=====THIS FRIDAY, MARCH 30TH!======
VIRACOCHA, ASSOCIATED ARTISTS & THE CHURCH
OF THE SUBGENIUS BRING YOU ASK DR. HAL!
FOUNDED 1998 by CHICKEN JOHN.
You’ll Pay to Know…
…what You Really Think
At VIRACOCHA , 998 Valencia St.
CORNER OF VALENCIA ST. & 21ST
Doors Open 8:00 PM – Show begins 8:30 PM
(Please Note Early Start Time)
AN EVENING WITH DR. HAL AND FRIENDS
AN UNMATCHED LINE-UP OF ARTISTES & STARS JOINS THE SHOW FOR A
NIGHT OF UNPARALLELLED ENTERTAINMENT. COME ONE, COME ALL.
With Special Guest Opening Act:
SOPHIA, THE SINGING HARP LADY!
ZERO BOY– MANHATTAN’S BEATBOX MIRACLE!
WHITMAN MCGOWAN — POET OF PUISSANCE
THE DEVIL-ETTES — A POUNDING, PULSATING
PHALANX OF PULCHRITUDE– À GOGO!
…AND (BY SPECIAL ARRANGEMENT) THE ONE & ONLY
“CONNIE” DOBBS — CONSORT OF THE EPOPT!
The Dr. Hal Report
Vol. XVI, Number two
“Exuberance is Beauty.”
“The Road of Excess leads to the Palace of Wisdom.”
ADH! BARRELS ON WITH 2ND BOLD BACCHANAL
NEW SPACE TURNS OUT TO BE “THE PLACE”
by Byron Harris
San Francisco– This Friday will bring this month’s iteration of the
all-new Ask Dr. Hal! show. But we must stress, once again, that this run of Ask Dr.
Hal! is not now being presented at its former habitation, the famous Chez Poulet
Galerie-Cabaret. Instead, for the time being, we now offer our End-of-March Show
at Viracocha, a cozy, tucked-away performance space at 998 Valencia Street, the
corner of 21st & Valencia.
” You Can’t Keep a Good Show Down– Unless You Mean the One
You’re Keeping Down in the Basement.”
— Obscure Saw
Heh, heh! We believe Viracocha is a good fit for our show, and that our regular &
expanding audience will enjoy its comfortable atmosphere and amenities. Yes, it’s in the
basement. Not just figuratively, but literally Underground. And it’s really nice down there.
Also, for this & future shows we’re once again reviving our older tradition of pre-shows
& opening acts.
Those who have been paying attention will remember that Our Founder, Chicken
John, actually got rid of all our opening acts, some years ago. He hated to be responsible
for their level of professionalism. He hated the amount of time they added to the show.
And he really hated— you guessed it –to pay them. But–
“We’re Bringin’ ’em Back!”
Our recent ventures have shown that these shows –with ancillary acts– can still be
profitable, even enough to pay off guest performers. But note well that such a Utopian
scheme greatly depends on a decent-sized audience. Please attend, then, & cause
this theoretical concept to be born again, into reality.] It’s all about butts in seats, to put
As for Chicken John himself, he is taking a sabbatical from the show during the current season. Also conspicuously absent will beYo-yo Champion & Internet Proxy Surfer
David Capurro, who wants to spend more time with his family.
On March 30th, the rôle of Chicken John will be played by Mr. John Hell, Chief Inspector,
Grand Pandjandrum & Factotum of free-form radio sensation, Radio Valencia.
The part of David Capurro will be interpreted by Sean Kelly, of old Spanganga fame.
A LINE-UP THAT WON’T LIE DOWN!
KrOB’S KR-R-R-A-A-AZY KARTOON!
Just before each performance begins, at precisely 8:30 PM, we screen a great
animated cartoon– each one seven minutes of the best theatrical shorts ever
committed to film.
“REASON,” THE PROTO-DEMOCRAT, & “EMOTION,” THE PROTO-REPUBLICAN
This week KrOB proudly presents a marvelous selection, one of the Walt Disney
Studio’s rarely seen wartime propaganda cartoons, Reason and Emotion (1943),
directed for Disney by Bill Roberts. In this interesting film, we’re taken inside the
human head, male and female, to see the “operator,”the little guy inside (literally)
at the controls of the human personality. Haven’t you seen this set-up before?
As we recall, the old Bell Science Series of educational classroom films used it,
too, the one with Dr. Frank Baxter. We’re talking about how inside the human
head, see, there’s actually a harassed little guy sitting behind an enormous,
over-complicated control panel, operating the complex human body. (It goes
without saying that this begs the question of whether there’s an even smaller
gremlin inside that guy’s head, operating him). And, not too recently, you may
recall, in one of his movies Eddie Murphy played the rôle of a microscopic Eddie
Murphy,,, strange concept …inside the head of the full-sized version, operating the
same kind of keyboard. Murphy also, of course, doubled in brass to play that large
version of himself. [OK, completists, that movie is called Meet Dave (2008).] Anyway,
according to our featured cartoon, everybody’s head contains two of these little
characters, each vying for the driver’s seat.
WITH A FAMILIAR 1940’S ANIMATED CARTOON CHARACTER
We’ll say no more here anent the Inner Man concept. But by the way, it seems
that once again we’ll encounter the star of several of our earlier cartoons, the late
German Reichschancellor & Dictator, Adolf Hitler. Boy, that guy really gets
around, doesn’t he? You’re watching a cartoon, and, all of a sudden– huh? There’s
Hitler! Though Reason and Emotion has frequently been shown only as excerpts
in surveys about propaganda films (when it has been shown at all) we plan
to give you the whole thing complete and uncut. So join us on this last Friday
night of the month, in time to catch up with yet another treasure of your Nation’s
vanished popular culture. See how good hand-drawn animated cartoons once
used to be. Remember, our show will start right up at the very moment that the
cartoon ends. Hitler would want you to be late, wouldn’t he? So be on time!
“The “edited version” is almost worse than nothing at all… It should be seen in
its entirety. The editing doesn’t do a marvelous short [any] justice. Well worth
the trouble to find. Most highly recommended.”
OPENING ACT: SOPHIA, THE SINGING HARP LADY!
We were fortunate to book this act. Sophia plays the harp, yes, & she performs
her own songs as well as traditional ones. Her voice has an emotionally compelling
sweetness & clarity– reportedly, her music has caused the eyes of the crustiest
old hippies to well up with tears in response… As a way of honoring the lyric impulse,
we’re beginning our show on a tranquil note of beauty & melody.
PETE GOLDIE SETS THE PACE– THROUGH SPACE!
Astronomer & Boffo Boffin Pete Goldie each week brings us new discoveries in
Space Science & the cosmos. A quondam NASA consultant, Dr. Goldie is particularly
interested in the Cassini Space Probe & often reports its findings. Indeed, above our
stage hangs the eternally present scale model of this voyager into far realms of
alienage & distance. He’ll likely give a run-down, perhaps, on how images from Cassini’s
cameras have revealed something that hasn’t been seen so well before: vertical ring
structures that are attributed to the gravitational effects of a 5-mile-wide (8-kilometer-
RINGS AROUND SATURN
Over most of their area, Saturn’s main rings are only about 30 feet (10 meters) thick, but
the ring particles, thought to be mostly water ice, can be perturbed along their edges
by gravitational interactions with moons that circle in gaps within the rings. The latest
imagery focuses on a tiny moon called Daphnis, which pushes the ring material into
structures that tower as high as a mile (1.5 kilometers). These so-called shepherd
moons of the giant gas planet are thought to be responsible for every gap in the rings–
even for the rings themselves. (Though some gaps don’t seem to have an associated moon,
Pete will (probably) explain that they really do– but these “moonlets” just haven’t been
discovered yet.) With Cassini on the job, however, their discovery may come any day– in
which case Pete will no doubt let us in on it before the official NASA release. That’s right–
SOLAR SYSTEMS GONE HAYWIRE
In young solar systems around just-fledged baby stars, some orbits are more popular than
others, resulting in “planet deserts” or even “planet pile-ups.” Yes, recent findings
indicate that gas giant planets in other star systems are crashing & careening into each
other, smashing everything else nearby right out of its orbit. For a phenomenon you
should ask Pete about is one that has deeply puzzled various dedicated deep-space
astronomers: rather than occupying orbits at regular distances from a star, giant gas planets
similar to our own system’s Jupiter and Saturn appear to prefer to occupy certain regions in mature
solar systems, while staying clear of others. It seems that high-energy radiation from baby sun-like
stars is the likely force that carves gaps in protoplanetary disks, the clouds of gas & dust that swirl
around young stars, swirling… & swirling… providing the raw materials for planets.
The gaps then act as barricades, corralling planets into certain orbits. The exact locations of
those gaps depend on the mass of these planets, but they generally occur in an area between one
& two astronomical units from the star (One astronomical unit, or AU, marks the average distance
from the Earth to the Sun; 93 million miles). Pete will explain this– that’s what he does.
And he does it all with sardonic humor, dry wit & rhetorical flair. Some people’s favorite part of
the show. He ends by showing the very latest picture– of his daughter, Daria.
So come down to Viracocha’s (literally) underground salon, where Pete will tell you a-a-l-l-l
WHITMAN MCGOWAN A.K.A. TRUNGPA BUMBLECHE,
WITH MARGERY SNYDER!
WHITMAN McGOWAN started his spoken word career reading poems at a back-alley
coffeehouse, The Espresso Bar in Pasadena, California, where he put poems for a
dollar each on the menu. After moving North to San Francisco (where his UC Santa
Barbara teacher Kenneth Rexroth previously held a famous salon) he became best
known for crafting a Pagan anthem, “White Folks Was Wild Once, Too,” performed
to great acclaim at last September’s Ask Dr. Hal! Show in Point Arena, California.
Whitman earned his stripes (visible in good light) in performance poetry touring Europe
a number of times around the turn of the Millennium, twice with rock n’ roll revue Le
Cirque Electrique, collaborating with excellent musicians of all types. Along the way
he garnered the title of nightclub wrestling champion of Dresden, Germany (memo to
rowdies: Don’t heckle this guy) & acquired on that same tour an alter ego, Trungpa
Bumbleché. He’s been published in Salon, PUBLIC HOUSE, The Edinburgh Castle Pub
anthology and countless other places. His spoken word & music recordings combine
storytelling, chant, comedy & “talksinging.” Zeitgeist Press of Berkeley is coming
out later this year with a collection of his greatest performance hits, illustrated by
Firesign Theater art director Bruce Litz.
For us, the S.F. poet adds to the bubbling, seething A.D.H. gumbo with a new special
ingredient: a performance of his recitation “Every 8 Seconds” from his forthcoming,
soon-to-be-released CD “Look What The Cat Dragged In Again,” a number which
features melodious Margery Snyder playing some spooky Debussy on flute.
Just this alone is worth the admission price.
THE DEVIL-ETTES !
They wear pink miniskirts, white vinyl go-go boots & petite devil horns. And, frankly,
they’re adorable. Sassy, sultry, yet utterly All-American, The Devil-Ettes provide good,
clean fun for kids of all ages! (Especially male kids.)
These go-go goddesses have gained notoriety for “settin’ the fringe a flyin'” at their wacky,
wickedly wild high-energy shows. Keeping the lost art of go-go alive, these gals are living
interpretative masters of the most vivacious dances from the vortex of the heyday of 1960’s
Go-Go, including the Hully Gully, the Jamaican Ska, the Frug, the Watusi and oh, so many
more great dance steps! In addition to numerous performances in their hometown of San
Francisco, the girls’ fancy footwork has taken them to Las Vegas, New Orleans, Los Angeles
and beyond! Moreover, we are pleased to report that these beauties were featured in Atomic
magazine, GQ-Spain, The UTNE Reader, The Spectator, Dance Magazine, Hustler, British
scene magazine The Face & a huge 6-page spread in Deutsches Glamour (that’s Glamour
Magazine’s German edition to you). Local publications often feature them too, including the cover of the San Francisco Independent, another recent cover feature in the 96 Hours section
of hometown newspaper The San Francisco Chronicle. They’ve gotten a gratifying amount of ink
in The SF Bay Guardian, The SF Weekly (where they were voted Best Garage Rock Dance
Troupe), The San Francisco Examiner and more, many more…
We emphasize– they’re NOT Burlesque performers, they’re NOT strippers, NOT pole
dancers– they’re honest-to-goodness GO-GO DANCERS! Right there before your very eyes.
You’ll think you’ve died and gone to Go-go Heaven.
Indeed, when the time comes, such an assessment may be, in all probability, fairly accurate.
The performance dynamo known as Zero Boy has appeared with Dr. Hal before, at, for example,
Manhattan’s Theater For The New City in the East Village, & just last year as separate
attractions in Voluption, in Brooklyn, N.Y. And he has just guested in last month’s Ask Dr. Hal! show,
not to mention any number of our shows from earlier years.
Attentive listeners to Dr. Hal’s current radio program on Radio Valencia.FM, also called the Ask
Dr. Hal! Show, have heard him & Dr. Hal together, manically improvising for hours on end.
Now you can see him– live! Folks, he isn’t going to be in this neck of the woods forever. Catch
his act when you can. (This Friday would be a good time.)
” You can’t believe those sounds came out of a human mouth.”
CONNIE DOBBS, HERSELF!
PRIMARY WIFE OF J.R. “BOB” DOBBS!
That’s correct, Pilgrim– incredibly, we will feature the ravishing Connie Dobbs, chief wife &
consort of assassinated Church of the SubGenius leader and Epopt, or “Anointed One,” J.R.
“Bob” Dobbs –& head of the Connieite Order within the controversial Church. Expect fireworks
from this tempestuous temptress, more than any ordinary man can handle–& live!
Now, Connie Dobbs make a freight train jump de track,
Connie Dobbs, she make a preacher ball de jack–
I say, dat Connie Dobbs, she make a Saint lay down his Slack.
Also on our programme:
KrOB’s Kompelling Klip: When Chasmosaurs Attack!
Monster Movie Moment– The Attack of a Berserk Chasmosaurine Dinosaur!
A creation revived by KrOB. Thought to have been permanently misplaced, this
chestnut was recently raked from the entropic fires of destruction, separated from
the chaosium & established as an element in the world of harmony.
Once again, frantic, anachronistic cavemen thrash it out with a bellicose behemoth
of the Mesozoic. Not a toothy, temperamental carnivore, either, this time, but a sanguine
Ceratopsian plant-eater. However, “placid” this plant-eater is not. Like the Cape Buffalo
of the present day, the particular Ceratopsian in question may be characterized as
bad-tempered, formidable &, frankly, ferocious.
It may be ill, which would explain its ire. Sick animals often withdraw to attempt to
heal in solitude. And this dinosaur is weirdly hanging out alone in a dark cave, not
what its naturally gregarious species is thought to have done. Our hapless troglodytes
should have known not to intrude, not once but twice– & the infuriated saurian
comes stomping out both times, ripping, bellowing, rampaging, and goring…
Ceratopsians are split into two subfamilies by taxonomists; those with short frills
(centrosaurines) such as Centrosaurus, & those with long frills (chasmosaurines)
like the eponymous Chasmosaurus. In addition to the larger frill, these long-frilled
beasts typically had longer faces & jaws as well– & it is suggested by some
paleontologists that they were most likely a bit more selective about the plants
they ate. Remember, long frills were a relatively late development in dinosaur evolution,
since even Chasmosaurus dates from the Late Cretaceous Period, 76 to 70 million years
before Ask Dr. Hal! The frill of Chasmosaurus has been described as “heart-shaped,”
since its bone structure consists of two large ‘loops’ from a central bone. The name refers
to the two “chasmae,” or holes, in that squamosoparietal frill; most ceratopsians had
openings like this to lighten the weight of that characteristic bony structure (although Triceratops, the most familiar ceratopsian of all, known by name by all children, uniquely
has a solid frill with no holes. Actually, the holes may even have developed very late in the
life of individuals of that species, but there’s no time to get into that here). Some finds
include a number of smaller ossifications (called epoccipitals), which grew clustered on the
outer edge of the frill, all part of this dinosaur’s showy ornamentation to draw the
attention of critical females as part of his mating display. However, we will not call this frill
a “shield.” Not in our write-up. It was so large, & yet so flimsy (since it was mainly skin
stretched between the bones) that it could not, we think, have provided much in the way of
functional defence. It was simply used to appear imposing.
Let’s go further out on this limb & posit a possible secondary function: a heat-exchanger
for purposes of thermoregulation. Why not? It’s our show, after all, an opportunity to
contribute to Science.
Now, like many ceratopsians, chasmosaurs had three main facial horns– one on the nose
& two on the brow. Different fossil finds have produced inconclusive results – one species of
Chasmosaurus, named C. kaiseni, bore long brow horns, while C. belli had only short ones.
Although these were initially named as different species, it now seems possible that sexual
dimorphism was at work, so that the long horns belonged to males & the shorter horns to
females. Could be, could be…
Interestingly, paleontologists have recently recovered some actual fossilized chasmosaur
skin. This skin appears to have had many bony knobs (osteoderms), with five or six sides
each. These knobs, or tubercles, were a standard feature of dinosaur skin. And you will get
a good look at the creature’s skin during its more than one exaggeratedly violent rampages.
You’ll see its epoccipitals, too, as it bashes and mangles its shrieking caveman victims.
Yes, cavemen are variously trampled, impaled, gored & bitten, before the trumpeting,
bellowing Chasm-osaurus meets an equally spectacular demise, from falling from a great
height to its death– into… a chasm, of course. Get it? Ker-splat! –ugghhh…
It’s scientific! Educational!
This is stop-motion animation by the late David Allen & the great Jim Danforth, along
with many other evolutionary ingredients popped into the pot by KrOB to brew up one of the
more popular KrOB Dinosaur Monster Movie Edits. It’s been shown at the Odeon Bar, &
was also exhibited a few years back as part of the I Hate Cartoons Animation Festival,
curated by our old pal Attaboy & narrated then, as it will be the night of Friday, March
30th at Viracocha, 998 Valencia Street, by Dr. Howland Owll.
If you missed it before, catch it this time!
Our 1st Viracocha show back in Feb. was the bee’s knees– after much fretting, sweating
& gnawing our claws, the whole thing went pretty well… We had a good-sized crowd early
enough on so that we could start KrOB’s Kartoon right at half-past eight, just the way we
wanted… Back in the old Odeon days & after, we’d almost always have to wait until around
10 PM or later before we could get started… don’t know why… there was a missing cable, or
gorilla suit or something… but now… wow! We’re started earlier & we have room for beaucoup
variety! Like zestful Zero Boy, f’r example! Manhattan’s Beatbox Barnstormer was well met
with his 30 min. set… He’ll be back for more this Fri., you bet… He’s been helping demented
Dr. Hal improvise free-form stream-of-consciousness radio on The Ask Dr. Hal! Show on
Radio, on S.F.’s own radical RadioValencia.FM… ahem… No kidding, give it a listen… With
podcasts you can “tune in” any time… And beyond our hero Zoroastrian Zero we had plenty
more going on, but plenty… Those Pandemonium Puppets, now, they larruped & lampooned
Controversial Candidate Republican Ron Paul, & limelighter Lucky Anderson brought down the
house with his prodigious feets of strength… Truly a marvel…Guests at the fest included joyous
Jeanette, luscious Linda Snyder, moving Maggie Matulia, just-plain-gorgeous Jamie Pickard,
ravishing Robin Coomer, magnificent Mickey and jaunty John Shirley, puissant Paul Mavrides,
krazy Ken Kneisel, languid Leslie Sternbergh & kurvaceous Kimmie Joan,.. Among manly
men in attendance were magnificent Moss, stalwart Steve Mobia & steadfast Sean Taylor…
Working for the show we had on our side righteous Robert Levy, kreative KrOB & sprightly Spy
Emerson who kavorted with karefree KrOB & wild man Walter Laing, as all the while peripatetic
Puzzling Evidence recorded everything with the all-seeing Eye of his constant camera…
View the whole show, or at least a chunk of it, on You Tube, Rube, on his Puzzling Evidence
Channel… We boasted the host with the most as jolly John Hell dispensed bon mots & Fernet
shotz… Winsome winners of the coveted Golden Rutabaga Award were the studly Smoke Pot
Guys; accepting on their behalf (princely Phineas T. Smokepott & placid Pete Puffinstuff) kingly
Ken Kneisel sadly didn’t get to his thank-yous before overeager flunkies forced him from the stage.
Meanwhile, saboteurs had slipped sultry Spy Girlfriday a mickey, but she still managed to present
the golden trophy– kachinnating Ken raised it high & declared “I’m king of the world!” Well, maybe
you had to be there. But… if so, why weren’t you? Come this time!
==The Ask Dr. Hal! Show!==
— Featuring the eerie powers of
Dr. Howland Owll
With your host JOHN HELL of Radio Valencia –
With Patented “Eyenoise,” Special Visual Effects,
Monster Clips, Soundscape & Musical Distortion by
Science Department: PETE GOLDIE
I.T. Liaison: SEAN KELLY
Girl Friday: SPY EMERSON
MYSTERY GUESTS – BARDIC RECITATIONS –
SOPHIA THE HARP LADY, WHITMAN MCGOWAN,
ZERO BOY & CONNIE DOBBS HERSELF –
BRUTAL DINOSAUR ATTACK – ANIMATED CARTOON –
GIRLS – GAGS – SURPRISES – FERNET SHOTS –
== Come One, Come All! ==
Ask Dr. Hal! founded by Chicken John Rinaldi in 1998. A popular favorite for 12 years in varied cities & venues.
A legendary performance. Scientific. Educational. NOT for children & those easily shocked. A memorable night out.
“Ask & ye shall receive.” No refunds. Come on time to see the opening acts. Bill is long, & we cannot delay curtain.
Show will end before Midnight. Do YOU have a variety act you would like to perform to open for us? Now taking
submissions. Telephone our booking office at (415) 642-6312. Viracocha information hotline: (415) 374-7048.
WATCH Ask Dr. Hal! on You Tube on the Puzzling Evidence Channel. HEAR Ask Dr. Hal! on
San Francisco’s best Pirate Radio station, listener-supported Radio Valencia.FM