ASK DR. HAL’S 12th EPISTLE!

Tuesday, January 27th, 2009
The Dr. Hal Report
Vol. IX                                                                      No. 12
  ADIEU to JANUARY!
“The Questioner who sits so Sly
Shall not know how to Reply.”
                                                   –William Blake, Auguries of Innocence
THIS WEEK:
 VERMITHRAX PEJORATIVE- LITTLE RURAL RIDING HOOD – HILLBILLIES
ON THE HALF SHELL – QUESTIONABLE ANSWERS – YOKED WITH YOU TUBE
A S we approach the cusp of February, the newly-fledged Ask Dr. Hal!
show continues to refine itself. But we’re nowhere near abandoning any of our beloved tropes. You’d think we were
going to run short of   KrOB Monster Mythology Moments any day now, for example. Surely we’ve shown just
about every monster that ever loped. scuttled, flapped or slithered across the motion picture screen, you may be
thinking. Well– think again. For this episode of Ask Dr. Hal! we’re putting up before your eyes a magnificent monster
never before shown during our entire previous 12-year run, when…
         KrOB, San Francisco, Presents:
“Vermithrax, the
Fire-Breathing Dragon!”
(The Thracian Worm of Fell Fiery Breath )
–Another unforgettable KrOB “Edit!”
 View it all on our Giant Screen (or, if you care to, on our “size-challenged” screen). But, before that…
WE START…  WITH A KLASSIC KARTOON!
Just before every performance begins, we screen a great animated cartoon– each one seven minutes
of the best theatrical shorts ever committed to film. Last week we brought you, as promised,
The Old Man of the Mountain (1933), featuring perennially popular Betty Boop, eternal starlet of the
Fleischer Cartoon Studio. This week we’re back in the able hands of legendary MGM cartoon director Tex
Avery, as we proudly bring you one of his best, Little Rural Riding Hood (1949). The last of Avery’s three
takes on the ‘Little Red Riding Hood’ story, this cartoon sees the introduction of three new characters: the
country yokel wolf (whose speech is by by Pinto Colvig, better known as the voice of Disney’s Goofy),
his equally unattractive yokel love interest – the rural equivalent of Red from Red Hot Riding Hood, and the
insufferably “civilized” urbane wolf, habitué of posh night clubs. It turns out that Rural Riding Hood has just
been playing “hard to get,” and is just about to surrender her gauche rustic charms completely to the
determined hayseed lupine, when a telegram arrives from that Wolf’s citified cousin, telling him to stop
wasting his time and come to the Big City, where he’ll get a load of something else… Needless to add for
anyone at all familiar with this cycle of cartoons, all four characters (since once in sophisticated territory we
encounter the highly evolved, streamlined and urban Red of over-the-top Va-va-voom appeal) are concerned
with, shall we say, grown-up preoccupations. Yes, this is, once again, one of those wild cartoons of yore which
have had trouble running up against the censors over the years. But fear not– we guarantee, as always,
that no censorship will be in evidence at the Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret– we are taking pains to give you
the whole thing, complete and uncut. So join us this Wednesday night, won’t you? –in time to catch up with
yet another treasure of your Nation’s once-flourishing but now (that the Conspiracy has dumbed it all
down) mostly vanished popular culture. Remember, our show will start right up at the very moment the
cartoon ends. So be on time, brother– be on time!
” Red Riding Hood goes hillbilly in this best-ever take on the culture clash between country cousins
and big city sophistication.”
                                                   –British Film Institute
MEET THE FLAME-ERUCTATING DRAGON!
Dragon, dragon. There are various kinds of dragons. Here we’re dealing with the Western dragon, the
fire-drake or flame-breather, the underground-dwelling, winged variety (the Chinese dragon flies, but has
no wings). Narrowing our definition further, what we have is technically called a Wyvern, which is to say a
dragon with two (rear) legs and two wings. The name “wyvern” derived from the Saxon word Wivere, which
means “serpent.” The French wyvern is known as the Vouivre. Both words are etymologically related to
viper. Other dragons exhibit the seemingly unearthly, non-biological deviation from the vertebrate bau-plan of
four limbs and two wings. And there actually are such creatures (Draco volans) though their wings are not
true limbs, or bat-like as traditionally depicted, but folds of skin attached to their movable ribs. These flying or
gliding reptiles can be found in Bali, the Philippines and elsewhere. They’ve existed in this form for millions of
years. As usual, there’s not enough time to go into all this. Now, the word “dragon” derives from the Greek “drakein, “a serpent of huge size, a python, a dragon.”
What KrOB’s presenting is a giant, serpentiform Wyvern, one
with the name of Vermithrax pejorative. The name parses as “Thracian Wyrm (‘Worm’) who Makes Things
Worse.” It flies. It breathes fire. It’s serpentine, sinuous, horned and tusked. Tusked? Yes indeed. You see, back
in 217 A.D., Philostratus discussed dragons in India in The Life of Apollonius of Tyana. The Loeb Classical
Library translation (by F.C. Conybeare) mentions that “…in most respects the tusks resemble the largest
swine’s, but they are slighter in build and twisted, and have a point as unabraded as sharks’ teeth.” But these
are hair-splittings for scholars and schoolmen– all you need to do is hold on to your seats and hunker
down for one fiery blast of a rip-roaring KrOB “Monster Clip.” Narrated, as always, by Dr. Hal.
HOVERING HILLBILLIES!
The Po’Bucket Family are authentic mountain people who Chicken’s been renting living space to in his
cavernous domain. They (no one in fact has been able to determine just how many there are) reside,
appropriately to the stereotype, in the ridiculously small trailer located just above our Ask Dr. Hal! stage, behind
KrOB’s station. Quite often, however, the sound of an ongoing show brings them out of their lair like a swarm of
backwoods bees or hayseed hornets. When this happens, the show may suffer a momentary interruption.
Chicken squeezes every penny out of that property, by the way. Just about every viable space there has at least
one tenant– and some not-so-viable spaces as well. We can’t tell you just to “ignore them,” as that is beyond
anyone’s powers, when the family suddenly erupts in mid-show. Just proffer a big Howdy-do! to Family Units
Moses, Spy and (of course) li’l Lucky.
FRANK CHU! IT’S YOU!
Yes, Frank is back! And we’ve got him! That’s the story– at some time during our next show, and indeed during
(nearly) every future show, by special arrangement, the perennial street prophet/protester/holy man, protest sign
grasped firmly in hand, the living institution after whose oracular rantings the late, great 12 Galaxies night club
was named, will ascend the stage once again– and deliver a rapid-fire, impassioned, incomprehensible bromide.
Believe us, no one can figure out what he’s talking about. It’s kind of an Invocation, we guess, wherein we
request the blessings of and endorse the presence of Chicken John’s favorite deities, Randomness and Chaos.
You may rely on it (as the Talking 8-Ball says).  Go, Frank, go! Often, when he bothers to show up, we’ve even got
him answering questions! At least, we once did.
COMPUTER FREEBOOTER!
David “Yo-Yo Pro” Capurro provides a running visual commentary as the show progresses. We mention a topic, and
almost instantly there’s a related image up on the screen. It usually turns out to be a highly improper one, too, one
of the Guignol grotesqueries endlessly offered up by the Internet. IJ (Internet Jockey) Capurro, also known for his
alter-identity Yo-Yo Pro, one of the original Monsters of Yo-Yo and Master Yo-Yo Manipulator extraordinaire, often
brings his own fan club with him, thus swelling our attendance– just one of the reasons we love him. “Cappy,” all
the while keeping the show connected to the digital world, engages, as is well known, in incessant schemes to bilk
ever-more choleric Chicken of as many free shots as his inserted questions can receive, as they are rewarded in this
curious fashion for their excellence and entertainment value. In addition, sometimes he unexpectedly shows certain…
pictures of us. These have often in the past proven to be of an embarrassing or revealing nature. It’s amazing what a
really skillful operator can extract from supposedly protected sources. Who knows? Maybe he’ll suddenly put up some
raw shot of you, one you thought private– or never even knew existed. Everybody laughs and laughs. What a sense
of humor the guy has. Heh, heh, heh. But we guess you really have to be there to appreciate this. So, share the
pain! Be there!
SPACE IN YOUR FACE– WITH PETE GOLDIE!
ADH Science expert Pete Goldie will lead attendees through the endless reaches of the universe in his continuing
segment, “Waste of Space.” Pete will be on hand this week too, to present more of the newest discoveries made in
the eternal realms of the unfathomable void. Worlds upon worlds– the starry heavens exulting in the exuberant
splendor of the panoply of infinite Night. Nebulae, galaxies beyond number, planets and suns, the coronas of
exploding stars and supernovas. Hey, kids! Now astronomers looking at the spectacular supersonic plumes of gas
and dust shooting from Saturn’s shepherd moon Enceladus say there are strong hints of liquid water, a key building
block of  life. These plumes, which travel at an estimated speed of more than 1,360 mph, just might be ice particles, not
liquid. But such velocities strongly indicate the presence of liquid in the eruption of the mysterious moon, one of 60
circling the giant gas planet. In all likelihood, both ice particles and water vapor shoot from the South Pole of
Enceladus. Of course, Europa, a moon of Jupiter, may have a liquid ocean beneath its frozen surface. But Enceladus’s
considered more accessible. You know, it really is an exciting time in Planetary Exploration, and Pete’s got a  nifty little
model of the Cassini-Huygens Probe, too, that you’ll see at the show, the amazing, far-travelling spacecraft that our pal
Paul Pot perpetually toils over, refining its intricacies. Yes, something’s always happening in Space these days– and
sure as Entropy, Pete (when not interrupted by a rogue gorilla, a giant, dancing megalo-chicken or an unseemly
eructation of roof-dwelling hillbillies) is going to be telling each and every one of us al-l-l-l about it.
CHICKEN JOHN SEZ:
“Hey, everybody– come see the Ask Dr. Hal! show in a brand new location: my living room. It’s
4 guys doing improv on 4 different levels. It can be amazing.”
NOT A BAR– BUT YOU CAN DRINK!
So there won’t be any booze for sale, OK? We don’t do the show in a bar any more, so, it’s OK to
drink, but BRING YOUR OWN. We encourage you to. Of course, good questions will still be rewarded
in the traditional manner– with that old standby, Fernet Branca, TM –the “Miracle Liquor.” That’s how
Paul Pot and David “Cappy” Capurro do it– and that’s the one way you can still get a drink at Ask
Dr. Hal!
SOCIAL NOTES…
UNTO THEM A SON IS BORN
We announced it at the show right after it happened, but the curious logistics of preparing the Dr. Hal Report
have kept us from announcing it in print— until now. Yes, we‘re talking abt. the dramatic entrance of scion
Jasper Wilkins “Sprout” Rathbun, progeny of proud parents nonpareil Nieves & dashing Dan Rathbun, born at
home on the seventh of this first month of 2009 at the anointed hour of 1:18 AM…

“My Mother groaned, my Father wept,
Into the Dangerous World I leapt;
Helpless, naked, piping Loud,
Like a Fiend hid in a Cloud.”
–Wm. Blake (again)

He leapt into this Dangerous World weighing 9lbs. and at the awesome length of 21 inches. And wotta little charmer
that Jasper is, from all reports. Get this– less than a month old, suave Sprout is already making time, we hear, with
some of the some of the most fetching glamour-dolls any bright-eyed bachelor ever set his sights on. “I just spent
the last 5 hours with Sprout Rathbun,” writes super-slinky Solar Lab. “I’m so in love with that baby!!!” Guess it
just shows to go, it’s not abt. how old you are– some guys have it, some never will…
ON THE KUSP OF A KrOB MOMENT
“I was sitting at the edge of the stage after the show,” writes delectable Dawn Stott, “at the feet of David Capurro
(a place where we should all spend more time).  My mind was expanding thanks to a little culinary canister of
gaseous assistance.  As the moment unfolded, I had the captivating perspective of viewing the reflection of
KrOB’s neon sign perfectly framed within the metal handle of the canister’s dispenser.  At first, the red, blue,
yellow, and green letters appeared to be a psychedelic illusion-– like one of those mixed-up liquid crystal
display messages one can only see out of the corner of the eye.  However, upon acute scrutiny, the letters were
clear-as-a-bell in the most charming miniature, slightly skewed, version of this significant sign. Some lovely,
timeless and ethereal Hawaiian-style lounge music was drifting by as I relished this moment of perfection.
There I was, gazing deeply into the handle of this tool with my focused, artful science eye when I spied, from the
corner of my broader perspective, Eric Cash witnessing My Perfect Moment.  And giggling. So I showed him how
to do it, too.”  Check– th’ after-party at our show’s what some folks enjoy the most…
W.T.F.? PETE GOLDIE– M.I.A.!
A sudden, devastating epizootis attack on the gung-ho Goldie household deprived anxious ADH attendees of our
expected Science round-up segment. No pedantic Pete– and also, no ukulele-playing siren missing-in-action Megan
Fenske & no brawny bard big Ben Burke, leaving us with metaphorical egg all over our metaphorical face. Is this any
way to run a show? We hear that back at grandiose Goldie HQ, daughter Daria & spouse Sarah G. are now out of
danger, thanx to devoted “Doc” Pete‘s professional care. Damage to the show, however, may take longer to heal.
Just where the ?!!@#%$?! were those other opening acts, we not-so-fondly ask? Didn’t they ever hear the old saw,
The Show Must go On? Or, did perhaps convoluted Chicken “forget” to tell them in the first place about their
(supposed) gig? The Dr. Hal Report is determined to unravel this ball of tangled twine. Meanwhile, our krazy
krowd had to figger it all out on their own… At least fearless Frank Chu made th’ scene…
VILE VAPORS
As is the custom, clouds of swirling incense billowed from dynamic Dave Capurro’s on-stage station, while the ADH
smoke machine issued forth mystic clouds of fateful fog. Par for the course– except for the laboring lungs of languid
Laurel Davies, TV’s quondam broadcaster Bug Girl. “You guys should be worried about your health,” she writes,
adding “It was a great show [yaay!]“ and “I did not want (to) leave [booo!]” but breath-challenged B.G. did indeed take
a powder, fearing an eruption of wheezing sneezes would disrupt the proceedings. Trouble is, cabalistic Cappy counts
on “incense kindled at the Muses’ flame” to maintain his concentration. We ran the (no smoke) idea past him and
cryptic Chicken, & both nixed it. We do have an on-stage fan blowing the other way, we had the same (smoky) set-up
back at 12 Galaxies, & the smoke-cracker uses harmless water vapor, they maintained… Perhaps if lung-challenged
Laurel sat farther back…?
WHERE THE ELITE MEET
ADH stalwarts were out in force at out last outing, incl. some of our faves, viz. ravishing Robin Coomer of supergroup
Loop! Station– their new CD is a-allmost available– put your order in now– resplendent Robin couldn’t spend the whole
evening with us at Chez Poulet– maybe nextime– but enduring to the (bitter?) end were benevolent “Baba” Ron Turner
(Hail Shuggahoo!), jocund Jeremiah Duncan, teetotaling Tarin Towers, sizzling Sr. Mable Syrup & radiant Rhiannon
(rhymes with Shannon) Charisse, puissant Puzzling Evidence getting it all on You Tube (view his new vids directly
below this col.), roistering Rev, Chip, masterful Mendon, mighty Mike Z., tough Tim, and lithe LuAnn DeGroot & tempting
Tiffany Farrell, two boisterous beauties who with b(r)e(a)st intentions, were more than willing to show us all their spirit–
and their bosoms, hiking up their tops to provide an explicit eyeload… udderly beautiful… see for yourself in the pertinent
You Tube clip below… admirable Andy Laties hob-nobbed with the likes of commanding Colin Dodsworth, sprightly
Susan B., ready-to-go Richie & nonchalant Nick… Persistent Paul Pot, aerospace ace, dutifully donated vegetation to
the cause, while righteous Robert Levy kept the front door open to make sure nobody was out in the cold…
Après-show, we managed to chat with komely & kurvaceous Kate Willett, who still hasn’t complained abt. our show
intruding each Wednesday where she hangs her hat. If she’s happy, we’re happy…
AMUSING PUZZLING EVIDENCE YOU TUBE CLIPS!
Did you know you can watch some of the show right this minute? Well, thanx to Puzzling Evidence, you can!
Go ahead– scope out a few of the hi-lites from previous episodes of Ask Dr. Hal! —on You Tube! It’s easy! It’s fun! It’s
time-consuming! And it’s technologically au courant, and absolutely the next best thing to being there in person! How?
How, you say? You do? Why are you talking to your computer? Go ahead– just click, clickety-click, on these handy URLs.

View variegated visions from our proactive presentation in mid-January of this young year
January 14th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZGpuy-4Il0&feature=channel

The second part of PUZZ-EV’s commanding compilation of the best of ADH’s mid-month
marvel (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYkU7VLEQKE&feature=related

Here’s the skinny on the first show of 2009, in You Tube Edit form, January 7th (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJbgPrD_Jfc&feature=related

The second helping of our succulent show smorgasbord (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYhqbSmn30M&feature=related

Look & wonder as you observe pivotal occurrences from our last show of the year (New Year’s
Eve) December 31st (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2uUR1GJgQI&feature=channel_page

The second half of PUZZ-EV‘s hard-hitting slice of our New Year’s omnivorous omnibus (Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EITPiw4XPw8&feature=channel_page

Gaze now at this exceptional edit, excerpted from our recent exhilarating December 24th
performance (Pt. 1):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJO2i73RR-Y&feature=channel

Behold the second half of the exciting “extreme” excerpt of the show on December 24th
(Pt. 2):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJeYyZ7jG9k&feature=channel

Scope out outré out-takes from our December 17th serendipitous show:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRIJURy6mpg&feature=channel

Take in tantalizing tid-bits from our December 10th show. Try clicking on this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SO-KGmQgvI&feature=channel

Peer at picturesque portions picked from our December 3rd show. Click on this, or, if that doesn’t work, just cut and
paste it into your browser:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_QToZF1LrA

Audit choice fragments from our November 26th show on You Tube, courtesy of Puzzling Evidence. SEE Chicken
unfairly berate KrOB. HEAR Dr. Hal as he wanders farther afield even than usual in his meandering “answers” to
several questions.
Just go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NVLPHyiExc

See selected clips from November 19th‘s show. Warning to Parents:
Chicken really ladles out those cuss-words.
Go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixlk8linoEs

The endless-seeming Election Period is now, at last, behind us. For those who would like to indulge themselves in one
final wallow, check out this ultra-entertaining (Adult-themed) Puzzling Evidence video clip from the ADH Pirate
Cat radio show featuring Dr. Hal, KrOB, Pete “Savant” Goldie and the additional appearance of special guests
Presidential Candidate John McTaint and vivacious wife Sindi McTaint.
Go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrfFcbcmo9I&feature=email

See you Wednesday night!
 

News

ASK DR. HAL’S 11th CHORD!

Sunday, January 11th, 2009
The Dr. Hal Report
Vol. IX                                                                      No. 11
 OLD WINE in NEW BOTTLES!
“Now the New Year reviving old desires,
The thoughtful soul to Solitude retires,
Where the white hand of Moses on the bough
Puts out, and Jesus from the ground suspires.”
                        –Edward Fitzgerald’s translation of  The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayam
THIS WEEK:
DELECTABLE DOORGIRL – THE ENTHYMEMOUS EBERSISK – THE OLD MAN OF THE
MOUNTAIN – MELODIC MEGAN ‘S UKULELE ULTIMATUM – BIG BEN BURKE – HILLBILLY
HEAVEN – QUESTIONABLE ANSWERS – YOKED WITH YOU TUBE
A S we tread with farther footsteps into the new-fledged year year, the Ask Dr. Hal!
show girds up its loins for the coming struggle with the Philistines. We’ve got memorable ancillary
acts for you this time, and more surprises than usual. Particularly surprising, indeed never before
seen on Ask Dr. Hal’s Giant Screen will be KrOB’s Monster Mythology Moment– that unrivaled
moment… when…
         KrOB, San Francisco, Presents:
A TELLING TUSSLE WITH ONE OF THE WEIRDEST GIANT MONSTERS EVER:
“ENCOUNTERING the EGREGIOUS EBERSISK!”
(A Medieval Matchup with a Towering Two-Headed Terror )
–Another unforgettable KrOB “Edit!”
 View it all on our Giant Screen (or, if you care to, on our “size-challenged” screen). But, before that…
WE START…  WITH A KLASSIC KARTOON!
Just before every performance begins, we screen a great animated cartoon– each one seven minutes
of the best theatrical shorts ever committed to film. Last week we brought you, as promised, an absolutely
incredible Bob Clampett cartoon, Book Revue (1945). If you missed this one, you should hate yourself.
But even if you did, you could make up (somewhat) for the psychic damage so inflicted (at least a little) by
coming this week and taking in KrOB’s Kartoon Klassic for January 14th:: One of our personal favorites–
The Old Man of the Mountain (1933), featuring perennially popular Betty Boop, eternal starlet of the
Fleischer Cartoon Studio. The third and final of the Fleischer cartoons pairing Betty Boop and Cab
Calloway, who provides the voices of all the characters save for Betty herself (voiced, as ever, by the
immortal Mae Questel), the music-driven film soars on the talents of Calloway and his Orchestra.
Calloway performs all of the music you’ll hear, including three of his own songs. This cartoon is its own
reason for being, and it would be superfluous to say much more. It will leave you walking out of our show
humming and singing the catchy, zippy titular tune. Now in the public domain, this film is not particularly
hard to see, if you care to make the effort to catch up with it, but it is our pleasure to provide it for our
audience on our Big Screen, since we are adamant in our belief that it should be seen. As is frequently
the case with these selections, when it was first shown it attracted the unwelcome attention of would-be
censors. According to film historian Christopher Lehman, the sexually suggestive nature of this film
caused “some Americans at the time, especially Catholics” to complain to exhibitors, who subsequently
pressured Paramount Studios (which distributed the Betty Boop series) and Fleischer Studios to “tone
down” (e.g. de-sexualize) the Betty Boop character. According to Lehman, “In dispensing with the African
American entertainers and their music after limiting the ‘Betty Boop’ series’ sexual references, [Max]
Fleischer thus acknowledged the widely assumed connection between raciness and Blackness.” After
1934, African American jazz music would no longer appear in Betty Boop cartoons, and she
metamporphosed into a more conservative, mature, domestic character who often played a supporting
role in her own cartoons. But we guarantee that no censorship will be in evidence at the Chez Poulet
Gallery-Cabaret– we are, as always, taking pains to give you the whole thing, complete and uncut. So join
us this Wednesday night, won’t you? –in time to catch up with yet another treasure of your Nation’s once-
flourishing but now (that the Conspiracy has dumbed it all down) mostly vanished popular culture.
Remember, our show will start right up at the very moment the cartoon ends. So be on time!
” This is one of the “Big Three” Betty Boop films featuring the singing of Cab Calloway and rotoscoped
animation based on his movements. (A)nd this is the one that begins with actual footage of Calloway
and his band in the title sequence…  (It’s) a weird study in lechery as Betty works her way through a
landscape of horny characters ogling her gartered gams on her way to visit the Old Man, who drools
and slavers all over her (Keep R. Crumb and his… Comix cohorts in mind as you watch).  BIZARRE
cartooning – just as we like it.”
                                                                      –Albert Steg, The Big Cartoon Database
EEK! THE EERIE EBERSISK!
This is an understatement: KrOB decided to come up with… an unusual monster this time. We’ve had
dinosaurs, giant dragons, satyr-like giants, 10-ton fish, mile-long serpents, monstrously enlarged spiders and
centipedes and even flying brains (but not recently, come to think of it– perhaps it’s time to bring those guys
back for another go), outsized octopuses– you name it. But you’ve never seen any creature on screen to compare
in flat-out bizarre biological strangeness than the towering Ebersisk. We swear, you’re not going to know what
you’re looking at. Technically a type of two-headed dragon, this stop (and go)-motion creation (animated by Ray
Harryhausen school maestro Dr. Phil Tippett) beats all the rules and standards in the weird department. It just
doesn’t resemble anything you’ve ever seen.The life-cycle of Ebersisk(s) is not clear, though the Hairy Troll, a
haunter of ruined castles and fortifications, bears the complete template for the monster, potentially, within its ichor,
or magic blood. When abruptly slain (by a metal sword) the Troll’s corpse immediately issues forth an Ebersisk
(sometimes called an Eborsisk) in its entirety. Drawing from outside the universe the magical energy known as
mana, the bifurcated dragon grows in a matter of mere seconds to a huge and unmanageable size. In the
Bestiary, the Ebersisk is said by some to represent the dual (e.g. Satanic) nature of Evil, which maliciously
proclaims the Two (God and Satan) over the One (the Almighty Spirit). Thus representative of Manichaeanism,
the creature is born from the body of a Troll, representing its origin from Error. It is also said that the creature’s
name derived from two ancient critics, Roger de Ebertius and Eugenius Siskelius, whose two heads rarely agreed
on anything. But these are hair-splittings for scholars and schoolmen– all you need to do is hold on to your seats
for one Hell of a KrOB “Monster Clip.” Narrated, as always, by Dr. Hal.
BEN BURKE AT WORK!
We’re fortunate in having this week, for your delectation and edification, the estimable Benjamin Burke (Stars & Garters,
Apocalypse Stagecoach, Curse of the Goddamned Ship, etc., etc.) Mr. Burke may entertain the house with one of his
rousing sea-chanteys, or declaim verse of his own composition. Whatever he plans to do for us, the multi-talented Mr.
Burke is sure to be a crowd-pleaser. Be sure to give him lots of room– he takes big steps.
MELIFLUOUS MEGAN, UNDULATING UKULELE UNDINE!
“The ukulele is a symbol of innocent merriment.”
                                                                               –Paradise of the Pacific, 1917.
The ukulele has found its way into the hearts of American music lovers for over 80 years, since it was first seen on the
U.S. mainland at the 1915 Pan-Pacific International Exposition in San Francisco. We all know “ukulele” is a Hawaiian
word (the usual way haoles, or mainlanders, say the word is “you-ka-LAY-lee.” The correct pronunciation is actually
“oo-koo-LEH-leh”). So there. Some people have been known to shorten this word to “uke,” but purists naturally frown on
this impertinent abbreviation, and who are we to disagree? Anyway, just imagine the plaintive plunking of the “jumping
flea” on a warm, flowery island shore, among the soothing susurrus of phosphorescent waves rolling up the shingle of a
white-sand beach, as the sweet-scented air of a Pacific evening offshore breeze o’erwhelms the senses ‘neath the
rhythmic swaying of tropic palms. OK, imagine that and then transport the whole megilla to Chicken John’s Jean
Poulet Gallery-Cabaret. There, a breathtaking beauty (we’ve just found out as we go to press she goes by Megan
Fenske), ideally (barely) clad in a traditional grass skirt, will serenade our lucky, lucky audience. By the shade of the late
Arthur Godfrey! Only the best at Ask Dr. Hal!
HOVERING HILLBILLIES !
The Po’Bucket Family are authentic mountain people who Chicken’s been renting living space to in his cavernous domain.
They (no one in fact has been able to determine just how many there are) reside, appropriately to the stereotype, in the
ridiculously small trailer located just above our Ask Dr. Hal! stage, behind KrOB’s station. Quite often, however, the sound of
an ongoing show brings them out of their lair like a swarm of backwoods bees or hayseed hornets. When this happens, the
show may suffer a momentary interruption. Chicken squeezes every penny out of that property, by the way. Just about
every viable space there has at least one tenant– and some not-so-viable spaces as well. We can’t tell you just to “ignore
them,” as that is beyond anyone’s powers, when the family suddenly erupts in mid-show. Just proffer a big Howdy-do! to
Family Units Moses, Spy and (of course) li’l Lucky.
FRANK CHU! WHERE’RE YOU ?
Yes, Frank is back! And we’ve got him! At least that’s how we keep advertising it. Truth is, the easily distracted
Mr. Chu has been a no-show (a no-no) at our last couple o’ shows. But we still have confidence that at some time
during our next show, and indeed during (nearly) every future show, by special arrangement, the perennial
protester/holy man, protest sign grasped firmly in hand, the living institution after whose oracular rantings the late,
great 12 Galaxies night club was named, will ascend the stage once again– and deliver a rapid-fire, impassioned,
incomprehensible bromide. Believe us, no one can figure out what he’s talking about. It’s kind of an Invocation,
we guess, wherein we request the blessings of and endorse the presence of Chicken John’s favorite deities,
Randomness and Chaos. You may rely on it (as the Talking 8-Ball says).  Go, Frank, go! Often, when he bothers
to show up, we’ve even got him answering questions! At least, we once did.
COMPUTER FREEBOOTER
David “Yo-Yo Pro” Capurro provides a running visual commentary as the show progresses. We mention a topic,
and almost instantly there’s a related image up on the screen. To see what that means, you’ve got to watch the guy
in action. IJ (Internet Jockey) Capurro, also known for his alter-identity Yo-Yo Pro, one of the original Monsters of Yo-Yo
and Master Yo-Yo Manipulator extraordinaire, brings his own fan club with him, thus swelling our attendance– just one
of the reasons we love him. “Cappy” keeps the show connected to the digital world, though all the while scheming to
bilk Chicken of as many free shots as his inserted questions can receive, as they are rewarded in this curious fashion for
their excellence and entertainment value. Sometimes he shows pictures of us. Who knows? Maybe he’ll suddenly put
up one of you, one you never knew existed. What a sense of humor the guy has. But we guess you really have to be
there to appreciate this. So, be there!
SPACE IN YOUR FACE– WITH PETE GOLDIE!
ADH Science expert Pete Goldie will lead attendees through the endless reaches of the universe in his continuing
segment, “Waste of Space.” Pete will be on hand this week too, to present more of the newest discoveries made in
the eternal realms of the unfathomable void. Now astronomers looking at the spectacular supersonic plumes of gas
and dust shooting from Saturn’s shepherd moon Enceladus say there are strong hints of liquid water, a key building
block of  life. These plumes, which travel at an estimated speed of more than 1,360 mph, just might be ice particles, not
liquid. But such velocities strongly indicate the presence of liquid in the eruption of the mysterious moon, one of 60
circling the giant gas planet. In all likelihood, both ice particles and water vapor shoot from the South Pole of
Enceladus. Of course, Europa, a moon of Jupiter, may have a liquid ocean beneath its frozen surface. But Enceladus’s
considered more accessible. You know, it really is an exciting time in Planetary Exploration, and Pete’s got a  nifty little
model of the Cassini-Huygens Probe, too, that you’ll see at the show, the amazing, far-travelling spacecraft that our pal
Paul Pot perpetually toils over, refining its intricacies. Yes, something’s always happening in Space these days– and
sure as Entropy, Pete (when not interrupted by a rogue gorilla, a giant, dancing megalo-chicken or an unseemly
eructation of roof-dwelling hillbillies) is going to be telling each and every one of us al-l-l-l about it.
CHICKEN JOHN SEZ:
“Hey, everybody– come see the Ask Dr. Hal! show in a brand new location: my living room. It’s
4 guys doing improv on 4 different levels. It can be amazing.”
NOT A BAR– BUT YOU CAN DRINK!
So there won’t be any booze for sale, OK? We don’t do the show in a bar any more, so, it’s OK to
drink, but BRING YOUR OWN. We encourage you to. Of course, good questions will still be rewarded
in the traditional manner– with that old standby, Fernet Branca, TM –the “Miracle Liquor.” That’s how
Paul Pot and David “Cappy” Capurro do it– and that’s the one way you can still get a drink at Ask
Dr. Hal!
SOCIAL NOTES
AN UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT
“It’ll never happen again,” vowed Ringmonster Chicken John when he heard about our latest imbroglio.
Small comfort to those who made their way to ADH to find… they couldn’t get in. The door was closed– &
locked. Mistreated Madeline Boyne reports that she could hear the show going on, hear music & laughter,
but the massive portals of the Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret remained shut. Other would be attendees,
thirsting for answers to questions they never got to ask, included disenfranchised Dan Pamemue &
put-upon Perch Sunsoon, who we heard (the next day) had waited in the cold for 20 minutes, banging on the
massive metal of the unresponsive entryway without being heard over the ruckus inside the famed venue.
Speculation was rife that some “helpful” person, leaving the building (& just how helpful is that in the middle
of one of our shows?) had “considerately” pulled the ponderous postern all the way to the fastened position,
whereupon it clicked & locked, as it does… Roars of laughter from our (then) unaccountably diminished
crowd drowned out the comparatively feeble blows falling on the outer surface of the entryway (which musta
been highly frustrating)… Inside, though attendance was markedly meager, Chicken boasted that we’d do the
show even for four people if that’s all there were (true), or even no people at all (we’d hate to have to put that
one to the test). Well, we apologize to the accidentally ostracized. You see, our newly hired door girl had
wandered in to watch the show and couldn’t hear their despairing cries… But, fortunately, some folks did
get in, before the access was so untimely barred. And it was a…
COZY CONGREGATION
For those who weren’t prevented from getting in, the show seemed to satisfy. Righteous Rev. Chip got in a
literary query of the kind we love, viz., “Did Lovecraft write Horror or Sci-Fi?” Gone are the daze, by the by,
when there was widespread objection to this latter term, a neologism coined (back in the days of hi-fi, natch–
that was a precursor of stereo, kids) by the late friendly Forrest J. Ackerman (see the Dr. Hal Report, Vol. IX,
No. 6 for his obit.)– now only hot-headed Harlan Ellison maintains his lonely vigil ‘gainst the term… Anyhoo, we
answered our chum Chip that H.P.L. was a genre-buster, getting horror effects from a materialist, scientific (&
thus science-fictional) perspective. And there were more like that, rising unusually above the (too-) usual litany
of fart, poop & penis jokes, causing a frustrated Chicken to throw the switch to illume the “stupid question”
light… Yes, cultivated Chip, this surely is a “strange eon,” & we can only prophesy that we’re all about to see
it get a lot stranger. F’rinstance, wottabout that giant Chicken (not our harried host, but an enlarged specimen
of the barnyard variety) which stalked out during pugnacious Pete Goldie’s sizzlin’ Science segment to lay
(literally) the sponsor’s product (not mentioned here on account of certain unresolved legal issues) on our ADH
stage? Never before did we see such realistic motion from the outsized capering capon– and we’ll let you in
on the skinny right abt. now– ’twas voluptuous vixen Junoesque Justin Credible (taking over from delectable Dawn
Stott, who was probably among the inadvertently excluded chillun chillin’ outside)– inside the tight-fitting outfit.
Her (jocund Justin’s) clucking, bobbing & scratching set a new record for barnyard verisimilitude, & should win
the pullets-er prize… We’re always grateful when she employs her considerable talents in the service of our
enterprise… Dashing Don Bruce & tempestuous Tracy Feldstein made th’ cross-Bay journey to see us; so did 4
the 1st time in too long a while none other than kaptivating Kelek Stevenson, fabulous Flag Girl of the exotic Extra
Action Marching Band & an inspiration to us all, particularly to this writer. We hope she’ll return 4 another helping,
& that she made her train, since her lingering afterwards made her rendez-vous with beleaguered BART a bit of a
Near Thing… Other fab femmes at the pageant of pulchritude included the East Bay’s ravishing Rusty Blazenhoff,
tempting Ty Mckenzie & elegant Elwyn Crawford, milliner extraordinaire. Hats off to enchanting Elwyn’s hodiernal
hat-biz, which has really taken off lately… She’ll design, fabricate & select the right headpiece for the fashion-
conscious– are you listening, girls? If seeking engaging Elwyn’s handsome haberdashery, get in touch at
loveherhats@gmail.com… We really have the creme de la creme at these affairs, & there’s no error. Our shows
are known for science, the arts, poetry– we try to maintain a high standard. Of course, that’s not to say we don’t
endure more than our share of…
LOW-CLASS HI-JINX
There was, of course, the usual goofing, japing & Fernet finagling… Trust persistent Paul Pot to extract the free
shots time & again, from an increasingly choleric Chicken… Crafty Capurro also played the game… Putting up with all
this we shd. really commend charitable Cherry, nonpareil Neurite & glamour-puss Glenda… Princely Puzzling
Evidence recorded it all for posterity (C his vids, below)… The cynosure of every male eye (& in truth, some female
peepers– we caught you looking!) was our divine door girl, the vivacious Valerie. Wotta stunner… concupiscent
Chicken hired her to take the admission, & soon the sexual predators were circling. Hard to blame them… She
needed a lift at the end of it all, as it turned out, but– frustrating the panting libidinous lounge-lizard lotharios
(f’rinstance, vehicularly empowered determined D. Woodman Atwell was hovering over her– & he did succeed in getting
her email & phone no.) & other slavering satyrs, just as the letch patrol was closing in, timely Tracy & devoted Don
scooped her up– and in the nick of time (whew!) provided the much-needed conveyance. (Actually, they could have
helped out kurvaceous Kelek get back to the Yeast Bay too, had we thought on’t). And away they went, heroes (or
busybodies, depending on your point of view), leaving the stymied horn-dog villains twirling their mustaches in
frustration… Well, better luck next time, Gents– after all, you’ll get plenty of chances to attain Valhalla with our vital
Valerie. According to crafty Chicken, she’ll be there at our door from now on… And in closing, a shout-out to Anon
Salon’s dizzy dynamic damozel Dee Dee Russell– that nite was her birthday. That’s it– see you in the funny pages…
AMUSING PUZZLING EVIDENCE YOU TUBE CLIPS!
Did you know you can watch some of the show right this minute? Well, thanx to Puzzling Evidence, you can!
Go ahead– scope out a few of the hi-lites from previous episodes of Ask Dr. Hal! –on You Tube! It’s easy! It’s fun! It’s
time-consuming! And it’s technologically au courant, and absolutely the next best thing to being there in person! How?
How, you say? You do? Why are you talking to your computer? Go ahead– just click, clickety-click, on these handy URLs.
Look & wonder as you observe pivotal occurrences from our last show of the year (New Year’s
Eve) December 31st (Pt. 1):
The second half of PUZZ-EV’s hard-hitting slice of our New Year’s omnivorous omnibus (Pt. 2):
Gaze now at this exceptional edit, excerpted from our recent exhilarating December 24th
performance (Pt. 1):
Behold the second half of the exciting “extreme” excerpt of the show on December 24th
(Pt. 2):
Scope out outré out-takes from our December 17th serendipitous show:
Take in tantalizing tid-bits from our December 10th show. Try clicking on this:
Peer at picturesque portions picked from our December 3rd show. Click on this, or, if that doesn’t work, just cut and
paste it into your browser:
Audit choice fragments from our November 26th show on You Tube, courtesy of Puzzling Evidence. SEE Chicken
unfairly berate KrOB. HEAR Dr. Hal as he wanders farther afield even than usual in his meandering “answers” to
several questions.
Just go to:
See selected clips from November 19th’s show. Warning to Parents:
Chicken really ladles out those cuss-words.
Go to:
The endless-seeming Election Period is now, at last, behind us. For those who would like to indulge themselves in one
final wallow, check out this ultra-entertaining (Adult-themed) Puzzling Evidence video clip from the ADH Pirate
Cat radio show featuring Dr. Hal, KrOB, Pete “Savant” Goldie and the additional appearance of special guests
Presidential Candidate John McTaint and vivacious wife Sindi McTaint.
Go to:
See you Wednesday night!

News

ASK DR. HAL’S Transcendent 10th!

Monday, January 5th, 2009
   The Dr. Hal Report
Vol. IX                                                                      No. 10
FIRST SHOW OF THE NEW YEAR!
“The World’s great Age begins anew,
The vanished years return,
The Earth doth like a snake renew
Her winter weeds outworn.”
                                                    –Shelley
THIS WEEK:
A S we set our feet on the path of another year, the Ask Dr. Hal! show
finds its purposes renewed, and determines to make this new era known for
its best days ever. Thirteen years on the boards– hard to believe –are just
prologue, that which we have done but earnest of the things which we shall
do. So stick with us, and make time to attend our new shows. We’ve got some
amazing new attractions in the pipe. And this very week, you won’t want to
miss the moment– that unrivaled moment… when…
         KrOB, San Francisco, Presents:
THE MOST EXCITING RE-MATCH SINCE THE SECOND CLAY-LISTON FIGHT
“ALLOSAURUS vs. DIPLODOCUS”
(Life-Struggles of the Pre-Diluvian World)
–Another unforgettable KrOB “Edit!”
Diplodocus carnegii was one of the largest dinosaurs ever discovered. It may have
been the longest land animal (at 54 meters or 177.5 feet) but was not the heaviest.
It was a saurischian or “lizard-hipped” dinosaur, named after industrialist and
philanthropist Andrew Carnegie. This sauropod was once the most famous dinosaur
on the planet, as the tycoon, who had sponsored the excavation and scientific
preparation of the type specimen, was rewarded for this act of largesse by having the
beast named after him. His expansive ego tickled by that tribute, Carnegie had many
copies made of the skeleton, which he then donated to a number of the great science
museums of the world. There is a famous replica of the Diplodocus, nicknamed “Dippy,”
in front of the Carnegie Museum of National History in Pittsburgh, PA. (also the home
of entertainer-chanteuse Phat Mandee), a replica actually constructed life-size to give
people an immediate picture of the overwhelming, looming, bulbous bulk of the
animal. Diplodocus was a herbivore whose main food was thought to be conifers. It ate
no flowering plants, since they, the angiosperms, had not yet been invented. Nor did
they have any grass back in the Jurassic (150 million years ago). So, it must have eaten
an enormous amount of the nutrition-poor plants of its day, every day. It didn’t chew
them– constantly eating to sustain its grotesque mass, it swallowed leaves whole
which it stripped from high branches with the peg-like teeth in its (comparatively) tiny
head. Its vast, rounded gut sloshed and gurgled; its bowels emitted vast flatulent
clouds of methane and heaved out tons of excrement. The monster also swallowed
large stones, or gastroliths, which, rolling and grinding together in its immense
stomach, helped digest the tough plant material. These eating machines may have
traveled in herds, migrating when the food supply was depleted. And, a herd of these
things could devastate a forested area just in passing through. In fact, it’s not
unreasonable to suppose that the presence of these critters and others like them may have
caused climate change in their day. When Life provides abundant food, it then often
provides giant beasts to eat it up. It’s all part of Nature’s ruthless way of maintaining
homeostasis and providing biospheric balance. Diplodocus bred from eggs, like other
sauropods, which it laid while walking (and of course while eating). How could those
eggs, even leathery-skinned dino eggs, fall twelve to fifteen feet to the ground without
being destroyed? Easy– Diplodocus had an extensible ovipositor. Well, sir, this huge
creature was given an extremely long neck and a long, whip-like tail. Most of this
herbivorous animal’s length, in fact, was in the neck and tail. Diplodocus had one of the
smallest brains for its size (the size of a human’s fist), and they say its intelligence was
among the lowest of that of the Dinosauria. Now, the pillar-like legs of Diplodocus rested
on feet that were five-toed (like those of elephants); moreover, one toe on each foot had a
thumb claw, probably for protection. For it needed protection in those days, yes it did. There
were fearsome carnivores who would attack despite its intimidating giantism, clawed feet
and deadly whip-like tail. One was the Allosaurus. For a description of Allosaurus atrox, see
The Dr. Hal Report (Vol. VIII, No. 5) in the notes on KrOB’s edit, “Attack of the Anarchic
Allosaurus.” Well, folks, we’re showing footage of just such an inter-species combat. See
these prehistoric Titans locked in mortal combat! Which shall prevail? The answer may
surprise you. And, as a coda, we’ll demonstrate that even the most ruthless land predator
of its time may be vulnerable to other, more fearsome enemies… View it all on our Giant
Screen. But, before that…
WE START…  WITH A KLASSIC KARTOON!
Just before every performance begins, we screen a great animated cartoon– each one
seven minutes of the best theatrical shorts ever committed to film. Last week we brought
you, as promised, Red Hot Riding Hood (1943). And, if you liked that one (which your loud
applause indicated you did) you’ll be happy to know that we have more of those– the Wolf,
Red– even Grandma will be back. But this week, we’re presenting a mind-boggling work of
our favorite all-time animation director, Bob Clampett (1913 1984). The film: the
outstanding Warner Bros. short, Book Revue (1945). In 1994 it was voted #45 of The 50
Greatest Cartoons of all time by members of the animation field. At first Book Revue
seems to be one of those pedestrian cartoons wherein “after Midnight, books in a
bookstore come to life” of the type that frequently appeared under the Merrie Melodies
banner (such as 1938’s Have You Got any Castles). But it quickly spins wildly out of control
from this sedate premise in true Clampett style as a manic Daffy Duck (Clampett’s Daffy,
not Chuck Jones’s Duck) enters and takes over. The cartoon is loaded with puns and pop
culture references, even by Warner standards. After this lampoon, Warner never issued
another cartoon of that genre. Like all Clampett cartoons, Book Revue (later released as Book
Review, spoiling the pun), has run into censorship problems in this over-protective,
social-engineered age. For example, Daffy’s line about “La Cucharacha,” “So round, so
firm, so fully packed, so easy on the draw” is often cut by the crowd of PC Nervous Nellies
(possibly because of its sexual innuendo), though this line is actually one of the taglines for
Lucky Strike cigarettes. Actually, the same people don’t want you to mention the cigarettes,
either. Oh, well– forget them– we are, as always, taking pains to give you the whole thing,
complete and uncut. So join us this Wednesday night, won’t you? –in time to catch up with
yet another treasure of your Nation’s once flourishing but now (that the Conspiracy has
dumbed it all down) mostly vanished popular culture. Remember, our show will start right
up at the very moment the cartoon ends. So be on time!
” Clampett at his high-octane best… with a show-stopping and hysterically funny
performance by Daffy… the duck just rocks. The concentrated energy of this cartoon blasts
off the screen! …(O)nce Daffy appears on screen, brother, clear the decks…”
                                                                                                                 –angelynx 2, IMDB
FRANK CHU! IS IT YOU ?
Yes, Frank is back! And we’ve got him! At some time during our next show, and indeed during
(nearly) every show, by special arrangement, the perennial protester/holy man, protest sign grasped
firmly in hand, the living institution after whose oracular rantings the late, great 12 Galaxies night
club was named, will ascend the stage once again– and deliver a rapid-fire, impassioned,
incomprehensible bromide. Believe us, no one can figure out what he’s talking about. It’s kind of
an Invocation, wherein we request the blessings of and endorse the presence of Chicken John’s
favorite deities, Randomness and Chaos. You may rely on it (as the Talking 8-Ball says).  Go,
Frank, go! We’ve even got him answering questions!
COMPUTER FREEBOOTER
David “Yo-Yo Pro” Capurro provides a running visual commentary as the show progresses. To
see what that means, you’ve got to watch the guy in action. IJ (Internet Jockey) Capurro, also
known for his alter-identity Yo-Yo Pro, one of the original Monsters of Yo-Yo and Master Yo-Yo
Manipulator extraordinaire, keeps the show connected to the digital world, all the while scheming
to bilk Chicken of as many free shots as his inserted questions can receive, as they are rewarded
in this curious fashion for their excellence and entertainment value. Sometimes he shows pictures
of us. Who knows? Maybe he’ll suddenly put up one of you, one you never knew existed. What a
sense of humor the guy has. But we guess you really have to be there to appreciate this. So, be
there!
SPACE IN YOUR FACE– WITH PETE GOLDIE!
ADH Science expert Pete Goldie will lead attendees through the endless reaches of the universe
in his continuing segment, “Waste of Space.” Pete will be on hand this week too, to present more
of the newest discoveries made in the eternal realms of the unfathomable void. It’s an exciting
time. He’s got a  nifty little model of the Cassini-Huygens Probe, too, that you’ll see at the show, the
amazing, far-travelling spacecraft that our pal Paul Pot perpetually toils over, refining its intricacies.
Yes, something’s always happening in Space these days– and sure as Entropy, Pete (when not
interrupted by a rogue gorilla, a giant, dancing megalo-chicken or an unseemly eruption of
roof-dwelling hillbillies) is going to be telling each and every one of us al-l-l-l about it.
CHICKEN JOHN SEZ:
“Hey, everybody– come see the Ask Dr. Hal! show in a brand new location: my living room. It’s
4 guys doing improv on 4 different levels. It can be amazing.”
NOT A BAR– BUT YOU CAN DRINK!
So there won’t be any booze for sale, OK? We don’t do the show in a bar any more, so, it’s OK to
drink, but BRING YOUR OWN. We encourage you to. Of course, good questions will still be rewarded
in the traditional manner– with that old standby, Fernet Branca, TM –the “Miracle Liquor.” That’s how
Paul Pot and David “Cappy” Capurro do it– and that’s the one way you can still get a drink at Ask
Dr. Hal!
SOCIAL NOTES
Dots & Dashes & Lots of Flashes… Flash! Our New Year’s Bash was a smash! What with all
the other parties going on, we half expected to get plowed in the attendance dept., but
no! A good-sized mob jammed into the old Chez Poulet Gallery-Cabaret to welcome in
2009 with the Ask Dr. Hal! show. Not that ADH attendance hasn’t been good since we started
up at the CPGC, FYI, but we knew there’d be magnum competition, party-wise… We did have,
as advertised, the “Da-Da-ist Peep-Show Booth,” There it was, right outside our doors, and
inside– Wowee! Hubba-hubba! Also, Eccchhh! That would be for the, er, Grand Guignol
aspect of 1 of the shows. After all, you can’t go flinging the name “Da-Da” around and then put
on some ordinary Peep Show. We were lucky enough to get a pre-show preview of this novel
attraction, but were occupied elsewhere while we were doing the show. Still, the Booth was a
tremendous draw, pulling in bewildered neighborhood residents as well as ADH “regulars.”
This space indeed oughta thank Helena Nolan & the whole Krewe for providing the whole
megilla. Thanx too due 2 the roster of performers: Anomaly a.k.a. Sadie Lune whose silvery-
suited gyrations created quite a furor– Anom’s abt. to do some traveling, but we’ll see her again
when she returns to Our Fair City sometime this Feb. (if she decides we deserve it), the Alpha
couple of the rusticated Po’bucket family, Spy Emerson & consort manic Moses, whose stint
demonstrated that the Path of True Love ne’er Did run Smooth (& could involve massive loss
of blood and other bodily fluids) –and, since every Vaudeville performance requires a funnyman,
Spiegelmania’s own madcap Mike Spiegelman… Meanwhile, inside the Ritzy jernt, KrOB ran the
cartoon– Red Hot Riding Hood– Tex Avery Rides Again! — we followed up with Pete Goldie’s
Astro-Science Roundup, & were starting, just after coming on stage, when– Flash! The cops were
there! Yes, the gendarmerie thot our Peep Show was a Menace– not so much to morals, tho’
that too– but mainly their fear that some swerving drunk might barrel off the street right into our
kurbside krowd, squashing patrons into unrecognizable shapes… No, nobody was standing in
the street– it was all decorous (for New Year’s) but that’s how cops think… Well, Chicken ran out
and smoothed their feathers. Gotta love this town… Then– well, it’s not too easy to remember
just what happened next– a swirling haze of celebratory mind-altering substances –and devices
–saw to that… But they say it was a pretty good episode of Ask Dr. Hal! Who they, you say? Hey?
How ’bout gad-about Sherilyn Connelly, or Sarah Goldie (née Szczechowicz)– those Goldies
must have great child-care –or night-clubbers August & Laird? Then there was Captain David
Doyle, late the quondam 1st Mate of the bonnie bouncing barque Whispering Si (get it?). We saw
Todd Curtis, our friendly fan Kaye, & Madeline (Bunnywhiskers) Boyle, who we promised we’d
take to sea in our beautiful pea-green boat on our next Nautical Adventure. There’s a lot to see on
some of those– just ask Justin Credible (& she is)! And we cuddled n’ canoodled with marvelous
Mici. But who’re we forgetting? Lots of folks, we’re betting.Let’s see, there was… Charles Gatewood,
outré photographer for ours & future ages, entertainer Eric Cash, oft mention’d in these pages,
approachable Melinda Adams, called by some Ms. Kitty, Carla Conaway– they both adorn this lucky
city. A certain Junkyard Siren’s laced-up corset left men gaspin’ –but we missed Robin Coomer,
off vacationing in Aspen. Robin got away to breathe that Rocky Mountain air– since she’s “the
Bomb,” is that why they complained of bomb threats there? We saw the phiz of Little Joe, who’s
seen us oft before, and couldn’t miss Big Daddy, taking tickets at the door, Stacy Meadows in a red-hot
dress that wouldn’t quit, Circe M. Fry-Gluck, who on our stage most fetchingly did sit– and… wait a
minute! –there was no gorilla this time– was there? (Why’d we eat three of those Memory-mangling
“Gage” baked Cookies?) No! No ape, I’m fairly sure, thank you, but there was… a giant chicken! Yes!
Not that one, not our Ringmonster, Mister Rinaldi, but… well, while backstage, we got to help
delectable Dawn Stott into the (tight-fitting) chicken suit. Wotta good sport she is, sports fans… Flash!
Puzzling Evidence showed up and, as usual, shot (possibly incriminating) video of the goings on. Puzzo
puts ’em right up– on You Tube– just scroll on down to some of the linx directly below, if’n you don’t
believe us… maybe that’ll help us remember what happened, what we did– we do remember languidly
lolling on the round bed in the corner after the show with exquisite Eva & her beautiful sister– Church
Air was liberally dispensed– We didn’t get hardly any –and that’s how we embarked on a whole new
year. Flash! Paul Pot finagled more than his share of Fenet out of an inadequately suspicious Chicken.
No, no, Flash wasn’t there, sillies. You’re not paying attention. At this time of year he’s surely got a big-
time bar-tending gig at some hi-toned bash. But we’re fairly confident we’ll be seeing him soon…
how ’bout you?
AMUSING PUZZLING EVIDENCE YOU TUBE CLIPS!
Did you know you can watch some of the show right this minute? Well, thanx to
Puzzling Evidence, you can! Go ahead– scope out a few of the hi-lites from
previous episodes of Ask Dr. Hal! –on You Tube! It’s easy! It’s fun! It’s time-consuming!
And it’s technologically au courant, and absolutely the next best thing to being there
in person! How? Why, just click, clickety-click, on these handy URLs.
Gaze now at this exceptional edit, excerpted from our recent exhilirating December 24th
performance (Pt. 1):
Behold the second half of the exciting “extreme” excerpt of the show on December 24th
(Pt. 2):
Scope out outré out-takes from our December 17th serendipitous show:
Take in tantalizing tid-bits from our December 10th show. Try clicking on this:
Peer at picturesque portions picked from our December 3rd show. Click on this, or, if that
doesn’t work, just cut and paste it into your browser:
Audit choice fragments from our November 26th show on You
Tube, courtesy of Puzzling Evidence. SEE Chicken unfairly
berate KrOB. HEAR Dr. Hal as he wanders farther afield even
than usual in his meandering “answers” to several questions.
Just go to:
See selected clips from November 19th’s show. Warning to Parents:
Chicken really ladles out those cuss-words. Go to:
The endless-seeming Election Period is now, at last, behind us. For
those who would like to indulge themselves in one final wallow, check
out this ultra-entertaining (Adult-themed) Puzzling Evidence video
clip from the ADH Pirate Cat radio show featuring Dr. Hal, KrOB, Pete
“Savant” Goldie and the additional appearance of special guests
Presidential Candidate John McTaint and vivacious wife Sindi
McTaint. Go to:

News