MONDAY,
MARCH 31st, 2008!
St Stupid’s Day Eve…
ASK DR. HAL! Presents:
AGGRESSIVE ATTACK of the
ANARCHIC ALLOSAURUS!
—RUN CONTINUES AT 12 GALAXIES—
2565 MISSION ST. AT 22ND
With Dr. Hal, KrOB, Chicken, David Capurro,
Pete Goldie, Frank Chu & Mystery Guests!
(We’re on EVERY MONDAY AT 9:00 PM
during MARCH & APRIL!) MARK YOUR CALENDAR!

OUR PRICE: $7.00 (CHEAP)
… THE DR. HAL REPORT …
Vol. VIII No. 5 OF 9

Always the beautiful answer who asks a more beautiful question.
E. E. CUMMINGS [1894-1962]
Collected Poems [1938]

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: San Francisco (Mar. 24th) – The last Ask Dr. Hal! Show of March will crown St Stupid’s Day Eve this year, the night before the 30th Anniversary Parade of Bishop Joey of the San Francisco-based cult, “The First Church of the Last Laugh” makes its way through the streets of S.F.’s Downtown to the inevitable bewilderment of business-suited corporate drones. The night of the 31st, the award-winning (in the Bay Guardian) Ask Dr. Hal! Show pirouettes and pliés into elegant, Empyrean realms of showmanship as, in its next iteration, a breathtaking KrOB “edit” details an anachronistic (but poetically justifiable) confrontation between early humans (albeit in an admirable state of civilization) and a young Allosaurus fragilis, a theropod dinosaur adrift from its own Jurassic Period and actively seeking a humanoid harvest supper. All in classic, breathtaking stop-motion animation. Yes, just as in the days of the late, great Odeon Bar, the tradition of Monster Attack sideshows continues, adroitly presented by the one and only KrOB. As in previous shows, every effort is being made to preserve those elements which have so often proven themselves in the arena of public attendance. We learn as we go.
Then, on April 1st (St Stupid’s Day), Dr. Hal & all faithful fellow-travelers will meet at Noon, near the Vaillancourt Fountain at the foot of Market St. to assemble for the historic Parade. Follow the stream of costumed weirdoes to the assembly point, and participate in a San Francisco tradition almost a third of a century old. ‘Nuff said.

FRANK CHU to OPEN SHOW with CHALLENGE to the FUTURE
Before every show, by special arrangement, perennial pest/holy man Frank Chu, protest sign grasped firmly in hand, the man after whose opaque rantings the 12 Galaxies night club itself is named, will ascend the stage and (figuratively speaking) shout his barbaric yawp, in the famous phrase. You can absolutely depend on Frank to deliver– deliver a rapid-fire, curiously unimpassioned, incomprehensible bromide, that is. This diatribe mentions various members of the U.S.Govt. and beings from numerous other worlds as members of a vast, over-arching Conspiracy. But could he be right? Maybe it’s all just too big to grasp. Come see (and hear) for yourself…

CHICKEN JOHN’S traditional MONOLOGUE welcomes ATTENDEES
The former San Francisco Mayoral candidate, having developed his powers of unscripted improvisation during far-flung junkets in Fiji and mysterious Tibet, shares his thoughts at the beginning of every show, putting the crowd in a receptive mood with his musings on life, love,
politics and the relative merits of Diesel fuel. And then…

PETE GOLDIE’S ineffable SCIENCE REPORT!
Learn’d Astronomer and Boffo Boffin Pete Goldie will start the show by taking us out– way out, man. A quondam NASA consultant, Dr. Goldie is also a raconteur, artificer and craftsman, and a delver into mysteries of natural philosophy. You’ll be spellbound as Pete will set before your baby blues (or bambino browns) uncanny landscapes of the outer solar system. Oh, you might, if lucky, happen upon some blurred, monochrome image in the newspaper or a goofy, pre-packaged sixty-second “Feature” on Conspiracy TV, while channel-surfing, of the latest release from N.A.S.A. of some tantalizing tidbit of Science Discovery. Guess what? In all likelihood, these images have already been seen, thanks to Pete, in sumptuous and exquisite detail, by the enlightened audiences of the Ask Dr. Hal! Show months earlier! The well-known bon vivant actually arranged for our name, and Chicken’s, to be shot into space aboard the Dawn Explorer on its mission to the Asteroid Belt! We think that says it all. As scientific and educational as all-get-out. HEY KIDS! Special Appearance by Fozzmo the Clown! Maybe even Kogar the Gorilla will join that famed slap-happy gagster, but we make no promises here.

DAVID CAPURRO is ONE with the COMPUTER KEYBOARD
From rinky-dink, tinhorn fly-by-night small time gigs (the Jim Rose Circus) to the Big Time (us, of course), our own dashing David Capurro. in his alternate identity as Yo-Yo Pro, has performed in multiple venues, One of Ask Dr. Hal!’s “stuporstars,” he’s been on National TV and has seen more stages than Jesse James! Yes, “Cappy” livens our Show with a kind of visual yo-yo-ing: even as Dr. Hal is speaking, David’s dexterous digits flash across his keyboard– and, Shazam! A confirming (or at least congruent) image appears on the screen! (Usually, filthy, but he works for peanuts.)

“DR.” HAL: SHODDY CHARLATAN with DUBIOUS DOCTORATE or ENLIGHTENING ENTERTAINER effortlessly ENGAGING with ESOTERIC WISDOM?
Questions answered, concerns addressed– a personal Ministry. Come and see for yourself. Bardic
Episodes remain an unavoidable side effect. Private consultations available. No refunds.

ANOMALOUS ALLOSAUR IMPALED by TORRID TROGLODYTE in CRUSTY CAVEMAN CONTRETEMPS!
KrOB on the JOB– KrOB’s krazy kut-up kinema kompels kontentment! Last week, just as
advertised, an enormous Walrus, a prehistoric creature, surged up, crashing through the sea ice from beneath– and charged across the ice pack, slashing from side to side with its immense tusks, exhibiting boldness and bellicosity. This week, KrOB plans to feature an amazing Allosaurus attack… “A 30-foot-long, two-legged cross between a crocodile and a mountatin lion. Add a huge skull and the predatory behavior of a shark. That’s Allosaurus.” This was how a 1993 issue of National Geographic appropriately described this remarkable animal. Allosaurus was the most common & successful predator of the late Jurassic. These theropods are often referred to as “the wolves of the Jurassic” because they so were so widespread. Indeed, A. fragilis is the only theropod species positively identified on more than one continent. Thousands of fossilized bones (in a few cases, nearly complete skeletons) found throughout North America have made Allosaurus one of the most well understood of all predatory dinosaurs. We see, in our Featurette, a young specimen which has not attained its full growth, though big enough to pick up and kill two cavemen. And, as luck (leavened with primordial boldness) would have it, the humans manage to destroy the impetuous Allosaurus in return. Be in at the kill to witness the unforgettable death-tantrum of the dying dinosaur, so tenacious in its hold on life, even unto the moment of its death. Hear it scream and squall in frustration and fury. This is reckoned one of the great stop-motion sequences of all time, folks. By Ray Harryhausen. Cool, eh? Whew!
No, it just wouldn’t be the Ask Dr. Hal! show without the inclusion of this proven popular attraction, would it? Educational and scientific, the great KrOB’s notorious “edits” will again add that certain je ne sais quoi which is one of the hallmarks of superior entertainment exclusively featured by our show, on the Giant Screen, in dynamic, full-fidelity KrOB Sound™ to comprise a memorable multi-media experience. Just keep him away from that Kn/rob Creek bottle—he’ll do just fine.
And, really, at what other night club show could you behold such a thing? Just make time to be there no later than Nine PM (Chicken insists) Monday night at 12 Galaxies, 2565 Mission St. near 22nd.

ASK DR. HAL! SALUTES 30th ANNUAL St STUPID’S DAY PARADE
Grown men and women. Really. The First Church of the Last Laugh is the only world religion that everyone on the planet is already a member of. The 30th annual St Stupid’s Day Parade is yet another tired old tradition in the city that knows how, but not why… People show up in weird costumes, bring obscure signs, tote strange musical instruments, carry bags of pennies, old lottery tickets and socks to dispense at the proper Stations of Stupid and follow a fat, bald white guy with a big drum through the Financial District on the sidewalk to honor St Stupid, patron saint of civilizations and parking meters. This year promises to be essentially just the same as last year– and a vision of what it’ll be like next year. As traditions go, this one’s in a rut –and shows no sign of stopping.
Remember, there’s no march to Washington Square Park this year. Meet at the foot of Market St.
Sponsored by the First Church of the Last Laugh, the world’s oldest religion and largest church, of which you’re already a member –so you may as well show up to see why. Come one, come all, and find out if this year there’s a free lunch.
Still not confused? Go to:
www.saintstupid.com

SOCIAL NOTES
And so, once again Ask Dr. Hal! took place at 12 Galaxies and was well attended. Too well attended, according to Chicken, who took umbrage at the boorish behavior of some tables of newbies, who yakked without modulation thru the whole show, Bardic recitations and all. Unlax, Doc, as Bugs Bunny used to say. We got their cash, didn’t we? Remember the old SubGenius saw: “They may be Pink, but their money is green.” Just as long as they’re happy, we maintain. We’re trying to produce entertainment over here, after all… Ackshually, this iteration of ADH wuz a milestone in quite a few respects. Pertinacious Pete Goldie got to stage his Tribute to the late Sir Arthur C. Clarke, with an Able Assist from Yrs. Truly (channeling HAL 9000), friendly Fozzmo the Clown & even a repeat appearance –Konggratulations!– by kinky Kogar the Mystery Ape. And… how about that KrOB Sign, eh, folks? It was back & ablaze in a full restoration of its former glory. Thanx R due to ADH supporter laudable Louise Jarmilowicz, from whom we scored the original Art Deco red & silver letterz, saintly Sebastian Melmoth, who re-did the neon –twice! after klumsy KrOB busted same, and cheerful Chicken, who sawed & fitted the plexi & hauled the thing down to 12G just in time to set it up. Oh, yes, it’s back—it’s back at last, blinking & winking at our crazy crowd. Yeah!
They went for our wild Walrus clip, too, & also endorsed our peek at Life Aboard the Int’l Space Station. Dynamic Dave Capurro also shone, not only finagling Fernet outta choleric Chicken w/ his very first question, but also coming up on his own with a video addition of one of the sickest clips that ever came toddling down the pike. Well, his fans, or some of those, were there—We saw ‘em –& I guess they weren’t disappointed… Also present were studly Shboopie & jubilant Janay Growden. Here’s a tip: those of us who won’t be on the Chicken John Bus Trip this wk. end might want to amble down to 12 G for the Mark Growden Benefit on Saturday, March 29th, starting up around 9:00 in the PM. Masterful Mark, who’s Jewel-like Janay’s brother, had a bad bicycle accident & will need much medical care to repair his stressed-out skeleton. Kontakt kurvy Katy Bell if you wanna be in on it. It’s a good cause, ADH fans… Also present were pertinacious Paul Pot—he must really like our show –tempestuous Ty McKenzie who’s pursuing a comet-like career in Theatre Arts, paramount Puzzling Evidence, & luscious Lynn Rubenzer, one of the brightest artists now lighting the local scene… Rocambolesque Robert Levy, our Host, polished the mahogany. I’m sure he wanted to sell more booze, but cheapskates abounded that nite & the door beat the bar in revenoo… dizguzzting… buy more Dutch Courage, you pikers! Don’t make our Show look bad! Jocund Josh the Orangebox Man lent a hand w/ skits ‘n Side Notes. Say, I didn’t get to tell him that, due to his Special Connections in the Food Service Industry, he provided Yrs. Truly & KrOB with free movie tix! It’s not what ya know, but who, we guess, after all. We saw 10,000 BC @ AMC 1000 up on Van. No dinosaurs —booo! —but the Smilodon, Mammoth herds & Phorusrachid birds were OK. Maybe we see a future KrOB edit somewhar in thar, heh, heh…Captivating Cindy Foulkes, who stayed all the way to the post-show afterparty, reminisced abt. the days, now long gone, when KrOB ran his own nite spot, the famed Café This… Then there was man-about-town Moss, an ADH fan from way back, seductive Spy Emerson with boy toy manly Moses, gadfly Gabe on sound and Very Special Visual Effects detail, & even prodigal Phoenix, taking a breather from home life as a Proud Papa… Slinky Spy, by the bye, is the Top Producer of Dystopic Horizons Realty. Since rent control in S.F. may be about to fly away like the Passenger pigeon—you are paying attention to current events, aren’t you? Going to vote against Prop. 98 this June? Sure you are— you may need to look up sizzling Spy one of these daze post-election, so she can put you in a nice unit of affordable artist housing crafted of sturdy fiberboard. Remember, “It’s not a cardboard house… it’s a cardboard home…” We also noted The Dark Room’s own righteous Rhiannon Charisse, in attendance with “supermom” meritorious Mable Syrup… Altogether a great bunch of guys & dolls… Were you there? Well, you’ve got a mere five more chances. Our show won’t be around forever… It only seems that way…

ASK DR. HAL! EXCLUSIVE! GAGS! GROANS! GOOF-OFFS! GIRLS! GIGGLES! GRANDIOSE GRANDILOQUENCE! DON’T MISS IT! ONLY FIVE SHOWS LEFT!

A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Alien Apocalypse 2006 Available for Purchase!
A special consignment of the Kathy Glass graphic novelette Dr. Hal and Spain Rodriguez produced several years ago, dealing with Monsters, Hippies abducted, yes, and diddled, yes, by Monsters, Aliens, Flying Saucers, Monsters, Corporate Malfeasance, Prophecy, Monsters and Geo. W. Bush has become available for sale after the show. Signed and inscribed copies will be provided on request. Yes, I know, the events depicted & predicted didn’t occur in 2006 after all. However, the story may still be enjoyed as an alternative universe tale, like one where Hubert Humphrey was elected President, the South won the Civil War, or Chicken John was voted in as the Mayor of San Francisco… In our cosmos he did get 11,000 votes…

Limited Time Offer! Now You can Buy a Special, Limited Edition Print of Dr. Hal Art!
Signed & Suitable for Framing!
From the book Dinosaur Alphabet. Contact Vicki Olds at Studio Reflex, S.F.
By telephone at (415) 221-2830. By e-mail at

volds@studioreflex.com

Via Snail Mail, write requesting a Limited Edition Print Order Form to:

Limited Edition Order Form
Studio Reflex, Inc., Attn. Vicki Olds
534 6th Avenue
City 94118. Do it today!

EASTER MONDAY,
MARCH 24th, 2008!
ASK DR. HAL! Presents:
CHARGE of the MAMMOTH WALRUS!
—RUN CONTINUES AT 12 GALAXIES—
2565 MISSION ST. AT 22ND
With Dr. Hal, KrOB, Chicken, David Capurro, Pete Goldie, Frank Chu & Mystery Guests!
AND…
Put on your Easter Bonnet for Chicken John’s “Happy Easter” Birthday Special! He’s 40!
MONDAY NIGHT!
(We’re on EVERY MONDAY AT 9:00 PM
during MARCH & APRIL!) MARK YOUR CALENDAR!

OUR PRICE: $7.00 (CHEAP)

… THE DR. HAL REPORT …
Vol. VIII No. 4 OF 9

Limited Edition Order Form
Studio Reflex, Inc., Attn. Vicki Olds
534 6th Avenue
City 94118. Do it today!

MONDAY, MARCH 17th, 2008!
ASK DR. HAL! Presents:
UNCANNY UNDERSEA RAMPAGE of the MAMMOTH MONSTER AMMONITE!
—RUN CONTINUES AT 12 GALAXIES—
2565 MISSION ST. AT 22ND
With Dr. Hal, KrOB, Chicken, David Capurro, Pete Goldie, Frank Chu & Mystery Guests!
MONDAY NIGHT!
(We’re on EVERY MONDAY AT 9:00 PM
during MARCH & APRIL!) MARK YOUR CALENDAR!

OUR PRICE: $7.00 (CHEAP)

… THE DR. HAL REPORT …
Vol. VIII No. 3 OF 9

It is not every question that deserves an answer.
PUBLILIUS SYRUS
[Circa 42 B.C.]

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: San Francisco (Mar. 17th) – The award-winning (in the Bay Guardian) Ask Dr. Hal! Show continues with flair and panache as, in its next iteration, a breathtaking KrOB “edit” features an undersea encounter with a monstrous Ammonite, a prehistoric form of Nautiloid cephalopod. Just as in the days of the late, great Odeon Bar, the tradition of Monster Attack sideshows continues, adeptly finessed by the one and only KrOB. As in previous shows, every effort is being made to preserve those elements which have so often proven themselves in the arena of public attendance. Why mess with success?

FRANK CHU TO INAUGURATE SHOW WITH BENEDICTION
Before every show, by special arrangement, perennial protester/holy man Frank Chu, protest sign grasped firmly in hand, the man after whose opaque rantings the 12 Galaxies night club itself is named, will ascend the stage and deliver a rapid-fire, impassioned, incomprehensible bromide. Signed, sealed and delivered.

CHICKEN JOHN’S MONOLOGUE PROVIDES TRENCHANT COMMENTARY ON CONTEMPORARY TOPICS
The former San Francisco Mayoral candidate, having developed his powers of unscripted improvisation during far-flung junkets in Fiji and mysterious Tibet, shares his thoughts at the beginning of every show, putting the crowd in a receptive mood with his musings on life, love and
politics.

PETE GOLDIE – YOUR GUIDE to the STARRY REALM of the SKIES
Pete Goldie has his head in the clouds, even beyond them in the endless reaches of space –but his feet are planted firmly on the ground. In our show Pete deals with the science of celestial objects (such as stars, planets, comets, and galaxies) and phenomena that originate outside the Earth’s atmosphere (such as auroras and cosmic background radiation). Not an Astrologer, but an Astronomer (don’t let Chicken John pull your leg), he is an eager auditor of the evolution, physics, chemistry, meteorology, and motion of these celestial objects, as well as the formation and development of the universe itself. As he might tell you, the word “astronomy” literally means “Law of the Stars” and is derived from the Greek astronomia, from the words astron, (“stars”) and nomos, (“law”). Did you know top N.A.S.A. scientists often attend our show (and/or listen to the live broadcast on Pirate Cat Radio, 87.9FM)? It’s true! Our show begins with an illustrated recap of the actual latest findings of planetary Astronomy. But Pete is, paradoxically, a down-to-earth kind of guy. He can tell you everything about the tiles on the Space Shuttle– and on your bathroom floor! He’s also a raconteur, artificer and craftsman, and a delver into mysteries of Natural Philosophy. The well-known bon vivant arranged for my name, and Chicken’s, to be shot into space aboard the Dawn Explorer on its mission to the Asteroid Belt! I think that says it all. As scientific and educational as all-get-out.

DR. HAL: ENTERTAINER, CHARLATAN or BOTH?
Questions answered, concerns addressed– a personal Ministry. Come and see for yourself. Bardic
Episodes remain an unavoidable side effect.

KrOB DAZZLES with NEW TALE of TENTACLED TERROR!
KrOB on the JOB– KrOB’s krazy kut-up kinema kompels kontentment! Last week, just as
advertised, a 1,500-ft. long Octopus significantly damaged the familiar Ferry Building at the foot of Market Street, a little-known episode from San Francisco’s history. This week KrOB’ll feature a disquieting encounter with a prehistoric creature called an Ammonite. Originating from within the bactritoid nautiloids, the ammonoid cephalopods first appeared in the Late Silurian to early Devonian (circa 400 million years ago) becoming extinct at the end of the Secondary, the close of the Cretaceous Period (65 million years B.C.) along with the dinosaurs. Or did they? Because KrOB is showing what is clearly a living specimen, lashing out to attack divers with its coiling tentacles. When wounded (by a state-of-the-art underwater Electric Gun), the brute responds by shooting out a great cloud of ink, like a squid or octopus of today. This shows the absolutely novel nature of this featured creature, as all the Ammonoidea are thought not to be able to have done this.
The classification of ammonoids, shell-bearing cephalopods, is based in part on the elaborate ornamentation and structure of the septa comprising their shells’ gas chambers. By these and other characteristics we can divide subclass Ammonoidea into three orders and eight known suborders. While nearly all nautiloids show gently curving sutures, the ammonoid suture line (the intersection of the septum with the outer shell) was folded, forming saddles (or peaks) and lobes (or valleys). Cool! No, it just wouldn’t be the Ask Dr. Hal! show without the inclusion of this proven popular attraction. Educational and scientific, the great KrOB’s notorious “edits” will again add that certain je ne sais quoi which is one of the hallmarks of superior entertainment exclusively featured by our show, on the GiantScreen, in dynamic, full-fidelity KrOB Sound to comprise a memorable multi-media experience.
And, really, at what other night club show could you behold such a thing? Just make time to be there no later than Nine PM (Chicken insists) Monday night at 12 Galaxies, 2565 Mission St. near 22nd.

DAVID CAPURRO IS ONE WITH THE COMPUTER
In his alternate identity as Yo-Yo Pro, our own dashing David Capurro has performed in multiple venues, from rinky-dink fly-by-night small time gigs (the Jim Rose Circus) to the Big Time (us, natch). “Cappy” livens our Show with a kind of visual yo-yo-ing: even as Dr. Hal is speaking, David’s dexterous digits flash across his keyboard– and, Abra-cadabra! A confirming (or at least congruent) image appears on the screen! (Usually, filthy.) And the seething crowd goes wild.

SOCIAL NOTES
12 Galaxies was surely the place to be last Monday nite when Ask Dr. Hal! wuz in session. Altho’ right before 9:00 PM, which we try to make our start time these dizzy days (there’s so-o much material to cover!) it looked as if hardly anybody thought it worthwhile to be there– only a few of doughty David Capurro’s fans, watching him do yo-yo trickz– once again we ended up holding that metaphorical curtain– by showtime, just like last time, we had a big house. This’s encouraging– in past runs attendance has slacked off (not in a good way), as people think, “as long as the run is on, we can always catch them next week. The result: light houses during the run, causing frowns from 12G head honcho Rhadamanthus Robert Levy, and a packed house for the 1st & last shows. Don’t want to jinx it, but could we have broken the curse? Could be, could be. Let’s see how well we do for this third time…
Among the attendees we noted dauntless Daniel Clark, jolly Jay, natty Nate Greenfarb, tough guy Ten (tin?) Can Farber, jocund Joe the Mailman, slinky Sarah, adorable Angela Knowles (insert wolf whistle here), ravishing Rhiannon Charisse of S.F.s own Dark Room Theater, sidesaddle Sean, engaging Erica, kingly (& kinky) Ken Norberg, & lolloping Lum the Mad. Journeyman Josh the Orange Box Man doffed his duds for a clown suit… We saw famous former SubGenius schismatic apostate jagged Janor Hypercleets, nacreously nubile Nieves with hubby dashing Dan, the Rock God of Sleepytime Gorilla Museum fame, & zestful Zoli, who also goes by (stage name) Yoni Wannaleiya in that dynamite musical sensaysh, The Wink n’ Yoni Show, again unforgivably without his bodacious ball & chain, ravishing Rosanna– but she’s still got seven more chances to catch the show… From far, far back in Dr. Hal’s past– his teenage years, if you can scope that, came krazy Kree Arvanitas, seeing our Show for the 1st time. Kree, who now hangs her many hats in Seattle, just happened to be sojourning at the Hostel right across the street from 12 G… Shadowy radio god princely Puzzling Evidence had a table near the front– so did peripatetic Paul Pot w/ constant Canine Companion jittery Jabba… this show’s going to the dawgs, I swear… ‘Course, there wuz no mistaking the One & Only boyish Bishop Joey of the 1st Church of the Last Laugh, Founder Emeritus of the (upcoming!) St. Stupid’s Day Parade in S.F. Bish, who also goes by the moniker of edified Ed Holmes, brought a guy along who’d never glimmed us before– kinetic Kaoru Watanabe from NYC, who’s also a p’forming member of KODO Taiko from Japan, in town to do his stuff at Rhythmix Thurs. nite in Alameda. Word is, he loved the show. Busy Bish also brought along a certain percolating Pons Marr, a Rhythmix resident who recently moved here from Ell Lay. Protean Pons may be a well-known performance artist to his fans, but I have to say, in this burg P.A.s are the proverbial Dime a Dozen, although again, Mr. Marr’s always been one of the best. Far more impressive to me are magisterial Marr’s credentials as an actor in Monster Movies, the absolute pinnacle of all Art & Human Endeavor. You may remember him from such pictures as The Golden Child (1986) which featured edgy Eddie Murphy (Pons played the evil Monkey Man in that pic’s monster rally), or cheeky Chuck Russel’s 1988 remake of 1958s The Blob. Remember that scene where the bulbous Blob bulges its way into a movie theater, and when the projectionist comes into the booth he looks up at the ceiling & sees the Blob, which drops right down on him and devours him? Of course you do. Well, paragon Pons played the projectionist! Anybody see 1985s Return to Oz, a major Disney release (& Academy Award nominee from that year)? We did, & we remember menacing Mr. Marr as one of the Wheelers, bizarre beings with bony wheels instead of hands & feet: personable Pons again. Well, we can’t let Social Notes get too long, or we’d go further into his fascinating filmography. He, too, loved the show, stayed after to tell us personally– which brings us to a strange thing– glad they liked it, but honestly, the show had its problems. The show, in fact had an Alcohol Problem. Chicken & KrOB got so pickled, so foxed, so pixilated, so (literally) falling down drunk that pure chaos emerged. KrOB beating Chicken with his hat– Chicken tipping over KrOB with an enormous crash, the latter landing on the stage in a perturbed pile-up of his equipment… How bad wuz it?? So bad that Chicken sent out a letter of apology to his entire list. That’s how bad. But we had to have been doing something right, though baffled Bob Dobbs alone knows what that might have been– It’s not for us to say. Let’s leave it to benignant Bishop Joey, who sent this note post-show: great show, Hal, rough n’ drunk as it was, I had many laffs…

ASK DR. HAL! GAGS! GROANS! GOOF-OFFS! GIRLS! GIGGLES! GRANDIOSE GRANDILOQUENCE! GET SOME! SEVEN SHOWS LEFT!

A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Alien Apocalypse 2006 Available for Purchase!
A special consignment of the Kathy Glass graphic novelette Dr. Hal and Spain Rodriguez produced several years ago, dealing with Monsters, Hippies abducted, yes, and diddled, yes, by Aliens, Flying Saucers, Monsters, Corporate Malfeasance, Prophecy, Monsters and Geo. W. Bush has become available for sale after the show. Signed and inscribed copies will be provided on request. Yes, I know, the events depicted & predicted didn’t occur in 2006 after all. However, the story may still be enjoyed as an alternative universe tale, like one where the South won the Civil War, or Hubert Humphrey was elected President or Chicken John was voted in as the Mayor of San Francisco…

Buy a Limited Edition Print of Dr. Hal Art!
Signed & Suitable for Framing!
From the book Dinosaur Alphabet. Contact Vicki Olds at Studio Reflex, S.F.
By telephone at (415) 221-2830. By e-mail at

volds@studioreflex.com

Via Snail Mail, write requesting a Limited Edition Print Order Form to:

Limited Edition Order Form
Studio Reflex, Inc., Attn. Vicki Olds
534 6th Avenue
City 94118. Do it today!

MONDAY, MARCH 10th, 2008!
ASK DR. HAL SHOWCASES OCTOPUS ATROCITY IN S.F.!
RUN CONTINUES AT 12 GALAXIES, 2565 MISSION ST. AT 22ND
With Dr. Hal, KrOB, Chicken, David Capurro, Pete Goldie, and Frank Chu
MONDAY NIGHT!
(We’re on EVERY MONDAY AT 9:00 PM during MARCH & APRIL1)
Our Price: $7.00 (cheap)

THE DR. HAL REPORT
Vol. VIII – No. 2 OF 9

This World is All a fleeting Show
For Man’s Illusion giv’n;
The Smiles of Joy, the Tears of Woe,
Deceitful Shine, deceitful Flow–
There’s nothing True but Heaven.
THOMAS MOORE
[1780-1852]

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: San Francisco (Mar. 6th) – The award-winning
night club show (in the Bay Guardian) Ask Dr. Hal! will follow its smash
opening performance of last Monday with another sure-fire entry, featuring
an incredible, mind-breaking KrOB “edit” –S.F.’s beloved Ferry Building at
the foot of Market Street grasped and demolished by the titanic tentacles
of an enraged Monster Octopus. Just as in the days of the late, great Odeon
Bar, the tradition of Monster Attack sideshows continues, adeptly finessed
by the one and only KrOB. As in previous shows, every effort is being made
to preserve those elements which have so often proven themselves in the
arena of public attendance. ‘Nuff said.

FRANK CHU TO INAUGURATE SHOW WITH BENEDICTION
Before every show, by special arrangement, perennial protester/holy man
Frank Chu, protest sign grasped firmly in hand, the man after whose
opaque rantings the 12 Galaxies night club itself is named, will ascend the
stage and deliver a rapid-fire, impassioned, incomprehensible bromide. Or
else.

CHICKEN JOHN’S MONOLOGUE CONTINUES TOPICAL, REVELATORY
The former San Francisco Mayoral candidate, having developed his powers
of unscripted improvisation during far-flung junkets in Fiji and mysterious
Tibet, puts the crowd in a receptive mood with his musings on life, love and
politics.

PETE GOLDIE PROVIDES SMORGASBORD OF STARRY WISDOM
The Learn’d Astronomer “Doc” Goldie leads off each show with hard-core
astro-science, usually an illustrated recap of the actual latest findings of
planetary Astronomy. But you never know with Pete– he just might segue
into an impassioned argument for the release of a famous Political Prisoner.
As unpredictable as the mysteries of our Universe itself, Pete can tell you
everything about the tiles on the Space Shuttle– and even the ones on your
bathroom floor! As scientific and educational as all-get-out.

DR. HAL: MAGIC POWERS or JUST LUCKY?
Questions answered, concerns addressed– a personal Ministry. Bardic
Episodes remain an unavoidable side effect.

KrOB ON THE JOB– WE OGLE AN OMINOUS CEPHALOPOD RAMPAGE!
KrOB’s krazy kut-up kinema kompels kontentment! Last week, just as
advertised, a 1,000-ft. Serpent and his friends went on an unforgettable
rampage. This week he’ll feature documentary-style footage from a little-known
episode of San Francisco’s civic history– the time (in 1955) a 1,000-ft. plus
Octopus significantly damaged the familiar Ferry Building at the foot of Market
Street. You’ll see it stretch its rubbery, undulating arms down Market, mashing
mobs into mush. Then, Nat’nl Guard troops drive those tentacles back– with
flamethrowers! Cool! No, it just wouldn’t be the Ask Dr. Hal! show without the
inclusion of this proven popular attraction. Educational and scientific, the great
KrOB’s notorious “edits” will again add that certain je ne sais quoi which is one
of the hallmarks of superior entertainment exclusively featured by our show, on
the Giant Screen, in dynamic, full-fidelity KrOB Sound™ to comprise a
memorable multi-media experience.
And, really, at what other night club show could you behold such a thing? Just
make time to be there no later than Nine PM (Chicken insists) Monday night at
12 Galaxies, 2565 Mission St. near 22nd.

DAVID CAPURRO BENDS THE INTERNET TO HIS WILL
In his alternate identity as Yo-Yo Pro, our own dashing David Capurro has
performed in multiple venues, from the small-time (the Jim Rose Circus) to the
Big Time (us, natch). “Cappy” livens our Show with a kind of visual yo-yo-ing:
even as Dr. Hal is speaking, David’s dexterous digits flash across his keyboard–
and, Alakazam! A confirming (or at least congruent) image appears on the screen!
(Usually, filthy.) And the seething crowd goes wild.
ALL BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND!!
FERNET GIVEAWAYS!
CELEBRATED SCIENCE SYMPOSIUM:
Avant -garde ASTRONOMY
Dazzling DEMONOLOGY
Erudite ETYMOLOGY
Encyclopaedic ENTOMOLOGY
Perplexing PALEONTOLOGY
Pedantic POETIC RECITATION
Menacing MONSTER ATTACK FOOTAGE
ALL Broadcast WEDNESDAY NIGHTS 10 PM – MIDNIGHT
on Pirate Cat Radio, 87.9FM

SOCIAL NOTES
Ask Dr. Hal! had to start up last Monday without the benison of the Benediction
by frantic Frank Chu, who wuz unaccountably AWOL. Don’t let it happen again,
Frank– a word to the wise– your contract can be re-negotiated. A little bird told
me… Chicken’s monologue, about the realities of being “Green,” sounded a bit
like his stump speeches back on the campaign trail. Maybe if that trail hadn’t
had so many stumps set athwart it… Seriously, folks, politics, or some kind of
civics, are always with us… This was also shown when next, big Pete Goldie
shouldered his way to the stage. At first, with peekaboo shotz of avalanches on
Mars, his spiel ran in its usual way, but then “Doc” Goldie veered unexpectedly
away from Pure Science to plead the case of one poor politikal prisoner, a.k.a.
one Paul Addis. His demonstration had props, too. Watch this space 4 future
detailz… At first I thought the opening of ADH was going to be a frost (un-
seasonal)– at 9 Pee Em we only had abt. 15 attendees. But pretty soon we
filled the house all the way out to the street– a large, cosmopolitan crowd.
Yr. Humble Narrator was sick, sick sick– that ??@#%$&?! “flu” that’s been
“going round.” But not too sick to notice, while I forged ahead and did the show,
that the outpatients were out in force… Wotta great group. Last Gasp’s regal
Ron Turner handed me a notice about Underground Comics legendary guru Gary
Arlington’s new art show, which runs thru March 31st at Muddy’s– Muddy Waters
Cafe, that is. Which one? The one at 1304 Valencia– V. & 24th. Opened Friday…
I glimmed luscious Lynn Rubenzer, who’s also no slouch in the art dept. Her
show, a window installation, also opened Friday– and runs 2 months– thru May.
I have to like anybody’s work who paints pterodactyls, and you shd. check the
showing out @ 826 Valencia. There was no mistaking kute Katy Bell, who I saw
at the bar with the one and only divine Dixie De La Tour. The La Tour brought
along, visiting from Japan, her baby brother John. Wonder how he liked the show?
And she proved to be a ministering angel, giving me a firkin of Matzoh Ball Soup
for my ailment… I can testify it did me a world of good. A thousand thanks…
Torrid Ty McKenzie was a welcome sight, as was juniper-fresh Janay Growden…
Geoffrey Smart, an old fellow traveler, former Bosun of the late lamented Galleon
La Contessa, gave us moral support… Zemindar Zoli was there too, hailing from
his spread in Glenfield Glen. Squire Zoli, who also goes by (stage name) Yoni
Wannaleiya in that dynamite musical sensaysh, The Wink n’ Yoni Show, was
without his better half, ravishing Rosanna– but she’s got eight more chances to
catch the show. Zoli’s sister Monica Lundy, who’s exhibited her paintings at the
bon ton Chez Poulet Gallery, now has a new show @ Good Vibrations Polk St.
Gallery, which is at 1620 Polk (@ Sact’o). The opening reception wing ding’s
this upcoming Thurs., March 13th around 6 PM-ish. Her show runs thru April
7th… Jolly John F. bought one of my Alien Apocalypse books after the show…
Righteous Robert Levy served up the libations, while tech experts two-gun Tyler
& gone gosling Gabe rode herd on the mind-breaking Special Effects… Man-
about-town Moses was there when the lites went out– & on again… SubGenius
apostate Janor Hypercleats took a table forward with pard Puzzling Evidence,
who wuz very much in evidence… Didn’t see her, but adventurous Adelaide wuz
around somewhere. Her protegé, pedantic Prof. Nemo, came on stage, tangled
with pertinacious Pete Goldie’s space shuttle, and was given the royal Fernet +
Whip-it treatment. Made it off the stage, too… Commander Carl Heiney, jocund
Josh the Orange Box Man, marmoreal Mable Syrup, ruthless Robert Buttz, big
Blue 7, and rascally Reverend Chip all helped swell the crowd… We were graced
with the whole Ximm family, aquiline Aaaron Ximm, beauteous Bronwyn Ximm, &
little Ember Rowan Kestrel Jetson Barcelona Owlsley Ximm, a.k.a. The Ximmlet.
Never too early to start coming to Ask Dr. Hal! Is it? Hmmm…