Wednesday, February 8th, 2012

The Church of the SubGenius
Associated Artists & Viracocha
=====ASK DR. HAL! =====
Forms of Things Unknown
Saturday, February 11th

VIRACOCHA – 998 Valencia St.

Admission $10.00
Doors Open 8:00 PM – Show begins 8:30 PM

=======You Can’t Keep a Good Show Down =======

The Ask Dr. Hal! show is coming back– at a new location!


With Special Guest Opening Act:
The Dr. Hal Report                   

Vol.XVI                                                                     No. 1
“The Earth doth like a Snake renew
Her Winter Weeds outworn.”

“Our Shelter from the Stormy Blast.”
–Isaac Watts.
As a Bug in a Rug.”
–Benjamin Franklin


   by Byron Harris

San Francisco– This coming Saturday marks the
debut of the all-new Ask Dr. Hal! show.

Or perhaps, the date actually marks a re-continuance
of the old show, the same old show in many respects.

This iteration of Ask Dr. Hal! will not, however, be
presented once again at its former habitation, the famous
Chez Poulet Galerie-Cabaret.

For the time being, we have parted ways with Chez
and now offer our February Preview Show at
Viracocha, a cozy, tucked-away performance
at 998 Valencia Street, the corner of 21st &

“You Can’t Keep a Good Show Down–
You Mean the One You‘re Keeping
Down in the Basement.”

We believe Viracocha is a good fit for our show, and that
our regular & expanding audience will enjoy its
comfortable atmosphere and amenities.

And for this & future shows we’re reviving our older
of pre-shows and opening acts.
Our Founder, Chicken John, got rid of the opening acts
some years ago.

He hated to be responsible for their level
of professionalism. He hated the amount of time they
added to the show. And he really hated– bless him! to
them. But–   

We‘re Bringin’ ’em Back!

Our recent ventures have shown that these shows
can still be profitable, even enough to pay off guest

[Of course, such a Utopian scheme greatly depends
on a decent-sized audience to pull off that sort of thing.
Please attend
and cause this theoretical concept to be
born again, into a reality.]

As for Chicken John himself, he is taking a sabbatical
from the show during the current season. Also conspicuously
absent will beYo-yo Champion and Internet Proxy Surfer David

“Book Revue!” (1946)

Just before every performance begins, we screen a great
animated cartoon– each one seven minutes of the best
theatrical shorts ever committed to film. And this week,
we’re presenting a mind-boggling work of our favorite
all-time animation director, Bob Clampett (1913­1984).
The film: the outstanding Warner Bros. short, Book Revue
(1945). In 1994 it was voted #45 of The 50 Greatest Cartoons
of all time by members of the animation field. At first, Book
Revue seems to be one of those pedestrian cartoons wherein
“after Midnight, books in a bookstore come to life” of the
type that frequently appeared under the Merrie Melodies banner
(such as 1938’s Have You Got any Castles). But it quickly
spins wildly out of control from this sedate premise in true
Clampett style as a manic Daffy Duck (Clampett’s Daffy, not
Chuck Jones’s Duck) enters and takes over.
The cartoon is loaded with puns and pop culture references,
even by Warner standards. After this lampoon, Warner never
issued another cartoon of that genre– the subject had been
Like all Clampett cartoons, Book Revue (later released as Book
Review, spoiling the pun), has run into censorship problems in
this over-protective, social-engineered age.
For example, Daffy’s line about “La Cucharacha,” “So round,
so firm, so fully packed, so easy on the draw” is often cut by
the crowd of PC Nervous Nellies (possibly because of its
sexual innuendo), though this line is actually one of the taglines
for Lucky Strike cigarettes. Actually, the same people don’t
want you to mention the cigarettes, either, come to think of it.
Oh, well– forget them– we are, as always, taking pains to give
you the whole thing, complete and uncut. So join us this
Saturday night, won’t you? –in time to catch up with yet
another treasure of your Nation’s once flourishing but now
(that the Conspiracy has dumbed it all down) mostly vanished
popular culture. Be amazed at how good a cartoon can be. 

Remember, our show will start right up at the very moment
the cartoon ends. So be on time!

Opening Act: Pandemonium Puppet Theatre!
Aristotle (384 BC – 322 BC) uses puppets as an exemplum in his
noted work, De Motu Animalium (On the Motion of Animals).
To refresh your memory, that formidable Hellenic sage wrote:
“The movements of animals may be compared with those of
automatic puppets, which are activated on the occasion of a tiny
movement; the levers are released, and strike the twisted strings
against one another.”
[N.B. Aristotle here sounds the same note as
pioneering entomologist J. Henri Fabré, who famously described
insects as “puppets” jerked about by “instinct,” whatever that is.
It all depends on who is pulling the strings, we guess.]
But the origin of puppet movement, though puppets are set
going by numerous methods– rods, strings, levers, stop motion
animation and so on –is the human hand. Come view a puppet
show which we think even old Aristotle would like. Puppets– those
little bastards can get away with just about anything (though we
intend to test this), according to puppetrix Spy Emerson.
From the folks who periodically bring you, “Happy Forever.”

Opening Act: Zero Boy!

“Zero Boy is the Elvis of the onomatopoeia, a man who has taken a
Junior High school lunchroom skill and raised and refined it to high art.
No one can touch him at what he does, yet it is impossible to use words to
tell you what that is. He has been called a vocal cartoonist, but he is much
more like a vocal cartoon…
“While  he has done heaps of radio (notably National Public Radio’s
Next Big Thing, where he’s had a regular feature called “Stump Zero Boy”),
his gift is not only aural but physical. Seeing him live is best. In a way, his
skill is cinematic. He uses his voice, hands and face to make your mind’s
eye see a picture… He has created an entirely unique theatre form.”
Pete Goldie‘s Super-Scientific Whatchamacallit

ADH Science solon Pete Goldie has been providing breathless audiences
with images from NASA’s Cassini Probe, and the excitement was palpable
at our last show, in Point Arena, CA (See The Dr. Hal Report, Vol. XV,
No. 1). What other show releases scientific information before NASA does?
Pete will be on hand this week too, with another presentation:  more of
the newest discoveries made in the endless reaches of the unfathomable
void. It’s an exciting time. Folks, it’s more than likely that this time “Doc”
Goldie will show us more from the Cassini-Huygens Probe’s newest roster of
discoveries. The roaming robot spacecraft once actually completed its
flyby of Titan (on Nov. 19, 2008), during an episode of the Ask Dr. Hal! Show,
passing that glabrous Saturnian moon at an altitude of 1,023 kilometers
(that’s 636 miles, Imperial Measure fans). During the intricately plotted, super-
close pass, the Visual and Infrared Mapping Spectrometer (VIMS) was
able, we hear, to image the region around the Huygens landing site at a
resolution of less than a kilometer per pixel. VIMS (and several other
instruments) also observed atmospheric composition and structure, while
Cassini’s fields and particles instruments focused on Titan’s interaction with
Saturn’s magnetosphere and the solar wind. And that was four years ago!
Just think what scientific advances have taken place since then!
Just because the Conspiracy News Media are full of the yowlings of all those
reactionary, power-mad, science-denying hillbillies, don’t get the idea that
the advancement of learning has slowed to a crawl. It hasn’t at our show,
anyway, thanks in large part to Pete, our own boffo boffin.
So come down to Viracocha’s (literally) underground salon, where Pete
will tell you a-a-l-l-l about it…

Also on our programme:
Ruthless Aggressors from Other Star Systems Bomb, Strafe
Planet’s Cities to Radioactive Rubble

KrOB usually provides us with specially re-edited footage of something
or other agressing against hapless humans.This whole bit, traditionally
about being attacked by (usually quite exotic) animals, though offered
up by us staunchly in the spirit of all fun, nonetheless pushes certain hard-
wired evolutionary buttons.
As rational thought on the matter should
make plain, any animals should be more afraid of humans than vice
if you look at the record so far… But… what if we were the
lower in the hierarchical tier than we usually find (or place)
ourselves? What if there were Powers surpassing ours as we dominate
the brutes on our (and their) own planet? How would it feel? Not good, is
our answer. And KrOB‘s been itching to put this one up on the big screen
for quite some time. This Saturday he gets his chance. Watch as the
Aliens, the Space People, the Sky Gods or what have you, put us in the
unenviable position of those poor moose (meece?) and wolves facing a
terrifying and inexplicable doom– being blasted from above by
Sarah Palin from a helicopter. You know, this might be the scariest
KrOB “edit” yet! We advise those who may be overly sensitive to such
material to turn away or shade their eyes.

Social Notes
Our last show in secluded, bucolic Point Arena, California still has ’em
about it, we hear. Although we were competing with a rampaging
rock concert across the st. from our vivacious venue, the Odd Fellows Hall
on historic Main St., we managed to knock ’em dead– and pay everyone
Like our new run of S.F. ADH shows, we brought back our older M.O.
of multiple opening acts… We like the variety– improves the show, we
think… Host with the Most jaunty John Hell, we boast, gave us one hell of a
good roast– & you can watch him do it again at Viracocha… Of cuss, we
couldnna dunnit without ADH’s friends up there, so many & fair– chiefly
bodacious Blake More, provocative poet, and courageous Chris Campbell
–who took a chance on the viability of our viaticum… Then we had good
party favors
from Jewel-brite Justin Credible, who helmed the after-show
dance party
(& we’re hoping to get her to do it again for us)… Headliners
incldd. pugnacious “spokaoke”
poet Whitman McGowan, a future Viracocha
opening act for our upcoming March 30th milestone (crease your calendar for
that one) accompanied by (barely) skin-clad Terpsichorean temptresses
nubile Nupondi & luscious Loana, 2 Neolithic & nubile cave babes with
anachronistic attitude, dancing up a storm… Also on the bill: the ever-appealing,
romantic Randy & ready Randi, aka fabulous Freddi Price & lovely Lilli Rose Love…
Renown’d Rusty Rebar, ADH Poet in Residence, wuz there to give us an incitant
Invocation & send-off to set the whole megilla in magnum motion. Meanwhile,
curvaceous Connie Dobbs gave our show some easy-on-the-eyes excitement,
esp. when we showed a clip she’d brought of her latest sinema sensation– to the
surprise of dumfounded Dr. Hal & others, this proved to be raw pornography, com-
plete with insertion shots & you-name it… Was our countenance crimson… Still
from this, theatregoers were then treated, after our last Bardic Recitation,
to an extended address by the Church of the SubGenius’s own demented Dr.
Philo Drummond. Blue don’t begin
to describe it, sports fans… More like indigo or
deep ultra-violet….This monumental Jeremiad shocked & stunned quite a few of
the maturer audience members, who were a bit unprepared for phlegmatic Philo’s
dramatic dissertation
on “Anal Fissure Tissue” & its (mostly sexually/excretory-)
related addtnl. topicks… As we said, they’re still yakking abt. our Show up there…
Other familiar faces incldd. long-term fan Leslie Sternbergh Alexander, quondam
Brazilian Astronaut “Konga” Kiko Aumond, with superlative spouse jewel-like
Jenn “Jennalex” Alexander (no relation we know of to locomoting Leslie but who
also took that long N. Cal trip up for our sake, which takes th’ cake) & others… Sadly,
singer bemused Bryn Harris & belly dancer lost Lamia Jasmine were unaccountably
AWOL, tho’ advertised– yet we soldiered on, and there was so much on the bill we
insist they weren’t wholly missed… Kingly KrOB was on the job w/ some of his better
very special effects, tho’ doddering Dr. Hal still winces as he recalls how kruel KrOB
Puckishly piped in the Green Acres theme, right as he was trying to recite Annabel
by edifying Eddie Poe… Paideutic Pete Goldie was in his element with a lengthy
smorgasbord of stars, planets, comets, moons & asteroids– & wait’ll y’all get a load
of  konquering KrOB’s newest invigorating intro to proud papa Pete’s act– worth
admission in itself, we
say. Peripatetic Puzzling Evidence was grandly on hand to
the proceedings, just so you can check ’em out. What, you mean to say you
don’t look
at the Puzzling Evidence Channel on YouTube? You can watch Ask Dr.
of the past on there, as long as you’ve got the stamina, until the cows come
& after… All in all, ’twas a great day for ADH & friends– & the next day, depraved
Dr. Hal decompressed with all sorts of California-type fun: skinny-dipping with chorus
from the show, then chasing unclothed chorus girls on nearby Bowling Ball Beach
(too bad they tend to run faster than he does, being a lot younger & fitter) & then, because
one picks up a lot of sand on those fabled CA. beaches, showering with those same
chorus girls —until one & all were sparkling clean… an udderly beautiful xperience… We
like our reception in P.A. & hope to make the whole affair an annual one. Here’s hoping
the Odd Fellows feel the same way and would like to host us 1nce more… Meanwhile,
come ‘n see how we fit in @ Viracocha, our new host space on Valencia– a hop, skip &
a jump from Ritual Roasters @ the site of the former Botanica Yoruba… Instead of Santeria
& sacrificing chickens, that space’ll now be the place for our show a-go-go. So…?

==The Ask Dr. Hal! Show!==
— Featuring the eerie powers of
  Dr. Howland Owll
With your host JOHN HELL of Radio Valencia –
With Patented “Eyenoise,” Special Visual Effects,
Monster Clips, Soundscape & Musical Direction by

Science Department: PETE GOLDIE
Girl Friday: SPY EMERSON

–With Special Guest Star, ZERO BOY!!
== Come One, Come All! ==


Ask Dr. Hal! founded by Chicken John Rinaldi in 1998. A popular favorite for 12 years in varied cities & venues.
A legendary performance. Scientific. Educational. NOT for children & those easily shocked. A memorable night out.
“Ask & ye shall receive.” No refunds. Come on time to see the opening acts. Bill is long, & we cannot delay curtain.
Show will end before Midnight. Do YOU have a variety act you would like to perform to open for us? Now taking
submissions. Telephone our booking office at (415) 642-6312. Viracocha information hotline: (415) 374-7048.
Unavoidably, duplication of names on our lists may occur; please excuse, and delete, additional copies of this
mailing if they arrive. WATCH Ask Dr. Hal! on You Tube on the Puzzling Evidence Channel. HEAR Ask Dr. Hal! on
San Francisco’s best Pirate Radio station, listener-supported Radio Valencia.FM