ASK DR. HAL! Starts Year on Jan. 7th!

Tuesday, January 4th, 2011

Friday, January 7th                            [DATE of show]
Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret            [VENUE of show]
3359 Cesar Chavez (Army) St.         [LOCATION of show]
Doors 8:30 – Show 9:00 PM.            [TIME of show]

Ask Dr. Hal! Meets Year 2011…

Admission $10                                    [PRICE of show]

Somehow it seems as if we’ve already done more, but we didn’t do one for Christmas Week and
we did none in November as originally planned. So this is the fifth.
And forget not to read the latest review of our sure-fire show at funcheapsf:

Have you even been to Ask Dr. Hal! lately? Have you ever? C’mon– give us a try! Our next show
might be the one with your name on it, so to speak.


our Laff-Riot-ous Cartoon–
“Swing Shift Cinderella” (1945)
Another in our series of the best American cartoons!
Lovingly selected–by KrOB…

We like to start the show with a bang– and we do. Just before every performance begins, we screen a great
animated cartoon, lovingly selected by KrOB– eight minutes of the best theatrical shorts ever committed to
film. And this week, our KrOB Klassic goes even farther afield to tangle with the tale of Cinderella –in one of
the best cartoons we’ll ever show at Ask Dr. Hal! It starts with Little Red Riding Hood, but in a few seconds it
veers wildly into Avery’s wild world of wolves, babes, and one bacchanalian babushka of a “cougar” Fairy
Godmother… Friends, if you miss this one, we can’t say how long it might be before the chance of a repeat
performance. What we’re doing at the show, if you haven’t yet noticed, is working our way through the cartoon
syllabus to show our patrons just how great the American animated cartoon used to be, and we hate to
repeat ourselves too often. This is another “grown-up” cartoon from MGM’s Tex Avery, who’s been called (by
Joe Adamson, among others) the “King of Cartoons .” On deck is Swing Shift Cinderella (1945)– it’s rude,
crude, politically incorrect– and devastatingly funny. We can’t imagine how you’d have any other chance to
see this film in these times, projected large and loud– the way we show ’em. And yes, this is, once again, one
of those wild cartoons of yore which have had trouble running up against the censors over the years. This whole
idea, that children need “protection” from these cartoons, or any other work of art, is so wrong-headed, and
oozes (originally) from the odious Reagan years and the unexamined assumption that “cartoons are for kids.”
But don’t believe it, Jack– cartoons are for all humanity, dig? The great cartoon makers never lost sight of
this. Fear not– we guarantee, as always, that no censorship will be in evidence at the Chez Poulet Gallery-
Cabaret– we’re taking pains to give you, as almost never seen these days, the whole thing, complete and
uncut. So join us this Wednesday night, won’t you? –in time to catch up with yet another treasure of your
Nation’s once-flourishing but now (that the Conspiracy has dumbed it all down) mostly vanished popular
culture. Remember, our show will start right up at the very moment the cartoon ends.

” A classic! a masterpiece! –Especially Preston Blair’s luscious and sexy animation of Cinderella !”
–VodeoJMC63, Thadblog

Exciting Co-Hit

KrOB Weaves an Entangling Web of Enveloping Horror with Newest Creation–
“Giant Spiders– Threat, or Menace? “
The Perennial Problem of AbnormallyAmplified Arachnids
KrOB’s krazy kut-up kinema kompels kontentment!
Just how big does a spider need to be to be “giant?” Many people tend to freak out at the sight of
quite ordinary-sized spiders. A figure from nightmares and a phobia bred in the bone so deeply as to
be, probably, hard-wired in the minds of spider-phobes as an evolutionary psychomemory, the giant
spider endlessly resurfaces in the narrative of art as an embodiment of bioxenophobic horror.
You Tube and the Internet are full of disturbing “videos” showing helpless people being “pranked” as
the insensitive boyfriend, or sadistic, guffawing bully-buddy, drops a frantically wriggling spider on an
unsuspecting person.
What are we to make of all this? Can we comfort these poor souls by saying that the limitations on size
imposed by gravity and physics really (and fortunately) prevent spiders from being the monsters so often
encountered in various movies? That’s the stock answer, but– is it fully true?
Well, not really. You see, whatever anyone else may tell you, we’re here to affirm that even known
spiders and arthropods can, under the proper circumstances, become far larger than commonly supposed.
Moreover, the example of giant prehistoric spiders shows that Nature is quite capable of producing, when
She wants to, arachnids of even more monstrous dimensions than these.
The Paleozoic giant arthropods and Eurypterids, for example, managed to attain singularly great bulk–
one of the latter (Pterygotus macrophthalmus) is said to have attained the dimensions of “a small sports
How about today? Well, the extremely spider-like Coconut Crab, Birgis latro, which is fully terrestrial
and can crack open coconuts (or, reportedly, crunch through a broom handle) superficially does resemble
a giant spider indeed, and weighs in at 5.2 kilograms– between 11-12 pounds. That’s a big one. Though
these babies are now threatened with extinction –though what isn’t? –they’re still around.
The Brazilian Wandering Spider, Phoneutria, the largest spider officially recognized on Earth, can span
a dinner plate, is venomous and will attack humans. One once attacked Dr. Hal’s grandmother, in fact. She
got him with a broom, though. Ugh– what a mess. Remind him to tell that story at the show.
Anyway, it should suffice to say that in our next episode of Ask Dr. Hal!, KrOB’s going to be exhibiting– you
guessed it– monstrous, bulging spiders far greater in size than any limitation imposed by Science or History.
We’ll watch, from the apparent safety of our seats, as these Brobdingnagian behemoths attack horrified
human victims. Nothing’s too good for our audience at the Ask Dr. Hal! Show!
These scuttling, scurrying  Arthropodal Aggressors practically
The new miracle of the Screen! More Horrible than Reality at its Worst!
They ‘re coming– with KrOB turning loose the spider Goliaths!

Our Science Segment…
ADH Science solon Pete Goldie will present more of the newest discoveries made in the endless reaches
of the unfathomable void. The learn’d Astronomer and Boffo Boffin will bring us tidings, as always, of newly
discovered aspects of the cosmos. Dr. Goldie, who is a quondam NASA consultant, has been called a delver
into mysteries of natural philosophy. A fully qualified astro-science specialist, Pete gives us astonishing
pictures of worlds never before viewed by human eyes– transmitted by intricate robots who are now busily
exploring our Outer Solar System. You’ll be spellbound as, with the assistance of these far-flung metal
myrmidons, Pete will whisk you away, to, say, the transits of Mercury or Venus, or guide you among gas
giant super-planet Saturn’s planet-sized weird and monstrous moons, where mountains may be made of ice,
volcanoes spew ammonia, and methane rains from the sky. Some say Man was never meant to see such
things. Not Pete, however­- and now you can… The well-known bon vivant actually arranged for Dr. Hal’s name,
and Chicken’s, to be shot into space aboard the Dawn Explorer on its mission to the Asteroid Belt a few years
back! We think that says it all. As scientific and educational as all-get-out.
Recently released for the holidays, looming, greenish images of the variegated surface of Saturn’s second largest
moon, Rhea, obtained by NASA’s Cassini Spacecraft, show new and dramatic views of fractures cutting through
aeons-old craters, indicating a history of tectonic rumbling. We’d bet on the massive gravity well of its parent
planet as the culprit– but, who knows? The most recent spacecraft telemetry was acquired on December 28th
from the Deep Space Network Tracking Complex at Madrid, Spain. The Cassini spacecraft, whose 3-D likeness
in miniature dangles over our ADH stage, is in an excellent state of health, we’re happy to report, with all systems
“Go”and all subsystems operating normally. Pete, a student of the evolution, physics, chemistry, meteorology,
and motion of celestial objects, as well as the formation and future development of the universe itself, fills us in
on the wandering space probe’s discoveries as they happen. And, with computer-jockey David Capurro’s able
assistance, he usually also illustrates his presentation with a hum-dinger of a Slide Show to display his rare
pictures of strange worlds and distant stars.  Don’t miss this challenging and unique portion of our show. A
Dr. Hal Show Extra-Special Featurette.

Social Notes

The nite of New Year’s Eve & time for our 4th ADH xtravaganza, as showtime rolled around, something turned
up missing– most of the audience. Nerve-wracking at the best of times, the strain was palpable as we held
that metaphorical curtain for our straggling Sybarites… Finally we had to start KrOB’s kartoon & cut to the chase–
& as so oft is the case, during & after we started getting our missing krowd by dribs & drabs… In came the beautiful
& heavenly Hoerler sisters, kurvaceous Kristina (con gusto Gustavo) & easy-on-the-eyes Eva… The East Bay’s ultra-
attractive Ulfeldt Anja, kutie-pie Kelly, marmoreal Mable Syrup, lithe Lisa Vincenti, kaptivating Kate Willett (who
now, sadly for her many fans– just ask manly Marc Roper —heads back to Chicago for the nonce), among a bevy of
bewitching beauties… speaking of which, pneumatic Pamela Angel, up from L.A. visiting doting Dr. Hal, xperienced
ADH for the 1st time that nite from the front row; spectacular & personable Pamela will be back (we hope)… ‘Twas
also a first for fine artist & quondam cartoonist pioneering Palmer Vreedees, pal o’ paparazzo Puzzling Evidence
they enjoyed some pre-show SubGenius “shop talk”), who, as always, recorded us for prurient Posterity…
Persistent Paul Pot (a.k.a. pious Paul Cox) appeared with canine companion jolly Joppa the Mutt– all this time we
thought it was “Jabba” –but said quadruped takes his cognomen from that ancient city, south of Caesarea, also
called Jaffa, where, according to scribbler Strabo in the 1st century A.D., alluring Andromeda, see-worthy daughter
of careless starr’d Ethiop queen Cassiopeia, was bound, naked and quivering, to a rock in the sea as a human
to appease thrunched Thetis & the other sea-nymphs, as a snack for the fearsome local sea-dragon, before
plucky Perseus rescued her in the nick of time… Anyhoo, we were all wet about that darn dawg’s name, dog-gone it,
now here corrected… Phat Phineas T. Smokepott, a.k.a. kachinnating Ken Garr, known for & by his ultra-loud laff,
sat with his welcome contingent, the snickering Smoke Pot Guys– they find everything amusing, lucky 4 us…
Dauntless Deekoo was there too… And so, as the minutes counted down to the turn-over of the year, we were
to be among so many good friends… Whoever shelled out $60 to take in the show at Bimbo’s, or expended
a small fortune to be at competing Sea of Dreams, at good old Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret for a mere 10 smackers
were flying high… Say, wotta ’bout the Bus Trip? we hear you all plaintively asking while you’re multi-tasking…
what was that like? Sorry, all that stuff is classified, Clyde– you shouldda been there, square.. Maybe nexttime?
UPCOMING– Mark your Calendar for this Saturday the 8th when Radio Valencia.FM, our own super-sizzling
sensation uvva radio station– or izzit a podcast station? –celebrates its extended existence with a way-out wing-
ding… A little bird on our shoulder cheeped that C.P.’ll be the place to be that eve… Pocket Full of Rye will play, they
say, & wotta party… all so’s the likes of us can keep on keepin’ on… It’s a fun(d)-raiser, so do your part for art here in
the City of Arts & Innovation… Just before ADH’s Friday-nite fracas, another event could be well-spent @ the old same
place: a dual booksigning & image show from 2 auteurs known to readers of this column: joltin’ John Law & jaunty Jon
authors respectively of The Space Between & Grossinger’s: City of Refuge and Illusion. Larruping Law and
heroic Haeber will be presenting their images and signing copies of their books at 8 PM. You know where– Chez
at 3359 Cesar Chavez St., on Thursday, January 6th, Twenty-eleven, not Twenty-ten as (they) previously reported,
tsk., tsk….