a table forward with pard Puzzling Evidence,
who wuz very much in evidence… Didn’t see her, but adventurous Adelaide wuz
around somewhere. Her protegé, pedantic Prof. Nemo, came on stage, tangled
with pertinacious Pete Goldie’s space shuttle, and was given the royal Fernet +
Whip-it treatment. Made it off the stage, too… Commander Carl Heiney, jocund
Josh the Orange Box Man, marmoreal Mable Syrup, ruthless Robert Buttz, big
Blue 7, and rascally Reverend Chip all helped swell the crowd… We were graced
with the whole Ximm family, aquiline Aaaron Ximm, beauteous Bronwyn Ximm, &
little Ember Rowan Kestrel Jetson Barcelona Owlsley Ximm, a.k.a. The Ximmlet.
Never too early to start coming to Ask Dr. Hal! Is it? Hmmm…